Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Back
From Umcom
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE ON MAY 29th AND MAY 30, 2011
(We start with Airstar Flyer, The Chuck and Schoolstar at a blimp dealership. Bubs is the salesman. They are looking at a white blimp that says "THE STAR-AIR" on it.)
AIRSTAR: Like, it's nice, but something about it just, I don't like something about it.
BUBS: Well, if you just stopped disliking it, you'd buy it and we'd all be happy.
AIRSTAR: What exactly is wrong with the blimp I already have?
BUBS: Well, it's rusted, broke down and filled with The Chuck s**t.
AIRSTAR: No, that's mostly Schoolstar's.
SCHOOLSTAR: NO!
BUBS: Listen, whatever the case may be, that blimp is a broke down piece of crap. But this blimp was made yesterday, has perfect handling and passenger side air bags.
AIRSTAR: I'm going to be living in this blimp, you realize that, right?
BUBS: Well, if you're going to be a dick about it, I also have a blimp constructed out of the remnants of the Hindenburg crash.
(Pan to a gray blimp that is labeled "The Not Hindenburg".)
AIRSTAR: Oh my god. I will take it.
BUBS: Really? First of all, it's a piece of crap, second of all it's really expensive, which means its the perfect blimp for you!
(Cut to Airstar moving his desk into the Hindenburg's computer room. The Chuck comes in.)
THE CHUCK: Mehna meh!
AIRSTAR: The place does look great. Well, it's time for me to something I haven't done since Winter of last year. E-MAAAAILLLLLL...NOT ON THE SKYPY 486, but on the SkyPad!
(He takes out an iPad like white device and sets it up on his desk.)
AIRSTAR: Clickin' on the SkyPad, I think that's pretty rad.
Night Club
Dear Airstar Flyer,
my friends and I need a Nigh Club to go to after our favorite one
shut down to because of those assholes from the DEA. Do you have a
good suggestion for any night clubs?
Sincerely, Clubbers
AIRSTAR: Sorry, man. No I don't. Even Club Technochocolate is pretty lame now, or as Comedy Central would put it, "loose butthole". So, you're on your own when it comes to clubs and stuff like that. I mean egh-wait a minute. I could start my own Night Club, get my own douchebags and strobe lights, and it'd be a Night Club up in the sky called "The Mile High Club".
(The Chuck comes in, camera pans out, Airstar turns.)
THE CHUCK: You might not want to do that. Those are the people who have sex on planes.
AIRSTAR: Damn, you're right. Stupid people and their horniness, ruining my club names. It's the lack of cell phone access which is why they can't keep their genitalia in the pants.
THE CHUCK: Well, we could still make a club.
AIRSTAR: Yeah, we could call it Club...Take me out tonight.
THE CHUCK: Club Take me out tonight? Like, all one word?
AIRSTAR: Yeah. Club TakeMeOutTonight. That's awesome.
THE CHUCK: Yeah,that is cool. And the bar could be called, Tits on Tap.
AIRSTAR: Dude, that's the best name ever! You're a genius, oh! And their could be tittie dancers with neon pasties!
THE CHUCK: MEHNA MEH! That's what i'm talking about!
AIRSTAR: We'll be the number one destination for assholes and sluts who want to to rape or be raped in the sky.
THE CHUCK: You said it, in no uncertain terms.
AIRSTAR: No doubt. Let's get to work. Now, how are we going to pay for this?
THE CHUCK: That's a good question. We could apply for a bank loan.
AIRSTAR: Good idea. Let's go to the first bank of Bubs.
(Cut to Airstar and The Chuck at Bubs' Concession stand.)
AIRSTAR: So, Bubs...
BUBS: Yeah?
AIRSTAR: We were kind of wondering...
BUBS: Spit it out.
AIRSTAR: If we could get a...
BUBS: Don't make me beat it out of you.
AIRSTAR: Ba...
BUBS: A what?
AIRSTAR: Nk loan...
BUBS: A bank loan? Yeah, if Antarctica is re-named Bubs Land. Actually, that's a good idea.
AIRSTAR: Come on, Bubs, we need this bank loan to start our Night Club.
BUBS: No way. You've stolen a bunch of my stuff, and I haven't forgiven you.
AIRSTAR: IT WAS SIX YEARS AGO!
BUBS: Bubs holds grudges.
AIRSTAR: Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?
BUBS: Bubs did not refer to himself in the third person.
(Awkward moment. Cut to Airstar the next day in a production meeting with Jon Stewart and a bunch of his writers.)
JON STEWART: Alright, guys. It's Memorial Day, and there's a lot of stories we missed over the weekend. Let's start with the PATRIOT ACT extension.
AIRSTAR: That's a good idea, I have some material for that. By the way, I was wondering if perhaps VIACOM would allow me some funds to pay for a Nigh Club i'm planning on opening, and I could use it to promote Comedy Central's fantastic shows like "Workaholics", "Tosh.0" and "Sports Show with Norm McDonald". Plus, it'd be an awesome place to get some POON!
WYATT CENAC: Poon?
AIRSTAR: Hell yeah, bro. Poon!
JOHN OLIVER: I enjoy poon.
JON STEWART: Poon is awesome, however, my answer is NO. Do you really think the rich assholes at VIACOM are going to give up a single goddamn penny for your retarded-ass night club? They would kick your ass out of that office faster than Bin Laden taking a shot to the face.
AIRSTAR: But, Mr. Stewart, there will be neon tittie dancers!
JON STEWART: Yeah, and that's f**king awesome, but at the same time, VIACOM doesn't give a flying f**k. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW VIACOM WORKS YOU DIPS**T?? IT DOESN'T JUST GIVE AWAY FREE MONEY FOR DUMBS**T CLUBS!! NOW GET THE F**K OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I SHOVE MY FOOT RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!
(Airstar runs out.)
JOHN OLIVER: That was harsh. If you hate him so much, why'd you re-hire him?
JON STEWART: He's a good writer, he's just a little stupid. NOW GIVE SOME GODDAMN IDEAS YOU F**KING BRIT!
