Hagurumon Emails/fight
From Nick Bate Wiki
A true not-true underdog story. Nick is trained to fight Jibney.
Cast: Strong Bad, Cassidy, Nick, Stinkoman, Homestar, Mandy, Bubs, Mysterious Black-Cloak Person
Places: Elly's House of Blue Screen of Death, Nick's Bedroom, The Field, some gym, a flight of stairs, a hospital, Shoppotron parking lot
[edit] Transcript
{Open to a "Tonight on Hagurumon Emails" intro, similar to the "Tonight on Bonus Stage" things going on during seasons 3 and 4.}
ANNOUNCER: Tonight! On Hagurumon Emails!
{Cut to Strong Bad, sitting in Elly's Bar with Cassidy, poorly disguised as Phil.}
STRONG BAD: Hey, baby. Wanna make out with Strong Ba- I mean Phil Argus? Because that's who I am? Phil Argus?
{Cut to Nick checking his email.}
subject: another freakin' email!Nick,
I want to beat you up!
Meet me outside in 5 minutes in the parking lot so we can
solve our problems like real men!
Jibney
NICK: Hmmm, are you asking for a-
{Zoom out to a wide shot of Nick's room. Stinkoman is standing there.}
STINKOMAN: Challeeeeeeeeenge?!
{Nick turns around and sees Stinkoman.}
NICK: Go away.
{Nick turns back to his email and continues typing. We zoom back in on him.}
NICK: Are you asking for a not even remotely challenge-like fight? Because it's no secret that I'm not exactly the strongest guy on the island. I still remember that time I entered the 10 and a halfth annual Strongest Man in the World Contest. Mainly because it happened yesterday.
{Nick holds up a photo of him being crushed under one grape. He then throws it off-screen somewheres.}
NICK: Oh, the horror. The delicious horror...
STINKOMAN: I can help you train! I'm a certified challenge training instructor!
{Nick turns around again. Wide-shot view again.}
NICK: You're still here?
STINKOMAN: I'm here all year!
NICK: Oh, why not? Go ahead, train me.
{Cue a montage. The first scene we witness is Stinkoman and Homestar watching as Nick struggles to pick up a marshmallow in The Field. He finally is able to pick it up, using both hands, but lets go, throwing it at Homestar, who then catches it in his mouth and begins chewing. We then cut to a random gym, where Nick is punching a punching bag. He keeps punching, but it doesn't even move. Stinkoman then walks up to demonstrate and punches the bag, causing it to hit Nick in the face, knocking him out cold. We now cut to Nick, badly bruised, running up a flight of stairs. He is breaking into a sweat and turning red, even. We then zoom out to see that he's only made it up the first step, somehow. Then we cut to a hospital room. Nick is laying on the bed, tired out.}
NICK: I think I'm having a burnout.
STINKOMAN: Aw, that's nothing. You should see what I make you do for the next five minute session!
NICK: I can't take all these multiple amounts of minutes! Maybe I should just... not accept the challenge.
STINKOMAN: Nonsense, everybody loves challenges! Sticklyman placed a bet against you, even.
NICK: Ow, my entire body!
{Mandy arrives through the doorway.}
MANDY: Are you okay?
NICK: No I am not. It feels like one of my faces might implode soon.
MANDY: ...you have more than one face?
STINKOMAN: His more than one faces hold the mysteries of the universe within. Best to not question them. {pulls a cup of pudding out of hammerspace and tosses it to Mandy} Enjoy some pudding!
MANDY: HUZZAH!
{Cut to the parking lot outside the Shoppotron. Several Bonus Stage, Homestar Runner, and SKF characters appear in the crowd, but I'm not gonna list 'em. But Nick is there, as is Stinkoman and Bubs.}
BUBS: Takin' bets! You guys gimme five bucks on Nick and I'll give you a shiny new penny when Jibney wins!
STINKOMAN: Remember what I taught you, Nick!
NICK: ...but all you taught me was to jump into the air and yell, "ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLEEEEEEEEENGE?!?!?!"
STINKOMAN: You just remember that and you might not die as badly! Maybe.
NICK: I don't even think this Jibney guy's showing up.
{A black-cloaked person emerges from the crowd.}
NICK: Black cloaks are pretty popular, huh?
MYSTERIOUS BLACK-CLOAK PERSON: Nickalaus Bate, I challenge you to a duel!
NICK: Is this covered by my HMO- aaagggggh!
{The cloaked person tackles Nick. Cut to Nick in the hospital again.}
NICK: Ughh... the pain. I need to bring this me-mail to a close.
{Nick's laptop is thrown at his head from across the screen.}
NICK: Thanks, off-camera person. {typing} Well, Jibney, it turns out that despite you not showing up, I got beat up anyway. I hope you're satisfied with my crappy defeat. And if you're not, then, um, shut up.
{Cut to a "the end" screen.}
