Other Character Email 1-Up/story-time
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1-UP EMAIL #130!
The latest 1-Up email special, where the fall of Master X begins, and the shocking truth turns everything about 1-Up's world into chaos. Or is 1-Up too stupid to understand?
Cast (in order of appereance): 1-Up, Stinkoman, Tampo, Brody, Stlunko, Pan Pan, Elderly Pom Pom, Cheatball, Marzichan, Gunhaver, Green Helmet, Steve, Callum, Master X (voice only), Strong Bad, Alpha, Stinkoman X, Random Enemies, The Unguraits, The Ungurait Pharoah, Orano, Homestar Runner, Scientists, Homsar, Turkeys, Turkey Leader, Fred, George, Silent Rip, Reinforcements, Firebert, Ultramarine Laser, Blue Laser Minions, Blue Laser, 35X4 Pan Pan, 35X4 Ken, 35X4 Ben, 35X4 Brody, 35X4 Tampo, 35X4 Stlunko, Eta, Gamma 002, Sigma, Ninjabash, Trevor, Daisy, The Unguraits, Drive-Thru Whale, The Ugly One, Strong Badman
Transcript
Act I - The Will To Fight
{We open up with a view of 1-Up's work area, the first part of the "Eye of the Tiger" song plays, showing the environment of the Jaro Apartments, and where 1-Up checks his emails, it quickly shows a montage of 1-Up entering the room, sitting down.}'
1-UP: Woah, hello there, welcome to the 1-Up email special. I am your host, 1-Up... and then the rest of my name. And this'll be the most specialest email ever. And you know why? Because for once, I'm not going to go on some silly adventure fighting bad guys such as Orano, Master X and the neblonian race, but instead I will show you a reguler email. A flashback to be precised. So, basically everything that... {a shadow apears over 1-Up, and a falling noise starts}
{Stinkoman jumps in from the top, smashing the roof of 1-Up's apartment, and also crushing 1-Up as he falls, making all the wires and stuff on 1-Up viewable to the viewers.}
STINKOMAN: Argh! Dang it, get back here, challenge! {Stinkoman jumps up, off of 1-Up and runs offscreen charging up a double deuce}
1-UP: {continues as if nothing just happened, and smoke starts coming out of his crushed head} ...and that is why I think you should keep the children away from this email. It may cause' seizures to those of you who don't have a bowel of pudding, a flashlight and a copy of The Sims 2 next to you. Anyway, enjoy the email. {sits on the stool and begins typing on to his computer, singing} Once upon a time, an email came upon the town, his cloak flew in the wind, his eyes were very shifty. They called this email... "email".
{An email pops up on 1-Up's computer screen, and 1-Up then reads it out loud.}
Valuable 1-up,
Why is story this liked?
Using many puddings,
Trogador
1-UP: {reading} Valuable 1-Up. Urm, I hope that doesn't mean me. Why is story this liked? Using many puddings, the dragon formerly known as Trogador. {typing} Valuable Trogador, how could you possibly be alive after the fifth world war? Physically impossible for you to be here, you know. Also, your spelling and grammar, they are absoloutely terrible. And I know terrible, believe me.
{Cuts to a quick flashback of 1-Up when he first meets the guy.}'
1-UP: {fades in} ...says your the guy. I want to be the guy too.
STINKOMAN: No way, your just a kid, maybe when you are old- {gets interrupted by 1-Up}
1-UP: {quickly in an unclear mettalic voice} LOL STFU NOOB! LAWL, LAWL, LAWL!1111oneone
{Cut back to 1-Up typing on his computer.}
1-UP: Argh, terrible memories. {typing} Err, anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, you ask why story is liked? But, my translator says you actually mean, why do I like the story? Well, let me ask you something. What story could you be referring to? Snow White, Goldilocks, maybe the storyline to Tampo emails?
{Cuts to Tampo, Stlunko and Brody on a piece of paper, in a style similar to Teen Girl Sqaud.}
BRODY: {in demented, weird voice} Okay, gals, let's get ready to be...
TAMPO & STLUNKO: SO WHACKED!
{Then suddenly it cuts back to 1-Up on his computers, still typing.}
1-UP: {typing} Or maybe you are reffering to my email show's storylines. Well, you really want to know what I like about my email show, well, we are going to have to go back to the beggining and work our way through. Let us, recreate history, imagine you are there.
{The camera goes into a weird warp, and the screen starts to swirl like a vortex, the swirling effect then goes backwards, as you can see scenes from previous 1-Up emails playing sort of backwards, with the voices reversed and everything. Then finnally, the vortex stops at Stinkoman and 1-Up standing in front of a dojo.}
STINKOMAN: Young 1-Up, if you ever plan on becoming the guy, you have to learn the different martial arts. I don't know many myself, other then my, {gets out fists and shouts} double deeeeeuuce!
1-UP: That's great, the guy. But, my name is Kidstar, and I live on a small village near the planet Mars. Anyway, let's start learning.
{Cuts to the inside of the dojo, where both 1-Up and Stinkoman are wearing karate outfits, Stinkoman has a black belt, 1-Up has a white belt.}
STINKOMAN: First, you must learn how to master the Sharingan, a ninja art from centuries ago, that if done right, allows you to foresee your opponents moves. It is a special move that only the Uchiha clan and anybody who's allied with them can master.
1-UP: {quickly} Your an ally of that black haired guy with the curse on that fictional anime where everyone are ninjas for no reason?
{Stinkoman waves his arms around with his eyes open wide.}
STINKOMAN: Waaaagh! No, they are real! Not fictional!
{The camera zooms in on 1-Up, as he closes his eyes, and focuses as his closed eye-lids start to glow. The camera suddenly shifts towards Stinkoman.}
STINKOMAN: Urm, what are you doing?
1-UP: I may not know the shargiannana bannana, but I know another abilaty, please wait while I process your computer and swallow some sandwhiches.
STINKOMAN: Whatever, let's just see your little trick.
{1-Up's outlines begin to glow, and 1-Up opens his eyes, which are now marked in a blue line. He starts burning blue flames much like a saiyan from the Dragon Ball series.}
1-UP: Yatta! {outlines slowly return to normal}
STINKOMAN: You did it? Did what?
1-UP: Huh?
STINKOMAN: Well, Yatta means "I did it" in Japanese, however you diddn't do anything. What were you trying to do?
1-UP: An attack that my sister taught me, but you have to use a special wand to use the attack at it's full power. You have to focus, in which I- Hey, let's all have pudding!
STINKOMAN: No, we have work to do.
1-UP: Oh, right. Well, what kind of ninja skills will you be teaching me?
STINKOMAN: {short pause} For those of you who weren't paying attention... We are learning the sharingan!
1-UP: Oh, sorry. I don't like those on my pizza.
STINKOMAN: Whatever, shut up. Anyway to begin the sharingan, first you must focus all your robotic energy. Then, imagine your audience or opponent as a slice of pizza.
1-UP: {laughs} Hahaha! You look like you've got melted cheese dripping off you.
STINKOMAN: Woah, your good at seeing your opponent as a slice of pizza.
1-UP: A what-what of a what-what?
{The scene quickly changes to a montage of 1-Up training under the supervision of Stinkoman to the tune of some cool music. First it shows 1-Up banging his torso constantly against a punching bag, due to the fact he has no hands. Then it begins to change to Stinkoman and 1-Up in a cool fight, with dodges and 3D-like animation, the montage then ends withb Stinkoman punching 1-Up, 1-Up dodging and Stinkoman only slightly getting him, leaving behind a mark on 1-Up's cheek, as blood started to drip down. 1-Up just looked at the ground, eyes widened, in shock.}
STINKOMAN: Heh, you thought you could beat me? I was sooooo going easy on you! You know you couldn't possibly defeat the greatest fighter in the world, me.
1-UP: I... the guy...
STINKOMAN: Huh?
{Some happy music plays, and the camera shows 1-Up's mouth, as he smiles and wipes the blood away with the hands he doesn't have.}
1-UP: I want to be the guy too, the second guy, the great guy! And I won't let anything get in the way of that!
STINKOMAN: {chuckles slightly} I see you have the will to continue fighting. But, that is still not the guy material. A "the guy" is an elite fighter, a champion and a leader. You are none of those, you've never even beaten me in a fight.
1-UP: But, it's because of my low intelligence that I can't do those things.
STINKOMAN: Well, at least you are self-aware of your stupidity.
1-UP: I'm not stupid! I'm just not smart! That doesn't make me stupid though.
STINKOMAN: Well, I've gotten you a special tutor, and I promise that if you, Kidstar, defeat this guy, then you'll be on your first step to being the guy.
1-UP: Oh, okay. So who is it? Some elite ninja?
STINKOMAN: Not exactly, however he is a special kind of ninja, that has some pretty special powers. His name is Pan Pan, he is a loyal and kind-hearted member of Pom Pom's ninja team, consisting of himself, Pom Pom and Cheatball who has proven his worth to this dojo. He is a pretty nice person. Strong Bad, bring Pom Pom and his team inside.
{An old and wrinkly Strong Bad walks in with an wrinkly, old Pom Pom by his side. There is also Pan Pan standing next to Pom Pom, who is holding Cheatball in his hand.}
1-UP: Bu- buh- but... they are all fat and round.
STINKOMAN: Don't doubt their skills, they are silent, however quite deadly, expeccially with their combined Cheatball Vornado move.
{Pan Pan's angry eyes starting shining in the light as the camera shifts, as he jumps up over to 1-Up and throws him up into the air, kicking him constantly.}
1-UP: Gah, ow, oh, fat guy, that, hurts. Stop it.
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang! {Pan Pan throws in a final kick which makes 1-Up go flying into a nearby wall.}
{As the camera shows 1-Up crashing into 1-Up, Stinkoman and Strong Bad can be seen in the background, exiting the room.}
1-UP: {hits wall, and lands on the floor near the wall} Ow. That sort of hurt. {gets up}
{Pan Pan gets out a katana, and starts swinging it quickly around, and moving around in a spinning-like way. 1-Up continues dodging for his life, as he makes his way for the door.}
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang! Baddalaaaang! Aaaang!
1-UP: {still dodging} Listen, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't understand what you're saying.
{The flashback ends, and it cuts back to 1-Up in the real world, standing near his computer, not sitting on his stool.}
1-UP: Good times, {sighs} good times. Oh well, I suppose I can always get Stinkoman to teach me again at that exact same dojo.
{Stinkoman jumps in and waves one of his arms.}
STINKOMAN: No, no, no! There is no need to go to that dojo, Pan Pan is definetely not there, working on a time machine!
1-UP: Oh, okay. But, if he was there building a time machine, I'd probably steal it and go back in time... again!
STINKOMAN: This is like... what? The seven hundrenth time you've done this?
1-UP: Actually, just a hundred and thirty.
STINKOMAN: Oh, okay then. So anyway, how are things going, kid?
1-UP: Oh, nothing much has changed. I was just thinking about how cool Pan Pan used to be, before he became a part of our trio.
{Camera closes in on Stinkoman is shrugging his shoulders.}
STINKOMAN: He wasn't thaaaat great. He may of had a bit of swift moves, but after he became lazy and started doing nothing, but eat corn chips all day, he lost his abilaty to fight.
1-UP: Maybe I should go on another adventure, and bring Pan Pan along so that-
{Sudden cut to 1-Up sinking in quicksand in a huge desert.}
1-UP: Waaagh! Sudden background chaaaaaange! {1-Up's voice fades out, as he shouts.}
{Marzipan's head pokes in on the side of the screen, annoyed.}
MARZICHAN: How do you get into these situations?
1-UP: I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the Strong-o Bad-io email show, after all, in our last email we helped the Poopsmith, that must've caused some kind of paradoxial thiny.
{Marzichan leaves as 1-Up continues to sink into the quicksand, the camera then zooms on 1-Up's eyes, as he looks up into the sky and the screen flashes white, revealing yet another flashback. This time it cuts to the outside of the dojo, where Pan Pan, Stinkoman and 1-Up are all walking down the grassy field, stopping in front of a McPrawny's resteraunt. Cheatball is being held by Pan Pan in his arms.}
STINKOMAN: Let's stop by McPrawie's. I'm hungry for some prawns and possibly a pancake breakfast meal deal.
1-UP: I want to get the Happy Meal before the "Best Fighters Ever" toys run out. They are only available for a limited time oooooonly!
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang, baddalang!
CHEATBALL: Cheatball, cheatball.
1-UP: Wagh! It's a Pokémon, I got to catch this Cheatball! {1-Up gets out a tiny Pokéball-like object and throws it at the Cheatball.}
{It hits the Cheatball on the head, does nothing, but leaves behind a huge bump. Cheatball begins to cry.}
1-UP: Looks like those McPrawnie's toys don't work after all.
PAN PAN: {angrily at 1-Up, patting Cheatball on the head} Baddalang, lang-lang!
1-UP: Gee, I'm sorry. I diddn't mean to hurt the Cheatball. I just wanted to capture him in a tiny ball, and put him in fights against other creatures against his will, resulting in animal cruelty.
{Pan Pan just stares at 1-Up, confusingly.}
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang?
1-UP: Urm, nevermind. Let's just go inside and eat. I am so hungry I could eat a dodongo.
STINKOMAN: Whatever, let's enter this McPrawnie's resteraunt, and prepare for the delicious challenges inside.
{All three of them walk into the McPrawnie's resteraunt, as the door swings open. Pan Pan is still holding Cheatball. Marzichan walks over to the three in a McPrawnie's uniform.}
MARZICHAN: Welcome to McPrawnie's, where all our prawns are as fresh as exty-two.
1-UP: Huh? Marzichan? What are you doing here?
MARZICHAN: {angrily} I work here now, I have to pay for the damages you did to the house. I need that money... and you better not make fun of this stupid uniform!
1-UP: Actually, I was going to ask you if I could have a table for three.
STINKOMAN: {shouts} And we want the praaaaawns deluxe deal!
MARZICHAN: {looks at the Cheatball} I'm sorry. No pets allowed in here, Pan Pan.
PAN PAN: {angrily} Badalang, badalang, badalang!
MARZICHAN: Well, I'm sorry, but that Cheatball will get fur on the sofas.
1-UP: Hmm, but, Pan Pan's holding him. How could Cheatball get fur on the sofa?
{Stinkoman sighs with boredom, as the camera zooms in on him while 1-Up and Marzichan's arguing voices go faint. Stinkoman realises a robot outside, unharmed and in perfect condition.}
STINKOMAN: {closes eyes, grinding his teeth} Must... resist urge... to challenge... robot!
1-UP: {offscreen} Stinkoman, are you okay?
STINKOMAN: Trying... to... resist... major urges!
1-UP: Pudding normally helps me when I have an urge to do something crazy.
STINKOMAN: Urm, right, so anyway... {voice fades out}
{Everything goes dark, except for 1-Up who looks at the camera and let's off a smile.}
1-UP: Hi, I'm reguler 1-Up. Now you may be thinking, this is pretty predictible of the author of 1-Up emails, to make a scene go on for so long, to make me seem smart and most astonishing of all, to hold a conversation for more then twenty minutes where as other email shows clearly kee to the same scene for twenty minutes. Now we shall cut to a commercial... {pauses} after these messages.
{The scene cuts to Gunhaver in a bear suit, in front of Blue Laser HQ.}
GUNHAVER: Come and get it, laser blue! You will never ever get me!
{The screen darkens as Gunhaver goes into the Blue Laser HQ.}
NARRATOR: {voice only} Don't miss this very tragic episode of Gunhaver emails.
{Cut to a green-helmeted the Cheat on the battle field, crawling up to the Cheat Commandos Playset very slowly, a blur that takes the shape of Reynold comes in.}
REYNOLD: John, are you alright?
JOHN: I have a disease... I think I'm going to die.
{A "dun... dun... DUN!" sound is heard as the camera zooms in on John (the green helmet Cheat Commando). The scene fades away. Cut to Steve and Callum in a fight.}
STEVE: Brother... you must've do this.
CALLUM: I have a dear secret, young brother. I must tell you...
STEVE: What is it...?
NARRATOR: Don't miss the final finale of final finales ever! {the soundtrack cuts off, and everything goes black} I'm sorry, every-peoples. I have just been informed that Gunhaver emails has been cancelled, tune in for a new Powered by the Cheat, next Blursday.
{There is a fade in to the next scene, where it shows 1-Up, Stinkoman and Pan Pan, still holding the Cheatball, leaving the resteraunt.}
1-UP: {walking} Well, that was interesting. So, what now? Should we-
NARRATOR: {glitched voice} Final finale... finale... fin- fin- smoke! Young brother- tell- secret! Tampo- bleh!
(Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pan Pan just look at the screen confused.}
1-UP: Okay... then... Stinkoman, explain what that was.
STINKOMAN: I can't. It was just toooooo confusing! {pouts} It was just soooooo too confusing!
1-UP: Well, okay then. That was weird.
{The camera zooms in on 1-Up's head, there's another flashback taking place. In this one, 1-Up and Pan Pan are at a school, throwing the bal back and forward and catching it, despite 1-Up's lack of hands.}
1-UP: {throws ball} So, how's your dad?
{Pan Pan just gives a sad look as he catches the ball, and then angrily looks at 1-Up, and threw the ball back at him at extreme speed. 1-Up is now knocked out, but he as he lays on the ground he slightly opens his eye.}
1-UP: {weary} How... was I... supposed... to know... he wasn't... {closes eyes again}
{As 1-Up loses consciousness, as Stinkoman runs in and picks him up and drops on to the ground again, making a bump appear on 1-Up's head.}
STINKOMAN: Thaaaaaat's for eating all my breakfast pudding last time you were at my house, 1-Up!
{Stinkoman runs off. Pan Pan bounces off, angrily, and the camera zooms in on 1-Up. Fade in to 1-Up, Stinkoman and Pan Pan present-day at Stinkoman HQ, who are each enjoying a burger at a table, sitting in front of a television.}
TELEVISION: And that is why the noob universe was destroyed last week. Now on to bigger news, a robotic body has been found, deactivated and identified to be Stinko-
{1-Up turns the television off, as he takes another bite of his hamburger.}
1-UP: Bah, there's nothing good on. Why can't anything interesting ever happen?
STINKOMAN: Well, that noob universe being destroyed story was interesting.
1-UP: Yeah, well, how's Strong Bad?
{Stinkoman sighs, and looks at floor sadly.}
1-UP: Oh, sorry I mentioned it. {1-Up gave a sigh as well, as he lowered his head and his torso turned slightly.}
{Pan Pan gets up and bounces offscreen, and then bounces back onscreen with a beer bottle labelled "Cold One" and another bottle labelled "Definetely Not Tortan", and Pan Pan hands the green bottle to 1-Up and the brown one to Stinkoman.}
STINKOMAN: {sadly} I'm not in the moooo-oooo-oooood for a cold one, but thanks anyway, Pan Pan.
{As Stinkoman says this, 1-Up snatches the green bottle happily off of Pan Pan, drinks it and suddenly falls back on to his chair, as he loses consciousness once again, much like his flashback.}
PAN PAN: Badalang, badalang, badalang! {laughs}
{The scene fades to black, as it cuts to Stinkoman and Pan Pan dragging a bag with 1-Up's head poking out to a river in the 20X6 field.}
STINKOMAN: Goodbye, 1-Up. You will die, the same way our fathers did.
{Stinkoman's right eye starts glowing red, as his face goes all dark, it kind of resembles Master X's face. Pan Pan and Stinkoman push the bag into the water, and the camera zooms in on the ocean, showing 1-Up sinking down to the bottom, his head catches fire, because he's a robot and some electrical sparks come off the edges of the bag. Cut back to Stinkoman as it zooms in on Stinkoman's face.}
STINKOMAN: {in metallic voice} Master X is back... baby!
Act II - Recruiting Fighters
{The screen flashes white, as it reveals a cloudy border. It is a flashback, starting with a view of Strong Bad's house.}
STRONG BAD: {old croaky voice, voice only} It seems my work is far from complete. Nor, will it be completed, within my lifetime. My hands are no longer steady enough to work the equipment, and too many people, have already died from their involvement in the project.
{The camera now shows, a half-complete Stinkoman in a capsule in a laboratory-like place.}
STRONG BAD: {voice only} I've made modifications to the capsule so that it'll retain it's integreity. And continue working after I... {starts having trouble breathing} After I have passed.
{The camera very slowly zooms in on Stinkoman's incomplete body, you see his upper-half, until it gets to the part under the arms, after that it looks grey with millions of wires poking out, and it looks very robotic.}
STRONG BAD: {voice only} This project is different from the rest. The "Stinkoman" project will change everything as we know it. He is both, remarkable, and dangerous. And if it wasn't for my little brother's sacrifice, "he" would've taken my life as well. But if what he told me, is true, {coughs} what is yet to come, I know this is the right path. I trust that Homestar will watch over the empire, until they are ready. Proffesor Strong Carmelow Bad, final report, October 18th, 2013... {coughs, and then silence}
{Fade to black, cut back open to 1-Up sinking to the bottom of the ocean, whereas he he finally lands laying down softly in his bag, he struggles out of it and stands up before opening his eyes to see nothing except seewead, water and a few squids.}
1-UP: Great, no pudding underwater now-bzzt-LET US WIN THE LOTTERY!
{1-Up starts jumping around all over the place, he tilts his head and bends his torso over constantly in different directions, his eyes spark a light blue with a yellow outline.}
1-UP: {sort-of reverse speaking} Eyeball apple-bzzt-PEEEAR! Pear... pear... eat the eyeball bear.
{1-Up's legs look demented and he starts walking forward a little weirdly, but collapses on the ground and deactivates. The camera pans over to 1-Up's eyes, so the viewer can actually see what 1-Up is seeing in a first-person view.}
1-UP: Must-bzzt-answer the question... what is story liked? I think I'd-bzzt-need a translator for that.
NARRATOR: {narrating the 1-Up email} And so, the white robot known as 1-Up set out on his not-so well-known quest to find an email translator. Too bad it is back on his computer. Ohoho... let's watch as 1-Up starts a quest.
{The Lord of the Rings theme plays as you see 1-Up through a huge montage of climbing mountains, and enduring blustering winds and scorching deserts, underwater. The montage ends, as he crawls out of the water and on to a beach.}
1-UP: I made it out of the water. Now I must find a translator.
{You can see a glitched-up, demented and very-much damaged Alpha approaching 1-Up.}
1-UP: Alpha, how did you? Why is-
ALPHA: There is no time, Master X has possessed Stinkoman.
1-UP: I know that, but how did-
ALPHA: Enough, okay? {shakes 1-Up} Just let me speak. So, anyway, Strong Bad has made two lines of robotic androids. The S-line and the B-line. Do you know what the S-line of robots have in common?
1-UP: Err, they were made by Strong Strong?
ALPHA: No, that's not it. The S-line has the abilaty to morph with another robot of that type, if badly damaged. They can attach to each other and combine into an awesome mech warrior.
1-UP: So... the remains Master X has Stinkoman?
ALPHA: Yes.
1-UP: I don't know, man. You guys, you are the cause' of my adventures... and I don't want my show to have a plot. Not anymore.
ALPHA: Don't you get it though? If you kill Master X and me then you will get the email show you've always wanted... no plots, no adventures, and no more bad guys.
1-UP: Are you serious?
{The camera zooms in on Alpha's damaged face as he nods, as the camera zooms out again, 1-Up appears to be gone.}
ALPHA: 1-Up?
{Suddenly, a truck falls from the top of the screen and hits the beach sand, which appareantly, 1-Up is driving.}
1-UP: Come on, let's go destroy Master X. Get in, now!
{Alpha chuckles slightly at 1-Up's sudden want to destroy and goes into the other side of the truck. Cut to a Stinkoman/Master X hybrid which we shall just refer to as "Stinkoman X" for transcription reasons only. Stinkoman X is in Stinkoman HQ getting a bunch of Jaros and things to recreate the place.}
STINKOMAN X: Excellent, after the finishing touches to my new evil lair, I shall begin work on my laser which shall hit the moon, the moon's cities will be unable to defend the unknown blast, but the citizens will have no choice, but to counter attack. The huge counter attack will blow up Planet K, in the confusion, all planets in the universe will go to war.
{Pause.}
RANDOM JARO: That's the worst plan ever. That idea is way too confusing and unrealistic.
STINKOMAN X: When you have been in the 1-Up email show as long as I have, unrealistic means nothing anymore! Besides, I have Stinkoman's stupidity.
RANDOM JARO: Whatever.
{Cut back to 1-Up and Alpha driving in a truck, on the highway with a bunch of other trucks. 1-Up keeps dodging traffic.}
ALPHA: Urm, your heading the wrong way. Where are you going?
1-UP: I'm getting help, and the marshmellow/pudding combo meal at Marshmellow's Last Stand.
ALPHA: Help?
1-UP: Yes, but I'll need a time machine, an alternate universe travelling machine and my lifetime supply of pudding.
ALPHA: {looks at camera with a tired look} It's too bad this is cannon.
1-UP: Well, too bad. It's cannon to the main storyline.
ALPHA: Well, okay. But who are you getting help from?
1-UP: Some old friends.
{Cut to Tampo, Brody and Stlunko at the Lava Zone, the three of them are just talking. As many Poorbts run passed in the background and foreground.}
BRODY: So...
{Before Brody can continue what he was going to say, 1-Up's truck crashes through the wall of the Lava Zone and screeches to a stop as it enters. 1-Up gets out of the truck, and runs up to the boss trio.}
1-UP: Stlunko, Brody, Tampo... the Boss Trio. I ask of your help, this is urgent, I assure you.
{Pause.}
BRODY: Tampo, did you teach 1-Up how to speak during our last encounter with him?
TAMPO: Why would I do that? I don't have time to waste with morons. Where did you learn to speak intelligent, 1-Up?
1-UP: One word, Mitchell.
STLUNKO: That explains it.
BRODY: So, why are you here, white one?
1-UP: I need your help.
BRODY: Sadly we must decline, we don't help any friends of the evil Stinkoman.
1-UP: But, I am no longer helping that rotten Stinkoman. He's trying to destroy the planet.
BRODY: Listen, we have our own problems.
TAMPO: We'll just leave this to you, okay, Brody?
{Tampo goes off with Stlunko.}
1-UP: Your problems don't apply anymore, once this planet is gone-
BRODY: How many times have there been a villian in your email show which claims he'll "take over" or "destroy" the world, only to be thwarted by you and you alone? You don't need us.
1-UP: How about this? If you help me, then I will give you my Jaro-based robots, Ben and Ken.
BRODY: Well, okay then. Seems fair, what can these Jaros do.
1-UP: I forgot, but I remember that onetime when I went to the future and your future... things...
{Brody gives 1-Up a confused look.}
BRODY: You mean, our future minions?
1-UP: No, that's not it.
BRODY: Future selves?
1-UP: That's it. Your mean, grumpy future selves had many minions and those two Jaros, Ben and Ken were a part of your minion group. And I was rebelling against you.
BRODY: What were you doing in the future in the first place?
1-UP: Oh, I was trying to escape getting in trouble with my parents.
BRODY: Parents? I thought you were a robot? How- Actually, don't answer that. If I know you as well as I do, I'm pretty sure your answer will be stupid and confusing and full of things that'll lead to more questioning.
1-UP: Right you are, young chap. Right you are.
BRODY: Don't call me that again.
1-UP: Yes, captain!
{Brody just angrily looks at 1-Up.}
BRODY: I'll accept your deal, but only if I never see or hear from you again. Is that clear?
1-UP: Yes, captain!
BRODY: Let's just get this over with...
1-UP: Yes, captain!
{Brody sighs, as it fades to black. Cut back to 1-Up, Alpha, Brody, Tampo and Stlunko travelling through the 20X6 field.}
ALPHA: Where are we going now, 1-Up?
1-UP: To get Pan Pan, Pom Pom, Cheatball,
TAMPO: What? Fat, fatter and fattest?
1-UP: {happily} Yeah, them.
ALPHA: You know, 1-Up. Despite the fact I am you, we're the exact opposite. I've got intelligence, you've got the resources and strength to beat your opponent.
1-UP: Thanks.
BRODY: Err, 1-Up. I think he just called you "stupid".
1-UP: Yeah, I know.
{Short pause.}
BRODY: Okay then...
{Open up to show a dojo where Pan Pan and Pom Pom are fighting with swords. Suddenly, Cheatball falls from the top of the screen and lands in Pan Pan's hand and he throws it at Pom Pom, which hits Pom Pom and he ends up falling over on his back and unable to get up, struggling like a turtle.}
PAN PAN: {sort of laughs in a bubbling way}
{1-Up walks in and helps Pom Pom up.}
1-UP: You alright there, Pom Pom?
STINKOMAN: Your getting old, poo-poom, you need to think about retiring or maybe some bingo challenges. Hubbila-hup!
1-UP: Yeah, what the guy said.
{Pom Pom bubbles angrily at 1-Up as if he were saying "I'm not getting old".}
BRODY: {faintly, offscreen} We'll just stay outside. I can't fit through the... {fades out}
1-UP: So {turns to Pan Pan} Pan Pan, are you thinking about joining my rebellion towards Stinkoman?
PAN PAN: Badalang, badalang, badalang.
1-UP: Yes, yes. I'll teach you how to speak casual English by the 30X0's. Just get yourself and Cheatball into the truck parked outside.
POM POM: {bubbles}
STINKOMAN: Pom Pom wants to come as well.
1-UP: I don't know. He's too old and wrinkly and smells like rotten socks.
ALPHA: I guess he could come, we'll need someone with some knowledge of how Stinkoman was created so we can damage his weak points.
1-UP: It's just too bad Ben is dead. He would've been very useful.
ALPHA: {not really listening} Yeah, shame. Let's just go.
{Screen wipe, and it cuts to 1-Up, Alpha, Pom Pom, Pan Pan and Cheatball travelling through Challenge City in a big truck, of course with the exception of Tampo, Brody and Stlunko who are too big to fit in the truck, they just follow behind. Stinkoman X is watching this on a huge television screen.}
STINKOMAN X: Hmm, they might get in my way. Time for some cliche villian acts of evil. Muhahahaha!
{It then cuts back to 1-Up and his friends in the truck and behind the truck.}
1-UP: Next I will go back in time and get the Cheat Commandos and the Unguraits and their friends.
ALPHA: Don't we already have enough people to beat X?
1-UP: I've witnessed both Stinkoman and Master X's powers, and I know what they can and can't do, I won't be able to beat them, but I know a lot of people, past, present and future that can beat him.
ALPHA: Past, present and future?
1-UP: Yes, I even have a list of who they are, their powers and what time period they're- What the...?
{In the distance, there is an army of Unguraits there with their Ungurait Pharoah.}
UNGURAIT PHAROAH: {shouts} ATTACK!!!
{The truck suddenly halts to a stop, making a screeching noise, and turns around and drives the other way, as all the Unguraits start charging after the truck.}
1-UP: {worried} We're going to die, we're going to die, we're going to die!
{Tampo and Stlunko just stop and look at the army of Unguraits charging toward them.}
TAMPO: I don't know why we should help our enemy, but we may as well hold them off. Any ideas?
STLUNKO: Negative. But I could use my fists.
TAMPO: Good idea.
{Cut back to the truck, driving pretty quickly tripping over some bumps in the ground, but overall, driving smoothly.}
ALPHA: Tampo and Stlunko are doing a good job holding those guys back.
1-UP: {ignoring Alpha} Yeah... my favourite episode is the one where he fights that guy with really long grey hair.
ALPHA: This is no time to be talking about- You mean Sephiroth from Final Fantasy: Advent Children? I have that DVD back at home.
1-UP: {smiles happily} Great!
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang!
1-UP: You're right, Pan Pan. We should focus, I can't believe our best friend has been taken over by X, it's pretty hard. If it was someone else, Stinkoman would have come along with us, and being the guy and all...
PAN PAN: Baddalang.
POM POM: {bubbles}
1-UP: You said it, Pom Pom.
{1-Up's eyes widen as he parks the truck in front of a graveyard.}
1-UP: ...I don't believe it.
{Brody hovers his head over the truck and looks at 1-Up through the window.}
BRODY: Believe, what?
1-UP: I feel like... I've been here before.
{1-Up flings open the door of the truck, hitting Brody in the eye and making him fall backwards, 1-Up then runs over to one of the graves and rubs some dust off it with his torso.}
1-UP: It's him.
PAN PAN: Baddalang?
ALPHA: Who? You aren't being very specific?
CHEATBALL: Cheatball.
1-UP: It's... it's... my dad. Homestar. I thought he was still alive.
{Brody is in the background, getting up off the ground, covering his injured eye with his wing.}
BRODY: It's unfortunate, 1-Up. Some people just die.
1-UP: No, it's the date... it says November 12th, 2028.
PAN PAN: {surprised} Baddalang, baddalang, baddalang!
POM POM: {bubbles, in surprise}
{An man in the distance, just a silhoutte approaches them.}
MAN: Oh, I know what happened.
1-UP: Do I know you?
MAN: You might... I'm your worst fear, your nightmare...
{The man comes out of the darkness revealing he is actually Orano, only badly injured and with his right arm cut off, bleeding.}
ORANO: And your doom...
1-UP: Oh my crap! It's Spider-Man!
{Pan Pan, Pom Pom and Alpha all quickly got out of the truck and ran to 1-Up's side, looking at Orano angrily, leaving Cheatball in the car.}
ORANO: Hehe... you think you can just beat me.
1-UP: What you don't understand is, I currently have the advantage. Y'see, I'm perfectly fine and you have one of your arms torn off.
{Cut to a close-up of Orano.}
ORANO: On the contrary, my old chum.
{Orano runs over to 1-Up and bites him on the shoulder, making 1-Up scream in pain and fall to the ground. Soon after, Orano also screams in pain for absoloutely no reason, and falls to the ground.}
ALPHA: 1-Up?
{Alpha kneels down and shakes 1-Up a bit, with a frightened look on his face.}
ALPHA: 1-UP?!?!!
{Alpha starts shaking him a lot, and then stops and checks if he's breathing.}
ALPHA: He's not breathing.
PAN PAN: {sadly} Baddalang?
BRODY: Is he dead?
ALPHA: I think so.
BRODY: Good, I was getting sick of him. Now the master will be proud, that Stinkoman's best friend is dead.
POM POM: {bubbles angrily}
{Brody just laughs and runs off. The camera then zooms in on the dead 1-Up, he suddenly opens his eyes and gets up.}
1-UP: Hi, every-people's.
ALPHA: You're still alive?! But... but...
1-UP: Yes, I'm still alive.
ALPHA: But, you weren't breathing.
1-UP: I never breathe. I'm a robot. Remember?
ALPHA: Oh, that's right.
1-UP: Something weird is... I can't... PUUDING!
{1-Up's eyes glow purple... then green, and then red. And they colours keep changing in a loop, as the bite on 1-Up's shoulder turns into a curse mark.}
1-UP: {with Orano's voice} First one arm, now no arms. Oh, well, I can't be picky. Muhahahaha!
ALPHA: Orano?!
POSSESSED 1-UP: You better believe it! Hehe...
{Pom Pom quickly runs back to the truck and grabs Cheatball, runs back, and hands in to Pan Pan. And then, Pan Pan, Pom Pom and Alpha all strike an anime fighting pose.}
ALPHA: Like Stinkoman would say, "20X6!"
Act III - Past, Present & Future
{Open up to a deactivated 1-Up, standing right next to Homestar Runner and Strong bad in some laboratory, it looks much like a redecorated version of Strong Bad's basement.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Will it be a terrific athlete too? Will it be a boy or girl? When is Marzipan giving birth?!
STRONG BAD: For the last time, it's a robot! Not a baby!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {frowns} Oh... oh... urm... robot?
STRONG BAD: Yes, a robot.
{There is a short pause as Strong Bad continues working on 1-Up's robotic exoskeleton. Homestar smiles again.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: So... when are you giving birth, Strong Bad-dad?
{Strong Bad jumps up in surprise.}
STRONG BAD: WHAT?!
1-UP: 1-Up unit activated.
STRONG BAD: What?! I didn't activate you! How'd you activate?!
1-UP: Woah, holy crap. This is weird. I feel young again. Dad? And dad's friend that checks emails?
{Strong Bad and Homestar just stare at 1-Up, confused.}
1-UP: What year is it?
STRONG BAD: Deactivate immediately!
1-UP: No, I don't want to. I want to- Urrm, so where's your kitchen?
STRONG BAD: Backup code, zero-three-two-five. Deactivate!
{A powering down noise is heard as 1-Up deactivates again.}
STRONG BAD: That was weird, how did 1-Up activate without me saying the activation code?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's a boy!
{Homestar gets out a Chinese firecracker.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yaay!
STRONG BAD: {fake cough} ...idiot... {more fake coughing}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Bless you.
STRONG BAD: It was a cough, not a sneeze.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Potatoe chips.
{Homestar runs around the room screaming. strong Bad puts his boxing glove to his forehead and sighs.}
STRONG BAD: He gets dumber every year.
{1-Up activates again.}
1-UP: Woah, that was weird... my mouth tastes like, static electricity. And what better way is there to get rid of static electrici-taste then with pudding?
{1-Up runs through a sliding door, litterally crashing through it as it cuts to the kitchen. 1-Up goes through the fridge and it shows Homestar walking up behind him.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hello, baby boy. I'm your mother! You can call me... urm... "mother"!
{Homestar nudges 1-Up with the part of his torso where his shoulder would be.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Come on, Mr. 1-Up-man. I'll buy you a coke.
1-UP: Sorry, coke makes bubbly juices that burn my tongue. I prefer pudding!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {gasps} You are not my son! {angrily} GET OUT!
{Outside the kitchen, an alarm can be heard, and Strong Bad runs in through the hole in the door that 1-Up left.}
STRONG BAD: There is trouble, Dark Death and his legion of Auhsoj are coming to attack us with the power of Ikiw.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wow, this is trouble.
STRONG BAD: I'm afraid the citizens of Free Country, USA are in danger. We are going to have to send both Stinkoman and 1-Up to a underground facilaty in Kyoto, Japan.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I guess I'm okay with that...but, I just got to know him.
STRONG BAD: If we don't die, Homestar. You can meet him again.
1-UP: I already know what's going to happen. You won't die, you'll die after the two year war due to an injury you two get which gets infected and you die of natural causes in mid-205X.
{Strong Bad and Homestar just look at 1-Up.}
STRONG BAD: Well, okay then. Come on, we have to go stop Dark Death.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't worry, I know just how to do it. We have to recruit the Sneak Commandos, a few versions of me from an alternate universe and maybe Trevor and Booty.
STRONG BAD: Okay then. Let's start recruiting.
{Strong Bad and Homestar run offscreen, leaving 1-Up there.}
1-UP: Wow, that was interesting. I wonder if they have any Pocky.
{Fade to black. Cut open to a view of Pan Pan fighting off against the possessed 1-Up.}
POSSESSED 1-UP: You guys think you can beat the master of the undead!
{Pan Pan throws Cheatball at the possessed 1-Up, making it explode into a puff of green smoke. As this happens, 1-Up starts coughing, falling back on to the ground.}
POSSESSED 1-UP: Urrgh, you'll pay for that!
BRODY: Shut up.
{Brody makes an attempt to squish 1-Up under his foot, but the possessed 1-Up is able to use his strength to lift Brody's foot with his torso and throw him in the opposite direction. It is at that very moment that 1-Up's eyes return to it's original color. He walks around for a while, a bit dizzy, before collapsing on to the ground. Alpha and Pom Pom run over to 1-Up and picks him up.}
1-UP: Wow... I had this weird dream that something weird was happening... it was like I w- wa-- was in the-- paassuuurgh...
{1-Up deactivates.}
ALPHA: Crap, it looks like 1-Up is no longer with us, we'll have to go on and beat Stinkoman ourselves.
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang, baddalang.
ALPHA: You're right, Pan Pan. We can't fight Stinkoman without him, he may not have been aware of it, but he had the most strength out of all of us. But, it looks like we'll have to go on alone.
{Pom Pom bubbles.}
ALPHA: Oh, right. His email show, maybe we could read the remaining emails in his inbox.
BRODY: How about... err... NO!?
ALPHA: Okay, okay. Fine. Besides, we have some more people to recruit for the rebellion against Master X. Come on, guys.
{Alpha, Pom Pom and Pan Pan get back into the truck, stuffing 1-Up's body in the back seat, before driving off again. It then fades to black, and cuts to a screen of 1-Up's computer saying "Two hours later..." It then cuts back to the truck, driving up to a building in Challenge City.}
BRODY: {following behind truck} Wow, how conveniate that everyone in 20X6 can buy houses about 56 floors tall.
ALPHA: Wow, indeed. This is the place. I'm sure of it.
{Alpha walks into the front entrance, followed by Pom Pom and then Pan Pan. Then Brody makes an attempt to walk in casually but makes a huge "Brody"-shaped hole in the wall.}
ALPHA: You idiot! This building only has four walls and you broke the fourth wall!
BRODY: {sarcastically} Well, who hasn't?
{Alpha walks up to two scientists who are working on some sort of strange device behind them, they are both starring weirdly at Brody. About two seconds later, they turn their attention towards Alpha.}
SCIENTIST #1: You must be 1-Up's brother...or uncle, or something like that. Gunhaver is already expecting you in the past.
ALPHA: What? How can they already know of our arrival?
BRODY: Oh, I forgot to mention. While we were fighting 1-Up at that place, I phoned ahead, and told them to tell Gunhaver.
ALPHA: Wow, how conveniate.
{The scientists open up a portal on the machine behind them, by pressing a button on their control panel.}
SCIENTIST #1: This is pretty primitive equiptment so I suggest you go in one at a time.
ALPHA: Well, okay.
{Alpha enters, about five seconds later Pan Pan follows. Another five seconds pass and Pom Pom enters. None of them seem to remember 1-Up still being in the backseat of the truck.}
SCIENTIST #1: Do you think they'll be okay?
SCIENTIST #2: For the first part of the trip, after that... they'll be in our trap.
SCIENTIST #1: Excellent.
{Fade to black. Cut open to the outside of the entrance to Cheat Commandos HQ, where Gunhaver can be seen relaxing on one of those lay-out chairs with Reynold and Steve.}
REYNOLD: Do you think I ever would've made it with Foxface?
GUNHAVER: {ignores Reynold} Sure, whatever you say, Kennel.
REYNOLD: Reynold.
GUNHAVER: Oh, sorry. That's what I meant. Gerald.
REYNOLD: Reyno-
GUNHAVER: What in blue blazes is that thing?
{A portal appears out of nowhere and Alpha, Pom Pom, Pan Pan and Brody walk out of the portal. Gunhaver walks over to Alpha and punches him in the shoulder with a smile, as a greeting.}
GUNHAVER: Hey, hey! It's my old buddy, 1-Up! Care to relax with my friends, Steve and Mary?
{Reynold's face goes red with anger.}
REYNOLD: Reyno-
ALPHA: No thank you. We are here because a post-apocalyptic future counterpart of the Debug Force has intentions to destroy the world, due to some malfunction in his technology. We wish to recruit any Cheat Commandos you have and also borrow some weaponry from you.
STEVE: Sorry, but you can't. We are on our day off and wish not to be-
GUNHAVER: What's that?! Blue Laser plans on blowing up the world! That is so like them! Come on, Cheat Commandos! Let's rock, rock on!
ALPHA: What? I didn't say a thing about Blue Las-
GUNHAVER: Oh, and you can use our weaponry!
ALPHA: Jeez, do you choose to ignore everyone?
GUNHAVER: No, 1-Up! This is no time for pancakes!
ALPHA: I'll take that as a "yes".
STEVE: 1-Up, I'll take you to our weaponry bays, you can choose any guns and any recruits you wish to have on your adventure.
{Gunk Iller walks out of the HQ entrance, and looks up at Alpha.}
GUNK ILLER: Oh, it's 1-Up.
ALPHA: Who's this?
GUNHAVER: This is my long lost evil brother who I met working for Blue Laser temporarily, until he screwed up a mission. They were torturing him and I save him... and now he works for us! And now we can torture him! {smiles}
GUNK ILLER: Yeah... yeah, well... {mumbles some swears and walks offscreen}
ALPHA: I like that commando, what's his name?
GUNHAVER: Gunk iller.
ALPHA: Eww, is that why he had green gunk dripping from his face?
GUNHAVER: Yep.
ALPHA: Forget him. My gunk is plenty ill already.
{Cut back to the present, where in the back of the truck from earlier, 1-Up is still laying there. He opens his eyes and suddenly reactivates.}
1-UP: Wow, how many times have I been deactivated today? I'm hungry! Where's my friends?
{1-Up jumps out of the truck and smiles, before looking around.}
1-UP: Hmm, I wonder what there is to do. I know, I could check another email.
{Homsar comes down from the top of the screen, upside down, with the AMV 'X6 in his mouth. 1-Up grabs it.}
1-UP: Thank you, Homsar.
{Homsar goes back into the top of the screen.}
1-UP: {singing} Checkin' ma email. Got to check an email. Email, email! Here comes the email!
{The camera zooms in on 1-Up and the computer so you can see the email. He opens up an email completely at random.}
Dear Extraman,
You shall come to the
big hole in the ground.
I won't tell why, but it
is important.
And Oh yeah, remember to
bring some donuts. We're
starving here!
-From the Giant Digging Turkeys from Underground.
1-UP: {reading} You shall come to a big hole in the ground. {stops reading, sarcastically} Ha! How likely is that?
{The camera zooms out to show that 1-Up is actually walking, and because he is too focused on the email, he isn't watching where he is going. He lands in a small hole. There is a sign next to it that says "death hole" in Strong Bad's handwriting, but it is extremely old and dirty. It looks like it says "dea-- ho-e".}
1-UP: {screaming; gradually getting quieter} Aaaaaaaaaaah... I'm at the bottom of a giant piiiiit...
{The ground of the small hole starts to crack and 1-Up goes further in.}
1-UP: Holy craaaaaaaap... I really aaaaaam...
{Cut to an underground cave wear 1-Up's falls on to the ground pretty hard, and his computer falls after him.}
1-UP: Wow. It would've been conviniate if they had of put a trampoline here... {short pause} Anyway...
{A view of 1-Up in front of the computer again so the email can be seen.}
1-UP: {reading} I won't tell you why, but it's important. Remember to bring some doghnuts. We're starving.
{1-Up quickly looks around to see some turkeys surrounding him with watchful eyes. One of them walks over to 1-Up.}
TURKEY LEADER: Hello, newcomer. We have been expecting you. Did you bring the doghnuts?
1-UP: No. I'm sure, fat chicken.
TURKEY LEADER: Well, I'll let it slide this time, but dough-not rememberers will dough-not be tolerated from now on.
{1-Up gets up.}
1-UP: Who are you anyway?
TURKEY LEADER: We are some distant relatives of Brody.
1-UP: Brody!? But, he's a chicken!
TURKEY LEADER: That's what I mean by distant relatives. We're still birds, y'know.
{The turkeys in the background laugh at 1-Up.}
1-UP: Well, I guess your right, but why did you want me here?
TURKEY LEADER: We told you in the email, we're hungry.
1-UP: Well, your turkeys... and it's thanksgiving. It's kind of obvious what you should do.
{The turkeys just angrily stare at 1-Up.}
TURKEY LEADER: {laughs slightly} You haven't changed the slightest bit since I met you.
1-UP: We've met before?
TURKEY LEADER: Indeed we have. When you were only a month old. And I have something very unfortunate to tell you, back then you made a contract with The Demon and The Kaiser.
1-UP: Oh, what sort of contract?
TURKEY LEADER: A contract where when you started an email show towards the end of your life, they would change the world and warp reality so that you would recieve a lifetime supply of pudding. In turn for this, once you have your 50,000,000th bowl of pudding, you will die.
1-UP: What? But... pudding... ARGH! They took advantage of my weakness!
TURKEY LEADER: Yes, and currently you are only up to 49,999,998. Two more bowls and you are dead.
1-UP: I can't just stop. Pudding is a part of my daily life.
TURKEY LEADER: I'm sorry. But that's how it has to go.
1-UP: Well, why'd you bring me here?
TURKEY LEADER: We are here... {sighs} We are here to force you to have those last two bowls.
1-UP: WHAT?!
TURKEY LEADER: Fred, George! Deactivate him!
{Two extremely fat turkeys come up behind 1-Up and punch him in the back of the head, deactivating him in the process.}
TURKEY LEADER: Wow, that was easy.
FRED: Do we get paid now?
TURKEY LEADER: Later.
FRED: What? Looks like I did that for nothing.
{Fade to black. Cut back to Alpha, Pom Pom, Pan Pan and Brody. Cheatball reappears in Pan Pan's arms. They are with Gunhaver, Steve, Reynold, Silent Rip, Reinforcements and Firebert, who are walking through the desert towards Blue Laser's base.}
ALPHA: Okay, why are we going to Blue Laser again?
GUNHAVER: Because he is going to destroy the world!
ALPHA: No, stupid dummy. It's not Blue Laser! It's Stinkoman!
GUNHAVER: What makes him such a stinko-y man?
ALPHA: Oh, that's right. You don't know who Stinkoman is.
STEVE: So, who is Stinkoman?
BRODY: Stinkoman is the worst and most powerful robot in the entire of Planet K.
STEVE: Okay, and what's Planet K?
ALPHA: That's what Earth is dubbed in the year 20X6.
STEVE: I see. Well, okay then.
REYNOLD: That doesn't seem very realistic. I mean, how could-
GUNHAVER: Hey, Reynold.
REYNOLD: Urm, yes?
GUNHAVER: Shut up. There's Blue Laser's base.
{Close-up of Gunhaver.}
GUNHAVER: All we have to do is be really quiet. Okay, 1-Up? 1-Up!? 1-Up, answer me!
{Gunhaver turns around and the camera zooms out to show some Ultramarine Underlings grabbing ahold of Alpha, Pan Pan and Pom Pom and some Blue Laser minions ahold of Steve, Reynold, Silent Rip, Reinforcements and Firebert. Blue Laser jumps onscreen and kicks Reynold's glasses off and then Gunhaver's sunglasses.}
REYNOLD: Argh! My glasses, my glasses! I can't see without my glasses! GUNHAVER: {simultaneously} My glasses, my glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!
BLUE LASER: {chuckles} Victory is mine! This is for ruining my Thanksgiving dinner!
{Blue Laser punches Gunhaver in the face.}
ALPHA: What?! Ultramarine underlings?! How can they exist?! The timeline was converted so that they no longer existed!
BLUE LASER: Luckily I saved their lives before the timeline changed!
ALPHA: Well...that just raises further plot-holes... did I say "plot-holes"? I meant, time paradoxes.
BLUE LASER: And you, 1-Up! I am going to torture you until you tell me the outcome of me and Gunhaver's little war. Will Blue Laser lose or will the Cheat Commandos be crushed?!
ALPHA: A time conversion paradox will take place in seven years causing this entire basis of reality to explode into two sections, the real world and the cartoon. This leads to your entire war becoming a cartoon and ending whenever your show is cancelled.
{Blue Laser just looks at Alpha with a confused look, and waves his arms in the air.}
BLUE LASER: Your answer confuses and angers Blue Laser! ATTACK!
{One of the Ultramarine Underlings make an attempt to attack Alpha, but Alpha gets out of the other Ultramarine Underling's grip leading to the Ultramarine Underling missing and punching the other underling.}
BLUE LASER: Curse you, 1-U- EEERGH!
{Alpha's leg turns into a knife and he stabs Blue Laser in the chest. As he removes the knife and it turns back into his leg, blood goes everywhere.}
ALPHA: My name is "Alpha", and don't you forget it!
{Blue Laser collapses on the ground and dies.}
ALPHA: Your TV show has been cancelled.
{Alpha walks over to Brody and presses a button, releasing him from his cage. Then screen-wipe, it cuts to 1-Up waking up to see that he is chained down to a huge metallic table, in front of a crowd of turkeys at a control panel pressing random buttons, there is two bowls of pudding hanging from some robotic arms coming out of the roof. The Turkey leader pulls a lever and forcefully makes the robotic arm feed the pudding to 1-Up.}
1-UP: {with mouth full of pudding} What's going on?
TURKEY LEADER: SWALLOW IT!
{1-Up swallows the pudding, in fear.}
TURKEY LEADER: Good, one more to go.
{The scenery around 1-Up changes, and suddenly you see 1-Up standing near a 30X2 versions of Pan Pan, Ben and Stinkoman except they look more older standing in front of Tampo, Brody and Stlunko at a dinner table, with Ken serving the dishes.}
1-UP: What is going on?!
30X2 BRODY: YOU JUST BROKE INTO OUR HOUSE!
30X2 STINKOMAN: Your reign of terror is at an end, Tampo.
30X2 TAMPO: What reign?! In my opinion, we've ruled over Planet K pretty well! And you broke into our house!
1-UP: Oh, urm, sorry about that. I just have some sudden amnesia. Remind me why we're here again, Stinkoman.
{Stinkoman looks at 1-Up confused.}
30X2 STINKOMAN: We are here because we have finally figured out how to break through Tampo's defenses and now we are banishing them far away from this galaxy.
1-UP: Err...yeah, Tampo! That's what we're doing and you can't stop us!
{Suddenly the entire scene briefly ripples and waves in a bubbly effect, causing all the characters to become dizzy and wobble. They quickly recover.}
30X2 STINKOMAN: What the crap was that?!
30X2 STLUNKO: Time warp correction. Very close to a tear. Too close.
1-UP: If I remember correctly, the Debug Force is making an attempt to make their own future. That time warp correction thingy must be them causing paradoxes in the past.
30X2 BEN: What are you talking about, 1-Up?
1-UP: I'm going to be honest with you. For some reason I am skipping through time. First I was in the past, then I was in the present, where for me is 20X6. And now, finally, I'm in the future for some reason. I already know what is going to happen, there will be fifty-year battle all over the moon, in Tampo's kingdom. Eventually, Pan Pan, Ben and Stinkoman are going to beat Tampo, and I will be crowned king in the early era of 39X9.
30X2 PAN PAN: If what you are saying is true, then that means that you are going through a Efilcitobor cycle. It means that someone has made an attempt to take over your body, and while this is happening, you are witnessing different stages of your life. The past, the present and the future. While in the past and future, the culprit will be in control of you in the present. While in the present, he will be forced to hide in your programming as you regain control. This cycle will continue until you either die, or extract the curse.
30X2 BEN: Hang on, if 1-Up is telling the truth, that means he should have a curse mark on his neck.
30X2 STINKOMAN: But, you can't even see his neck.
30X2 PAN PAN: I have an idea.
1-UP: What?
30X2 PAN PAN: Take your shirt off, 1-Up.
{1-Up's eyes widen, as he backs away a bit.}
1-UP: B- b- but... my shirt is the only clothing I have on. I'll be naked!
30X2 BEN: Can't you just lower your shirt slightly so we can see the curse mark?
{Pause.}
1-UP: Well, I guess that's okay.
{1-Up lowers his shirt slightly, revealing a black and purple mark in the shape of a spiral on his neck.}
{Close-up of 30X2 Pan Pan.}
30X2 PAN PAN: He's telling the truth. This is the 1-Up from the past.
{Zoom out to reveal that Tampo, Brody, Ken and Stlunko are gone.}
30X2 BEN: Crap. We got distracted by the whole life cycle theory that we lost focus on the bad guys!
1-UP: Oh, sorry. My bad.
{Ben, Pan Pan and Stinkoman all run out of the room and chase Tampo, Brody, Ken and Stlunko down the hallway. 1-Up just stands in the dining room and looks at the long table with an entire feast on it.}
1-UP: I don't think Tampo or Stlunko need to eat. But Brody does, but he wouldn't eat all this... maybe I can help him out.
{1-Up starts picking up some pizza and hamburgers, swallowing them whole.}
1-UP: Mmm. Good food.
{As 1-Up swallows down some cookies on the other side of the table, it fades to black. Re-opening up to a view of Gunhaver, Alpha, Brody, Pan Pan, Pom Pom, Silent Rip, Reinforcements, Firebert and Brody all searching through Blue Laser's main control room, there are Blue Laser minions on computer, and they each run into all corners of the room, shivering with fear, when they see the size of Brody.}
ALPHA: Cool, looks like Blue Laser is scared of giant chickens. But, you better get lost, Brody.
BRODY: What?!
ALPHA: We're on the third floor, you'll make the building collapse if you stay here.
BRODY: Oh, fine.
{Brody walks off with a frown and a sigh.}
ALPHA: Anyway, we'll have to hack into Blue Laser's computers to actually be able to find the correct weapons to take down X.
GUNHAVER: X?!
ALPHA: Project X, a super-advanced robot prototype of Stinkoman who ended up spliting the timeline into thirds, going to one of the three alternate futures and starting up a group including me, Delta, Beta, Omega, Yuta, Eta, Gamma 002 and Sigma. I was able to split off from the rest of the group and turn into a good guy. I have no idea where the others are now, but it is most likely they are either dead, or they are after me.
POM POM: {bubbles}
FAMILAR VOICE: I can answer that.
{The camera pans, revealing Eta, Gamma 002 and Sigma who are wearing their usual ninja costumes, each striking an anime pose and standing in front of a smashed window.}
ETA: We are here to destroy you, Alpha, for what you did to us.
GAMMA 002: Yes, destroy.
ALPHA: Oh, goody. It's them...
PAN PAN: Baddalang, baddalang?
ALPHA: Yes, Pan Pan. This is them.
SIGMA: Unlike last time, we will not lose. We have recruited a new member into our team of ninjas.
{A ninja The Cheat jumps in striking a pose as well, and starts punching Pom Pom.}
ETA: This is Ninjabash, he used to work for the mysterious Emereald Laser.
ALPHA: What makes them mysterious?
ETA: I don't know. They just are mysterious! And if you doubt it, then you are dumb!
{Eta flies to Pom Pom and helps Ninjabash beat him up.}
ALPHA: What are you doing? Can't you see he is an old... err... man?
ETA: We have to beat him up. It is the way of the ninja.
ALPHA: If the way of the ninja invloves beating the elderly, I think I'll pass. I now regret ever wanting to be a part of the Debug Ninjas.
SIGMA: We never would've applied you anyway.
{Sigma joins in with beating up Pom Pom with Eta and Ninjabash. All three beats him against the floor repeatedly, and Pom Pom is getting badly injured Eta climbs to the top of one of the desks, as Sigma and Ninjabash hold Pom Pom down to the floor and gets ready to deliver the finishing move.}
GUNHAVER: Pom Pom, look out!
POM POM: {winks at Gunhaver}
GUNHAVER: Huh?
{Eta jumps off the desk and splashes onto Pom Pom, but is bounced into space, leaving a hole in the roof, everyone looks at the hole confused.}
SIGMA: Okay, I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
{Alpha quickly gets on to one of the computer stools and types something on to one of the keyboards, opening up secret Blue Laser files.}
ALPHA: Okay, I've set a bomb to be drilled underground and placed directly under Blue Laser HQ. It will explode in exactly X0 years.
SILENT RIP: That's good, so, you can like, go home now, right?
ALPHA: I guess, but first we'll need your help. Only you have access to decent weaponry, and we also need a big army to take down X, so, I guess you've all been recruited.
{Brody smashes his head in through the wall and pokes Sigma in the back. Sigma screams and runs around the room, before Brody picks up Sigma and Ninjabash by their collars with his beack and throws them far away.}
BRODY: Bleh, that tasted awful. Can we go home now? I'm bored.
ALPHA: Yes, Brody. I've planted a bomb that is ready to go off within the next X0 years, as long as we keep out of the way of the 20X6 version of the HQ, we'll be fine. But now, the real question is, how do we lure Stinkoman X to the bomb?
POM POM: {gets up, bubbles at Alpha}
ALPHA: How are we going to do that?
REYNOLD: Well, I have an idea.
{Everyone looks at Reynold, fade to black. Cut open to 1-Up who now looks extremely stuffed full of food, still next to Tampo's dinner table in 35X4, there is no food left of the table.}
1-UP: {burps} That was a great meal.
{The 30X2 Tampo floats in. He takes the appereance of a floating brain with cyborg implants, which seem to be slightly glowing with electricity. He is also wearing some sort of pseudo-crowns which seems both mechanical and medieval.}
30X2 TAMPO: You're still here, what do you want?
1-UP: A napkin?
{30X2 Tampo's eyes widen, as he looks at the table, to see no food left.}
1-UP: Mmm, that was great. Is the table edible as well?
30X2 TAMPO: {angry} THAT'S IT! Security!
1-UP: I'm super-smart. Watch me speaks smart!
30X2 TAMPO: I find it difficult to believe a baffoon like you ended up leading the rebellion against our peaceful order. Things have been a lot better since we became rulers, we are not letting you ruin that!
1-UP: But you work for the dark side?
{30X2 Tampo just sighs, and starts to lower towards the ground, as if he was giving up.}
30X2 TAMPO: Just get out, okay? I give up on trying to convince yo-
1-UP: I was right, time has made you old and crusty!
30X2 TAMPO: Get out, shut up, please.
1-UP: That's no way to treat an old friend. Come on, let's go party!
{1-Up grabs 30X2 Tampo and forces him out of the room, while Tampo tries to shake him off.}
1-UP: Come on, Tampo!
{It cuts to an outside view of the futuristic building they just walked out of. A bunch of missiles fall from the sky and blows up Tampo's house. Tampo just floats there in disbelief about what just happened.}
30X2 TAMPO: You idiot, 1-Up! If you hadn't of distracted us, we could've been locate the missiles and put up our shields defending us from the attack. You haven't helped Planet K at all! You've... DOOMED US ALL!!
{Short pause.}
1-UP: {shrugs} It was bound to happen sometime.
{Tampo says something, but it goes silent, as the world around 1-Up suddenly warps into a view of Trevor at his laptop computer, Stunky '04, checking an email in front of 1-Up. He is slightly older then usual though.}
TREVOR: {typing} And that is why, the new and improved Homestarmy will defeat all forms of Strong Badians.
1-UP: Urm, yeah. Because the Homestarmy is cool.
TREVOR: No, it isn't.
1-UP: MY PUDDING! MY PUDDING!
TREVOR: Huh? Oh, right. Pudding. Not that it has anything to do with this email or anything, but I guess we can get you some pudding. In the meantime viewers, {turns to camera} Watch this video on the Homestarmy.
{Trevor sets up a projector, and starts rolling some film of him attempting to fight Strong Bad in Strong Badia, and then Trevor grabs 1-Up and pulls him into the kitchen.}
TREVOR: Jeez, why did I agree to baby-sit you?
{Trevor goes through the cupboards.}
TREVOR: Okay, we have chocolate... vanilla... or spinach-flavoured... which would you prefer?
1-UP: I want chocolate pudding!
{Trevor quickly gets out a bowl of pudding and hands it to 1-Up. 1-Up is about to eat it, when suddenly Alpha, Brody, Silent Rip, Reynold, Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Pan Pan holding Cheatball, Elderly Pom Pom and Steve crash in through the wall in a huge tank.}
ALPHA: Quickly, 1-Up. Come with us.
1-UP: Alpha?
TREVOR: What's going on here?
BRODY: Hey, look. It's Trevor!
TREVOR: Brody?
ALPHA: Trevor?
TREVOR: Who're you?
ALPHA: Alpha.
TREVOR: Alpha?
GUNHAVER: Alpha?
STEVE: Gunhaver?
GUNHAVER: Steve?
ALPHA: Huh?
1-UP: Alpha?
ALPHA: 1-Up?
{1-Up smiles.}
1-UP: 1-Up!
ALPHA: Alpha!
GUNHAVER: Gunhaver!
STEVE: Steve!
TREVOR: Brody?!
1-UP: {angrily, at Trevor} You're not Brody!
TREVOR: {points at Brody} No, not me! Him!
BRODY: Huh?
1-UP: What?
TREVOR: Forget it. Let's start again. I'm Trevor. He's Brody. {points at 1-Up} You're 1-Up. Agreed?
ALL: Agreed.
TREVOR: Good, now back on subject, what're you doing here?
ALPHA: Well, we were originally here to save 1-Up from his time loop thingy, but we've now decided you'd be a great recruit for the rebellion against Stinkoman X.
TREVOR: Stinkoman? Isn't that Strong Bad's robot?
ALPHA: Yes, but--
{Alpha stops talking. Everyone's attention turns to a robot girl that enters the room and sits next to Trevor.}
ROBOT: Forget it. Let's start agreed.
ALPHA: Who's this?
ROBOT: Who's this?
TREVOR: This is my new friend, Daisy. I let her stay the night.
DAISY: Who's this?
1-UP: I am 1-Up.
DAISY: Super Sam is here!
1-UP: Who's Super Sam?
DAISY: Who's my friend? I let her stay the night.
1-UP: Her? Sam is a girl's name? I always thought of Super Sam as a name for a male superhero.
ALPHA: Can we stop talking about Sam? No more distractions. We have to go beat Stinkoman X now. This should be more then enough. We have to get 1-Up before he goes through another time war...war...war...
{Everything goes silent. And reality warps around 1-Up again, to reveal he is back in 20X6 where he is still underground where there are plenty of turkeys laying on the ground, presumably dead and bleeding extremely. Orano was probably going through a killing spree, during his time as 1-Up. 1-Up can be seen choking the Turkey Leader, his eyes widen as he jumps up and drops the turkey.}
1-UP: Holy crap! What just happened? Did I just do this?
{1-Up looks in surprise, and runs off. Cut to 1-Up running around the 20X6 field, where he bumps into three of The Unguraits.}
THE UNGURAIT #1: Hey, what's the big idea?
{The Unguraits turn their heads and notice 1-Up.}
THE UNGURAIT #3: Well, wouldn't ya know? It's good ol' Kidstar.
1-UP: {angrily} 1-Up...
THE UNGURAIT #3: Oh, sorry, 1-Up. What are you doing here?
1-UP: I'm here on a quest to save the world's puddings from the evil man!
THE UNGURAIT #2: Who?
1-UP: X.
THE UNGURAIT #2: X, who?
1-UP: X-actly! {smiles widely}
{Pause. Crickets chirp.}
THE UNGURAIT #2: That wasn't funny, 1-Up.
1-UP: {sad} Sorry... hey, wait. What are you doing here, it's 20X6.
THE UNGURAIT #1: We got an email asking us to come here and steal Stinkoman's power crunches.
THE UNGURAIT #2: Back, on subject. Who is X?
1-UP: Master X a Stinkoman prototype that travelled to the year 40X6, got upgraded, started a Debug Force, and came back here to take over the universe. His mission is universal destruction... either that, or he's demolishing it to replace it with an amusement park! {happy}
THE UNGURAIT #2: Err, okay...well, do you need help with it? Maybe we can steal his weapons n' stuff?
1-UP: Well, okay then. Great!
THE UNGURAIT #3: Good, we'd never pass up the chance to steal some futuristic weaponry and security systems.
1-UP: Excellent, so now we are off to the pudding.
THE UNGURAIT #1: But, what about Stinkoman.
{Breif pause.}
1-UP: What?
THE UNGURAIT #1: Y'know, the evil that we joined- Y'know what? Forget it.
1-UP: What?
{Fade out. Cut to Sankaman (20X6 Strong Sad) in a room which makes him look like he's in space, standing on a white circle.}
SANKAMAN: {singing, calmly} Have you seen the ghost of John? Long white bones with the skin all go-o-o-one! Whoo, whoooo-ooo! Wouldn't it be chilly with no skin ooonnnn...? {stops singing and looks around} You may enter now.
{The outter space setting warps into the shape of a normal room. A door appears on the wall. Trevor jumps in with a knife, and puts it to Sankaman's back.}
TREVOR: A-ha! We have caught you by surpri- What?! Argh, how'd you know we were there?
SANKAMAN: I am the master of space and time, I see all.
TREVOR: You also weigh a lot.
SANKAMAN: State your business.
TREVOR: Almighty leader of the planet of deep-fried chicken, we ask your for your help in our time of need.
SANKAMAN: No.
TREVOR: No?
SANKAMAN: No.
{Breif pause.}
TREVOR: I see, well then, can you tell us the result of this email.
SANKAMAN: The universe'll be destroyed.
TREVOR: Oh, well, that's not very encouraging.
SANKAMAN: Not meant to be.
TREVOR: Well... bye.
{Trevor walks out, fade to black. Fade in to 1-Up asleep in the corner of some futuristic city in 30X2.}
1-UP: {mumbling, in sleep} Unguraits... time... travel through... tuh-wah?! {wakes up}
30X2 PAN PAN: {off-screen} 1-Up, are you even listening to me?
{The camera zooms out, revealing 30X2 Pan Pan. 30X2 Pan Pan has a gray flat top and is wearing an ammo belt.}
1-UP: Ah, crap. {gets up, groaning} Yeah, sorry, drifted off for a moment, you were saying?
30X2 PAN PAN: We may have won the resistance, Tampo is coming to the base over dinner to discuss their surrender.
1-UP: Aw, man. Again? Those guys creep me out.
30X2 PAN PAN: Just ignore them then.
1-UP: Wait, what base?
30X2 PAN PAN: The one that you blew up and took about a week to repair.
1-UP: Right, that base.
{A black shadow passes by spontaneously.}
1-UP: What was that?
30X2 PAN PAN: What was what?
1-UP: Didn't you see that?
30X2 PAN PAN: I didn't see anything.
{Brief pause.}
1-UP: It was probably just my imagination. You were saying?
30X2 PAN PAN: Tampo is coming to our base.
1-UP: How can you be sure it's not a trap?
30X2 PAN PAN: I can sence a trap from a mile away, and I sence no trap. Therefor, no trap.
1-UP: But, Pan Pan, I think that-
30X2 PAN PAN: NO TRAP!
1-UP: What was that about Tampo, Stlunko and Brod-
{A siren in the distance can be heard, and it is followed by a crowd of other sirens which screech loudly, piercing 1-Up and 30X2 Pan Pan's non-existant ears. It is followed by a bunch of clicking sounds, they then walk onscreen as a huge crowd of robots with guns, and weapons.}
ROBOTS: {distant} How dare you commoner mention the names of our great rulers? From the moon, their personal palace, they have ordered all of us worthless robots to never mention their wonderous names. Punishment is termination!
1-UP: Crap!
30X2 PAN PAN: You shouldn't have mentioned their names!
1-UP: I knew I saw some-
{Everything except 1-Up changes into the Moron's Convention from the first email, Ben is there and so are the two bodygaurds from that email.}
1-UP: -thing.
FUTURE BEN: You better watch out. I have to warn you, 1-Up. You are going to be killed during your 118th email if you don't kill Rya early in the timeline.
1-UP: I already know all this stuff. That was like two emails ago. I'm on email 130.
FUTURE BEN: Well, then a more accurate prediction would be that where I came from was actually twelve emails before where you came from.
1-UP: Ah, I don't care. I just wanna get back to the present so that I can kill Stinkoman-
{The screen pauses as if it were a video.}
MITCHELL: Allow me to stop the email here to clearly point out to those who are unfamilar, the 1-Up in this frame is from the email you are reading 130, who is going through a time cycle of his life, through the past, present and future. It could be any time in the past, present or future. At the moment, he is in his very first email. The "Ben" you see, is from email 118, Rya 2. It is also worth noting that Ben made his email debut in the 24th email. Now that that's out of the way, let's continue.
{Screen unpauses.}
1-UP: -and a cup of eggs. But, that has nothing to do with what I've been trying to explain to you for the last few minutes.
FUTURE BEN: Wait, but if what you say is true, then by comparison to most other email shows, this is the most longest and ridiculously plot-holed show in the world.
1-UP: Well, there isn't much to compare it to...
FUTURE BEN: Urm...
{Cut to the Drive-Thru Whale in front of his Whaler 500 computer in the middle of the field.}
DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {Scratchy and difficult to understand voice} Even I am a minor cha-rac-ter and I have my own email show.
{Cut back to Future Ben and 1-Up.}
1-UP: Well fine, if you think that my show would do better if I properly answer an email and change my character to seem dumb and stupid I will lose the respect of my many fans.
FUTURE BEN: Urm, but that is your character.
1-UP: I resent that remark.
{Screen wipe. Cut to 1-Up sitting at his computer in Homestar's old house at the Lappy 486, he sits on the stool, producing the opposite of the Geddup Noise.}
1-UP: {singing} Email, email and... urm... {quickly} something that rhymes with email that means a feminine person, but just can't remember word.
{Following email appears on-screen.}
Hey extra life!
Hey I like your hat. Can i have it?
From,
ZappyTheAurora
1-UP: {typing} DELE-
FUTURE BEN: {off-screen} Properly!
1-UP: Oh, right. Ahem. {typing} So, Mr. ZappyTheAurorarara, you like my frog suit, do you?
FUTURE BEN: It says hat.
1-UP: I know what I said. {typing} You like my hat, do you? Well, no. You can't have it. Is that a good enough response to this email?
{Camera zooms out, 1-Up turns to Future Ben.}
FUTURE BEN: {sighs} You clearly have no idea how to answer an email. Don't just give a simple answer like one of those early Strong Bad emails.
{When Future Ben says "Strong Bad Emails", the words appear on the top of the screen with a "TM" next to it. The screen goes slightly dark.}
JAPANESE VOICE: TRADEMARK-U!
{The title fades off and screen reverts to normal.}
1-UP: Oh, I get you. {winks}
{Screen zooms in again to just 1-Up's head in front of the computer. He presses 'enter', starting a new paragraph.}
1-UP: {typing} So, you like my hat? Well, you cannot have it. But, instead of just simply telling you that you can't have it, let me explain why. And also explain it's worth.
{Cut to a white screen, 1-Up's hat appears out of nowhere.}
1-UP: {voice-over} This is my hat.
{An arrow appears pointing out the red part of his hat.}
1-UP: This bit of the hat is red, it is very red-ish.
FUTURE BEN: Raddish?
{Another arrow appears, pointing towards the blye part of his hat.}
1-UP: This part is blue. Any questions?
{Crickets chirp.}
1-UP: Was that good enough?
FUTURE BEN: I suppose so. Now, let's compare it to how Strong Bad would've answered it.
{Cut back to 1-Up and Future Ben at the Lappy 486's screen.}
FUTURE BEN: {types "Forward to Strong Bad_2005"}
{Static. Followed by a view of Strong Bad at the Lappy 486. In the corner, in red lettering it says "Time-O=Vision".}
STRONG BAD: {reading} ...your hat. Can I have it? {stops} Oh, I dunno. Maybe I should give you my non-existant hat, but I think it'd be better if this email was- DELETED!
{The email is deleted. Cut back to 1-Up starring with surprise at the Lappy 486 screen, and then turning angrily to Future Ben.}
FUTURE BEN: {anime sweatdrop} Heheh... let's not be irrational...
{Cut to an outside view of Homestar's house. The front door opens and Future Ben is booted out by 1-Up's foot.}
1-UP: Go back to your own time period!
{Cut to 1-Up walking into Homestar's kitchen. The background changes again to Present-Day, out in a dark field. Now 1-Up is chocking Sticklyman Jr.}
1-UP: Woah, what the?
STICKLYMAN JR. Please don't hurt me. Let go of me.
{1-Up lets go of sticklyman Jr. and he falls on the ground hard.}
STICKLYMAN JR. {angrily, looking up at 1-Up} Why'd you do that for?!
1-UP: Because you told me to.
{Two Unguraits run over to 1-Up.}
UNGURAIT #1: What happened to you 1-Up? You just went all possessed and stuff...
TREVOR: {off-screen} It was Orano. The demon king, the zombie master. one of the five greatest challengers of 20X6.
1-UP: He's still inside me?
{Trevor walks on-screen with most of the Cheat Commandos, Brody, The Ugly One and Strong Badman. 1-Up seems a bit shocked.}
TREVOR: I'm afraid so, 1-Up.
1-UP: Jeez. How many people did you recruit?
TREVOR: {smiles} Everyone on the list and more.
1-UP: I'm impressed.
{The camera zooms out showing a view of all Homestar Runner characters, from different time periods, different universes and even some fan characters.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: We're here and weady for your orders, sir!
MARZIPAN: {looks around, frowns} I'm still the only girl.
STRONG BAD: {angrily} What're you talkin' about? Are you saying cheerleader doesn't count?
{Talks among the crowd continue.}
1-UP: Guys.
{Everyone goes silent.}
1-UP: Listen, I appreciate the effort. But if we don't stop the evil carnival-man inside me, we're all doooomed!
TREVOR: We'll get rid of him, don't worry. Just give us the order and we'll go.
1-UP: I do have one request... {head lowers}
TREVOR: What is it?
POSSESSED 1-UP: {Orano's voice} Surrender or die!
{1-Up shows his face again, revealing a much more evil face. 1-Up's eyes are glowing purple, followed by green and then red. The colours continue to loop.}
TREVOR: Oh no. Not this again. Everyone, hold 1-Up down!
{The whole crowd of Homestar Runner characters run over to the Possessed 1-Up and try to hold him down to the ground, but the Possessed 1-Up uses a huge amount of force that he manipulates gravity and is able to throw everyone within a 5 metre radius of him away.}
POSSESSED 1-UP: You're all doomed. I'm going to destroy every last one of you. If I have to live my life in torture, so do all of you!
{Trevor throws a stick. The Possessed 1-Up looks over at the stick, and while he's distracted, Trevor runs over behind 1-Up and punches him in the back of the head, but hurts his hand, because 1-Up is made of metal. The Possessed 1-Up turns his head, angrily, with an evil grin.}
POSSESSED 1-UP: You wanna fight, do ya?
{The Possessed 1-Up nails Trevor to a nearby tree, and prepares to punch him. At that moment, Trevor is shaking, thinking he is about to die, but then, he pulls a box out of his pocket as a last hope for survival and throws it, as the Posssessed 1-Up was about to bite Trevor's neck. The camera zooms in on the box, it says "Puddu", a Pudding brand.}
TREVOR: I know 1-Up is still there. Come on.
POSSESSED 1-UP: Hahaha, 1-Up's not here. Only me...and... and...
{The Possessed 1-Up, just before his teeth could touch Trevor's neck, for some reason, he stopped. He starred blankly into the distance, and then turned around and chased after the pudding box, as his eyes reverted to normal.}
1-UP: I want pudding!
TREVOR: {on ground, breathing heavily} That was a close one...
1-UP: {faintly, off-screen} Let's eat pudding with a spoon!
{1-Up walks back on-screen with box-shaped cheeks.}
TREVOR: You're not meant to eat the box.
1-UP: Then, what's the point of having a box? {swallows food} Oh, forgot the spoon. {gets spoon from behind back and throws it into his mouth wuth his non-existant hands}
{Sticklyman Jr., in the background, can be seen crawling away.}
1-UP: So, are we ready to go after Stinkoman?
TREVOR: Not yet. First I have to extract Orano from you. {gets out a needle}
1-UP: {eyes widen} Is that a needle?
{The camera pans up to the sky, all you hear is a high-pitched scream coming from 1-Up. Cut to 1-Up with a bandage around the top half of his torso walking around with the group of characters.}
1-UP: This is a large group of characters we have. I'm not even sure if any of them have appeared in a 1-Up email before.
ALPHA: Well, technically, they're appearing in this one.
1-UP: Hey, your right! Let's check and email and eat pudding!
{The crowd of characters cheer. Homsar waddles in with the AMV 'X6 in his mouth. 1-Up takes it.}
1-UP: Thank you, Homsar.
HOMSAR: Don't mention it, Homestaaaar!
Dear 1-Up,
I have a great crazy scheme! Clone yourself
a lot and drive Stinkoman and other people
CAH-RAZY!!
-Sayo-Sham-Sam
1-UP: Woah, deja vu.
ALPHA: If memory serves correctly, this would be your 50th email, well, what would've been if you hadn't panicked and deleted it.
1-UP: Huh? Then how'd I get it back? And how do yooou know?
ALPHA: I'm you from an alternate future, supposeably, at some point, I myself answered this email, panicked in the same way you did, but instead of deleting it, I forwarded it to any random universe. I guess that's why this email is here now.
TREVOR: Makes sence.
STRONG BAD: {grumbles, angrily} How many people here have an email show? Rip-offs...
1-UP: {reading} Dear 1-Up, I have a great crazy scheme. Clone yourself a lot and drive Stinkoman and other people cah. {brief pause} Razy. From, Shayo-Sham-Sam. {typing} Well, cloning myself is something that has crossed my mind. But, have you seen the science-fiction movies about clones, twins and fat men? They're kind of creepy, and riddled with plot-holes. I'd rather not put myself, or my email show in that delicate situation. But, just for you, I will clone myself.
Act IV - Stinkoman X's Death
Easter Eggs
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This email continues from Death.
- The first part of the email references Shim-Sham-Sam leaving Gunhaver emails.
- Steve and Callum are both fictional Cheat Commandos I made up.
- The sharingan and the Uchiha clan are both references to Naruto, an anime/manga quite similar to Stinkoman 20X6 in a few ways.
- In the flashback in Part 1, you notice that Pom Pom, Pan Pan and Cheatball are all in the same team, due to their overweight or round-like shape.
- A katana, the thing that Pan Pan used in his fight against 1-Up, is a type of Japanese backsword or longsword.
- The idea of McPrawnie's came from Joshua's comic, Stinkoman 20X6: Reloaded, which in itself is a reference to the populer McDonalds resteraunt.
- 1-Up thought that Cheatball was a Pokémon, due to his habit of repeating his name over and over.
- The Pokéball was also a Pokémon reference.
- Dodongo is an enemy from the Legend of Zelda series.
- Blursday is a reference to Super Sam's saying.
- The random child is the same kid who appeared in 1-Up.
- Ultramarine Underlings are the creation of User:Shim-Sham-Sam, and were mainly used in Gunhaver Emails.
- I do not claim Trevor, he is property of Joshua and he comes from Other Character Email Tampo.
References
- Gunk Iller's appereance is a reference to the Strong Bad Email, web comics.
- The scene with 1-Up falling in the hole is a major reference to Cool Things.
- The start of the Turky scene is a reference to Welcome Back.
- Act VI has a lot to do with different town.
- The two seconds that Drive-Thru Whale appears is a reference to the Drive-Thru Whale email show, which is very funny and I suggest you check out.
Goofs
- During the scene with 1-Up, Stinkoman and Pan Pan watching television in Part 1, the television shifts slightly from each scene.
- This was fixed one day after the email's release.
- Brody is never actually seen walking into the portal, but he still somehow ends up on the other side of it with Alpha, Pom Pom and Pan Pan when they go to the Cheat Commandos HQ.
