Little Pigs
From Thunderbird
Once upon a time there were three young folks from the country: Jim; Jack; and Joe. They worked hard on their farm, and saved their money. Before long they had each saved $3000 to spend on new cars. Then the time came for them to head to the city and buy their cars. They all boarded the bus, and as it pulled away, their mother called after them:
“Whatever you do, don’t trust used car salesmen, overly zealous volunteers, and stockbrokers! They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing!”
Before long they were in the city. Jim took one look around the city, and immediately noticed a big bright sign with balloons tied to it, saying:
Used Cars! Cheap Cheap Cheap!
Well to Jim, this looked too promising to pass up. So off he went towards the bright blue sign.
“Why hello there young man” said the used car salesman, “I can tell just by looking at you that you’re in the mind for a new car. And let me tell you, this 1986 Dodge 600 is a beauty.”
“Oh I don’t know…” said Jim. “You’re not a used car salesman, are you?”
“Who me?” the salesmen replied. “Oh goodness no. I’m more of a… ‘Decision Assister’. Now I’ve been around cars all my life, and so believe me when I tell you this is a beautiful car. But I’m sure that a fine, enterprising fellow such as yourself would be readily able to buy something as distinguished as this here automobile. Am I correct?”
“Umm… I guess.” Jim replied. “How much is it?”
“Well such a fine vehicle as this usually goes for quite a pretty penny.” he said convincingly. “But I’ll tell you what. I like you son. I want to help you buy this car. So let me ask you this: How much do you have available to purchase this machine?”
“Well… Uhhh… $3000.” Jim replied hesitantly.
“Well… Well now that is a problem isn’t it? You see, this fine means of transportation generally goes for a minimum of four or five thousand dollars. Any less and I’m barely making a profit!” The salesmen eyed Jim slyly. “But I’ll tell you what. I’m feeling pretty generous today, and I like you. So I am going to give this car to you for your $3000.”
“Well thanks mister!” Jim replied excitedly, fumbling for the money. “Here’s your money!”
“Oh, not a problem young fellow.” The salesmen calmly said. “Now why don’t you go take that baby for a spin?”
As Jack got off the bus, he too took a careful look around town. After seeing a few suspicious used car dealerships, he spied a used car paper. As he leafed through the paper, he saw several ads promising great bargains for ‘quality’ cars. But Jack knew a fair bit about cars, and so after passing over several Dodge 600’s and the like, he found the perfect ad: Looking for a bargain? Look no more! Have this beautiful, 1995 Toyota Corolla for only $3000!
Now this ad was just what Jack wanted. A quality car within his budget. This one ad was like an oasis amongst rip-offs, the perfect deal. Without thinking another thought, Jack raced to the nearest pay phone and gave the seller a call.
“Hello?”
“Hi!” replied Jack, “I’m calling about the car for sale in the paper!”.
“Oh yes,” said the voice on the other end, knowingly, “The car… Well it’s still here, if you want to take a look at it.”
“Oh excellent!” Jack said excitedly. “So, where are you located?”
Jack got his information, and within the hour Jake was staring at the beautiful car.
“Oh it’s been a good car for me and my sickly wife,” said the seller of the car, “but now we’re moving to Haiti to look after sick orphans, and so we’re selling it off for just enough to pay for the plane tickets.”
“Oh, you’re going to look after orphans?” Jack replied suspiciously. “Well that’s… commendable.”
“Yes well…” began the seller, “I’ve already set up food counters for all the hungry in the city, and I’ve arranged shelters and jobs for all the homeless, so there’s really nothing more I can do here.”
Jack eyed the man doubtfully. “Nobody’s that nice…” he thought. He was just about to walk away, then he heard a voice from inside the house.
“Honey, it’s almost time to leave for the soup kitchen, but I need help taking my pills first.”
“Oh of course honey,” replied the seller. “I’m just talking to this nice man from the country”.
Jack was shocked. He had almost severely misjudged this kind volunteer. “Well all I have is the $3000” he said, “but if you give me a mailing address for Haiti, I’ll mail you some more money when I get it.”
“Oh that won’t be necessary.” The man said, hurriedly reaching for the money. “Helping the children is all the payment I need…”
Now Joe didn’t know much about cars at all, but he was a very cautious man. He took a careful look around the city, seeing several potential scams. After a thorough scan of all his options, his eyes fixed on:
National Investors Group, Helping Manage Your Money Wisely.
After another quick look around the town, Joe headed into the building.
“Good morning there!” said the man behind the counter, “what can I help you with today?”
“Well I’d like to invest some money,” replied Joe. “I’d like to invest $3000 in Yahoo.”
“Well you could do that…” said the man slyly, “Or you could leave your money with the professionals, who for a slight fee will make the best investments for you. We always have your best interests at heart.”
Joe stared at him thoughtfully, his mother’s words echoing in his head. The man seemed trustworthy, sitting behind his desk in a smart looking suit. But something made Joe feel uneasy. “No thank you,” Joe replied to the man in the suit. “I think I’ll just invest it on my own.”
Jim pulled out of the lot, brimming with pride. He had done it! A beautiful car bought at a great price! Before long he was heading down the road towards the farm. The car seemed pretty shaky, but the salesman had assured him that meant it was a good car. But about 20 miles down the road, the car began to sputter and cough, and finally died.
Jim sat there behind the wheel, staring out the window dejected. How could this have happened to his beautiful car? He stared some more. Come to think of it, the window was chipped. The seats were a little torn, some of the dash lights were out, and most of the needles hadn’t moved since he left the parking lot. As he opened the door, he could hear creaking and popping noises emanating from inside it. He got out, becoming more and more angry at his purchase. As he scanned the outside, he began to notice scratches and dings, rust and cracks, one tire almost entirely flat. He had been duped! The salesman had lied to him, the car was scarcely worth a tenth of the price! Angrily he slammed his door. With a mighty clang, it bounced off the frame and tipped off its hinges, coming to rest right at Jim’s feet. That was enough for him. Sadly, he started the long walk home.
Several hours later, Jim heard a car roaring up behind him. It was none other than Jack! Jim stared, stunned at Jack’s car. It was a beautiful, shiny car, purring smoothly.
“What happened Jim?” asked Jack, “need a lift home?”
“Sure!” Replied Jim, grateful for the offer. At least one of them had succeeded in buying a car.
After another few miles down the road, Jack’s purring car suddenly ground to a halt, smoke pouring out of the hood. Jack rushed over to the hood and popped it, stunned at what he saw. Oil pouring out of the bottom, sawdust flying out of pipes, the battery leaking acid, and no radiator in sight! Jack was stunned. That kindly old man was not at all as kindly as he had made himself out to be. He, too, had been swindled. Jim and Jack turned to each other, nodding in understanding. Both sadly started the long walk back to the farm.
After a couple of days of walking, when they were beginning to near their farm, they suddenly heard a tremendous noise coming up behind them. They turned to see a huge cloud of dust, led by a silver streak. It stopped right beside them, enveloping the two in a thick cloud of blinding sand. When the dust settled, there was their brother in an incredible, brand new car, sporting a smart looking suit.
“Need a lift?” Joe asked cheerfully. Jim and Jack turned to each other, then swiftly jumped into the back. The dust began whirling again, and the silver streak started on back home.
Well I bet you’re thinking a story like this deserves a poignant moral, so here it is. Always listen to your mother. Especially about cars.
