The Fanfic

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TOXICA: My Mantis Flip Co-

AC: Today's Show Was Pre-empted For Mule Golf

CHEERLEADER: Okay my spanish galleons, this summer's gonna be different! Say guh-bye to hanging out next to this old person!

{Mr. Pitters appears on the left hand side of the screen.}

THE UGLY ONE AND MR. PITTERS: Bye old person...

CHEERLEADER: Cuz now I'm best friends with an olda girl what has her LEARNER'S PERMIT!!! {jumps up and down}

SO AND SO & THE UGLY ONE: LEARNER'S PERMIT!!!
MR. PITTERS: {simultaneously} LEARNER'S OINTMENT!!!

WHAT'S HER FACE: I've had my license for a year—

CHEERLEADER: {interrupting} Stop saying words. Here she comes now!

{Learner's permit girl appears and is driving really fast.}

LEARNER'S PERMIT GIRL: 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock!

{The Learner's Permit girl runs over Cheerleader. She dies.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: DRIVER'S ED'ED...DEAD

CHEERLEADER: Owww, my entire life!

{music stops}

SO AND SO: Whoa, Cheerleader's gone.

AC: And It Was Supposed To Be Pre-Empted for Mule Golf...

ALL 3 GIRLS: {music starts} WE'RE FREE!

MR. PITTERS: We're ointment!

THE UGLY ONE: The tyranny is over!!

{So and So reappears in her opening frame...}

SO AND SO: I can overachieve like a bandit!

{...as does What's Her Face, who is thinking of Science-Fiction Greg, with floating hearts...}

WHAT'S HER FACE: I can date science-fiction Greg again!

{...as well as The Ugly One, who looks like a mess, with a pig.}

THE UGLY ONE: I CAN STOP SHOWERING!!!!

{...as well as Mr. Pitters, who looks like an old person teen girl, and wears a shirt with "boy toy" on the front, and has two pigtails, like Cheerleader's.}

MR. PITTERS: I can be a teen girl!

{Two vultures appear over him.}

FIRST VULTURE: Ain't no teen girl.

{Cut to a dining room table where the vultures are seen eating Mr. Pitters.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Chomp chomp chomp chomp...

SECOND VULTURE: Quite good, quite good.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ...chomp chomp...

{Cut back to the remaining girls}

SO AND SO: You guys, I think this might be the start of a kinder, gentler squad of teen girls.

{Cut to the intro to "Best Friends Squad." The normal music is switched for the Best Friends Squad theme, as sung by Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: A glue stick, some glitter paint, {a "GLOO STICK" is seen on the first part, some "GLITTA PAINT" on the second}
Words cut out from a magazine, {Cut-out words are placed to read "Scrap BOOKS R Scrap TASTIC"}
BFF carved in a tree, {A heart with "BFF" is seen on a tree}
That stands for BAOW! FOM! FROOSH! {We see that The Ugly One carved it with a Big Knife. As Strong Bad says each of the words, something happens to The Ugly One. On "BAOW!", the tree punches her in the face with its branch. On "FOM!", it falls on top of her. On "FROOSH!", it spontaneously combusts.}

A port-o-john came to life, {A port-o-john is shown, a second later a face with a moustache appears on his door.}
Put on a play with So and So. {The port-o-john and So and So are seen on stage. The port-o-john wears a crown and holds a scepter. So and So wears a princess hat.}
Unfortunately, they didn't {So and So pretends to faint, and the port-o-john catches her. They stand up, and Arrow'd Guy appears in the audience.}
Get very good reviews. {Arrow'd Guy throws a spear, which goes through So and So and hits the port-o-john in the face.}

What's Her Face ate Staple Sauce, {What's Her Face is seen next to a giant bottle of "STAPLE SAUCE"}
A heaping bowl of Staple Sauce. {She eats a spoonful of it, and keels over, dead.}
Then crazy Learner's-Permit-Girl {We see her in her car.}
Gave-me-a-ride to Babbage's. {Strong Bad appears on the hood of her car, and then they're seen at Babbage's.}

STRONG BAD: What?! They don't got no Turbografx games?!

{Cut to the ghosts of the girls.}

CHEERLEADER'S GHOST: {Wearing a shirt reading "deady's girl".} Okay, my art galleries, let's get ready to be...

ALL GHOST GIRLS: {Cheerleader says this with her usual enthusiasm; the rest look downhearted.} SO DEAD!!!!

MR. PITTERS' GHOST: {Still dressed as Cheerleader and wearing a shirt with "worm food" on the front.} I look so good.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: IT'S OVER!