The Further Adventures of Nick Bate/Issue1
From Nick Bate Wiki
FUN FACTS!
- The first issue of the series, made in late 2007. You can tell it's old because Thom is still known as "KN" and Anna is "Mandy". Also I hadn't seen how Jessa draws herself yet, so I came up with my own crappy design for her. And apparently Jessa wasn't an official Coffee Crew member yet. And hell, nobody says "aboot" yet either.
- Also note that I started the whole Jessa>Nick pairing thing long before she got an actual boyfriend. So... yeah. Sorry, Jessa. D:
- Nick dies repeatedly in later issues. Everyone just stops caring.
- Macen succeeds in his epic journey, as shown in issue 6.
- The box continues appearing (and dying) in later episodes. I lost count of what version he is now.
- My REAL will does indeed state that Anna gets all my stuff, but it doesn't say she can pee on my grave. However, it doesn't NOT say it either. Plus a recent revision wrote Jessa into my will, too.
- Everyone toughens up a buttload after this comic, because for some reason, in this one, nobody can stop the butler robots (the weakest villains in the series) yet can easily defeat later, tougher enemies.
- Lots of intentionally inaccurate Bonus Stage and Futurama ripoffs.
- It was never explained how Cloaked Dude was able to get into Nick's house.
- Despite what the ending may imply, Nick and Jessa aren't going out in the next issue.
Here's a script until I get access to a friggin' scanner.
[edit] so cool a script
(Jessa is standing behind Nick, who appears to be looking at something outside of the panel)
JESSA: Whatcha doin', Nick?
NICK: Oh, just finishing up my latest invention!
JESSA: I didn't know you invented things. Isn't that Vlad's area?
NICK: I invent things! I invent all things, forever!
JESSA: Okay, so what did you invent today, then?
NICK: I'll show you, 'cause it's done now.
(close-up of a box)
NICK: CHECK IT!
JESSA: ...It's a box.
NICK: Maybe it looks that way to the untrained eye, but I can assure you that this is no ordinary box. This box will revolutionize the way we live our very lives... it is such a major scientific breakthrough that I could win... like... a Nobel Prize or something.
JESSA: So what does it do?
NICK: I will show you! Button press action!
(Nick touches the box, but nothing happens.)
JESSA: ... Nothing's happening.
(Thom pops up from the bottom of the panel)
THOM: Nick, need I remind you that you can't just get a box and say it does something, and that you have to actually MAKE it do something?
NICK: Hmm. Oh yeah.
JESSA: KN, how long have you been down there?
THOM: Since last night. Drank too much. Passed out.
NICK: Okay, okay, just let me make a few minor adjustments and this thing'll kick so much butt. Hey Jessa, why do people use the phrase "kick butt", anyway? I mean, we all love butts. Why would we kick 'em?
JESSA: Hmm. Good question, actually.
NICK: I know, right? But for now, I must head off to work on my invention...
(Meanwhile, Macen and his posse are standing in front of a house.)
MACEN: That looks like a good house to hit.
SCOTT: (throwing a rock) Hey, this is slightly entertaining!
(The rock hits a window, cracking it.)
MACEN: Dude, you weren't supposed to hit the windows!
SCOTT: ...oops.
(Erik appears in the window)
ERIK: Hey, who threw that?!
ANTHONY: Crap, someone's coming! Run!
(They do so, and Macen quite literally runs into Nick.)
MACEN: OW
NICK: OH GOD
(The two land on their asses but quickly get back up.)
NICK: Ow, man. My entire body hurts now. Where're you going, anyway?
MACEN: We're off on a quest to do all kinds of cool stuff. And where are YOU going?!
NICK: I'm gonna go work on my invention, by myself, without anyone's help.
(Later, Vladimir is handing the box to Nick.)
VLADIMIR: Okay Nick, I finished "pimping out" your box.
NICK: It looks so sexy now! Thanks, Vlad! Yes, it looks completely different than before. Shut up.
VLADIMIR: This button here is for the MP3 player function you requested.
NICK: Nice.
(The box begins playing Subliminal.)
NICK: Ah, bliss.
(Laterer, Jessa is checking out the pimped out box, which is now playing I've Got a Match.)
JESSA: Well Nick, I have to admit, you did a great job.
NICK: Cool. Let's go out.
JESSA: OKAY
NICK: (creeped out) ...
JESSA: <3
NICK: ..... Uhh... yeah... I'm gonna... go... over... here... RUN!
(Nick flees and again literally runs into someone. This time it is Anna.)
NICK: AUGH
ANNA: OOF
NICK: I should probably start watching where I'm going.
ANNA: Yeah.
NICK: So Mandy, where do you wanna go on our next date?
ANNA: ...We're not going on a date.
NICK: Oh. Now I'm sad. And I'm crying blood. (he is indeed.)
(One second later, Nick is lying on the ground, completely soaked in blood)
NICK: Uggghhh
ANNA: Nick, are you okay? Well, I mean physically, because I already know of your mental problems.
NICK: ow my blood hurts
ANNA: Hmm, I should write a list of his problems.
NICK: cough (he coughs up blood) blargh (he pukes up more blood and looks really effed up)
ANNA: I'm gonna go grab some paper. See ya, Nick!
NICK: hurl (yep, more blood)
(Latererer, Anna is standing in front of a headstone, which reads "R.I.P. Nick Bate We will miss him almost as much as My Sweet Sixteen on MTV and Soundgarden")
ANNA: Poor Nick. Never stood a chance.
(Apparently Jessa is there too, pretty upset)
JESSA: I guess I'll have to find a new boyfriend.
ANNA: Aww. There, there. If it makes you feel better, I finished that list.
("A list of Nick's Problems 1.Has weird fetishes 2.Shares too much information 3.Anti-social 4.Technically mentally retarded 5.Short-term memory 6.Pretends to be Canadian 7.Oh, crap, he died.")
JESSA: You know, if he would've stayed not-dead and had kids with me, they'd be Canadian.
(Anna facepalms. Then suddenly a mysterious cloaked dude appears.)
CLOAKED DUDE: You know, little missy, there IS a way you could bring him back.
JESSA: Hmm?
CLOAKED DUDE: Meet me in his house tonight at sundown. Make sure you come alone.
JESSA: What? I-I don't even know you!
CLOAKED DUDE: But I know you. That's all that matters right now. But for now, I must leave.
JESSA: No! Don't go!
CLOAKED DUDE: Farewell. (flies away)
JESSA: CRAAAAAAP!
ANNA: A-are you really gonna go meet up with this guy?
JESSA: huff huff I have, to, Mandy. I have to. He could be bluffing, but if I can really revive Nick, I have to take the chance. I must save my Nick!
ANNA: YOUR Nick? Okay, you do know he was in love with ME, right?
JESSA: NO
ANNA: Okay, chill, you can have him.
("Meanwhile, Macen and his posse are up to something.")
MACEN: Maria, stay here and keep an eye on everyone. Me, Anthony and Scott are gonna go somewhere. Somewhere AWESOME Also, just ignore the psycho robots. They're butlers.
(A butler robot appears behind Maria and zaps her with its laser eyes, setting her on fire. "At sundown, Jessa arrives in Nick's house.")
JESSA: Hello? Creepy cloaked guy? Are you here?
(Cloaked Dude appears upside down from the top of the panel.)
JESSA: gasp
CLOAKED DUDE: Ah, so you opted to show up.
JESSA: "Opt"? Who in the world uses vocabulary words like that?
CLOAKED DUDE: Quiet, girl! (holds up a vial) This vial contains a powerful chemical that will recharge a heart that has stopped beating, as well as other organs that have stopped functioning. But I don't give these away for free. I will require your assistance with a few tasks.
JESSA: Okay, what do you want me to do?
CLOAKED DUDE: Haha, good girl. But alas, I haven't the time to tell you at the moment. You'll be informed when the time comes. Adieu.
(Cloaked Dude flies away despite being indoors)
JESSA: CRAAAAAAAP!
(Later, Anna and Jessa are sitting at a table. I guess they're in the coffee shop. I didn't really think about it at the time, but that's pretty much the only place that has a table.)
ANNA: So you're saying he has a vial of some kinda resurrection syrum?
JESSA: Yeah. I can't figure out how he got into Nick's house, though. I mean, I have a spare key, but...
ANNA: You know, there's other people who have spare keys, too. Maybe one of them is the cloaked dude.
JESSA: Hmm, I should investigate.
("And so, the investigation begins at Macen's house." Jessa stands in front of Goliath, holding a clipboard.)
JESSA: Goliath, could I have a word with you?
GOLIATH: Hmm?
JESSA: Nick gave you a spare key to his house sometime before his pointless death, yes?
GOLIATH: Err, well yeah. I needed to get into his house 'cause I sometimes cooked for him.
JESSA: Hmm, I see.
(Clipboard: "List of Suspects *Goliath *Baby *Mandy *Randy *Nick's ghost")
GOLIATH: Uhh, why is Mandy on that list?
JESSA: Because she was annoyed by Nick's love for her. And plus she killed him. She could just be offering a bogus syrum to get me to do stuff for her.
GOLIATH: But she was in the graveyard with you when the cloaked dude first showed up.
JESSA: Oh, yeah. WAIT, WHY ARE YOU IMPLICATING YOURSELF?! Sigh... well, I'd better go interrogate some other people.
GOLIATH: 'Kay. Have fun.
(Smithy appears behind Goliath. Jessa has left at this point.)
SMITHY: Goliath, where's dinner? I'm hungry for ACTION.
GOLIATH: Oh, yeah. Got a little distracted.
(One of the butler robots lifts an oven over its head.)
GOLIATH: Hey, put that down!
BUTLER ROBOT: Does not compute!
(It throws the oven, crushing Goliath underneath it.)
BUTLER ROBOT: Now that Macen has left, I can finally take over the household! Mwahahaha!
(It suddenly short curcuits and crashes to the ground. The cloaked dude is then seen holding a remote.)
CLOAKED DUDE: I somehow doubt that. You there. Dog. Are you all right?
GOLIATH: (still under the oven) ...I'm cold chillin', yo.
(Later, Jessa sneaks up behind Anna at Nick's grave, which now reads "R.I.P. Nick Bate 1991-2007".)
JESSA: Hey you
ANNA: (startled) WAGH
JESSA: Returning to the scene of the crime, I see. And what're you doing, peeing on his grave?
ANNA: Yes.
(a panel shows Anna standing over a puddle on Nick's gravesite.)
JESSA: Oh. Well, uh, WHY?
ANNA: He told me to. It's in his will.
(Closeup of the will. "Nick's Will In case I die again, Mandy gets all my stuff. Also, she can pee on my grave if she wants. ~Nick")
JESSA: He didn't leave ME anything? Man, I still can't believe he's dead. I really hope I can resurrect him.
ANNA: Jessa, I'm so sorry I killed him. I had no idea he would randomly die of blood loss after I gently bumped into him. I'm sorry.
JESSA: I know. It's okay. I just really miss him and his hilarious antics. I remember just the other day, he invented that box. (holds up box) I will cherish you forever, box.
BOX: Aww. If I had arms, I'd hug you. (sprouts mechanical arms) Oh, wait! I do!
(Box hugs Jessa a bit too tight)
JESSA: ughhh
BOX: Oh, Jessa, I love you!
ANNA: Oh, great. The love triangle gets MORE complex.
(Meanwhile, Waylon enters Thom's room. Thom's doing something or other on a computer.)
WAYLON: KN, you busy?
THOM: Kinda. What do you want?
WAYLON: (pointing to a doorway which some robots are peeking through) The robots are going crazy again.
THOM: Well, Macen left us a remote to shut them down in case of emergency, but it vanished mysteriously a little while ago.
WAYLON: Hmm... mysterious indeed. What do you propose we do, then?
THOM: I have a plan. But unfortunately, I'm too busy. So screw it.
WAYLON: What're we supposed to do, then?!
THOM: It's not my problem. Go away.
WAYLON: Gah! I thought you loved me!
THOM: Yo, man, you're taking it too far now.
("Meanwhile, in the living room..." Smithy is staring down a robot.)
BUTLER ROBOT: You want a piece of me?
SMITHY: Yeah, punk. Bring it.
(Smithy gives it a right hook, knocking it out cold.)
SMITHY: Sucka.
NIKKI: What was the point of that?
SMITHY: BEHIND YOU!
NIKKI: Huh?
(A butler robot lunges at Nikki, holding a sword)
NIKKI: AUGH
(The robot dies in mid-air. Then the cloaked dude is shown holding a remote again.)
SMITHY AND NIKKI: !
CLOAKED DUDE: No need to thank me, you two. I'll be leaving soon, off to my next errand. MWAHAHAHAHA
NIKKI: DEAR GOD, I HAVE TO TELL JESSA
(Nikki begins running frantically)
NIKKI: JESSAAAAA
(Then she runs into a wall.)
NIKKI: ARGH
SMITHY: Yeah, next time you might want to run towards the DOOR.
(Later, Nikki approaches Jessa, who I guess is just standing somewhere doing nothing.)
NIKKI: Jessa, me and Smithy saw that cloaked dude!
JESSA: Really? What happened?
NIKKI: Well, he came and saved us from some psycho butler robots.
JESSA: Hmm, and I thought he was evil.
(NT pops up out of nowhere.)
NT: Oh, I get it! Just 'cause we wear cloaks, we're evil!
JESSA: No, NT, that's not what I-
NT: Look, I KNOW what you meant, and it's bullcrap. Tons of people in Batia wear cloaks, and not many of us are evil, so you should't make assumptions about that dude.
JESSA: I know, Nick said the same thing. I'm sorry. Nick...
NIKKI: I'm sorry about Nick, Jessa. I'm sad, too. He was my father, or brother or something.
JESSA: Oh, Nikki, why must fate be so cruel?
NIKKI, JESSA AND NT: WHY?!
("And so, Macen's house is still being run by the crazy psycho butler robots." Three robots appear in the panel, all cackling. One then kicks Smithy in the stomach. Another drops on Waylon from above, smashing his head in. Then one slaps both Maria and Thom. Aaaand another one grabs Nikki and NT and smashes them into eachother. Finally, one tosses Goliath out of a window. Everyone in the household is then shown KO'd.)
BUTLER ROBOT #1: HAHA! The house belongs to us now!
BUTLER ROBOT #2: Yep. Well, until Macen returns, anyway.
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Don't be a buzzkill, man.
(Jessa crashes in through a wall.)
JESSA: Stop right there, robots! For it is I, Super Jessa!
BULTER ROBOT: Was it really necessary to crash through the wall?
JESSA: ...Yes. Yes it was. (Suddenly she is wearing a cloak) Harnessing the powers of Nick's cloak, I, Super Jessa, am unstoppable!
(A robot slaps Jessa, knocking her out.)
BUTLER ROBOT: That was pretty pathetic.
(Walkingfox crashes in through the wall right next to the first hole Jessa made.)
WALKINGFOX: Hold up!
BUTLER ROBOT: Would you people stop crashing through walls?!
WALKINGFOX: Yo man, where do y'alls get off not inviting me to a fight scene?
(Suddenly That Guy and Pyro are there, too, and they draw some swords.)
WALKINGFOX: Attack, men!
THAT GUY AND PYRO: Yep!
(Walkingfox cuts a robot in half with a sword. Pyro melts another one's face with a lighter. That Guy stands around smoking while a robot stares at him, very confused. We then have a panel showing pieces of the broken robots.)
JESSA: WF, you saved us! Hooray!
WALKINGFOX: Yeah, I AM pretty awesome.
(Randy crashes through the wall next to the other holes.)
RANDY: Hi, guys!
BUTLER ROBOT: I hate this town.
RANDY: 'Sup, y'alls?!
(A robot pulls out a laser gun and zaps Randy, turning him into a pile of dust with eyes.)
BUTLER ROBOT: Punk.
JESSA: Randy's here?
THOM: Yeah, the writer's trying to add new suspects to keep the readers guessing that cloaked dude's identity.
(Suddenly, Roxy, Kris and Jewel appear.)
KRIS: I'm Kris!
JEWEL: I'm Jewel!
ROXY: I'm Roxy.
(Walkingfox holds a sword up to some more robots.)
BUTLER ROBOT: Look, man, can we maybe negotiate?
WALKINGFOX: I don't negotiate with robots or butlers, so you can bet your shiny metal buttocks I don't negotiate with butler robots.
(Suddenly, there is a flash, and Akagi appears.)
AKAGI: Hark, it is I, Akagi! I have come from the past to the present to do stuff!
JESSA: Oh, Nick, I'm so glad I could see you alive again!
AKAGI: Wait, you mean to tell me that in my future which is your past, I'm going to die?! AGAIN?!
JESSA: Yes. It saddens me.
AKAGI: Wow. I should invent something that protects me from death. Perhaps a box of some sort. A talking box. Anyway, I'm here to destroy these robots!
WAYLON: If you're from the past, how would you know about them?
AKAGI: Because shut up, that's how. Ice needles attack!
(Akagi shoots multiple icicles from his palms, which hit a robot but don't seem to do anything.)
BUTLER ROBOT: ...
NIKKI: It doesn't affect it?!
AKAGI: That sucks.
(The robot begins zapping Nick with its laser eyes.
AKAGI: Well, I'm gonna die again. (begins turning into ash) AUGH (becomes a pile like Randy just did) Well, I died. Again.
JESSA: CRAAAAAAAAAAAP!
THOM: Man, there's a lot of plot holes in this comic.
("After an action-packed fight scene (cut for time), Jessa heads to Nick's house." Indeed, a speck can be seen next to a cavern. In the next panel, Jessa is pouring catfood into Baby's food dish.)
JESSA: Here ya go, Baby. Enjoy. You know, here I am, whining about missing Nick so much, when you probably miss him, too.
BABY: (he talks by holding up signs, just wanted to make that clear) "You miss him more, though."
JESSA: You're right. I do really miss him. And I have to find a way to cope, because... well, what if I really CAN'T resurrect him? I'm relying on that hope too heavily...
BABY: "While you're right about the dependency on hope, I feel you should at least TRY to resurrect him."
JESSA: Yes. I need to find this cloaked dude.
BABY: "Funny you should mention that, because he left a note."
(Baby holds up the note: "Dear Jessa, I'm going to need you to follow Macen for me. It seems he went to Paradise Island for an unknown reason. Yours truly, -Cloaked Dude". Later, the entire Coffee Crew (minus Nick) assembles.)
JESSA: What could this mean?!
ANNA: It means you're supposed to follow Macen.
SIMON: If you ask me, you should have a whole team to assist you. Maybe a team of coffee-drinkers.
ANNA: Hey, yeah, the Coffee Crew could go on a new mission. And since Nick's dead again, Jessa takes his place. Okay, Coffee Crew. Role call, yo! Goliath Dog, the chef!
GOLIATH: Here!
ANNA: Baby Knight, the cute kitty!
BABY: "Here!"
ANNA: Simon Flavelle, the tech guy!
SIMON: Here.
ANNA: Jessa, uh, whatever her last name is... as Nick's replacement.
JESSA: Good to be here, folks!
ANNA: And me, Mandy!
("And so, the Coffee Crew ventures to Paradise Island to spy on Macen. But little do they know, they are in for a big surprise. Well, not THAT big a surprise, but it's still surprising, I suppose.")
JESSA: Well, here we are in Paradise Island.
ANNA: Yes, brilliant deduction, exposition girl.
(There is another flash, and Nick again appears.)
NICK: It is I, Nick Bate, from the future!
SIMON: Would you stop time-traveling?!
NICK: I came from the future which is my present to the past which is your present to stop you from resurrecting me!
JESSA: Why?!
NICK: Normally I don't screw around with the past, but I was bored and felt like doing it. But yeah, I don't wanna be brought back to life. Heaven has some pretty sweet video games. Then again, if I stay dead, I wouldn't have this wonderful marriage with Mandy.
ANNA: Nick, you're such a liar! We are NOT getting married! I bet you're not even from the future!
NICK: I'm from the future! I picked up this cool t-shirt there! (holds up a t-shirt with one of the languages from Futurama on it. I forget what it translates to.)
ANNA: That proves nothing. We have Alienese shirts in THIS timeline, too! (holds up a shirt with the OTHER Futurama language on it)
NICK: (now with 100% more boobs!) BULLCRAP
ANNA: ...why do you have boobs?
NICK: (now with a beard and even MORE poofy hair but no boobs, and holding up a bra) I stole your bra. So anyway, back to the future I go.
ANNA: 'Kay. Bye, Marty.
NICK: I'ma comin' home, Future Mandy. (presses a button on Box, then disappears in another flash)
ANNA: The box has time travel powers?
(Jessa looks mighty pissed.)
ANNA: What's wrong now?!
JESSA: You marry Nick, that's what's wrong! You're gonna steal my man, you jerk! GAAAAH
(waves emit from Jessa that catch stuff on fire, including Simon's hair)
SIMON: ARGH! YOUR RAGE CAUGHT MY HAIR ON FIRE!
JESSA: There's only one thing do: use the box to travel to the future and break them up!
SIMON: (still on fire) Or you could kill Mandy.
ANNA: Shut up, Simon!
JESSA: Then that's what I'll do. (she is suddenly wearing a cloak again) KILL.
ANNA: Whoa, what?!
(Jessa charges energy and then shoots an energy ball at Anna. Anna jumps over it.)
ANNA: Yipe!
GOLIATH: Jessa, shooting energy blasts at Mandy won't solve anything!
JESSA: Shut up, dog! (punches Goliath)
ANNA: (whips out two daggers) Crap, looks like I have no choice.
(One of Anna's daggers collides with a sword Jessa is suddenly holding. Also the cloak is gone, because I screwed up and don't have any white-out. Then there's a panel in first-person view, looking through some binoculars at Anna and Jessa, who are now trying to get their energy wave through each other's energy wave. I dunno how to explain that. Then we see that it is Macen who is looking through the binoculars, standing between Anthony and Scott.)
MACEN: Wow, this is an epic battle. Hmm, so they came to spy on me for that cloaked dude.
SCOTT: Do you have a plan, Dad?
MACEN: No. I. Don't.
BOX: (yeah, apparently he's there too) I feel you should know that Macen's watching.
SIMON: (yeah, still on fire) Hm?
BOX: Here, use my radar. (a radar pops out, showing a dot to the northwest.)
SIMON: (fire'd) Is there anything you CAN'T do?
BOX: Well, I'm a robot, so I have no emotions. And that makes me feel sad. (a fire extinguisher pops out, spraying Simon)
SIMON: (not on fire! omg! also, box now sprouts a keyboard and computer monitor) Okay, access the Internet. I need to run a search.
BOX: A'ight.
(The screen displays a text input field, plus the text "Enter Password")
SIMON: Hmm, I see I need to do some hacking.
JESSA: (looking at Simon while shooting an energy wave) Hey, whatcha doin', Psy?
SIMON: Internetting. What are YOU doing with your life?
JESSA: I'm fighting!
ANNA: (dumps a bucket of water on Jessa) Rawr
JESSA: Why did you just dump water on me? Well, luckily I brought extra clothes!
(Jessa ducks under the view of the "camera" and she flings her clothes around while the others watch.)
JESSA: (now wearing different clothes, ones from one of her pictures on dA. an old one. somewhere. I don't feel like searching for it right now.) TAH-DAH!
ANNA: You just changed in front of us.
JESSA: What's yer point?
ANNA: Maybe I don't have one.
SIMON: Could you guys stop fighting for a minute and check this out?
ANNA: Hmm? What'd you find?
SIMON: Well, it turns out Macen's on an epic journey. I reckon the cloaked dude wants us to stop this epic journey from happening.
JESSA: We kinda knew that already.
SIMON: Why do you ruin my dreams?!
BOX: Hey guys, thought I'd let you know that Macen's fleeing.
JESSA: Really?
BOX: Yeah.
JESSA: Then we must pursue him.
BOX: (points to Macen) There he is! Get him!
JESSA: (dashes toward Macen) C'mere, you!
(Jessa literally runs into Macen, not unlike the whole fiasco what killed Nick earlier)
JESSA: Oh, this brings back painful memories.
MACEN: Why did you do that?!
JESSA: I can't allow you to leave, because I need to bring my Nick back to life! Well, mission complete. I should find that cloaked dude and claim my reward now.
(The Coffee Crew is shown, in a victory pose, accompanied by the words "MISSION COMPLETE!")
JESSA: (to Anna) But I still hate you.
BOX: Hug and make up, you two.
JESSA: No! She stole my man.
(omg, Nick appears again)
NICK: Hi, it's me again! Future Nick!
JESSA: NIIICK!
NICK: Yeah, I just came back to tell you that, um, I lied aboot coming from several years in the future.
JESSA: What, really?
NICK: Yes. I'm actually from a few days in the future. So I don't really know if I marry Mandy or not.
JESSA: Yay! There's still hope!
NICK: Your mom is hope. But yah, just wanted to relay that to ya. Bye.
(Nick vanishes in a flash again)
JESSA: Well, Mandy, I guess I forgive you.
ANNA: Epic.
JESSA: Alright, let's resume our mission to resurrect Nick, which evidentally succeeds because he's alive in the future.
SIMON: Hey, I has an idea! Since Box is able to time travel, we should go to the future, where Cloaked Dude gives us the resurrection potion!
JESSA: Great idea! Take us to the future, Box!
BOX: 'Kay.
(there's a flash, and then Jessa and Box appear in teh future.)
JESSA: Wait, so are we in the future?
BOX: Yes. And I took us back to Batia, too! (points) Hey, look, there we are.
(Jessa looks over at herself, Box, and Cloaked Dude in the distance.)
JESSA: Wow, that's what I look like? Man, I'm cute.
FUTURE JESSA: Are you me from the future?
JESSA: Au contraire, I'm you from the past. I just felt like skipping a few days ahead.
BOX: Hi, future me.
FUTURE BOX: Hi, past me.
CLOAKED DUDE: WHAT THE [censored] IS GOING ON HERE?!
BOX: Hey, Jessa. We might have a bit of a problem.
JESSA: What's wrong, Box from the past?
BOX: Well, according to Bender's Big Score, duplicates caused by time travel are doomed.
JESSA: Don't worry, I have a solution for that.
(A giant hunk of adamantium falls from the sky and crushes Future Jessa and Future Box.)
JESSA: Problem solved.
CLOAKED DUDE: (holding up the vial) J-just take the friggin' potion.
("Meanwhile, in the present". Two butler robots, one of which is wearing a Hitler 'stache, are standing around in the Phoenix House.)
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Well, we took over the house.
(Waylon appears)
WAYLON: Why do you have a Hitler 'stache?
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Back to work!
(Waylon is shown holding a mop or broom or something (I forget) near Nikki.)
WAYLON: Stupid dumb crappy robots.
NIKKI: Man, slavery sucks.
BUTLER ROBOT #2: So now that we took over and made everyone do chores, what do we do next?
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Uhh... I dunno. Wanna steal stuff?
BUTLER ROBOT #2: Sure.
(Thom shows up behind the Hitler-robot.)
THOM: I'm sick of you robots! Prepare to fight!
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Fine, so be it.
(The two stare each other down, then the robot lunges at Thom, who draws a sword. The sword clashes with the robot's arm briefly. Then the robot backs off and shoots lasers from its eyes, which Thom jumps over.)
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Hmm, nice dodge. He's a worthy adversary.
(Thom suddenly vanishes)
BUTLER ROBOT #1: Wait, where'd he go? Uhh, is he invisible, or...?
(Thom sneaks up from behind and stabs the robot through the chest with his sword.)
BUTLER ROBOT #1: AGH
(Sparks fly, then the robot explodes.)
THOM: Looks like your tyrannical reign is over.
(Macen enters)
MACEN: Oh, lovely. I leave you alone for a few days and you blow up my robots.
THOM: Y-you're back?!
(apparently the Coffee Crew entered with him)
ANNA: Yeah, we intercepted his epic journey. Turns out his plan was to sell Randy on eBay.
THOM: (fleeing in the background) I gotta go
NIKKI: You mean to tell me he left us with those psycho robots just so he could sell Randy?
JESSA: Yes. And Cloaked Dude already knew it, which is why he wanted to stop Macen.
GOLIATH: And he let Nick in on what he knew, which is why Nick came from the past to the present to try to stop the robots!
SMITHY: (omg he's there too) Well, it all makes sense now. Except we still need to find out who Cloaked Dude is.
(Cloaked Dude is right behind Jessa.)
JESSA: Well, luckily, we brought him from the future to the present to reveal him.
(Jessa pulls the Cloaked Dude's hood off, revealing Thom.)
JESSA: KN?! KN, you're the cloaked dude?!
THOM: Sigh... yes, it's me. After I hacked Macen's computer and found out about his eBay auction, I wanted to manipulate you into helping me stop him.
JESSA: So... the potion to resurrect Nick is just a fake?
THOM: Yes. I wasn't expecting you to actually get as far as you did. Besides, every time Nick dies, he comes back to life by himself. Apparently I'm the only one who noticed that.
(Nick is shown leaning against a table right behind Thom.)
NICK: Yeah, guys. I've been standing here this whole time.
JESSA: Well, everything's back to normal!
BOX: NO IT'S NOT! All this time travel is screwing things up! Now there's two KNs, and we just killed our future selves with a huge mass of adamantium!
JESSA: What's yer point?
(Macen is seen holding a bloddy dagger.)
MACEN: Hey, problem solved. I just killed one of the KNs.
BOX: You freakin' idiot! That's PRESENT KN! Now FUTURE KN is going to cease to exist!
MACEN: Okay, I still don't see why that's a bad thing.
THOM: Oh crap, I've been McFly'd.
(Thom "poof"s out of existence.)
BOX: ...I KNEW Vlad shouldn't have given me time-travel functions.
JESSA: What?! I thought Nick built you by himself!
BOX: Don't kid yourself, Jessa. We all know he's not smart enough.
(Extra wide panel showing everyone in the room.)
NICK: Ha, this is true.
JESSA: Yup!
ANNA: Touché.
GOLIATH: Yeah, baby.
SIMON: Yep.
WAYLON: Haha, KN died.
SMITHY: I'm hungry.
NIKKI: ...huh?
NT: You guys are jerks.
MACEN: Nick sucks.
ANTHONY: Yeah.
(Box, Baby, Maria and Scott are also in the panel, but they don't say anything.)
NICK: Well, I guess I owe some explanation.
(Flashback of Thom and Nick. Thom has a speech bubble with a butler robot in it.)
NICK: I heard aboot Macen's plan to sell Randy, so I needed a time travel device to fight the robots in the future.
(Panel of Nick holding Box next to an unconscious Thom.)
NICK: So I started working on a time machine. Also, KN passed out.
(Panel of the exact same stuff from earlier, with Jessa, Nick, Thom and the original, crappy Box.)
NICK: The next morning, Jessa came and asked me aboot my invention. And thanks to magic hungover KN, I realized that I couldn't actually build a time machine.
(Next, a panel of Nick holding Box next to Vladimir.)
NICK: So I ran to Vladimir's place to have him pimp out my invention and add the time travel function. Plus some other stuff. On the way, I ran into Macen, but that's not important.
(Panel of the butler robot looking peering over the pile of ashes that was once Nick, from earlier.)
NICK: After I left Vlad's house, I immediately went to the future to fight the evil crazy psycho butler robots. Then I died.
FLASHBACK BUTLER ROBOT: I killed you.
(Panel of Nick lying bleeding on the ground after running into Anna earlier.)
NICK: So I gave up and decided to continue my normal life. I left the box with Jessa, ran off, and died again.
FLASHBACK ANNA: Whoopsie.
(Panel of the butler robot zapping Future Nick/Akagi with its laser eyes, from earlier. Only this time, we see that Present Nick was standing right there, watching the whole thing.)
NICK: So I respawned a few seconds later, and came here. And I've been in this exact spot for the last several days. I died of dehydration a few times. Also I watched you guys. You didn't even notice me. It made me sad.
FLASHBACK PRESENT NICK: Yep.
(And now back to present day.)
NICK: And that's what I've been doing for the whole comic.
JESSA: Marry me.
("Several days later...")
JESSA: Nick, I'm so glad everything's back to normal.
BOX: But it's not over! There's still the time travel paradoxes!
(Jessa kills Box with a sword.)
JESSA: Paradox resolved.
(Box explodes.)
JESSA: So what's up, Nick?
NICK: Finishing up my new invention. Box two point oh!
(Sho nuff, there's another Box.)
NICK: This one can't time travel! Actually, it can, but only once, for we have to fix the last paradox.
JESSA: Huh?
NICK: Me and KN conspired one last time, after he respawned. You and box have to travel to when your past selves come to the present to steal the fake potion. Then just act out exactly what happened then.
JESSA: Oh, I get it!
BOX: No you don't. But I do.
(there's a flash, and Jessa, Box, and Thom (in the cloak) arrive at their destination)
THOM: Okay, here we are. Jessa, hand me the vial.
JESSA: 'Kay.
THOM: Okay, your past selves should show up in a few seconds.
JESSA: Okaaay... (Past Jessa and Past Box appear in the distance) Oh, there I am, commenting on my cuteness. (to Past Jessa) Sigh... Are you me from the future?
PAST JESSA: Au contraire. I'm you from the past.
("And so, Jessa, Box and KN re-enacted the entire event, until finally...")
JESSA: Well, Box, this is the part where our past selves kill us. And since you're not even alive, I guess you won't come back.
BOX: No, but Vlad could build a 3.0 version. Goodbye, Jessa. I will always remember you, as long as my memory chip is salvaged.
(The hunk of adamantium falls from the sky and crushes them. "Later...")
NICK: Woo! We fixed everything!
JESSA: What about when you went to the past and told me you married Mandy?
NICK: I took care of that one before you killed Box version one point oh.
JESSA: So then we're done?
NICK: Yeah, now we can go back to our boring lives!
JESSA: Babe, my life is never boring when you're around.
NICK: You know, I wonder what Macen's doing.
JESSA: I LOVE YOU, NICK
("Meanwhile..." Macen is in front of a computer, which displays an eBay auction.)
MACEN. Heehee. I'm rich. Randy, pack up your crap. I'm shippin' ya out to Mexico.
(Randy, evidentally taking that too literally, holds up a briefcase which reads "Human Feces" and has feces running out of it.)
RANDY: Okay. Done.
(Macen looks freaked out. We then switch over to Nick again. The top of a head can be seen fairly close to his junk.)
NICK: Jessa, what're you doing down there?
(Jessa is shown with a lollipop in her mouth, kneeling in front of Nick for no real reason.)
JESSA: Eating a lollipop, what does it LOOK like?
NICK: Uhh, okay. I has an idea!
JESSA: So what IS your hot, sexy idea, babe?
(Baby appears)
NICK: I'm gonna hug a kitty!
(Nick and Baby hug.)
NICK: Huuuuug.
BABY: "Huuuug."
JESSA: Wouldn't you rather hug a Jessa?
(Nick stops hugging Baby and instead hugs Jessa.)
NICK AND JESSA: Huuuug.
BABY: "Traitor."
NICK: Hey, let's go out.
JESSA: YES.
BABY: "Okay, you know what? I'm sick of this crap!"
NICK: Huh?
BABY: "I've hardly been in any friggin' panels in this comic! I need more screen time!"
(Nick is about to speak, but suddenly more adamantium drops, crushing him.)
NICK: AUGH
JESSA: CRAAAAAAAAAP!
(The end.)
