A Matter of Respect
From Spfi Wiki
In a cat’s agenda, the most important and vital thing is respect. Just the fact that I am a cat—an immortal cat, no less—I should be entitled to this thing. This necessity, rather.
But I’m not.
I am the cat, the 13th and final zodiac animal that didn’t make the cut because some idiot decided that there should be twelve months for thirteen moons. Way back when, each cycle of the moon meant one month. There was all 13 of us then: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Boar, and me. Apparently not so anymore.
I’ve been all but forgotten now, in Chinese myth or otherwise. Sure, I still have my place in the cosmos with the other animals of the zodiac, but bon-bon eating Lady Fangche, Keeper of the Zodiac that I belong to, keeps kicking me out of her house whenever I sneak in through the animal flap. The nerve of that woman, chasing me out with a broom and shrieking! She is always yelling about how I’m an unlucky number, that I would pick fights with Dog, that I’m an extra mouth to feed that she can’t afford. Hah! One wonders how she can pay for all those candies, then!
She should understand the most the luxury of eating even when you don’t have to (being immortal and all), but when I was gracious enough to inform her of that, she would have none of it. The last insult she threw at me as Dragon snapped at my tail on the way out was that I would probably try to eat Rat in order to gain a place in her house. I have no doubt that I would.
But Rat, despite the ways my claws unsheath everytime I think of that despicable, ugly freeloader cheating her way to the first place in the Zodiac (she caught a ride on Ox’s back, for catnips sake! That has got to be a no in the rulebook somewhere…), Dog is my bitter rival and most hated enemy. Rat I could take out if I got the chance, but Dog is bigger than I am, and far more tricky.
For starters, he’s got all humans deceived. It must be some magic he’s using to make humans think his race is cute. Just look at that large, slobbering mouth and rolling eyes! Not to mention that incessant bark that makes my fur stand on end whenever I sit outside Lady Fangche’s gate, trying to get in. That should not be man’s best friend. I mean, just….just look at it! Whining, begging, always relying on their masters (masters! They allow humans to be their masters!) and not even housetrained. And the appalling way they greet people! I meow at you, dear sir!
And can you believe that the Dog beat me in the race for the Zodiac’s order? Me, the sleek, elegant, dignified, intelligent, graceful, downright aristocratic cat? Beaten by that mangy, slobbering, over-friendly, intrusive, dirty, mousebrained animal thing they call a dog?! Ridiculous! There must be a mistake. And I will uncover it someday.Meanwhile, I am forced to make these points while I meow woefully outside Fangche’s door. AGAIN. Dog has his paws on the windowsill again and is staring out at me. AGAIN! Lashing my tail impatiently, I try to ignore the mangy mutt and meow pitifully again. Anything, any measure to be let in. Yes, this is how it is. Me, the honorable cat, put to shame.
I once heard cats were supposed to be lucky down on Earth, but I’m not sure I could face the other cats down there if I ever tried to visit now. I must be the laughingstock!
Now the sun is setting on another humiliating, fruitless day. I’m still out here, stiff as a statue. The doorflap has been nailed shut, for the moment. I tried ripping a hole in it but the material was too tough and an attempt to unbolt it broke one of my nails. Despicable.
Another hour goes by, and my throat is sore from all that meowing. Great, now it’s raining. I despise the rain over anything else (except maybe Dog) and now I must sit outside in it. Are the gods themselves against me?! I am seething in jealousy as a warm glow fills Fangche’s house, and the smell of warm milk and delicious food wafts over my sensitive nose. This is far from fair. I’m outside, wet and shivering from the cold while everyone inside lives their comfortable lives without me. Even the members of the Greek Zodiac must be better off than this!
Hold on a moment. Evander, the keeper of the Greek Zodiac and neighbor to Fangche; surely he would let me in! With a meow of excitement, I leapt off the frontstep—my first movement in hours. I trotted through the golden metal gate, and was padding my way to Evander’s house in no time. With the dimish light coming through the dark clouds, I found my way on the cloudy and misty road and soon was at his doorstep. It was still raining, making me look like a lost little kitten. Perfect. Putting on my best doleful eyes I meowed miserably.
I wasn’t kept waiting for long. The door opened and there Evander was, sporting that ridiculous toga, as usual. But I forgave him for his fashion faux pas because he immediately pitied my disheveled appearance and matted down fur—like anyone should--as I meowed again, pathetically.“You poor thing, left out in the rain again, were you?” the blonde-haired youth said sympathetically, picking me up and cradling me in his arms. Now this was more like it; service! I purred my appreciation.
“I’ll get you fixed up right away,” he announced, shut the door, and took me in.
He placed me down in a big, circular room, then left down a corridor which I could only assume was to a kitchen. While waiting, I looked around. Everything was spacious, and most of the furnishings were a pasty white, which made me think of milk, and the walls were murals of ancient paintings. Not bad, but the curtains had to go. After shredding a few of those, I settled myself down on a plush cushion and curled myself up, yawning widely.
A few minutes later, Evander returned. I knew it was him because he groaned in annoyance at the furniture I had wrecked. Still, he placed a saucer of hot milk in front of me. “Enjoy,” he said affectionately, scratching me behind the ears before he headed off into another part of the house again. I wondered where he was going for a moment, then my detached air kicked in and said ‘Eh, no matter’. I savored the creamy liquid I had been given, licking my whiskers all the while.
As I drank I noticed that there were four doors that had markings on them (cats like to be aware and all). They looked like…the seasons, and each one had three symbols carved on them. It must be where the animals of the Greek Zodiac live, I decided, but didn’t really care to go looking for them at the moment. Even with the enticing picture of fish carved above the last door, the milk I had just dined on made me delightfully sleepy, and it was getting late, so I curled up and fell asleep instantly…
Waking up, I was greeted with a sight that I only dreamed about: A fish bowl with two fish swimming in it, just within my reach.
It hadn’t been there before, I was sure of it, but now, there they were, hanging out on one of the white shelves. I stretched languidly then looked cautiously around. No sign of Evander. I slunked over and leapt onto the shelf, my face just hovering above the fish in their watery little prison.
There they were. Just swimming, totally clueless and unprotected. Back and forth, opposite directions, taunting me. Those must have been the fish that I had seen carved above the door before. My luminous eyes blinked as I made the connection. I had a vague feeling that I might get in trouble for ‘playing’ with an animal of the zodiac, but really, those fish were asking for it.
A growl from my stomach and all inhibitions, warnings, and thoughts of catnip being used in a tranquilizer gun fled my mind.
Five minutes later and belching loudly, I was on my way out of Evander’s house and back to Lady Fangche’s sunwarmed doorstep to take a well-deserved nap. Sure, I coughed up a few fishbones on the way, but it was more than worth it. Those fish were delicious.
Soon, I was dreaming happily that I had gained a place in the Zodiac. But this time I wasn’t part of ungrateful Fangche’s Zodiac, no, but in Evander’s. I was standing among the others, stomach full and perfectly content. Everyone else was yelling and shrieking out my victory…
One particularly loud shriek awoke me with a start. Meowing and hissing out curses, I streaked off the step, across the garden and into the flower bushes in two seconds flat.
“What?!” That high-pitched shriek I had heard came again from the house, and it was definitely Lady Fangche’s. “My LeiLei?!”I didn’t know what was worse, her calling me by my nickname or how her euphemistic words clearly spelled out ‘CAT, I AM GOING TO HANG YOUR SKIN OUT TO DRY.’ The next words confirmed my fears.
“Evander, you’re telling me that LeiLei ate Pisces!?”
On cue, a piece of fish bone got stuck in my throat and I coughed it up. I prodded the offending item with my paw thoughtfully. Really, what was so bad about what I had done? Those fish had been so delicious, and I really was just claiming my rightful territory, so I would be left alone, right? They didn’t have any proof, right? But soon enough, the front door slammed and I heard my name being called with a sweetness I just knew was fake. A few moments later, I could see Fangche’s trailing robes and slippered feet heading towards my hiding place.
My ears flattened and I crouched flatter under the foliage. Mouse traps, I was about to be caught.
