Enthusiastic metaphysical juices

From Rhaworth

Enthusiastic metaphysical juices, or EMJs are body fluids that are believed by some Quakers to flow through the human soul. EMJs usually make up other metaphysical proporties of the human body, including the mind. If they start to clot, or become diseased, it can result in paranoia, orthonoia, depression, and insanity.

The first recorded case of a disease of the EMJs was in 2007, on someone who claimed that Enthusiastic Metaphysical Juices were leaking out of their soul. They were thought to have Metaphysical Autoimpulsory Dibilitation Syndrome, or MAIDS. Their soul was having trouble keeping the EMJs in, and it was resulting in depression. There is no known cure for MAIDS yet.

Some Quakers are trying to figure out a way to donate EMJs to those who have or may have had MAIDS at one point in their life.* So far, there has been no progress whatsoever, but they are sure to find a way to do it sometime or another.

* Newsletter of Bloomington MM, Indiana, page 5, col 2, (view as HTML)