Other Character Email Airstar Flyer/I LOVE THE POLICE

From Umcom

{We start with Airstar sitting at the poker table, still thinking.}

AIRSTAR:Rggghhhh!!! I can't decide! Who shall I choose? Maybe an email will get my mind off it.

{He gets up and walks out. Cut to the Skypy. Airstar walks in and sits down.}

AIRSTAR:Time to...wait a minute...what the crap? OH MY GOD. THE SKYPY IS BACK. WHO DID THIS?

{Airstar sees a tag on it and reads the tag.}

AIRSTAR:"From Darknight. Enjoy." OH MY GOD. I CHOOSE D-

{Cut to a wide shot. Homestar walks in with a package. He has a black band on his leg for some reason.}

HOMESTAR:Delivery!

{Airstar turns around.}

AIRSTAR:From who?

HOMESTAR:From...Garbachov.

AIRSTAR:Wow. What is it?

HOMESTAR:Open it up.

{Homestar throws the package at him.}

AIRSTAR:Thanks. I need to cut these binds though.

HOMESTAR:Here are the scissors.

{Homestar throws the scissors at Airstar. Airstar catches them awkardly.}

AIRSTAR:WOAH! Okay, let me open this.

{He tears it open and sees a cage with a green Cheat in it.}

AIRSTAR:OH MY GODS. A GREEN CHEAT. YES! What's his name?

HOMESTAR:Her name, is Chead.

AIRSTAR:That is awesome. That is freaking awesome.

{The Chuck walks in.}

THE CHUCK:Meh. You just got...who is that?

AIRSTAR:Chead. Garbachov just gave him to me.

THE CHUCK:That's cool. Hey-

AIRSTAR:SHUT UP! Chead is salivating. {Chead is drooling all over the carpet.} Aw, sweety sweety Cheady.

THE CHUCK:Mehh...also, Stacy sent you these flowers.

{The Chuck pulls flowers out of hammerspace.}

AIRSTAR:Oh, okay. That's cool. You know what? I'm gonna check my E-mail now. Put those flowers in the trash.

THE CHUCK:That's mean.

AIRSTAR:And, fill the trash can with water and put it on my desk. See? It's like a flower pot.

THE CHUCK:...Okay.

{The Chuck walks away in a huff. Zoom in. Airstar opens his e-mail client.}

AIRSTAR:Checkin' an e-mail on the Skypy, for the first time in two years! Man, I spent two 1/2 seasons without this thing and I am glad it's back.

Dear Cloudstar (formely airstar),
You have succesfuly joined the police
academy.

A Policeman.

AIRSTAR:Yay! I suppose...wait, A. Policeman? You mean officer Adam Warner Policeman? It's an honor, sir!

{Zoom out. Homestar is still there. Airstar jumps up in excitment.}

AIRSTAR:I'm going to the police academy! Schoolstar, get my coat and police cap! Wait, Homestar what are you still doing here?

{Homestar's eyes start to well up. Then they recede and he leaves.}

AIRSTAR:That was weird. Schoolstar! Get the coat!

{Schoolstar walks in and hands him his coat and police cap. Airstar puts them on.}

AIRSTAR:Thanks.

SCHOOLSTAR:I didn't know you wanted to be a policeman. I thought your career was in writing.

AIRSTAR:Ehh. Writing for The Daily Show was treat, but law enforcement is where I belong. Off to the Academy!

{Cut to the Police Academy classroom. Pom-Pom,Coach Z and Adam Policeman in policeman caps are at the chalk board. Several wanted signs are behind them, including a sign that says, "WANTED: BUBS C. STAND" and a sign that says, "WANTED: DARKNIGHT CREEPER." Airstar, Strong Sad, The KOT, The P**psmith, Homsar, The Announcer, Senor Cardgage, as well as others.}

COACH Z:Werlcome, to the Spring 2010 New Officer Training seminar! I am Acting Assistant to the Chief of Police, Coach Z.

AIRSTAR:What happened to Officers Runner and Stand?

COACH Z:Bubs was fired from his Assistant to the Chief of Police position due to a felony he commited. And Homestar took a leave of absence for a recent trauma.

AIRSTAR:Those two aren't related at all. {Airtstar winks as the camera.}

ADAM POLICEMAN:Okay, Pom-Pom is going to describe the basic duties that officers undertake when joining law enforcement. Pom-Pom?

POM-POM:{Bubbly noises for a really long time. Everyone writes down what he's saying.}

COACH Z:Thanks, Pam-Pam. Now let's get to-

AIRSTAR:How long has Darknight been at large?

COACH Z:About two years.

AIRSTAR:Really...

COACH Z:Let's get to the montage!

{A montage of Airstar training with monkey bars and backflips and tires and tasers goes by. Cut to Airstar in his room in front of the mirror putting on his police uniform for graduation with Darknight at his side.}

DARKNIGHT:So, you're gonna be a policeman, huh?

AIRSTAR:That's right babe. The only criminal I won't lock up is you.

DARKNIGHT:Well, yeah. You shouldn't lock up your girlfriend.

AIRSTAR:No you should not. Now, hand me my cap and my lucky tie.

{She picks those things up from the bed and hands them to him.}

DARKNIGHT:There you go.

AIRSTAR:Thanks. {He puts on his cap and ties his tie.} Off I go to graduate!

DARKNIGHT:Where's The Chuck?

AIRSTAR:Garbachov gets him on weekends.

DARKNIGHT:But you guys were never technically divorced.

AIRSTAR:We are now. The State of Georgia just rulled that pages from Glenn Beck's book can double as divorce papers.

DARKNIGHT:Oh baby. I'm glad.

AIRSTAR:I know you are. Let's go.

DARKNIGHT:I'll get my purse.

{Darknight kisses Airstar on the cheek and she leaves the room. The kiss leaves a burn mark.}

AIRSTAR:{Eyes widened.}...Woah.

{Cut to the stage from that High School. There is a banner that says "CONGRATS POLICE ACADEMY CLASS OF '10". Airstar, Strong Sad, Homsar, Senor Cardgage and the P**psmith on little stand with graduating caps and police uniforms. Adam Policeman and Coach Z both walk up to the podium.}

ADAM POLICEMAN:Hello, graduating class of-

COACH Z:Hellor gradurating class of 2010!

ADAM POLICEMAN:Uh...yeah. We are gathered here today becau-

COACH Z:We are gathered her today because we are united as-

ADAM:Coach?

COACH Z:Yeah?

ADAM:Leave.

COACH Z:Okay.

{Coach Z walks away and sits down on a chair in the area where Pom-Pom is sitting.}

ADAM:We are gathered here today to celerate the rule of law and its enforcement. For laws would not matter if there were nobody to enforce those laws. Laws such as anti-murder laws, anti-robbery laws, anti-drug laws, financial laws and SVU type of laws.

{The camera zooms in on a "WANTED:BUBS" poster. It zooms back out.}

ADAM:I will now call out the names of those graduating today and I will shake their hands and they will proceed to their families and friends. Also, whoever has a black, blue and white vehicle with sirens on it parked out front, it needs to move because it's in a handicapped spot. Thanks. First up, Senor Cardgage.

{People clap and Senor Cardgage walks up and grabs his diploma while eating a Zagnut bar and then shakes Adam's hand.}

STRONG BAD:DAG YEAH! WOOO!!!!

ADAM:Airstar Flyer. {People clap and Airstar is given his diploma and shakes Adam's hand and then walks off stage Cut to The Chuck, Schoolstar, Darknight, Chead and Garbachov in their seats as Airstar walks to them.}

DARKNIGHT:There he is!

{She goes to hug him. Schoolstar hugs him and Chead hugs him. The Chuck is ignored by Airstar as he embraces Chead.}

AIRSTAR:Thanks, guys.

THE CHUCK:No problem. Congratulations, Airstar.

AIRSTAR:Thanks, Chad.

THE CHUCK:...what?

{Airstar's parents run over to him and hug him.}

BREATHSTAR:Congratulations, sweety!

OXYGENSTAR:Congrats, son.

AIRSTAR:Thanks you guys.

{They let go of him.}

OXYGENSTAR:So, you're a cop now.

AIRSTAR:Yes.

BREATHSTAR:Good. You were becoming an unemployed bum before you joined the police academy!

AIRSTAR:Well, I don't know about that...

BREATHSTAR:You didn't shave for the graduation?

AIRSTAR:Uhh...this is my look mom.

{Garbachov walks over.}

GARBACHOV:CONGRATULATIONS, TRADOR!!!!$!$!%$#!%$!!!!!!!!<><<?><!!!!

BREATHSTAR:I remember you. Why are you here?

GARBACHOV:I BROUGHT THE CHUCK OVER BECAUSE I HAVE HIM ON THE WEEKENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

DARKNIGHT:Well that's great. But I got Airstar all week long.

GARBACHOV:DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT WE HAD??????????????????

AIRSTAR:I do.

{Cut to November 2007. Garbachov is dusting the blimp. Airstar (without a beard) walks in with coffee.}

AIRSTAR:Hi honey.

GARBACHOV:THERE'S TOO MUCH DUST!!!$$#!$#!$!$!#$!$!$#!$!!!!!!!

AIRSTAR:Uh, that's why you're dusting.

GARBACHOV:SHUT UP MORON OR I'LL SHOVE THIS DUSTER DOWN YOUR THROAT AND WATCH YOU CHOKE ON IT SLOWLY TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIRSTAR:Love you to, hon.

{Cut back to the graduation.}

AIRSTAR:Yeah it wasn't that jolly.

GARBACHOV:I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE BE WITH ME.

BREATHSTAR:Oh, how rude of me. I'm Breathstar. {Shakes Darknight's hand.} This is Oxygenstar. {Darknight shakes Oxygenstar's hand.} So, who are you?

DARKNIGHT:I'm Darknight, Airstar's-

{Oxygenstar pulls out his gun and shoots Darknight near the heart. She falls to the ground and Airstar rushes to her assistance.}

OXYGENSTAR:LOOK OUT AIRSTAR IT'S DARKNIGHT!

AIRSTAR:JEEZ! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? WHY DID YOU SHOOT HER?

OXYGENSTAR:It's Darknight! She's tried to kill you before don't you remember?

AIRSTAR:Yeah but she's my girlfriend now! YOU SHOT HER! YOU BA-

{Airstar tries to lunge at his dad, but Schoolstar restrains him.}

OXYGENSTAR:Oh my god, i'm sorry. It;s kind of weird that you're dating her though...I mean she tried to kill you.

AIRSTAR:Yeah, she did. Why would I want to date someone who would kill for selfish reasons? PARAMEDICS!

{Pom-Pom comes over there and loads her up in an ambulance drives her away.}

CHEAD:Why didn't you go with her, dude? She's your girl, dawg!

AIRSTAR:Not anymore, Chead. We're through. Oh, and uh...take Oxygenstar to jail, Adam.

ADAM:Okay. {He handscuffs Oxygenstar.} You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you by the state. Do you understand?

OXYGENSTAR:Yes. I'm really sorry, Airstar.

AIRSTAR:Don't be.

{He's taken away.}

AIRSTAR:Let's go, guys.

{Cut to Airstar and Homestar on the blow-up couch in the TV room. They're both drinking Cold Ones.}

AIRSTAR:Man, I thought I could love my former starch-enemy. But now I realize the reason she was my starch-enemy. She tried to kill me many times. And now i'm a cop, and my dream of becoming a famous writer is not coming to fruition. Life is a mystery, you know?

HOMESTAR:Yeah it is. You know, me and Strong Bad used to-{Breaks out in tears and then starts to sink down to the floor and bawl his eyes out.}

AIRSTAR:Oh, boy. They said victims would act like this. I'm sorry, man. Real sorry, dude. Just don't think about it. They'll catch Bubs. Marzipan'll be avenged. {Takes a drink.} Oh, boy. This is gonna be a while. I'll catch him, buddy. I'm a cop now. Eek. This'll probably be a while. Hey, Chead, let's go celebrate. Let's go to Club TECHNOCHOCOLATE.

{Chead throws him the coat.}

AIRSTAR:Thanks man.

{Cut to Club Technochoclate. Airstar is dancing with Chead. The Chuck is sitting alone at a table and Schoolstar and Strong Sad are talking.}

STRONG SAD:So, I was like, "You are not the type of male that you were before." And he was like, "Heeeeelll no!" and I was like, "You don't sass back at me like that." And he was like-

SCHOOLSTAR:Stop. Just, stop.

{Cut to Strong Bad at the bar.}

STRONG BAD:Hey Coach!

{Coach Z swings over.}

COACH Z:Yeah, Strong Baaaard?

STRONG BAD:One Cold One, one cool one, one room temperature one, one excessively hot one. I'm here with a beach bum, an englishman and Satan.

{The camera pans to a surfer, Jack the Ripper and The Devil (The 1930's one) talking at a table.}

SURFER:RADICAL!

JACK THE RIPPER:...YA SEE THAT CHICK? I DO.

THE DEVIL:...SO DO I. HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!

{FIRE RISES UP FROM HELL. Cut to Airstar stumbling into the computer room with his tie untied and clearly intoxicated. He sits down and starts typing.}

AIRSTAR:So as you can see...I'M AWESOME! I DID JOINED THE POLICE ACADEMY! YO! WOOOOO!!! E-MAIL OVER.

{He gets up and starts walking towards his room. He turns around and puts his "hand" to the camera.}

AIRSTAR:No, don't even freakin; film me, okay? Keep a distance.

{He stumbles away and the paper comes down. The camera swings over to his room and catches him stumbling into his room with Garbachov and then shutting the door. The camera swing back over to the computer. The paper comes down further saying, "Woah."}