Internet-Speak
From Uncyclopedia 2
m (ROTFL moved to Internet-Speak) |
Current revision as of 18:44, 2 August 2008
Internet-Speak, more commonly represented as Interweb-§p3@k by followers of Al Gore (the inventor of the Interweb), is a written language developed as a joint project between AOL and Microsoft. The project started because Microsoft realized that the only thing more secure than encryption was to create a new language. It the only usable form of communication on the Internet, and one of the official languages of Angola.
Research shows that 99.9% of people who type in Interweb-§p3@k are fat-hand, slack idiots.
Contents |
[edit] Internet-speak in popular culture
This article is NOT worth viewing.
Internet-speak (or Chat Speak), most commonly practiced by the species 'teenager', is more than a form of reproduction. For some, it is a way of life. It reflects their ability to slowly drill into their victims' heads and cause unimaginable pain.
The longer chat speak has been around, the more it has evolved and formed into a revolution of illiterate lingo spoken by most teenagers. Don't think its more commonly used by those who generally have writing difficulties through no fault of their own, no. these illiterate barbarians of today's writing world do it intentionally just to piss the rest of the world off. In this way, chatspeak is similar to many other rituals 'teenagers' practice.
<-------- ROFL
Unfortunately, due to a rising number of OAPs, teenagers and their language are dying out. These grannies compete with teenagers for attention and batter them with handbags mercilessly. A special trust has been set up for the protection of teenagers where they can live peacefully in a granny-free environment called Sheffield.
Here they can roam free in their Burberry attire and terrorise the rest of the population of this pretty town happily, their activities unhindered by old ladies.
[edit] Guide to Internet-Speak
Before delving into the much more complicated and severely illogical language of Internet-speak slang, remember to observe these helpful tips.
- Misspell, abbreviate and substitute words with numbers to try to save time as often as possible, even if you must stop and spend time figuring out how to shorten the amount of time you spend typing. "Do u no how 2 spel lik a freek?" is a perfect example. Gramatically the sentence makes no sense but you are to assume the addressee of the sentence will instantly decipher and appreciate your more confusing version of talking.
- Never, ever spell things correctly. Failure to comply to this rule could lead to being branded a huge square as well as being blocked by 95% of your contact list.
- When you can remember to, double the last letter of all your greetings and salutations (like heyy and byee). By so extending your greeting, so you lessen the time for which you have to actually engage in prose with the alternatively-intelligent second party.
- When you don't know what to say, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
- If you feel you aren't contributing enough to the conversation, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
- When someone else says something that you don't understand, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
- When you find something amusing, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
- Expression to the negative can be substituted with suitably confused interjections: "huh?", "wtf?" and various smilies should suffice. Note that question marks are not often understood by such proletariat conversation partners, and may exacerbate further their already-profound confusion.
- Do weird things with dashes, slashes, gizmos and Mormons in sorry attempts to recreate emotional faces. These include things like -.- ^_^ and #~+@??. These so-called "emoticons" are often used in place of real words, for when vocabulary fails these otherwise quite loquatious people.
This is a list of both complete and abbreviated Internet slang.
[edit] Guide to Net-Speak
Many interweb-speaking users will revert to short acronyms in a manner only otherwise used by programmers who wish to purposely obfuscate their code with who would thus be spared the full force of these lurid acronyms if they did not already know their meaning.
Thus we list them here for you in all their grossly offensive glory.
[edit] A
- ABC - Always Been Crippled
- AFAIK - Accept Fellatio; And I Kneel
- AFK - After Fucking Kelly, used frequently by men who just fucked a woman named Kelly. It's also used to say Away From Keyboard
- AMD - Ah, Mon Dieu! (French for Oh My God)
- AOL - An Online Legend
- ASL - I want to sell lemonade/licorice(corruption of "'Asshole, Selling Lemonade")/Ass, Sex, Lol, used by sexual predators and kids all around the world.
- AYB: "All Your Boobs", comes from a badly translated Manga character that uses the line "All your boobs are belong to us!"
- ATM: At The Moment, frequently used by noobs, but in actuality it is a machine used to withdraw money from the bank. Also used to say Ass To Mouth.
- ASAP: As Sucky As Peter, a sentece used in a lot of movies and in real world as a reference to something that sucks like Peter Griffin from the TV show, Family Guy.
[edit] B
- B4: Evil robot overlord.
- B2B: Boob To Boob, used by women online to describe their lesbian fantasies.
- BBL: Big Butt Licker, used to insult people who are fat and lick ass.
- BBQ - Brokeback Queer
- BEBO - Bang Every Bitch Online
- BF - Bernard Finster
- BFF-Big Fat Fuck/Buttfuck Frogs Forever
- BRB - Begone, Rotten Bastard/Bone Redhead Bitches, used as a motto, that means fuck girls with red hair/Bugger Retarded Boys
- BSOD: Bleak Sense Of Depression, used to describe a sudden realisation by an advanced computer user of the utter horror of what they are doing, e.g. 'I spent four hours scripting an XP port of my Linux app but got a BSOD'.
- BTW - Boating is the Way/Bone That Woman, Same as BRB, only with a selected woman.
[edit] C
- CU - Cunt Ugly, it means you're fucking ugly.
- CYA - Choose Your Ass (used for group anal cybersex)
- CYB0R - The act of having meaningful conversation between 2 people (sometimes involves a mangina)
- CKY - Camp Kill Yourself
- CUNT - C U Next Time
[edit] D
- DIAF - Do It Again Fucker
- DIAF - Die in a Fire
- DEF - Danielle Elephant Fucks
- DILLIGAF - Dose it look like I give a fuck
[edit] F
- FROY Clever Russian Reversal of ROFL: In soviet Russia, Floor Rolls on YOU!
- Fav - Feeling a vibrator (traditionally not typed in all capital letters)
- FCUK - Fucking Cunts of the United Kingdom, or Fat Cows Urinate on Koreans
- FGSFDS - For Gods Sake Fuck Dis Shit
- FFS - Fellatio for Sexists. Refers to self-sucking.
- FOAD - Fucker of All Dude(tte)s
- FUCK - Funny Urinals Create Kangaroos
- FTW - Fear the wabbit
- FAP - Forwarding a pie/Fucking Apple Pie
[edit] G
- G2G - Got two (2) Goats/Going to (2) :Goatse
- GF - Goat Fanny
- GIGO - Greatest Incredible, Guy On (the message boards)
- GIGA - guy Inside a Guy's anus: used to describe you.
- GILF - Grandmother That I'd Fuck
- GL - Gorgon Lover: a male vertebrate organism that derives sexual pleasure from becoming petrified.
- GTFO - Get The F**k Out.
- GIRL - Guy In Real Life
- GG - Gone Gay
[edit] H
- HAX - Short for the Spanish term: Hola! Amigos XXX.
- Hgu - Hugs for ppl (people)
[edit] I
- I - It
- IANAL - I Anal (literal, as a description of sexual preference)
- IDGAF I really don't give a fuck what this one means
- IMHO - In My Ho (offered as an explanation of not responding to IMs*)
- IMO - Invisible Makes Out
- IRL - Internet Relay Love
- IYKWIM - Icelandic Yggrasil Knurling Without Indigestion Markers
[edit] J
- JK - Jesus Killer
- JONCL - Jumping On Neighbor's Car Laughing
- J00 - A term used to identify the Jewish on t3h intarn3tzorz
[edit] K
- KEK - (A variation of the compliment "o/")
- KISS - Keep It Sophisticated, Slimeball
- KKK - Ku Klux Klan; means that you are a terririst
- KTHXBAI - Ok, thx, I'm tired of your shit, so bai.
[edit] L
- L33t - Little 3.3 year olds Talk like this
- LMAO - Liquid Malfunction Ass OpeningFile:Woot.jpgAnd you probably thought they memorized theses things!?
- LOL - Lots Of Losers
- LOL - Lick Out Lesbians
- LOL - Love Of Lemons
- LOFLLagh out loud
- LOLFRAMOMO- Lots Of Lard Falling Repeatedly And Moms On Mofos Orgy (Also known as the longest 133t word in rapist history, from adding extra "S" when you feel rapisty)
Ex:
Tom:Dude, how do you have an orgy with moms and lard?
Billy:LOLFRAMOMOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] M
- M4M - Manboobs 4 Mike
- M$ - Mike's dollars
- MILF - Mike Is Licking Fungus
- MILOD - Mike Is Living On Donkeyshit
- MS - Mike's Sucks
- MSN - Mike Smells Nipply
- MYOB - Ma'am You're an Obese Bitch
[edit] N
- n44bcake - (A title of respect)
- n00b - (A title of great respect)
- newb - (A title for long-time users)
- newbie - (A title for very, very, very long-time users, as well as administrators and moderators)
- Nubian princess - A variation of the compliment "newbie"
- NO WAI!!! - Norway on (Oscar) Wilde's Apple iPod
- Nuff - (Some guy)
[edit] O
- OETS - One Eyed Trout Slap, often paralleled to mushroom stamp
- O HAI - Omg, Have Anal Illness
- OLO - Oranges & Lemons Only
- OMG - Old Men's Genitals
- OMFG - Old Mexicans Found Germany
- OMGROFL - Recursive acronym for OMGROFL Machine Gun Rate Of Fire Lowered
- OMGWTF - Obviously My Gratitude We'll Tastefully Forgo
- OMGWTFBBQ- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK BBQ
- OMGWTFLOLROFLMFAO - Oh My Geez, Wasted Triceratops Farted Lovingly Over Leroy's Rice Oreos For Lagging My Fruitcake Arsed Overlords
- O RLY? - Okay, Raped Leona Yet?
- Ownage - To have the act of being humiliated thrust upon your self.
$
[edit] P
- P2P - Porn 2 the Pedophiles
lern 2 splel, n00b, u r teh 1337, paedophile is how it's done old schoolish XD
- PEBKAC - Pirates Exist Between Kansas and California
- PGP - Pretty Good PGP
- ppl - private parts on loan (traditionally uncapitalized)
- Prolly - (The King of N00bs, Richard Prolly)
- Pwn3d - To win in an unconventional way
- Pwned - Toilet activities
- PWND - Shortened form of "LMhjkhjkhjkhjkhk0RZ N00B QQ SUM1 DIED IN RVR LOLOlololool!!11!11!" (often leads to posting on the VNboards)
- Pie - Generally referring to Adam Pierce the almighty and conquering red pie. This is the ultimate insult with a common reply being "bahhh"
- IJGP - I just got pied, often used as a sexual reference, but also to describe one being 'battered' by Adam Pierce. Obviously, this is a rare occurrence and can only be used by Scott Nuckey of form 4.
[edit] Q
- QFT - Quite a Fine Toilet
[edit] Q
- q00u - (n00b who stands on his/her hands or lives in the Southern Hemisphere, or simply has the keyboard upside down)
[edit] R
- R- Rats!
- RL - Red Land (used when refrencing a communist country)
- ROFL - Rooting Overly Fat Ladies
- ROFLcopter - Indicates that the person using this term is rooting overly fat ladies in a helicopter
- ROFLMAO - Really Onto Feeling and Licking Mao Zedong
- ROTFL - Raping Otters That Fear Lesbians
- ROTFLMAO - Really Onto Touching, Feeling, and Licking Mao Zedong
- ROTFLPMPLMFAO - Ranting Online To Frappe-Led Mops and Listening Maliciously For Anarchial Orgasms
- ROFLWAFFLES Really Obvious Fat Lustful Witch Ate Fourty Five Little Edible Sausages
- RTFM - Repeat the First Message,
[edit] S
[edit] T
- TAFE - Try And Fucking Enrol
- TeX - Truetype Ees most eXcellent
- teh - The Expert Hax0r's
- thaADVANCEnks - Please ignore the above
- TTYL - Extreme bastardization of titillating As in: "This conversation is far too titilating. I must terminate it now." or Tallywhacker Touching Yugoslavian Lover
- TMI: Terrorist Milkers Incorporated or Took My Innocence
[edit] W
- w/e - With Eggs
- WHOAMG - Why Hate Orange and Musty Grapes?
- WMAD - Weapon of Massive Ass Destruction
- W00T - Want Oranges Or Tangerines?
- WTH - Where's The Hair?
- WTF - World Trade Farmhouses /World Taekwondo Federation (Expression of disbelief) Worldwide Titties Foundation
- WWJD - Waffles with Jelly Donuts (standard reply to "What did you have for breakfast?" It could also be short for World Wide Jewish Domination...all depends on who you are talking to.)
- WYSIWYG - William Yeats Saw Innumerable Werewolves Yelling AaaarGh also standing for Why did You Sign In Without Yanking off????!!!!
[edit] U
- U - Uranium
- Ur - Urinal rings (traditionally not capitalized)
[edit] X
- XD - Extreme Donkeys
- XFD - Extremely Freakish Ducks
[edit] Y
- YA RLY - Yugoslavia Ate (Bob) Ross's Little Yard
- YMMV - Yonder Mitten - Mare Vitrium (An ancient and occult summoning call for calling forth freemasons)
- yuo - Ancient, unutterable name of the Prince of Darkness
[edit] Z
- ZIG - Zestfully Invigorating Gown (Often used during cybersex, as in the phrase "Take off every ZIG.")
- ZOMG - (A derogatory term used to describe Black People). It also stands for Zeus Owned My Geodude
[edit] Alternative Meanings
[edit] G2G
G2G stands for "Gambling 2 Ganders."
The term originated when Oscar Wilde couldn't afford any more poker chips during one of his famous millennium-long gambling sessions. He offered up two male geese instead, saying only "I am G2G". He won the hand and with it an entire flock of mixed-gender geese. It is rumored that he has given them Ozzy Osbourne in case he ever runs out of bats.
G2G also stands for "Gold on the 2 Girls".
This meaning originated when Oscar Wilde was buying girl sex toys. The 2 girls he bought with gold are still in his personal sex toy army!
[edit] Types
[edit] SBIB
SBIB is a language spoken by a furtive race of adolescent teens in internet relay chatrooms. Although no official acronym exists, it is widely believed to stand for 'Silly Bumchums in Bed'
Main activities of the SBIB race:
- Annoying people
- Being annoying
- Faking a misunderstanding of English
- Annoying people.
- Annoying people.
Useful SBIB phrases/features:
- I am ___ the ___ (For example 'I am flogged the dead horse') - "I have nothing to say and so will blurt out something supposedly random"
- I ____ IT (i.e. when pressing F5 'I REFRESH IT'). "I will persist in saying things in a totally hyperactive way"
- I am *Name* *initial* *longass name*. (i.e. I am Leandros G. Smithsonian) "Attention please! PLEEEASE?!"
- FREQUENT USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS - "I forgot to take my Ritalin"
