Inside the Mind a Paladin Never Sleeps
From Goggleheadarchive
I am Aelthir Baequi’via; a paladin who devotedly serves the goddess Triana. I am a very vain individual, even for an elf’s standards. One could say that it is because of how I was raised, and to be sure that is part of it, but I just come across this naturally. One would think that as such, I would prefer to stay on the back lines as a wizard or such; but it is the opposite. I am a fabulous shield that will gladly protect my family from harm or burden if I can.
It’s easy to forget the bigger picture sometimes when I’m off with my family, fighting on a mission for the Nuln Adventurer’s Guild or on a personal errand for a member of the party, and it’s even easier for others to overlook what I am behind the noblesse and the vanity I have; the latter I am personally glad for. I sometimes wonder if any of them actually believe me to have a side that is not about beauty or victory, but I know otherwise so it is neither here nor there. I’d say that I doubt it at times, but I myself know that although it is not a front, it is only part of who I really am and I will never truly forget my role in life: a cultist killer and a defender.
Cultists of Laviege, an abomination upon the world we call Reydala. They live to serve her purpose and create uncontrollable amounts of unreality in the world. They claim it is the will of the planet itself that drives Laviege and her followers to want to throw it into chaos. It is a damnable thought, and there will be no redemption for those who follow her, only justice served at the edge of my longsword in my goddess’ name.
Yet, a stiff irony befalls me and poisons my mind. Have I unwittingly helped the dark witch advance toward her goal? We carried a gem which apparently held the Deceiver within and she obtained possession of it. Now the black witch is off on some nefarious plan to break into Blackthorne. How can I as a paladin sworn to root out and defeat her minions not feel some responsibility? No, how can I as a living being not feel some responsibility for what has happened and what is to come.
I know I said I would follow Lady Alis into battle to protect her home, and as verily true as that may be; I planned on departing anyway, even if she hadn’t planned on taking the mission. It may have been safer on all of them if they hadn’t, but maybe everyone feels as responsible as I do, or have their own reasons behind all of this. Regardless, Laviege is my natural enemy and I cannot just stand idly by while she acts.
We depart in a few short hours and I feel slight fear. Not for myself, but for my family. What if I am too weak and cannot prevent them from being injured or killed in battle? I do not think I could bear such pain. When Fal did not wake up with us after Laviege’s cube, I was distraught as I had failed to protect him, to protect all of them. So, for him to use me as a means to rejoin us and be protected by my shield again is a small price to pay; and I find that I cannot stay mad at him for it. Such a thing is irrational. (Even if he did cost me about Vidar’s hand wide of hair)
That being said, I am not stupid enough to say that they should not enter a battlefield, nor do I let such a fear hold me back from doing what I can without risking everyone. So, all I can do is trust in my family, trust in myself and pray that whatever befalls us can be dealt with quickly.
However, I am selfish as I am vain. I am selfish enough to want to be able to protect everyone I love from all harm, no matter how unrealistic as that may be. I know I cannot protect everyone all the time; even at the cost of myself, but that selfish desire to protect them remains. That desire is one of the reasons I charge headfirst into battle, without care for my fabulous nature. One member of my family called it a ‘white knight syndrome’ or something like that once, and I am liable to agree.
It's not because I don't think they can take care of themselves, because I know they can... but I'm their defender. I am Aelthir Baequi'via! The shield that smites the unfabulous! It is my sworn privilege to protect my family from harm!
I have trained for nearly half a century to be able to switch back and forth from my natural fabulous personality to this fabulous shield that fights for victory and it is thanks to my goddess’s grace as well as my hard work, that I have been able to become what I am today.
I admit though, I fear death. A devout of a goddess should never fear the end; but it is more complicated than that. I fear that if I die in battle, my family will be unprotected until another faithful shield appears to defend them or the battle ends. Again, it falls back to my selfish desire. That being said, if my life would protect them for even just a little bit longer in a near impossible situation, I would gladly give it up within a heartbeat.
Thank you for allowing me to let out my thoughts, as jumbled up and probably impossible to understand as they may be. I am feeling worlds better thanks to being able to let these words out of my mind as I so often am after writing these things. With a clear mind, I will charge into battle and bring about promised victory for my goddess with my family. I can only hope that my family believes in me as I believe in them, in spite of my failures.
If by chance anyone ever comes across this letter; burn it and forget everything you’ve read on this. Chances are if you’ve come across this letter, it is because I was killed before I could burn it myself. If it is my family, I’m sorry I failed you, and doubly sorry if you’re offended by this letter in any way. May your future be bright and filled with prosperity.
With love and admiration.
Aelthir Baequi’via
The paladin put down his quill and looked at the letter quietly with a small smile on his face. He wasn’t lying when he said he felt far clearer than his trance allowed him to rest. He looked to the crumpled pieces of parchment on the desk he was sitting at and the hair that was placed in a neat pile by the corner. The ends of some of the strands were blackened, singed by Fal’s lightning ability back in the grove. The paladin could do many things with hair, but singed hair was next to impossible. The crumpled parchments were letters similar to this one, which he did not his choice of wording, or the scripture was slightly imperfect for him. Even in letting thoughts free, the paladin kept a level of fabulosity to himself; such a thing was natural. It was authentic that way, he felt.
He took some of the hair on his book and laid it gently in the center of the completed parchment. Aelthir then gingerly folded up the parchment into thirds, followed with sides folded over. He’d already performed his morning prayers and tailoring practice and washed. He hadn’t taken too much time to relax in the bath house as he would have normally done, but that was because he needed to write that letter. Dressed in only his fancy clothing, the paladin left the rented manse with the letter in hand. A quick trip to the guild bank, then through the market and he could return to the manse by breakfast. Then it was a matter of a quick suit up, dispose of the drafts and the excess hair, and then he’d be ready for the mission and the new members to his party, possibly his 'family'.
