Vogue
From Popwiki
Contents |
Biography
Madonna came to earth a Day after Jesus but her destiny was to destroy the lives of Women till the end of time! Many people supspect that she is a gay man in drag because nobody has ever seen her and David Furnish in the same room together and everyone who says they have seen the couple in the same room together have most likely been bribed by the mentioned drag queen, that or was threatened to be fed to her/his/its spawn. She founded many valuable and currently relevant soceital features, like prostitution, adultery, premarital sex, lying about virginity, and bestiality. Which means she pretty much founded every single known STD in physical existence.
Nothing more is known about her life until the current age of music.
Here she effectively flourished in her art, which consisted of songs advising, women, shemen, and teenagers to dress like herself (see "like a whore") without consideration of one's level of atrractiveness, weight, and gender. Her art also encourages everyone to sleep with as many creatures and inanimate things as they can, while teaching them how to pretend to like bad sex, as well as how to fake orgasms. She most effectively shared her teachings upon authoring a book, which won twenty Pulitzer Prizes and seventy Hugo Awards, featuring herself and Z-list celebrities in all 8,642 sexual positions, performing all 16, 704 accepatable fetish-driven fornications, as well as mass orgies, and single orgies, no one truly knows how she pulled those off.
She is, currently, married to bank robber/film director Guy Ritchie.
Film Star
Due to appear in the new Bond film Today Gay Sex, Tomorrow a Gay Orgy starring Dave Benson-Phillips as 007. People don't know as to who she's going to play but is expected to play Bond villains David Tennant's wife as the evil child snatcher of Africa.
Anti-Woman Efforts
She has always been there, even before she took human form! Her work has been recorded in the ages when she first started looking like she does today. Destroying the lives of young teenage Girls and even older women with her pathetic Music. Also she plans to do an open event for her 103rd birthday to have a screen viewing of her on the loo, there is a camera inside the giant toilet that allows you to see everything that comes out of her!
Miscellaneous
Despite mounting criticism of the aging singer, guru, and ex-crucifee, she is largely responsible for female bisexuality becoming the new iPod, and for that, we shall ever be grateful.
Madonna flosses her front teeth with a two by four and uses Mount Everest as a sex toy.
Rides Christina Aguilera every day, broke her in on live television - fell off on one occasion breaking her pride and later on took it out on Christina breaking her Collar Bone, hand, cracking 3 ribs - the excuse given later when Christina failed to do a concert was that she was just a little hoarse. it is thought that with our global warming Mondonna may have to go into hiding along with other people who have had plastic surgery so they do not melt and turn into plastic bottles other people may include Michael Jackson and Jordon.
Madonna likes to ride horses and said to be the first to be impregnated by one and still feel like a virgin afterwards.
Besides God, Madonna has slept with other famous or non-famous people. Surprise surprise. A non-famous mortal, Chip Z'Nuff of a non-famous band called Enuff Z'Nuff, urinated inside her. Howard Stern said so.
Sat on the right hand of God and maybe something else of his too as she is the mother of Jesus.
She raped Jesus in his sleep and made him suck her cunt dry.
Hand Of God
In the 1976.4 world cup of Pidgeon slinging, Madonna's East Quazar team briefly defeated Englandland before Saint Bobby Presley used a death ray to finally beat off the battle of the Mexican Eating Kitten huffing Ronald McRaegan hitting, sacreligios whores. David Hasselhoff claimed this to be the defining moment of his career. As he scored the winning shuffle in the 52nd twinkie. Madonna later went into hiding and reemerged as Moses.
Miracles
As well as being exceedingly famous for being exceedingly famous a number of miracles have also been associated with Madonna. A most notable example of this was her miraculous transformation of Jesus into a black man and Michael Jackson into a white woman. Madonna is also believed to have resurrected the dead body of Marilyn Monroe in order to shave off her hair and pass it off as her own. She is also the first female pope and is worshipped at most gay disco's due to her ability to cure AIDS. She is referred to throughout the Book of Revelation chapter 17.
First Death
She was tragically killed in 1847 by a drunken Russian man named Albert (A.K.A. Pills). She performed at her funeral to a crowd of 7.
Second Death
Apparently, once wasn't enough. Madonna was killed again in 2306, around the time that George W. Bush had publicly announced his gay affair with Ronald McDonald. She died from a lethal mix of coffee grounds, cat hair, semen and Windex. Her body was found on the couch of her living room with Good Burger playing on her TV.
Facts
- (n) The less often selected of two options.
- (n) An item in nature that, once viewed with the human eye, causes immediate explosive regurgitation. It is recommended that one not look directly at anything answering to the title 'Madonna'.
- (n) A larval stage of development.
- (n) Spiritual Girl. The favorite song of Spiritual Girl is "Call Me Earth-Mother, Esther."
- (n) A rare and odd condition which can, unfortunately for the rest of us, make a person speak with a British accent when everyone in the world knows they're from Bay City, MI.
- (v) To imitate, to appropriate, or blatantly to rip off, especially nascent cultural and artistic trends, just before they move into the mainstream.
- (n) The mother of Madonna.
- (n) A country near the Arctic Circle
- (v) To castrate using mind power alone.
- (n) My Sex Toy
- (n) A world famous blogger who is infuriated that an obscure singer named Esther has stolen her name and image.
- (n) A skank (Not to be confused with Paris Hilton's Skanke ™ Perfume).
- (n) A woman that confuses herself as a British person.
- (v) Having to do with changing your accent to coordinate with the way you look.
- Referred to in the Gospel of Britney Spears.
- It's very hard to see the screen or reach the keyboard when she keeps straddling you, apparently due to a condition that became common in the 1980's she finds it impossible to stop for long.
- She likes a little prayer.
- She claims that her toilet seats aren't for sale on ebay because she wraps them as holiday gifts.
- Now relaunching herself to market Zimmer frames for her peers.
- Actually predates time.
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Songs
- Like a Surgeon
- Where's The Body
- I Fell In Love With Some Bagel
- Justify my Thug
- Neurotica
- I Want You to Buy This Monkey
- Drug World/Substitute for Crack
- Britney Lesbo Chick
- MALAWYAN make me famous again
- My Cunt Juice Is Sweet
See Also
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