The Best Day Ever, Volley Ball of Terror
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rFALsh Im thankful for the blog post.Much thanks again. Awesome.
[edit] Volley Ball of Terror
One day at camp, Jason and Marcus were hard at work in a closet on a science project. “I hate this camp’s lack of a good lab!” complained Jason.
“So what’s on the list today?” asked Marcus.
Jason rummaged through a pile of junk in the corner. “We’re attempting to bring a...volley ball...to life.”
“Who’s idea was that, again?”
“Get out the wires!” cried Jason, ignoring Marcus. They both hooked up a bunch of electrical equipment to a volleyball. “Alright...POWER!”
Volts were zapped through the ball, which promptly exploded in a shower of rubber.
“Well,” said Marcus, after a long pause, “at least the explosion was cool.”
Jason sighed. “Let’s go back to teaching Quincy how to fly...”
They both left the room. The scraps of rubber that littered the floor shook and then reformed into the ball, inflating itself. It laughed. “Hee hee...Volley Ball of Terror, VOLLEY BALL OF TERROR!”
The ball bounced down the hall, still laughing, coming to a stop in front of Calvin and Hobbes. It went limp and lifeless.
“Hey, a volley ball...” began Calvin, when the ball suddenly jumped up and smacked Hobbes in the face.
“Hey, that actually hurt!” cried the bewildered tiger.
Calvin stared at the ball in shock. “Is that ball alive? I think I heard it laugh!”
Hobbes rolled his eyes. “Who ever heard of a talking toy?” In response, the ball jumped up again, hitting Hobbes in the face once more.
“VOLLEY BALL OF TERROR!” squealed the ball. It turned to Calvin and chased him down the hall.
“I’ve been stalked by bullies, monster reptiles, my own tiger,” panted Calvin. “...but a volley ball? That’s just stupid.” The ball suddenly came down on Calvin’s head. “Never mind! He’s an intimidating villain!” He ran into a racquetball court. The ball followed.
“Bad choice of rooms, kid...” grinned the ball.
Calvin backed up. “Okay, the volley ball’s talking to me,” he whispered to himself. “I’ll just smile and nod...”
“You see,” continued the ball, “I’m energetic, bouncy, and deranged. Nice combo, right?”
“Continue to smile and nod...”
“And seeing as this room is perfect for a ball that’s energetic, bouncy, and deranged, I think it’s time for some fun!” The ball sprang for him.
“Smile and nod one more time...THEN RUN!” Calvin bolted for the door, but the Volley Ball bounced into it and shut it. He bounced off and around the room, continuously smashing into Calvin.
“Ow!” cried Calvin. “What’s the point of this?!”
“There isn’t one!” The Volley Ball hopped all the way up to the ceiling, then came down hard on Calvin, sending him flying into the lone basketball hoop in the middle. It laughed maniacally. “Never thought a ball would get a basket!”
“Oh, come on!” cried Calvin. “I don’t even know who you are!”
“No one does yet. But I assure you that they all will soon...”
(To the tune of “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid)
Volley Ball: Those two boys thought that they’d made another failure
They threw me away simply unaware that I
Was more than I appeared
Had potential to be feared
This volley ball can really terrify
Oh yeah
I’m much more intimidating than I appear
For inflated rubber, I’m pretty darn strong
A few smacks in the head
Could leave a strong man dead
And I’m preparing now to just hop along
I will...
Destroy all that’s in my path
I love their pain
Could a ball conquer the world?
I bet that I could fast
Yet at the same time
Entertain
I’ll destroy all that’s in my path
My dream, my goal
World domination’s one thing
But it’s more fun if it’s my way
This ball is really
On a roll
Do I feel emotion for children?
For women and elderly?
No, of course not, everyone will feel my wrath
Yes when it comes down to me
Why, I feel no sympathy
And I’ll destroy all that’s in my path!
Jason, Marcus, and Hobbes were standing in the doorway, staring.
“Couldn’t you guys have come here earlier?!” called Calvin.
“Well,” shrugged Marcus, “we got here when he started to sing and we wanted to hear it.”
The ball blushed. “Aww, the guys who gave me life. I think I’ll kill them first.” It jumped for them, but they opened the door and he flew out. They closed and locked it.
“I’ll get you later!” It called inside. “I have a whole world to attack!”
“What the heck was that?!” cried Jason.
The kids heard its song echoing into the distance. “Volley Ball of Terror, Volley Ball of Terror...”
“He calls himself the Volley Ball of Terror,” remarked Calvin.
“No, really?” Hobbes said sarcastically.
Calvin put on a newspaper hat. “I call a GROSS meeting!”
“About how we can save humanity?” glared Hobbes.
“No,” replied Calvin, “about how we can use that ball to attack girls we hate!”
Jason stared. “So...every girl?”
“Exactly!” cried Calvin.
“He’s probably off attacking them right now,” said Marcus.
“Aww,” whined Calvin, “but it’s no fun when we have nothing to do with it...”
“That’s why we have to stop it!” cried Jason.
Hobbes sighed. “I figured we’d naturally set out to stop it, not just because of the whole girl thing.”
“That’s your problem, Hobbes,” laughed Calvin. “You figure too much and constantly forget our character descriptions.”
“Well, we can’t stay here forever,” reasoned Marcus. “This scene is starting to drag. Let’s go and stop that rampaging ball!”
“Right,” agreed Jason. “How scary is a volley ball, anyway?”
They walked out of the raquetball court and nervously looked around. Johnny was standing by them. “Hi, guys!”
They all screamed and jumped in shock. “Don’t do that!” panted Calvin.
“Okay, forget about Johnny!” said Jason. “We’ve got a horrific ball to find!”
“You mean Plank’s new friend?” grinned Johnny.
Marcus just looked towards the sky. “Of course he’s friends with the wood...”
“He went that way,” said Johnny.
Calvin, Hobbes, Jason, and Marcus ran down the hall and came to the receptionists’ desk. Everything was scattered around.
“Looks like a struggle,” said Hobbes.
“And where’s the receptionist?” wondered Calvin.
“Looks like the ball’s been here,” said Jason.
They heard several people scream and some crashes coming from further down.
“That came from the weight room!” cried Hobbes. “He’s been there, too!”
They heard some girls scream next.
“And those were the cheerleaders!” realized Marcus. “Man, he’s fast...” They ran down to the main room and peeked in the gym.
“Are they okay?” whispered Calvin, looking at the sprawled girls.
Hobbes nodded. “They look hurt, but I think they’re going to be fine.”
“So if he’s struck at all these places,” said Jason, “where’s he going next?”
Calvin thought. “Let’s see...if I was a demented volley ball, what would I do?” After a brief moment, he smacked Hobbes. “Yeah, I’d totally do that.” Hobbes growled and pounced on him.
“Wait a second!” said Marcus. “He’d go after the other kids!”
“I think they’re in the other gym!” said Jason. “Let’s go!”
The kids were all playing dodge ball. Jason, Marcus, Calvin, and Hobbes ran onto the field. “Guys!” announced Calvin. “There’s a killer volley ball on the loose!” The four were immediately bombarded with balls. “We’re serious!” defended Calvin.
“Get off the field and go jail where you belong!” yelled Kevin.
“We’ll handle this...” said Lee Kanker calmly. The Kankers sprang on the boys.
A few minutes later, the four boys were sitting tied up on the sidelines. The Eds were sitting next to them, tied in a similar fashion.
“Did you guys try to warn everyone, too?” asked Jason.
“No,” sighed Double D, “the Kankers just felt like grabbing us.”
Marcus turned towards the field and noticed a certain bully about to throw a certain ball. “Hey...is Moe holding...?”
“He is!” cried Hobbes.
Yep, Moe was about to throw the Volley Ball of Terror.
“MOE! DON’T THROW...” Calvin started to yell, before pausing. “Wait a second, I never liked him.”
Moe threw the ball, which came to life in midair and flew around, hitting everyone on the other team. Moe’s team cheered, thinking it was just the world’s best throw.
Charlie Brown jumped around victoriously. “We won! We really won! This never happens to me, but it did! We...” He was cut off when the ball came back the other way and hit him and all the other kids. Soon everyone was lying unconscious on the field.
“I’ve never felt so alive!” cried the ball. “Mostly ‘cause I’ve only been alive for, like, ten minutes, but still...”
Look at me now, I’ve won the game for myself
This campus I will crumble in a day
The feeling is very sweet when they fall off of their feet
But now that they’re all down, I’m on my way
And yet they’re still unaware of all of my powers
They could just shrug off this when they all come to
But they’ll all be scared indeed
When I come back in the lead
Sweet sleeping kids, I’m coming to get you
Cause I’ll destroy all that’s in my path
Be afraid
You’re all fools
Whether you’re eating your snacks or going for a walk
I’ll stalk you here or
At the pool
Destroy all that’s in my path
I just can’t wait
If you think that you can defeat me
That’ll just make me laugh
I’ve already inflicted lots of pain
On cheerleaders and staff
The whole world lies ahead and I
Don’t wanna do that math
Destroy all that’s in my path!
Eddy stared. “Is that a singing volley ball?”
“Way cool!” cheered Ed.
“Very sorry,” said Double D, “but may we sit this little adventure out? Just this once?” They looked up to see the Volley Ball bouncing into the distance.
The kids woke up later and didn’t quite know what happened. They shrugged the whole attack off as “one of those things” and headed off for the pool. However, on the walk there, Jason spent the whole time nervously looking around for the ball. “Do you think he’s gone?”
“His song made it sound like he would be,” said Marcus, “but we’ve gotta arm ourselves!”
“Arm ourselves?” repeated Calvin. “All I have is a cooler full of ice balls! HEY SUSIE!” Calvin threw some at her.
“OW! Calvin!”
“Get rid of slimy girls!” cheered Calvin, before being chased away.
“I could bite it!” suggested Ed.
Eddy grabbed him and stomped away. “Hey! We already decided that we wouldn’t get involved!”
“Besides,” added Double D, “the plots of these episodes have become ridiculous.”
“AAAAAHHHH!” screamed Jason. “IT’S BEHIND YOU!” Everyone turned around, to see nothing. “Got you!” grinned Jason. “It may be ridiculous, but it’s still a threat, and I say that we can’t let ourselves be pushed around by a ball of air!”
“Yeah,” agreed Marcus, as they entered the locker room, “especially not one we created.”
Jason nodded. “Swimsuit up.”
A few seconds later, Jason and Marcus walked out to the pool, both wearing sunglasses and armed with harpoons. Calvin zipped over. “Can I borrow one? HEY, SUSIE!”
Without a word, Marcus kicked Calvin into the pool. “We’re serious. That ball is in here somewhere.”
Floating amongst the large mass of pool toys, indeed, was a volley ball. He ducked underwater as Jason and Marcus walked by.
“Keep scanning, Marcus,” instructed Jason. “Keep scanning...”
Once they left, the ball surfaced again. “Ooh, harpoons. I’m soooooo scared. Let’s find a target, shall we?” The ball scanned the pool and saw Jimmy in the shallow end. “This is freaking perfect.” Grinning, the ball submerged and rose under Jimmy, floating towards the deep end.
“Help!” squealed Jimmy. “I can’t swim!” He tried to get off before discovering that he was already in deep water. Jason and Marcus saw this and bounded towards the ball.
“ATTACK THE VILLAIN!” Jason and Marcus shot their harpoons at the ball, only to miss and snag Jimmy’s swimsuit instead, sending him flying safely out of the pool. The Volley Ball of Terror “beep beeped” like Roadrunner and swam for it.
Under the water, everything was a fantasy ocean, as it was being seen from Calvin’s point of view. “Aqua Hobbes!” cried Aqua Calvin in his submarine. “Status report!”
Hobbes checked the radar. “Jason and Marcus missed. Our target is escaping!”
“Fire torpedoes!” announced Calvin.
“We’re out of them!”
“Then we’ll have to use the next best thing...” Calvin launched himself. “PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!” Calvin splashed above surface (and also into reality) and missed, landing on Jason and Marcus. “Hey, I actually met his makers!”
Marcus fired more harpoons, but each one missed and flew to the wrong place entirely.
“Watch it!” complained Eddy as one barley missed his head. “We’re trying to stay outta the plot, remember?”
“What in the world is going on out there?!” cried Lucy. One harpoon hit a ceiling light, which fell into the pool, causing mass panic. “Get those blockheads!”
A mob of kids sprang out of the pool and chased Jason and Marcus. Even the Eds were there. “Why are we joining them?” asked Double D. “We knew that they were only trying to help.”
“Yeah,” shrugged Eddy, “but I’ve never actually BEEN in a mob before...and it feels good!”
“Kill the beast! Kill the beast!” chanted Ed.
In all the confusion, the Volley Ball of Terror slipped into the locker room and made a break for it. “That was great! And all I did was nudge a kid to some water!”
Calvin and Hobbes jumped out, with a harpoon. “Surprise! The last harpoon left!” Calvin fired at the ball, missing it entirely.
“I knew I should have shot it,” sighed Hobbes. “Hey, wait a second...I still have my claws!” The Volley Ball gulped and quickly bounced out the door, with Hobbes in hot pursuit. “Get back here! Don’t tell me you’re afraid!”
“I’m not afraid!” the ball shot back, bounding out the door and into the road. However, he didn’t notice some broken glass sitting there until he landed on it...and promptly deflated, flying away. “AAAAAHHHHH!” cried the ball in anguish. “CURSE YOU!”
Calvin and Hobbes turned to each other and smiled. It was a smile of accomplishment. They’d actually won! The ball was gone...well, for now, at least. Just then, the mob of kids ran by, still chasing Jason and Marcus.
“Wanna join them?” asked Calvin.
“Why not?” shrugged Hobbes.
And so, as Calvin and Hobbes joined the chase, another typical day had ended.
