Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/Moneystine
From Umcom
{We start with Airstar at his desk at the Police Station wearing his policeman's uniform. A plaque is on his desk that says "JUNIOR OFFICER AIRSTAR L. FLYER" and there is a picture of Garbachov and a picture of Schoolstar and Chead. There is also some toys, like planes and miniature blimps as well as a poster with "MR. BLUE SKY" on it. A framed picture of The Chuck and another one with Darknight are in the trashcan beside his desk. There is also a laptop.}
AIRSTAR: Look, dad. You shot her. You will pay the price.
{The camera swings over to Airstar's dad in a temporary jail cell.}
AIRSTAR:I don't think a self-defense plea is going to work. She wasn't attacking you. She is a known criminal, but she wasn't doing anything to you at the time.
OXYGENSTAR:What about an insanity plea?
AIRSTAR:...That could work.
{Cut to a courtroom. Oxygenstar is in a suit at one table with his lawyer, Strong Sad. Airstar is a policeman inside the courtroom and the prosecution consists of Darknight and Coach Z. The Judge is The KOT.}
JUDGE OF TOWN:So, you guys are pleaing insanity? On what grounds do you base this on?
STRONG SAD:Uhh...look!
OXYGENSTAR:Uh...gabababbaddbbababa! Loo looo looo laaaahhhhh!!! I'm crazy! Look at me! I'm a glass door on a freaking...fence. Hoompa loompa soompa doompa. GAGAGAGAGA!!!!
JOT:Uhh...fine. Whatever. You'll be sent to the Homsar L. Runner Mental Instiuiton on Cardgage Island.
OXYGENSTAR:Okay! YAAAAY! WE GET TO GO TO A CIRCUS!
{Airstar takes his dad by the hand and leads him out of the courtroom. Cut to the computer room. AIrstar walks in with his street clothes on.}
AIRSTAR:I'm back, Schoolstar, Chead, The Chuck and G-I mean, i'm back, everybody.
{The camera get closer to Airstar.}
AIRSTAR:...What? Garbachov? No, i'm not dating Garbachov. And I really don't think it's any of your business. So back off.
{The Camera moves farther.}
AIRSTAR:Thank you. Now time for some e-mail. {The camera zooms in.}
Dear yuh,
I uh, wanted to take you out to a nice sandwich and wasabi parlor down in Frisco.
But you declined and decided to move people's hearts in Iraq, which I thoroughly disagreed with.
If you wanted, that Sandwich and Wasabi parlor in still holding open arms and stuff.
Vivaborono Garvavosnichish, of the Rich Moneystine the III.
P.S: I left the sandlot completely empty, maybe you could move in.
AIRSTAR:Oh yeah. I remember that invite. INCORRECT. I DON'T REMEMBER THAT INVITATION. Who is this Vivaborono Garvavosnichish anyway? Let me call Garcia. {Takes out his phone and dials a number.} Hey, baby girl, I need you to look up a wealthy individual named Vivaborono Garvavosnichish who lives in the greater FCUSA-Atlanta area. What? There is none? What about, in the world. None? Okay, he doesn't have to be wealthy. Really? Great, you're the best. {Hangs up the phone.} There is one man who lives in a mental facility off the coast of Georgia with that name, who apparently used to be quite wealthy. Come to think of it, that's the exact mental facility my dad is in. Isn't it funny how things work like that? Chead! {Stands up. Wide shot.} Let's go. {The Chuck enters, covered in blood, weilding a knife.} Where's Chead?
THE CHUCK:He's...sick.
{Chead enters.}
CHEAD:Yeah I am feeling a little down, dude. Maybe wanna skip out on this one bro.
AIRSTAR:Fine. Then i'll take...Schoolstar.
THE CHUCK:SON OF A-
AIRSTAR:Let's go Schoolstar.
{He enters.}
SCHOOLSTAR:Seriously?
AIRSTAR:Yes. I need two men on this.
THE CHUCK:{Talking on the phone.} That's what she said.
AIRSTAR:What?
THE CHUCK:I'm talking to someone here. Yeah, Mark, she said that. I don't know why either, that's just what she told me.
AIRSTAR:Let's just go Schoolstar. Chead is sick, The Chuck is on the phone, and-
THE CHUCK:{Hangs up the phone abruptly.} NO I'M FREE!
AIRSTAR;The Chuck is unavailable,
THE CHUCK:{Sighs}
AIRSTAR:And I don't {Looks at camera} have a girlfriend, so Schoolstar's my only choice. Let's go!
{Cut to an island with a penitentiary on it. Cut to Airstar and Schoolstar at the gate. The gate opens and Senor Cardgage walks up to the two.}
SENOR CARDGAGE:Hemslo, Kardashians. Welcurm to the Homsar L. Runner Penitentiary for the Insanities.
AIRSTAR:Yeah my dad's here.
SENOR CARDGAGE: Whamts your dad's name...?
{Strong Bad walks up to Senor Cardgage with a white uniform on.}
STRONG BAD:Woah! Looks like somebody got out of their cell! Go back, Mr. Cardgage. Strong Sad, take him.
{Strong Sad pulls him away.}
SENOR CARDGAGE:I never got to see Rambledon!!!
STRONG BAD:Hi, i'm Strong Bad. Corrupt head of this mental facility.
AIRSTAR:What makes you corrput?
STRONG BAD:I use the facility as to declare perfectly sane people insane so I can lock them up just because I don't like them.
AIRSTAR:Wow. You are an a-
CRAZY MAN:{Offscreen} AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
STRONG BAD:Sorry that's just crazy Joe. Well, before he came here was just Joseph, that clerk who didn't let me get away with paying .50 cents for a 1.00 dollar Meltshake. Now he's crazy Joe!
AIRSTAR:Well that is just wrong and I'm going to blow the lid off this place!
STRONG BAD:What are you talking about? You've been a patient here for two years.
AIRSTAR:What?
STRONG BAD:Ha, no i'm kidding we're not doing that. I'll get you your father pronto.
{Cut to Airstar and Schoolstar being led into Oxygenstar's cell by Strong Bad. Oxygenstar seems frazzled.}
AIRSTAR:Hey, dad.
OXYGENSTAR:Hey, Airyface. It's nice to have visitors IN THIS BARREN HELLSCAPE OF NO RETURN!!!
AIRSTAR:You've been here a day.
OXYGENSTAR:That's true. But yeah things are bad here. I had to listen to Glenn all last night rant in his cell.
GLENN:{Offscreen} YOU SEE, DON'T YOU GET IT, THERE'S A WAR GOING ON BETWEEN THEM AND US, AND IT'S OUR TURN TO DEFEAT THE POWERS THAT BE, THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, THEY ARE VERY RESISTANT TO RESISTANCE, THE LIBERALS AND OBAMA HAVE AN AGENDA WHICH WILL TEAR APART THE VERY FOUNDATION OF AMERICA, THE VERY STRUCTURE OF THE UNITED STATES WILL BE GONE! WILL BE GONE!
STRONG BAD:Yeah, he's our most dangerous patient. Anyway, the doctor that directly oversees Mr. Flyer's care is Dr. Stand, apparently and M.D. of internal medicine and ex-convict.
{Bubs comes in.}
AIRSTAR:Bubs? You already served time for that thing?
BUBS:Yeah. I had to time travel to 1837, spend 50 years in prison until 1887, then unage and return here. Pretty terrible.
AIRSTAR:Yeah I guess you learned your lesson.
BUBS:Not really. Anyway, i've been Oxygenstar's direct overseeer for the last two years. {The camera swings over to a calendar that says "FEBRUARY 2012". It swings back to Bubs, Strong Bad, Oxygenstar and Airstar. Airstar is suddenly clean-shaven and Oxygenstar has an enormous beard and looks insane.}
AIRSTAR:You mean since yesterday.
BUBS:No, I mean since February 23, 2010.
AIRSTAR:That was yesterday. It's 2010.
BUBS:Is it now? Interesting. Say, when was two years ago?
AIRSTAR:Uh, February 2008.
BUBS:Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it was February of 2010.
AIRSTAR:No, 2010 is the current year-wait, why does that calendar say February 2012?
BUBS:Because that's the date and year.
AIRSTAR:No, it's 2010.
BUBS:Who is the pope?
AIRSTAR:Benedict. The 16th.
BUBS:Really? It was my understanding he passed five months ago.
AIRSTAR:September 2009? No. He's still alive.
BUBS:NO SEPTEMBER 2011 YOU JACKCRAP! I WILL-{Pauses, calms down.} I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Guards, take him to his cell.
AIRSTAR:What?
{Pom-Pom and Strong Mad come in dressed as orderlys and drag Airstar away as he objects, kicks and screams. They throw him into his cell.}
AIRSTAR:WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M JUST A VISITOR! YOU'VE MAD A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!!
BUBS:{Offscreen} OF COURSE YOUR A VISITOR! SURE! YOUR ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES A MENTAL PATIENT!
AIRSTAR:HEEEEELLLPPP!!!
{Cut to next morning. He wakes up on his cot in the room. He looks out his plate glass window to see sun shining through. He gets up.}
AIRSTAR:Why am I still here? WHY THE CRAP AM I STILL HERE???
{A slot opens up and food is slipped through.}
SOMEONE:{Offscreen} FOOD!!!$!$!%$#!%$!%$!!!!!!!!!!q!!q!!!!!!!
AIRSTAR:Garbachov? IS THAT YOU? GET ME OUT OF HERE!
GARBACHOV:TAKE THE FREAKING FOOD!!!!!$@!%$@!%$@!%$@!%$@!%$@!%$@!%$@!!!!!!
{He takes the sandwhich and eats it up as Grabachov leaves.}
AIRSTAR:GARBY!!!
{Cut to Strong Bad, Bubs and Garbachov sitting around a meeting table.}
STRONG BAD:I think we're good in the process of convincing him he's insane.
BUBS:Yeah, we're doing well with that. What happened to the musky jackcrap he brought along?
BUBS:He left before we jailed him. Anyway, the plan is we convince him he's insane,
GARBACHOV:ME, BEING HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE WROTE INTO THE WILL, {Camera zooms in on her.} THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY, THE NEW WILL SAYS IN THE EVENT HE DIES OR GOES TO A PRISON OR MENTAL INSTITUTION, THAT I GET HIS MONEY, BLIMP AND PET AND NEPHEW AND OTHER PET. IT'S GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!$!$!!!!!!!!#!44$#%$32$2!!!!
STRONG BAD:And we're gong to get some of that jackcrap, right?
GARBACHOV:CORRECT!!!!!!!!!
STRONG BAD:Great! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
{Cut to Schoolstar watching TV in the TV room.}
TV:FOOD!
SCHOOLSTAR:{Scoffs.} Man, where's Airstar?
{Chead comes in.}
CHEAD:I don't know, man. I haven't seen that cool cat since yesterday.
SCHOOLSTAR:Yeah, it's weird. Let me call someone. {Takes out phone and starts dialing. Someone answers.} Hey, baby girl. I need you to figure out where the blunt Airstar is. Uh-huh. {Gets a pen and a paper} Okay, thanks baby girl, you're the best. {Hangs up.} Okay. Baby Girl told me that Airstar was last seen entering the Homsar L. Runner mental instituiton. I kind of knew that already so that doesn't help. We gotta go find him before it's too late.
CHEAD:Too late?
SCHOOLSTAR:Yeah, when I left some shady stuff was going down, so. Yeah...um,
{The bell rings}
SCHOOLSTAR:Go get that.
(Chead speeds off and opens the door. Seconds later, Chead and Vivaborono Garvavaschnovich, who is a tall, dapper gentleman in old-timey garb, including a cane, a monocle and a top hat. He is some sort of humanoid white thing with a wide, IM-ish smile and cartoon eyes.}
VIVIBORONO:Hello there. Sorry to be a bother, but Airstar was supposed to meet me yesterday for Dinner at this wonderful Wasabi and Sandwhich parlor in Frisco. I just wanted to drop by and see what happened.
SCHOOLSTAR:Just call his cell.
VIVIBORONO:Okay, where's your phone?
SCHOOLSTAR:Just use your cell-um, yeah it's over there.
{Cut to Airstar in his cell, completely nude in the fetal position. His cell phone goes off with the song "Mr. Blue Sky"}
AIRSTAR:AHAHAHAH! Oh, wait. It's just my phone. {He answers.} Airstar Flyer. Oh, yes. Mr.G, you need to help me. Wait, I thougt you were an inmate. Argh, dangit! Well, please help me get out of here, man. They're trying to convince me i've been here 24 months. You are legally obligated to help me. Thanks. See you soon.
{Cut back to Viviborono.}
VIVIBORONO: Yeah, so he needs help or something. I'ma go bust him out.
{A montage plays of Viviborono taking out his knife-pocketwatch and slitting a guard's throat, then climbing up a building, then bribing a security guard, then sky-diving off a plane for some reason, then escaping with Airstar hidden in his jacket. Cut to the Wasabi Parlor. Airstar is eating a wasabi bowl while Viviborono is enjoying a wasabi bowl.}
AIRSTAR: Man, these are freakin' good.
VIVIBORONO:Yeah. Sorry it took me four months to rescue you. It's May 2010 all of a sudden and stuff.
AIRSTAR:Viviborono, don't worry about it, buddy.
VIVIBORONO:Okay, thanks. You know, I should set you up with my sister Garbachov.
AIRSTAR:...No thank you.
{The paper comes down.)
