A foot explosion
From Umcom
Current revision as of 19:59, 29 July 2008
{We start at Strong Bad sitting on the couch with The Cheat watching TV.}
STRONG BAD:The thing about this show is that you never know what's gonna happen!
VOICE ON TV:Oh, Melvin! I have a secret...i'm Jewish!
{Dun dun dun}
MELVIN:Well, Julia, i'm canadian!
{Dun dun dun}
JULIA:I voted for Nader!
{Dun dun dun!}
MELVIN:I'm brushing my teeth!
{Dun dun dun?}
STRONG BAD:Unexpected.
{Strong Sad comes in and sits on the couch and changes the channel.}
STRONG BAD:Hey Salad Fingers, whatcha doin'?
STRONG SAD:There's some news you need to hear about!
STRONG BAD:Unless it's about me, The Cheat, Strong Mad or that murderer that i've been hiding in the basement since 2004, I don't care.
STRONG SAD:Well it's about something you wear!
STRONG BAD:{Jumps to his feet.} Holy Hotdog! Turn it up!
{Cut to the TV screen you see The Announcer at a news desk with alot of special effects in the background. It has the logo of "The Big Friggin' Story with The Announcer" an FNN logo is at the bottom of the screen, as well as a news crawl reading "The Bubsier Image filing for bankruptcy"}
THE ANNOUNCER:Why, hello there. This is the Big Friggin' Story with The Announcer. I am, you guessed it...The Announcer. Today's top news,
{A picture of Strong Bad's shoes appears on the left side of the screen.}
THE ANNOUNCER:Mexican Wrestling shoes company, Mexi, has announced a recall for all it's red with white sole shoes. As well as it's blue soles that people glue to their feet.
{At this point, the newscrawl reads "Research company says that confidence of the average FCUSAian has dropped 10% since 2005. By the way, you look great!". Cut back to Strong Bad,The Cheat and Strong Sad on the couch.}
STRONG BAD:Well, what's wrong with these babies?
{Cut back to the Announcer.}
THE ANNOUNCER:The reason for the recall is that when the shoes are hit with a fist or other foot, the shoe will explode. But only if you bought the shoe in January of 2008.
{Cut to Strong Bad}
STRONG BAD:That's the month I got these new ones! Man, thank god nobody has touched my shoes.
THE CHEAT:Mehna meh mehla meh mreh meh!
STRONG BAD:Yeah, I guess that wouldn't require Puerto Rican bathtubs.
STRONG SAD:Why don't you just go return them?
STRONG BAD:But I bought them at Bubs', and he only takes returns if you have a receipt. I lost the reciept when I used it to put out the flames, kinda like a blanket.
STRONG SAD:What flames?
STRONG BAD:The one I was using to burn all those reciepts.
STRONG SAD:Well, then throw those out and buy new ones!
STRONG BAD:For once you're right. I'll be back here in a jiffy.
{Cut to Strong Bad walking in the feild. Homestar comes up to him.}
HOMESTAR:Hey, Stro Bad. What up?
STRONG BAD:I'm going to Bubs', none o' yo' beestaxreturns...
HOMESTAR:Clool. Can I help?
{Homestar accidentally steps on Strong Bad's foot and an explosion fills the screen. Cut to them both lying on the ground, blackened, as well as the feild around them.}
HOMESTAR:Ugg...{Coughs black smoke} that was unexpected...ugg...
STRONG BAD:Uhhl...{Coughs purple(?!) smoke.} not to me moron...
HOMESTAR:Wait, what was that purple stuff that came out of you're mouth?
STRONG BAD:I dunno. {Smells} It smells great, though. Wow! That's the greatest thing i've ever smelled ever!
HOMESTAR:Me too! Wow.
{They both get up.}
HOMESTAR:Cough again, just do it into this empty water bottle in my pocket.
{Pulls out a pile of ashes.}
HOMESTAR:Uhh...
{Coach Z walks by with a glass bottle.}
HOMESTAR:{Pulls out a water gun} Give me the bottle punk! Or i'll do it. Don't nobody stop me!
COACH Z:Okay, okay! {Hands him the bottle.} It was just gonna be used for sorfacatin' turtles anyway.
{He walks away.}
HOMESTAR:Now cough into the bottle.
{Strong Bad coughs up the purple smoke into the bottle and Homestar puts a cap on it.}
STRONG BAD:We could be millionares in the perfume industry! Give me a highfive!
{They (apparently) high five.}
HOMESTAR:Now to sell.
{Cut to outside Homestar's house. There's a sign on the front that says "honest homestar and strong bads perfume kompany". Cut to Homestar at a desk with a suit and tie with Strong Bad standing in front of the desk with a suit and tie.}
HOMESTAR:So, now that we're a company, we need a commercial.
STRONG BAD:I could hire some actors.
HOMESTAR:I have cameras!
STRONG BAD:The Cheat has a special effects progrum installed on the Monosodium dreams!
HOMESTAR:We could have it aired during the Giants vs. Patriots Super Bowl!
STRONG BAD:That happened more than a month ago.
HOMESTAR:Oh. Who won?
STRONG BAD:Giants.
HOMESTAR:Yes! Francesco owes me fifty bucks.
STRONG BAD:Francesco died on the 3rd.
HOMESTAR:Oh. We could air it during the Oscars!
STRONG BAD:That happened almost exactly a month ago.
HOMESTAR:New years 2008?
STRONG BAD:That happened more than 2 months ago.
HOMESTAR:St.Patrick's day?
STRONG BAD:Four days ago.
HOMESTAR:Election day?
STRONG BAD:Four years ago.
HOMESTAR:Y2K?
STRONG BAD:Eight years ago.
HOMESTAR:When the Nintendo 64 comes out?
STRONG BAD:12 years ago.
HOMESTAR:When the soviet union collapses?
STRONG BAD:18 years ago.
HOMESTAR:When the NES comes out?
STRONG BAD:23 years ago.
HOMESTAR:When they sign the constituiton?
STRONG BAD:232 years ago.
HOMESTAR:When Rome defeats Carthage?
STRONG BAD:2,146 years ago.
HOMESTAR:Tommorow?
STRONG BAD:Now, that we can do.
{Cut to Strong Bad on the couch with Strong Sad,The Cheat and Strong Mad. A few seconds of silence past.}
STRONG BAD:Shut up you three! My commercial is coming on!
{Cut to the TV screen. It shows a small bottle with purple liquid in it, that says "S&H Per-fume" sitting on a white table with a black background. Strong Bad's head appears in the darkness. He grabs the perfume with his glove.}
STRONG BAD ON TV:Scent {Echoed five times}
{The camera turns to the back of Strong Bad's head, as he sprays the perfume on him. He turns to the camera.}
STRONG BAD ON TV:Un olor tan grande que usted es de abuelo no podría dirigirlo.
{Subtitles:"A smell so great that you're grandfather could not handle it.". A waterfall suddenly falls on him, and the screen goes to black. And then the S&H bottle appears on the screen with a motto underneath it. "Silence is golden, and refunds not offered." And then the phone number is shown below that. Cut back to the gang sitting on the couch.}
STRONG SAD:That didn't make any sense.
STRONG BAD:Exactly! That's why it's genius. I mean, Absolut Vodka sales are waay up.
STRONG SAD:Anyway, do we have any calls yet?
STRONG BAD:No, idiot.
{Strong Bad walks upstairs. Cut to Strong Bad sitting on a chair next to the phone, waiting.}
STRONG BAD:Now to play the waiting game...
{2 hours later. Strong Bad is reading "Awexome Bikers Magazine"}
STRONG BAD:Hmm...this article gets more interesting each time I read it.
{The Phone rings. He throws his magazine up into the air and falls off his chair, but then picks up the phone.}
STRONG BAD:Hello?
GUY ON OTHER LINE:{Voice similiar to Strong Bad's} Um, I wanna order 500 cases of S&H, please.
STRONG BAD:Wow! Thank you, uh...who are you, by the way?
GUY ON OTHER LINE:Um, i'm a-{Starts laughing wildly, and you can hear Bubs in the background}
BUBS:{He says this after the Guy on the other line says "I'm a-"}Tell em' somethin' funny! Tell em' like {Unintelligble}
GUY ON THE OTHER LINE:I'm Lots a. Det. {Uncontrolled laughing of both the guy and Bubs}
STRONG BAD:Uhh...well where do you live?
GUY ON THE OTHER LINE:I, I, uhh...{Laughing} I'm sorry my friend is bein' a, being an a-
BUBS:You don't need to tell him about you're friends! {Uncontrolled laughter of the two.}
GUY ON THE OTHER LINE:Just, just drop em' off by the sti- the stick. We'll pay in advance.
STRONG BAD:Uhh..okay. Sounds great. Bye.
GUY ON THE OTHER LINE:O-what? {Unintelligble whispers from Bubs, then laughter.} OKAY BYE!! {Laughter, then hang up.}
STRONG BAD:Wow. Those guys were jerks.
{Cut to Strong Bad hanging up the phone at Bubs' while uncontrolably laughing with him.}
STRONG BAD:Man, that was great. When I called me and confused myself for a minute there was great.
BUBS:Yeah, but how'd you get here future Strong Bad?
2018 STRONG BAD:Well time machines have not been invented yet in my time, so I got here using a code I found on my glove. I recited the code, then this portal appeared in front of me. I jumped in, and I went to 2008, then, to look more like 2008 Strong Bad and not 2018 Strong Bad, I shaved off my beard and took of my shirt and took of my glasses, but you can still see a little bit of wrinklage on my face.
BUBS:Yeah, I noticed.
2018 STRONG BAD:Well I am 41 and a half, so yeah. I miss when I was 31 in 2008. And now I just called my 31 year old self and confused me. At least now I know what the origin of that weird phone call I got in 2008.
{It cuts to Strong Bad wheeling 5 cases of S&H.}
STRONG BAD:It's gonna take me forever to get all these cases here.
{Cut to 2018 Strong Bad}
2018 STRONG BAD:It took me forever to wheel those carts here, but then I got a truck by borrowing some money from-
{Cut to 2008 Strong Bad talking to Homestar.}
STRONG BAD:Can I borrow 160 dollars to rent a truck?
HOMESTAR:Only if you do one thing for me.
{Cut to 2018 Strong Bad.}
2018 STRONG BAD:He made me hug a tree for the second time. After a while I wanted to-
{Cut to 2008 Strong Bad hugging a tree with Homestar next to it.}
STRONG BAD:I'm about ready to punch you in the face.
HOMESTAR:Hug the tree, man. Hug it to the ground.
STRONG BAD:But this tree isn't returning the favor.
{Cut to 2018 Strong Bad}
2018 STRONG BAD:Then he gave me the 160 bucks and I drove the truck, but then I accidentally ran into you're concession stand.
{Bubs' eyes widen.}
2018 STRONG BAD:Uh-oh.
{2018 Strong Bad jumps in the Bushes and then Strong Bad runs into the stand, throwing Bubs' body clear.}
STRONG BAD:Well, that's unfortunate.
BUBS:YOU SUCK!
{Strong Bad jumps out of the truck.}
STRONG BAD:Are you okay?
BUBS:Yeah, I am. But you're gonna have to pay for the stand!
STRONG BAD:How much is it?
BUBS:1400 bucks.
{Strong Bad's eyes widen. He then gets in the truck and drives off.}
BUBS:Oh, crap.
{Cut to Strong Bad and Homestar at the desk.}
HOMESTAR:This perfume will be phemomonal!
STRONG BAD:Don't you mean phenomonal?
HOMESTAR:No.
STRONG BAD:Whatever. We gotta get Bubs to sell this at his temporary Conncession stand. But uhhh...I want you to go and ask him. I kinda owe him 1400 dollars.
HOMESTAR:I can do dat! S&H has got to sore! {Singing} LET THAT EAGLE SOOOOOOOOORE! {Strong Bad covers his ears.} LIKE IT'S NEVER, SOOOOOOOORNE BEFOOOOOORE! FROM THE BAYS OF IRAQ, TO GOLDEN SHOOOOOOOORE! LET THAT EAGLE SOOOOOOOOOOORE!
{Strong Bad punches Homestar.}
STRONG BAD:Geez. Isn't that the song The Poopsmith sang that made him lose his voice after the first war we had with Iraq?
HOMESTAR:{Gets up.} Whatever. I'll go and ask him right now!
{Cut to Homestar at Bubs' Temporary stand, which is made of wood, and has a sign that says "BUBS CONNCESSION STAND: NO STONG BADS ALLOWED!"}
HOMESTAR:Hey, Bubs-style Bubs. Can you sell my new perfume, "S&H" here?
BUBS:Well, what does the S stand for?
HOMESTAR:Uhh...Star. You know, what's on my shirt. A star.
BUBS:Alright, alright. Give me a few cases.
{Homestar hands him three cases of S&H Perfume.}
HOMESTAR:You'll barely regret this.
BUBS:I...hope?
HOMESTAR:Thanks, byyyyeeee! {He speeds off. Like a lion. Like a lion!}
not done!
