Emar
From Pirate Bitch
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| Famous Author | |
| Date of Birth: | Unknown |
| Place of Birth: | A Dark Cave |
Emar, or Emma as most people know her, is the wife to Leonardo Mace and the mother of his twelve children. It is unknown how she gave birth to twelve children when she was supposed to be infertile from birth (due to the doctors cutting off her hermaphroditous penis). She had a confused childhood, believed to once be the mistress of Moby Dick, although she claims 'it wasn't my fault I was gobbled whole!'. However these experiences have lent to her esteemed career in writing, helping her pen her famous poem 'Eternal Darkness of the Belly of the Whale (How'd I get in here?)'.
While being the wife of a rock star has thrust her into the spotlight, she is famous in her own right being an author of famous proportions. Her novels which include Kinky Fangs, A Blaise in My Heart and Roses Are Red, I Drink Blood Too have gained recognition across the authoring world, with some critics claiming 'if you mixed Anne Rice, Roald Dahl and Aeschylus you would get Miss Emma W, but she's a bit darker'. She is currently planning a series of books, but no one is quite sure of the premise, although it has been quoted 'magical, like Harry Potter with vampires and sex'. She has also been enlisted to pen the story to a future The Count And His Men album.
She is also credited as playing triangle on The Count And His Men's debut album The Chiselled Jaw of Fate.
The notorious Garald S Kirk chats
A boy, also known as "the biggest mistake in your life you could ever make", called Garald S Kirk recieved several emails from Emar, before he tossed rolos over her and was shunned for all eternity.
Pre-Meeting
- Well I dont know how well out prizegiving is going to go butthis is my school, so I am guessing not well... I've heardthat Cally and Lisa arent as close as they usually are, doyou know anything about that? lol Are you mates with Dave Latto?Email back whenever, Em
- Hey hon, how are you? I have just text you., but i thought Iwould email too!Ill talk to you laterEmsxxxx
- I can't wait til Saturday either! Will you bring me rolos??*looks innocent* pwease?! Would you deny me?Email me back when you get a chance,Emma xxxxxxxxxxx
Post-Meeting
- No it wasn't wrong at all! I thought you were great too, funny, smart, good looking, really tall! You want to come down next week and we can go get lunch or something? Tb luv emma xxxx mwah xxxxx
- Hey Gary, I just want to be honest with you: I dont thinkits a good idea for you to see me. I feel like I need to beon my own for a bit. I had a bad break -up and I dont thinkI am ready for anything yet.I'm sorry, we can still be good mates though.text or email back, Ems xxxxx
Trivia
- Is secretly a man, but covers it up rather well.
- Has 12 children.
