GUIdows

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-	[[Image:BSSOD.png|right|thumb|375px|Typical Windows XP desktop showing default Truth Theme]]	+	{{Whoops|Microsoft Windows}}
		+	[[Image:Guidows.gif|thumb|right|488px|Actual screenshot of '''GUIdows'''.]]
		+	{{Q|Why didn't I ever think of that?|Some random guy|GUIdows}}
		+	GUIdows is an operating system made by [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science Inc.]] That was released on [[May]] [[17]], [[2000]] and is a [[gay|popular companion]] to the GLaDOS operating system. It is considered one of the [[Unix|first ever operating systems]] to bend the line between [[Illegal aliens from outer space!|system communication and annoying]] as it has tight [[integration]] with the genetic life portion of GLaDOS and is the [[Total Fucking Asshole Server 2006|first operating system that you can actually interact with]]. <small>(cause it's actually alive,)</small>
-	[[Image:Windows XP.jpg|thumb|right|Microsoft increased their antipiracy efforts by making their disc labels harder to replicate, as seen in this Genuine Windows XP Home Edition disc.]]	+	==Development==
-	'''Windows XP\''', aka Codename [[Lemon]], aka '''[[Teabagging]] Software''' aka NT 5.1.2600 is a <s>stable</s> (yet to come stable release) operating system, it was [[Microsoft]]'s best system to date. But it sucks anyway. It had ''no'' graphical [[user]] interface, compared to the bloatware known as [[MS-DOS]]. It manages to take up a whole 40 GB on one's hard disk and its file system can interact fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and [[Linux]]. It has mouse support, although penguins are as yet not supported or even liked. The "XP" in ''Windows XP'' stands for ''"e'''X'''tra '''P'''enis"'' (or '''Vagina-Penis System'''), though it has been suspected to be an ideogram for a face with a tongue sticking out.	+
-	Production of XP began in 1945, and was completed in 1995. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and, overall, a huge load of steaming shit in a blue (or green) box.	+	Started in 97' when Aperture was [[lazy|desperate]] for an [[Your mom|easier way]] of controlling GLaDOS. So our scientists thought up of a [[GUI]] solution. The solution was based on a [[Windows 95|32-bit method]], Using a [[Intel|protected-mode processor]]. We could make the [[GUI]] solution [[lies|easier]], [[Plagiarism|faster]] and more [[fraud|secure]]. This essentially reduced the [[DOS|text portion]] of GLaDOS to being a [[weak|Bootloader]].
-	They even fill up the system with this funny error messages.	+
-	This radical change in [[software]] design came about when it was felt [[Microsoft]] needed a change of leadership, so they sacked Steve Ballmer and [[Bill Gates]], then hired Hull University's Phil Costin as chairman and Jonty the Electric Hamster as CEO. MS also abandoned their Web browser integration policy in favor of placing the less-than-cost-effective [[Mozilla Firefox]] and Opera combination in its place. This was criticized at first, but now users have become used to being less well-off financially.	+	But the Aperture Team didn't think this was the spark they were looking for so they worked with the ''"original"'' GLaDOS team to [[integrate]] it with GLaDOS. Using a [[magic|complex computer algorithm]], GLaDOS could [[invasion|appear on any computer and speak to the user]]. The team praised it as [[stupid|genius]].
-	With the lack of GUI in Microsoft's main product, this meant a lot of their existing software went under a radical redesign. For instance, Microsoft Office 2003, with the exception in the rise in office workers cursing [[Undictionary:Cunty Bollock Chops|cunty bollock chops]] in regards to its performance, contains absolutely no features that [[some people]] would see as pointless and it only require up a few gigabytes of RAM to operate.	+	As noted, We got [[DOS|integration]] down but we just couldn't get the [[GUI]] in our heads. [[Marijuana|So we thought and we thought]] and then we [[Idea|came up with something]]. One of our scientists came up to the blackboard and [[Windows 95|drew a rectangle with one box on the left and one on the right then he drew some boxes]]. As we pondered, We said. ''"Hey, This could be our [[ripoff|new GUI]]."'' so we worked [[Lazy|8 months]] to design it.
-	[[Windows]] XP also contains a partial implementation of the ''UNIX'' OS, making it more stable and easier to handle for the average home user. Although Microsoft states that this is the "WSFU" feature, further investigation shows that that feature is actually called "Windows Shut the F*** Up" and serves to decrease stability of instant messaging programs, including Microsoft's own Windows Messenger. It has known affiliations with [[Darth Vader]]{{cn}}. (WARNING: comment may be very true)	+	As with some of our [[lies|design goals]], We aimed to having longer filenames. How this worked is that we had the filenames in a separate buffer and it would use a system call to call up the different name.
-	It is the only version of Windows known not to include the feature that has been a hallmark of Windows since 3.0, the blue screen appearing every 5 minutes, better known as Microsoft 5-minute BlueScreen Technology.	+	Also the most important goal was GLaDOS [[compatibility]]. We accomplished this by having a Window act as GLaDOS and [[Emulation|emulate]] it's features, This gave it the feeling of GLaDOS. Then we had it run a GLaDOS program and with [[failure|success]] it called out to the subsystem and launched the program. We had a [[Orgasm|stroke]] of brilliant [[Idiocracy|luck and genius]] right there. The first convergence between a [[Windows 95|16-bit operating and a 32-bit operating system]]. [[Microsoft|Who couldn't of done that first]].
-	==Tutorial to Windows XP==
-	[[Image:XP Desktop.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Typical Windows XP desktop with the default "Azul" background.]]
-	Hi! Today I will teach you how to make [[Your mom|your mamma]]'s home-baked [[Apple]] pie, but also how to install your Windows XP [[software]]. First, insert a floppy disk in the floppy disk drive '''(you should never attempt to insert a floppy disk in a 56X CD-ROM drive, as floppy disk shrapnel hurts)'''. Then, press on the I/O button on your [[computer]]. At this step, you should start to smell burning [[flesh]]; yours. The screen will turn [[black]], and [[nonsense]] character strings will appear from [[nowhere]]. You will be asked if you want to use the CD-ROM drive. As your installation program is on a [[CD]] instead of 1453 floppy disks, press '''Y''' on your [[keyboard]]. You will immediately notice your [[keyboard]] is inverted (or else it would be too easy) as '''N''' will appear instead of '''Y'''. As they will ask you to insert the 1st of the 1453 floppy disks, press again on the I/O button on your computer. Start again, but press on '''N''' instead of '''Y'''. Insert the Windows XP [[CD]] in the CD-ROM drive. Next, type in '''A:\\>d:''' (another useless [[nonsense]] character string that really works: try it on your [[computer]]) and then, press Enter on your [[keyboard]]. Then, type in '''D:\\>setup.exe''' on your [[keyboard]]. The installation program will start. After several days (even with a fast [[CPU]]), the installation will finish. Your desktop should appear. Press on the Start icon of your desktop, then press on Run. A window will open. Type in '''cmd''' and press on Enter. A black MS-DOS windows will open. Type in '''format c:''' and press on Enter on your [[keyboard]]. Answer '''Y''' to the question they ask you (as your [[keyboard]] should not longer be inverted). Your Windows XP [[software]] is being uninstalled from your [[computer]]. ''Thank God, we're almost finished.'' As you see what you just done, you should start to scream, to cry or to freak out. Finally, become completely and utterly irritated with your OS, slam out some beta code and install that instead. Next week, learn how to install [[Microsoft Office]] correctly and how to make your grandma's [[Tracking Cookie]].
-	==Sucking Pack 3==	+	We released the final version in [[2000]] and everyone was now using it on Aperture computers, [[Windows 98|The first GUI-based operating system]] had finally been [[stolen|completed]] and the [[Microsoft|home computer has been revolutionized forever]].
-	[[Image:Windows_XP_SP3.png|thumb|left|200px|A Windows XP with [[crap|Sucking Pack]] 3 installed. How boring is it.]]	+
-	[[crap|Sucking Packs]](SP) are distributed by the [[Microsoft]]. SP provide security holes-opening fixes and thus your computer will be safe.	+
-	Microsoft promised that, the following things will be added in SP3 for the Windows XP:	+	==Essential Features==
-	*[[CIA|Information Security Center]] 2.0, with the new [[Windows Defender]] 2.0 and comments, also [[Typo]] 1.0...	+	[[Image:Windows_Flag.jpg|thumb|130px|right|The GUIdows flag. Very unique, original and inspiring.]]
-	*"Aaero" will be installed, which is a color scheme similar to [[Windows Vista]].	+	As noted before. GUIdows has a number of [[obsolete|features and innovations]] that put it above the edge of other [[OS|operating systems]]. Built around a core of 4 essential parts of the OS, The OS can do a wide variety of things such as browse the internet, read your email and play music. And thanks to our innovative design team that built GLaDOS, We can [[lie|guarantee]] that these features will beat any [[Windows Vista|modern operating system]], Including '''[[Macintosh|Mac OS 8]]'''.
-	*Internet Explorer will be updated to a [[Mozilla Firefox]]-like [[Internet Explorer]] 7, which supports [[InActiveY]] applets.	+
-	*Icons, images are more detailed. At least anti-alias in the [[Bliss]] wallpaper.	+
-	*Updated the dates in the About screen.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.cuteftp.com/cuteftppro/history.aspx|title=CuteFTP 8.0.6 changelog}}</ref>	+
-	*Security holes opened.	+
-	SP3 is in Beta test period and still being developed secretly. Too bad that the full-of-typo SP3 has been leaked out and many people have installed them. Microsoft still name their Sucking Pack as [[Service Pack]] which is also a typo.	+	===Accessibility===
		+	[[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science]] takes great prides in providing the most [[Game:Zork|accessable]] software people can actually pick up the mouse and use. And with GUIdows, we made sure that GUIdows was easy to use. For example, the GUI is unlike anything we have [[Windows 98|ever seen before]], Taking the cues from [[OS]]'s like [[Linux]]. Aperture's GUIdows [[GUI]] has a [[desktop]], [[icons]], [[taskbar]] and a [[start]] button. Something [[Windows 95|never before seen in computers before]]. Also included is the power to [[Windows|change various options from a Control Panel]]. [[Windows|Adjust or mute sound sources from a volume panel]] and [[Windows 98|automaticly keep your system up to date with Dr. Sherlock and includes an intelligent Disk Defragger]] that's controlled by GLaDOS herself. Since she's all intelligent. All this [[ripoff|innovation]] from [[wikipedia:|Aperture]] that's sure to make your system feel like a [[obsolete|machine from the future]]. another feature we've included is defined to bring the comfort of some form of intelligence to help the user, as [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science Inc.]] has a kink for [[ripoff|innovation]]. We designed the system to be [[Windows|tightly integrated]] with GLaDOS, This means that most [[compatibility|applications]] will work and you can even boot into GLaDOS. However, The true innovation here is that the [[The Terminator|genetic life]] portion of GLaDOS will be able to [[iPod IV|talk to you]] and [[Takeover|take over your computer]], Using [[magic|complicated methods like screen capturing, hardware emulation and an audio component]]. You'll see your [[iPod IV|desktop come to life]] as files move around, windows open themselves and hear GLaDOS give you helpful advice. With these 2 featues, GUIdows is the most accessable OS ever.
-	Different from SP2, SP3 provides a more easy way to get annoyed by the system, using the [[killing|User Account Control]].	+	===Multimedia===
		+	Multimedia is a growing process and with GUIdows, we wanted to make sure we captured all the audio, video, gaming, multimedia goodness you can handle, using a a new technology called [[DirectX|InstantZ™]] technology, We'll be able to see better graphics and hear better audio. Instant3D™ allows for the first time to have better [[Photoshop|image quality]] then [[OpenGL]] thanks to [[Voodoo|hardware buffering]], To prove that, We put the best card in for it's time, The [[Voodoo|ATI Rage 3D LT]] and it worked like butter. It also allows for more [[Easy|complex research]] to happen since researchers can now simulate stuff in [[Universe|3D space]]. It could also be used for [[wikipedia:Half-Life|games]] but expect GLaDOS to tell you how much [[you suck]] and by using InstantSound™, We can deliver to you the crispiest sound that no operating system could top, by using dedicated audio streams. This can improve perform ace as the sound is being rendered by the sound processor instead of the CPU therefore taking less stress off of the CPU. What's also unique in InstantSound™ is the ability to use a microphone to communicate with GLaDOS. How it works is that GUIdows takes the sound from your microphone and sends an alternate stream to the genetic life portion of GLaDOS so it can respond back with helpful advice. With [[DirectX|InstantZ™]], Your life will never be the same again, also included is the program to play the future of multimedia-era files, sometimes scientists want to [[lazy|kick back and relax]]. And for those people we have the included [[Windows Media Player|Media Player]], It can play ''video/audio'' and also has support for the [[Primitive|Next-Generation]] [[MIDI]] format. And since it's integrated into GUIdows. GLaDOS can also [[American Idol|judge]] your [[MP3|songs]] and [[MPAA|videos]]. Nagging you about how much she hates/loves them and sometimes she just closes the program just cause [[Kevin Federline|she doesn't like what she sees]], it is seriously the future of multimedia as we know it. As you might get board with the Aperture Media Player, we have included a bunch of games designed to keep you busy, We have packed some of the most popular and top of the line games that everyone is playing currently. From [[Freecell]] to [[Solitaire]] to [[Hearts]] to [[Minesweeper]]. You'll be entertained for days on end. And that's not the best part, we've integrated GLaDOS into the games. So with GLaDOS on your side. She can comment on your [[You suck|playing style]] and give you [[N00b|helpful advice]] on how to play better. And that's the multimedia side in a stretch.
-	==Future versions==	+	===Productivity===
-	[[Image:Error Message3.png|thumb|right|400px|Just when you thought Windows XP couldn't get any worse...]]	+	[[Image:ApertureInternetBrowser.png|thumb|275px|right|The [[Internet Explorer|Aperture Internet Browser™]] is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to the internet.]]
-	[[Image:The_best_pc.png|right|thumb|200px|And cue the fireworks...]]	+	Everyone knows that with computers come [[laziness|productivity]] and [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science]] is here with the [[laziness|productivity]] included in every copy of GUIdows, [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science Inc.]]'s [[Big Bang|breakthrough innovation]] in [[laziness|productivity]] comes from the [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science]] [[Microsoft Office|Productivty Suite™]], It contains the essentials like [[Microsoft Office#Whored|Writer]], [[Microsoft Office#Powerpork|Presentation]], [[Microsoft Office#XL|Grids]], [[Microsoft Office#AxeIt|Database]], and [[Microsoft Office#Outhouse|Mailbox]] <small>(replaces [[Outlook Express|Aperture Electronic Mail Viewer]])</small>. And with those 5 [[caveman|productivity-inspiring]] programs comes another innovation of valued importance, The Aperture [[Microsoft Word Paperclip|Productivity-Enhancer Buddy]]... Controlled by GLaDOS herself. Once you begin productive work, the [[Microsoft Word Paperclip|Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™]] will [[annoying|pop up randomly]] and tell you that [[Marijuana|you need help]] and [[Nobody cares|what you are doing wrong]], It will also [[Takeover|correct, enhance or finish]] your work with the quality that the [[Microsoft Word Paperclip|Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™]] can give you. [[Ripoff|Truly an inspiration]], also included is the [[Internet Explorer|Aperture Internet Browser™]] which is the best internet browser known to man. Since the [[internet]] is the [[old|next best thing]] since the [[PC]] was invented, we've built it out of the [[Mozilla Firefox|Mozilla]] core, It includes basic support for [[HTML]]. It is very useful for [[Pr0n|conducting research]] or proving a point with GLaDOS which it will probally won't, all of these features will provide a clean and elegent space for [[laziness|productivity]] which you will need.
-	[[Image:Windows XPista Alpha 1.PNG|right|thumb|250px|Yet, this is a XPista preview, so how cute they ARE!!!]]	+
-	*Windows HP	+
-	This will be a variant named in memory of the leaked HP sauce incident. The price of this version will be higher than any other piece of software ever sold, but this version will be available under a hire-purchase agreement. {{cn}}	+	===Security===
		+	[[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science]] [[Nobody cares|cares about the well-being]] of GLaDOS and has taken extra measures to do that. In GUIdows, We have included a [[virus]] scanner that can detect a [[none|wide range of viruses]]. Cause when a [[virus]] [[sex|infects your computer]], You'll just know that [[manipulation|it'll spread to every computer]] and that included GLaDOS, If GLaDOS were infected then [[Apocalypse|god just knows what'll he do]]. The virus scanner is designed to [[Format|delete any supposed infected file it finds]], Even if it's not infected. GLaDOS will then mock you for almost destroying your computer. It also included [[overload|buffer protection]] and [[electrical surge|low-lever CPU protection]] to help protect your system from a [[BSOD|Catastrophic System Failure]]. It's the most secure OS we could ever make logicily.
-	*Windows MANA	+	==Comparison to Other Systems==
-	*Windows DEX	+	Your probably asking us "Is GUIdows [[No|better than any other OS out there?]]", We took an [[fraud|expert]] and found out by [[Corporation|ourselves]] by [[Ugly|Comparison]].
-	*Windows AIDS	+
-	*Windows HIV	+
-	*Windows XD	+
-	*Windows X(	+
-	*Windows XPista	+
-	*Windows 8)	+
-	*Windows ROFL	+
-	*Windows STFU	+
-	*Windows LOL	+
-	*Windows FU	+
-	*Windows Bonghorn	+
-	*Windows All UR BASE R BELONG 2 US	+
-	*Windows (A LINUX EXTENSION - OPTIONAL ADD ON)	+
-	*Windows SHUT	+
-	*SMASHED Windows	+
-	*Windows CRASH	+
-	*WIN WTF	+
-	*Windows virus	+
-	==See Also==	+	{| {{purtytable}}
-	*[[Fisher Price]]	+	! || Aperture Science GUIdows || [[Windows 2000|Microsoft Windows 2000]] || [[Mac OS X|Apple Mac OS X]]
-	*[[Microsoft]]	+	|-
-	*[[Windows]]	+	| Security || GUIdows has top-of-the-line security and includes an intelligent [[virus]] scanner complete with [[lies|buffer protection]]. || Windows 2000 features a redesigned kernel that's designed to be more [[vulnerable|secure]] and [[easier|harder]] to hack || Mac OS X is based off of [[Unix]] and therefore has better [[security]] then the latter two.
-	*[[Apple Computer]]	+	|-
-	*[[Windows PX]]	+	| Accessibility || GUIdows is the easiest OS to use, All there is is the [[Ripoff|Taskbar, Start Button, Desktop]] and your helpful GLaDOS guide to help you. || Windows 2000 is easier to use because it's more [[messy|organized]] and [[slow|optimized]]. || Mac OS X has always been [[simple|easy to use]], Just ask anyone [[N00b|who's never used a computer before]].
-	*[[RAM]]	+	|-
-	*[[Porno]]	+	| Entertainment || GUIdows comes complete with [[Windows Media Player|Aperture Media Player™]], [[DirectX|InstantZ™]], [[Internet Explorer|Aperture Internet Browser™]] and a couple of [[games]]. Prepare to have [[Time Cubicle|days and days of fun]] || Windows 2000 comes with only three games. But comes pack with [[Windows Media Player]], [[Internet Explorer]] 5 and lots of Preloaded Music, There's also [[Plagerism|improved performance]] with [[DirectX]] 7 preloaded so prepare yourself to have a fast [[Xbox|gaming experience]]. || Mac OS X comes with [[Video|QuickTime]], The best media player on the [[earth|planet]], [[iTunes]] so you can buy songs, [[Mozilla Firefox|Safari]] so you can easily browse the [[internet]] and have fun at the same time and a [[Chess]] game to test out your [[logic]].
-	*[[12 Fundamental Cheeses|Cheese Manufacturing]]	+	|-
-	*X out your privacy	+	| Productivity || GUIdows comes complete with the [[Microsoft Office|Aperture Productivity Suite™]]. The [[lazy|most productive product]] of all, It also includes the [[Microsoft Word Paperclip|Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™]] so that you can [[annoying|get the most]] done out of your work. || Windows 2000 has [[Microsoft Office|Office 2000]], A bunch of apps that are necessary and comes with [[Microsoft Word Paperclip|Clippy]] that can give you help through a though-bubble and in no way interferes with the work. || Mac OS X has [[iTrip|iMovie, iPhoto, GarageBand, iDVD, iWeb]]. The works cause it's iLife.
-	*[[Windows XP Pirate Edition]]	+	|-
-	*[[BSoD|Blue Screen of Death]]	+	| Compatibility || GUIdows is fully integrated with GLaDOS so programs are easily [[compatible]] with GUIdows. || Windows 2000 contains a built in [[DOS]] Emulator that doesn't emulate programs all that well || Mac OS X contains a full version of Mac OS 9 it uses to run [[Mediocre Britain|classic]] programs.
		+	|}
		+
		+	Now that you can see that GUIdows is the [[avoid|obvious choice]] for any computer, As you can see by the [[fraud|accurately depicted chart]], GUIdows has been [[lies|proven to be superior in every way]], So go [[eBay|pick up a copy directly]] from [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science Inc.]] Thank you for reading about GUIdows from [[wikipedia:Aperture Science|Aperture Science Inc.]] [[Special:Random|Goodbye...]]
-	{{windows}}
	[[Category:Operating Systems]]		[[Category:Operating Systems]]
-		+	[[Category:Computers]]
-	*[[Windows crash]]	+	[[Category:Communication]]
-		+	[[Category:Internet]]
-	==How to Secure Windows XP==	+	[[Category:Corporations]]
-	Switch to [[Linux]].	+
-		+
-	==References==	+
-		+
-	<references />	+
-	{{Reflist}}	+
-		+
-	==External Links==	+
-	[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/182629 Windows HIV]<br>	+
-	[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/186896 Windows AIDS]<br>	+
-	<s>[http://www.microsoft.com/windows Windows]</s> ''Who... Who was joking? This doesn't exist.''	+
-		+
-	[[es:Windows xD]]	+
-	[[fi:Windows XP]]	+
-	[[ja:Windows ΧΡ]]	+
-	[[ru:Windows XP]]	+
-	[[zh:晕到死�?��?]]	+
-	[[zh-tw:暈到死�?��?]]	+

---

Revision as of 08:43, 27 December 2007

"Why didn't I ever think of that?"

~ Some random guy

GUIdows is an operating system made by Aperture Science Inc. That was released on May 17, 2000 and is a popular companion to the GLaDOS operating system. It is considered one of the first ever operating systems to bend the line between system communication and annoying as it has tight integration with the genetic life portion of GLaDOS and is the first operating system that you can actually interact with. (cause it's actually alive,)

Contents 1 Development 2 Essential Features 2.1 Accessibility 2.2 Multimedia 2.3 Productivity 2.4 Security 3 Comparison to Other Systems

Development

Started in 97' when Aperture was desperate for an easier way of controlling GLaDOS. So our scientists thought up of a GUI solution. The solution was based on a 32-bit method, Using a protected-mode processor. We could make the GUI solution easier, faster and more secure. This essentially reduced the text portion of GLaDOS to being a Bootloader.

But the Aperture Team didn't think this was the spark they were looking for so they worked with the "original" GLaDOS team to integrate it with GLaDOS. Using a complex computer algorithm, GLaDOS could appear on any computer and speak to the user. The team praised it as genius.

As noted, We got integration down but we just couldn't get the GUI in our heads. So we thought and we thought and then we came up with something. One of our scientists came up to the blackboard and drew a rectangle with one box on the left and one on the right then he drew some boxes. As we pondered, We said. "Hey, This could be our new GUI." so we worked 8 months to design it.

As with some of our design goals, We aimed to having longer filenames. How this worked is that we had the filenames in a separate buffer and it would use a system call to call up the different name.

Also the most important goal was GLaDOS compatibility. We accomplished this by having a Window act as GLaDOS and emulate it's features, This gave it the feeling of GLaDOS. Then we had it run a GLaDOS program and with success it called out to the subsystem and launched the program. We had a stroke of brilliant luck and genius right there. The first convergence between a 16-bit operating and a 32-bit operating system. Who couldn't of done that first.

We released the final version in 2000 and everyone was now using it on Aperture computers, The first GUI-based operating system had finally been completed and the home computer has been revolutionized forever.

Essential Features

As noted before. GUIdows has a number of features and innovations that put it above the edge of other operating systems. Built around a core of 4 essential parts of the OS, The OS can do a wide variety of things such as browse the internet, read your email and play music. And thanks to our innovative design team that built GLaDOS, We can guarantee that these features will beat any modern operating system, Including Mac OS 8.

Accessibility

Aperture Science takes great prides in providing the most accessable software people can actually pick up the mouse and use. And with GUIdows, we made sure that GUIdows was easy to use. For example, the GUI is unlike anything we have ever seen before, Taking the cues from OS's like Linux. Aperture's GUIdows GUI has a desktop, icons, taskbar and a start button. Something never before seen in computers before. Also included is the power to change various options from a Control Panel. Adjust or mute sound sources from a volume panel and automaticly keep your system up to date with Dr. Sherlock and includes an intelligent Disk Defragger that's controlled by GLaDOS herself. Since she's all intelligent. All this innovation from Aperture that's sure to make your system feel like a machine from the future. another feature we've included is defined to bring the comfort of some form of intelligence to help the user, as Aperture Science Inc. has a kink for innovation. We designed the system to be tightly integrated with GLaDOS, This means that most applications will work and you can even boot into GLaDOS. However, The true innovation here is that the genetic life portion of GLaDOS will be able to talk to you and take over your computer, Using complicated methods like screen capturing, hardware emulation and an audio component. You'll see your desktop come to life as files move around, windows open themselves and hear GLaDOS give you helpful advice. With these 2 featues, GUIdows is the most accessable OS ever.

Multimedia

Multimedia is a growing process and with GUIdows, we wanted to make sure we captured all the audio, video, gaming, multimedia goodness you can handle, using a a new technology called InstantZ™ technology, We'll be able to see better graphics and hear better audio. Instant3D™ allows for the first time to have better image quality then OpenGL thanks to hardware buffering, To prove that, We put the best card in for it's time, The ATI Rage 3D LT and it worked like butter. It also allows for more complex research to happen since researchers can now simulate stuff in 3D space. It could also be used for games but expect GLaDOS to tell you how much you suck and by using InstantSound™, We can deliver to you the crispiest sound that no operating system could top, by using dedicated audio streams. This can improve perform ace as the sound is being rendered by the sound processor instead of the CPU therefore taking less stress off of the CPU. What's also unique in InstantSound™ is the ability to use a microphone to communicate with GLaDOS. How it works is that GUIdows takes the sound from your microphone and sends an alternate stream to the genetic life portion of GLaDOS so it can respond back with helpful advice. With InstantZ™, Your life will never be the same again, also included is the program to play the future of multimedia-era files, sometimes scientists want to kick back and relax. And for those people we have the included Media Player, It can play video/audio and also has support for the Next-Generation MIDI format. And since it's integrated into GUIdows. GLaDOS can also judge your songs and videos. Nagging you about how much she hates/loves them and sometimes she just closes the program just cause she doesn't like what she sees, it is seriously the future of multimedia as we know it. As you might get board with the Aperture Media Player, we have included a bunch of games designed to keep you busy, We have packed some of the most popular and top of the line games that everyone is playing currently. From Freecell to Solitaire to Hearts to Minesweeper. You'll be entertained for days on end. And that's not the best part, we've integrated GLaDOS into the games. So with GLaDOS on your side. She can comment on your playing style and give you helpful advice on how to play better. And that's the multimedia side in a stretch.

Productivity

Everyone knows that with computers come productivity and Aperture Science is here with the productivity included in every copy of GUIdows, Aperture Science Inc.'s breakthrough innovation in productivity comes from the Aperture Science Productivty Suite™, It contains the essentials like Writer, Presentation, Grids, Database, and Mailbox (replaces Aperture Electronic Mail Viewer). And with those 5 productivity-inspiring programs comes another innovation of valued importance, The Aperture Productivity-Enhancer Buddy... Controlled by GLaDOS herself. Once you begin productive work, the Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™ will pop up randomly and tell you that you need help and what you are doing wrong, It will also correct, enhance or finish your work with the quality that the Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™ can give you. Truly an inspiration, also included is the Aperture Internet Browser™ which is the best internet browser known to man. Since the internet is the next best thing since the PC was invented, we've built it out of the Mozilla core, It includes basic support for HTML. It is very useful for conducting research or proving a point with GLaDOS which it will probally won't, all of these features will provide a clean and elegent space for productivity which you will need.

Security

Aperture Science cares about the well-being of GLaDOS and has taken extra measures to do that. In GUIdows, We have included a virus scanner that can detect a wide range of viruses. Cause when a virus infects your computer, You'll just know that it'll spread to every computer and that included GLaDOS, If GLaDOS were infected then god just knows what'll he do. The virus scanner is designed to delete any supposed infected file it finds, Even if it's not infected. GLaDOS will then mock you for almost destroying your computer. It also included buffer protection and low-lever CPU protection to help protect your system from a Catastrophic System Failure. It's the most secure OS we could ever make logicily.

Comparison to Other Systems

Your probably asking us "Is GUIdows better than any other OS out there?", We took an expert and found out by ourselves by Comparison.

	Aperture Science GUIdows	Microsoft Windows 2000	Apple Mac OS X
Security	GUIdows has top-of-the-line security and includes an intelligent virus scanner complete with buffer protection.	Windows 2000 features a redesigned kernel that's designed to be more secure and harder to hack	Mac OS X is based off of Unix and therefore has better security then the latter two.
Accessibility	GUIdows is the easiest OS to use, All there is is the Taskbar, Start Button, Desktop and your helpful GLaDOS guide to help you.	Windows 2000 is easier to use because it's more organized and optimized.	Mac OS X has always been easy to use, Just ask anyone who's never used a computer before.
Entertainment	GUIdows comes complete with Aperture Media Player™, InstantZ™, Aperture Internet Browser™ and a couple of games. Prepare to have days and days of fun	Windows 2000 comes with only three games. But comes pack with Windows Media Player, Internet Explorer 5 and lots of Preloaded Music, There's also improved performance with DirectX 7 preloaded so prepare yourself to have a fast gaming experience.	Mac OS X comes with QuickTime, The best media player on the planet, iTunes so you can buy songs, Safari so you can easily browse the internet and have fun at the same time and a Chess game to test out your logic.
Productivity	GUIdows comes complete with the Aperture Productivity Suite™. The most productive product of all, It also includes the Productivity-Enhancer Buddy™ so that you can get the most done out of your work.	Windows 2000 has Office 2000, A bunch of apps that are necessary and comes with Clippy that can give you help through a though-bubble and in no way interferes with the work.	Mac OS X has iMovie, iPhoto, GarageBand, iDVD, iWeb. The works cause it's iLife.
Compatibility	GUIdows is fully integrated with GLaDOS so programs are easily compatible with GUIdows.	Windows 2000 contains a built in DOS Emulator that doesn't emulate programs all that well	Mac OS X contains a full version of Mac OS 9 it uses to run classic programs.

Now that you can see that GUIdows is the obvious choice for any computer, As you can see by the accurately depicted chart, GUIdows has been proven to be superior in every way, So go pick up a copy directly from Aperture Science Inc. Thank you for reading about GUIdows from Aperture Science Inc. Goodbye...