Wikihood 2/eps/30
From The Wikihood
30 The Not-so-final Curtain
Synopsis
CAST (in order of appearence):
Transcript
{Open to the surface of the moon. Ekul's trash can lands. Cut to the inside, as it land, Kyves and Homsar fly up as it crash land, but slowly floats down}
KYVES: Ah, moon gravity. So fun. Let's go outside. Let's see... is this part of the moon facing the sun?
HOMSAR: I can't whistle Ketmartha, burt maybe that's because my boot hit the target
{Kyves looks around}
KYVES: Wasn't the LoE behind us?
{A flash of blue light comes from behind. Strong Sader and Homestar are there.}
STRONG SADER: There. I knew that that teleportation program would come in handy! Too bad it can only handle a mod plus one. The others would have liked to die helping us escape... Maybe.
KYVES: Drakul is still in FCUSA, right? We should be safe. Unless... Oh crap, Ekul is a mod too!
STRONG SADER: Oh, crap that's right! Wait a second... {A small hole opens in the simulation. Strong Sader reaches in and adjest a few things.} Okay, I've put an encryption on the program. It won't remain locked perminently is I know Ekul, but it'll at least buy some time.
KYVES: Yeah. The important thing is to take advantage of this. If we keep moving while we plan, we can... hey, is it just me or are the stars disappearing?
{Cut to the sky, where some of the stars start to fade away}
SIMULATION MAINFRAME: ERROR! MEMORY LOSS! ERROR! MEMORY LOSS! UNKNOWN VIRUS!
KYVES: Virus? Oh no... Jerxie couldn't take us over... so he's trying to take us down with him!
{Cut to the real world. The simulator is smoking, lack of maintainence causing an overheat. Cut back to the moon, a large crack opens in the sky and jerxie in his crab form emerges, covered in cheese.}
JERXIE: You guessed right, my friend. Thanks to some neat collapses in the physics algorithems, I was able to escape my gravitational cheese prison! Now prepare to suffer!
{The system loss causes a large disturbance. The system makes a clicking sound and starts ejecting people randomly out of the simulation. Cut to Nived, who is disconnected. He is a hologram, yet his body is separated from him. It walks away from him}
NIVED: Come back here, body! ...I can't log back on. Well, I'd better take advantage of this time... Operation Dome-ination.
{Cut back to Drakul. He looks up into the sky.}
DRAKUL: Jerxie... Once I absorb the soul of Jerxie I will rule everything!
{Drakul wires into the simulation and ends up in orbit around the moon. He turns into a bat and returns to the surface}
KYVES: Crap, Drakul! How did you get here so fast?
DRAKUL: Jerxie has a strong enough presence to track... I'll deal with you later.
JERXIE: {Thinking} Hmm, this guy's evility stats are off the scale. If I get him I'll be unstappable! {Speaking} Come here!
{Jerxie fires a bolt of glitchy lightening at Drakul. Drakul's form is ripped from Ekul, who collapses from a number of burns. Drakul is then fried in Jerxie's grip and then tossed to the moondust laden ground.}
JERXIE: Okay, lets make a deal: I'll spare you if youe surrender yourself to me now.
{Drakul stands up and his burns heal.}
DRAKUL: You're used to fighting mortals! I am a vampire!
{Ekul convulses. The glitches that run through him cause him to change personality rapidly. Ekul's mind is ripped from his body. Cut out of the simulation, where Ekul the penguin walks away from the simulation. The glitch passes to Kyves, who is also separated from his body. However, Kyves had now personality separated so he stays intact. Cut back to the moon. Jerxie summons a wooden stake covered in creamed garlic from a glitchy hole in the simulation. He fires it at Drakul, who is stabbed through the heart. Drakul rips out the stake, completely unaffected.}
JERXIE: {thinking} Oh, right he's a phoenix penguin: He has an infinite capacity to come back from the dead, and as he's dead already he's impossible to destroy!
{Drakul weakens a little though}
DRAKUL: G-garlic?
{Drakul stands back up}
KYVES: It appears separating Ekul from him gave him a weakness to garlic or something...
{Kyves turns to Strong Sader}
KYVES: I don't know who the lesser of the two evils is, how can we pick a side? I mean, helping either side or neither side could get us killed.
STRONG SADER: If Jerxie destroys the simulation we're all doomed, and he could do far more damage in the real world if he gets out. We should side with Drakul if he'll allow until Jerxie is dealt with.
KYVES: True. Jerxie wants to destroy everything, and Drakul just wants our souls so that he can rule the universe.
{Ekul is now Cul, as he's shifting personalities rapidly}
CUL: I... somehow Drakul being removed from me made us unstable... We are having problems with my pronouns now.
{Cul shifts to Γ (Gamma).}
Γ: Oh no... Darkul has escaped! Drakul had been the composure that held this mind together! It won't be long until... he arrives...
{Drakul looks to the others}
DRAKUL: Arguably, that's our best shot at killing Jerxie. Too bad he'll probably kill the rest of you too! ...no matter. If you want to help me, I'll spare you. I give you my word as a gentleman.
STRONG SADER: Jerxie's only weakness is extreme gravity. If Nived were here we'd be saved, but we'll need to find an alternative without him.
{Drakul jumps at Jerxie and fires blue flames and black ice. They engage each other}
KYVES: This time Jerxie's defeat will need to be for good, Jerxie's very presence is what is causing the simulation to be destroyed. No shortcuts, no imprisonment. This is where we draw the line. Strong Sader the two of us can use our combined powers to combine protons and electrons on Jupiter into neutrons. Jupiter will turn into a solid ball of mass which can be crashed into his abdomen. Then, we can destroy him for good.
{Cut to the fight. Jerxie is having to concentait on defending more then attacking.}
JERXIE: Crap, this isn't working, I need more energy...
{Jerxie fires a beam of glitchy lightening ayt the Earth. It sweeps across FCUSA sucking up all of the zombified characters in its beam, converting them into pure binary code. Back on the moon, Jerxie absorbs the energy and coding before growing into a large mutated beast.}
STRONG SADER: I guess it's now or never, then.
{Γ start to turn into Darkul}
Γ: Oh crap... make it quick guys, I'm almost Darkul!
{Γ creates a blue portal to Jupiter. The portal is glitchy, but still perfectly functional}
Γ: Jump through!
{Strong Sader, Kyves and Γ leap through into the portal. On the other side, they arrive on Io.}
STRONG SADER: It's a good thing this place is volcanic, or we'd all be frozen...
KYVES: Wait, no! Γ, go back! If you become evil, we want you to kill Jerxie before you kill us!
Γ: Oh, right.
{Γ creates a portal to the Trash Can and enters it. It orbits around the moon.}
KYVES: Now, here's what we do. With your power to control electricity, and my power to control magnetic charges, we can force an electron into a proton to form a neutron. There's enough mass on Jupiter to kill Jerxie if we turn the planet into a ball of neutrons.
STRONG SADER: Turn Jupiter into a neutron star? Great idea! The high energy furnace should get rid of any remains that Jerxie may leave.
{Strong Sader fires a bolt of electricity from his hands as Kyves grips Jupiter in his magnetic field. Cut back to the battle between Drakul and Jerxie. Jerxie has a slight advantage due to the fact that he is making garlic gradually grow across the moon. However, the fact that the moon has no atmosphere to speak of makes Drakul's attacks unpredictable. Since there is no air to transmit heat, Jerxie cannot cool down whenever Drakul burns him.}
JERXIE: Give it up, kid! You can't defeat me!
DRAKUL: Keep telling yourself that. You're nothing, you're just a program. This simulation will crash. Can't you see the stars disappearing? That's the system losing it's memory of distant stars. That's what happens when a program is deleted. It's what will happen to you!
{Drakul blasts a large amount of heated moondust at Jerxie which envelopes him, and Jerxie begins to overheat. He shakes off the dust, but it doesn't make him any cooler.}
JERXIE: In the end, that's all you are too. So that means that I can do this!
{Jerxie fires more glitchy lightening at Drakul, and begins feeding of his binary code. The glitchy lighting hits him and throws him across the surface. When Jerxie tries to absorb his code, however, he can't find any personality code, superpower code or magic code. His appearance is all that can be found}
DRAKUL: I am not code! I am more than Ekul is... I am a true vampire's soul! I am more real than anything else in this simulation.
{Jerxie starts to devour his wing, and a wierd human hand is left in its place. Cut to Kyves and Strong Sader}
KYVES: Quick, create the portal! We have to kill him, then weaken Drakul and seal him into Ekul before he turns into Darkul!
{Strong Sader and Kyves concentrate on their task. Jupiter collapses into and earth sized blue-purple star.}
STRONG SADER: Okay, it's ready. Homsar, seeing as we all forgot that you were here until now I guess you can act as bait to lure Jerxie in.
{Cut to homsar.}
HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaA!
{Homsar spins through the portal. Jerxie completely ignores him and continues his battle with Drakul. However, Ekul, who appears to be half Darkul and half Γ (Δαrκuγ) comes out of the Trash Can}
ΔARKUΓ: Hang on guys, I'm coming through the portal!
{Δαrκuγ goes through the portal to Jupiter. The Trash Can bumps Jerxie on it's way, and Jerxie fallsinward toward the portal. He grabs onto Drakul to try and take him with him. Drakul bluffs and dives towards the portal}
DRAKUL: CLOSE THE PORTAL AFTER I GET THROUGH! MAYBE YOU CAN CUT HIS CLAW OFF!
{Jerxie with Drakul in tow fall through onto Io's suface. Jerxie claws into the earth taking Homsar into his possession at the same time.}
JERXIE: End this now! Or the vampire and the stupid one die!
HOMESTAR: Oh, cwap! What's going on here!? You guys forget to to take me hostage, again.
ΔARKUΓ: I'm almost Darkul! WE HAVE TO HURRY!
{Drakul is enraged and throws one of Ekul's swords (The other one is with Δαrκuγ) at Homsar. This sudden act of betrayal completely surprises Homsar. Homsar dies and his soul is absorbed into Drakul.}
KYVES: WHAT?! H-HOW? WHY?
{Drakul is now empowered enough to burst free of Jerxie's claw long enough to allow a clear shot of Jupiter to Jerxie. Jerxie roars with rage, blasing the remainder of his power at Drakul in a powerful surge of energy. Drakul is hit and fried badly. Jerxie falls inward toward Jupiter. As he hits the surface a large crack splits open in the simulation at the point he strikes. However, the glitched coding begins to fluctuate.}
KYVES: EKUL! NOW!
DARKUL: Ha ha ha... too late...
{Darkul forms a weapon on his arm and aims it at Kyves.}
DARKUL: Say good bye... Kyves!
HOMESTAR: Not so fast, Louie!
{However, Homestar jumps into the air and kicks him into Drakul. The glitch sizzles, and the two reform into one person. Now that Drakul and his power of soul absorbtion is back in Darkul, he turns back into Ekul, but given the nature of all his attacking, he is completely unconscious.}
KYVES: Wow... Homestar actually pulled his weight!
{The clacking code rips across the surface of the neutron star, turning a dangerous green colour. Cut outside the simulation. The Simulator is smoking and a number of sparks can be seen inside as it struggles to calculate the forces at work. A screen flashes "Maintainence Critical: 7689 hours, 17 hours, 42 minutes, 13 seconds overdue". Cut back, the stars begin to shut off completely. The sun begins to turn an ominous red.}
STRONG SADER: The simulation is in critical condition. The forces at work must be too complexe for it to work out. We need to get back to the Earth and escape! {Strong Sader creates a small gap in the code, reaches through and decrypts the teleport} Come on!
EKUL: Strong Sader, get the rest back to Free country and protect it like we did against Settingdude
{Ekul creates a portal to the code area from episode 11. The place is a wreck. There is a small hole}
EKUL: So that's how Jerxie did it... The black hole had a small point into the background code... Then he somehow glitched the system to think that the rubble from Free Country and the haunted house were moderators and the damage is what ruined the memory...
{Cut to Free Country. Ekul and the others warp in at the field.}
STRONG SADER: Well, everything seems peaceful...
EKUL: My calculations dictate... That the LoE has left? Hold on, let me get into my body... Wait, where IS my body?! Simulation, locate Ekul's body!
VOICE: Ekul is not in his chair.
EKUL: What?!
KYVES: Oh man, I can't get into my body either!
STRONG SADER: Wait, I'll get some holograms for you.
{Strong Sader reaches through the code and fiddles some more. In the real world, tow hard light holograms of Ekul and Keyves are generated in their chairs. Cut back.}
STRONG SADER: Now we'll have to get out of here before...
{OOC: Drakul is a part of Ekul again, that's why Darkul is under control}
{In the sky the moon fragments into pieces.}
STRONG SADER: Crap! The gravity is giving way!
{OOC: Sorry, I must have misread earlier.}
{OOC: Oh, it's okay.}
EKUL: Jerxie short-circuited the log-out back to people's body cables... We have to fix it, or we're all doomed! Simulation, locate Chwoka!
SIMULATION: Chwoka is not at his chair, nor can his consciousness be located.
EKUL: Dang. Locate Darlon, Nived or Dark Sader!
SIMULATION: Those users are not logged in.
EKUL: Any of the LoE?
SIMULATION: The log reports that the LoE was ejected from the system so that the system could be under less stress
EKUL: Uh oh... What could they be doing?
{Cut to the real world. The LoE are in some form of secret base.}
DARK SADER: It's a good thing that we set up this base and the dome builder during our brief spell in the real world.
NIVED: Yes... I have captured a few other people as well and put them inside the dome. If all works well, they'll kill each other to survive.
DARK SADER: Did you disable the nuclear power plant of guard it with robots?
NIVED: I decided to guard it with robots. If the robots don't kill them, the explosion will, and it can kill them without harming us.
DARK SADER: Brilliant! Now, the simulation should be just on the verge of collapse. They should be in the middle of some serioius disaster right now.
NIVED: If my calculations are correct, then they won't be able to escape until it's solved. Over 70% of the real people in the simulation have died as well as almost all of the programmed people in the ensuing disaster. Ekul, Kyves, Strong Sader and Noxigar are the only real people still alive. Will is currently being held by Darlon, as you know.
{Cut back to the simulation. It's now night. THe group is now siting on a hill, watching the stars explode and fragments of the Moon burn up in the atmosphere.}
STRONG SADER: This place is going downhill fast. The log out codes are on lockdown until the crisis is either resolved or becomes to severe to allow us to stay.
EKUL: System diagnostic report, identify reason for locking the log out mechanism.
SIMULATION: System records indicate outside influence on hardware.
EKUL: What kind of influence?
SIMULATION: A hammer.
STRONG SADER: Darn you vile hammer! Anywho, the simulation may be falling apart but there's still one way to get out. We'll have to get to the core and manually override the log out... erm, override.
EKUL: Good. Uh, where is it? I haven't been a moderator for long...
STRONG SADER: It's under Strong bad's couch. Why else did I spend so much time there? I had to protect it. Had Jerxie gotten his hands on it the simulation would have been doomed and the real world in serious peril.
EKUL: Well, he's dead forever now. I mean after all the temporary glitches he caused disappeared, and his code is completely eliminated. Wow, he did come awful close to finding it, didn't he? No wonder he came into the basement...
STRONG SADER: He sure did, I sometimes wonder what his final goal was. Anyway, we don't have any time to lose. Strong Bad's is just over the hill.
{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. The door has been smashed in and a number of support beams have fallen through the ceiling. The group enters.}
HOMESTAR: Whoa, this place is a dump now.
{Strong Bad bursts out of a pile of rubble. He has Ramdo style camoflauge markings on his face and is weilding a big knife.}
STRONG BAD: Stay back, zombies! I know you're there!
EKUL: Calm down, Strong Bad. We're moderators, we'll fix everything. I used to be a vampire, but I destr- hey wait, you WANTED to be a zombie!
STRONG BAD: Marzipan ate The Cheat, man! I didn't want to end up like that no matter how awesome it would be!
EKUL: When Drakul was defeated, the curse was undone. Now if you don't let us through Strong Sader and I will die.
{Strong Sader blasts the remains of the couch as well as a number of debris from the basement, exposing a large hatch. Strong Sader places his hand over a pad on the surface which beeps upon recognising his code signature.}
HATCH: WARNING: PREPARING OPENING PROCEEDURES.
{The Hatch decompresses, firing the hatch lid from the foundations of the floor. The Hatch smashes into and causes further damage to the walls behind.}
EKUL: I think I might be able to make our holograms self-sustaining so that if the simulation shuts off we can still find our bodies.
STRONG BAD: Don't destroy my basement anymore! Jeez!
{The smoke clears and a set of stares can be seen under the hatch space.}
STRONG SADER: The core is in a bunker about 500 yards down. There's more security so stay a safe distance behind.
HOMESTAR: Why would I want to go into the scary dark hole first?
IX1X7a Thanks, useful material I added your blog to my bookmarks!...
