I don't wanna go to camp,Dodgeball
From Finsters Place For Made Up People The Tbs Wiki
[edit] Pilot Episode
It was early morning. Calvin’s mom was driving him and his tiger friend Hobbes to a day camp. Calvin was complaining, as usual. “But I don't wanna go to camp!”
“Susie's mom says that camp is a good idea!” Calvin’s mom told him.
“What does she know?” Calvin whispered to himself. Soon he and Hobbes were walking around the camp building. There was nothing really wrong, but Calvin certainly didn’t want to be there, so he acted as stubborn as possible.
A loudmouthed kid other than Calvin stood on a table. His name was Eddy. “Step right up! Come and see Eddy’s Ed-a-phone!”
Calvin got in line with some other kids to a curtained-off area of the room. “What’s this?” he asked a boy named Jimmy.
“Ed, Edd, and Eddy are three con artists who are always trying to rip us off of our money, using scams,” he explained. “This is one of them!”
“So fork over your quarters and come on over!” continued Eddy.
“This sounds interesting,” said Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes paid and sat down. The three Eds stood in front of the kids.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” announced Eddy, “I will now play ‘Lady of Spain’ with my amazing Ed-a-phone!”
“If you can’t remember the tune of ‘It’s a Small World,’ what makes you think you know ‘Lady of Spain?’” asked Edd. “And what, pray tell, is an Ed-a-phone?”
Eddy held up a large mallet. “This!”
“Me first, Eddy!” called Ed. Eddy hit Ed and Edd in various parts of their body causing them to sing out “OW!” to the tune of “Lady of Spain.” Reaching of the climax of the song, Eddy rose the Ed-a-phone very high. (“Oh my”---Edd) Hebrought it down hard on the Eds’ feet. They sang out “AAAHHH!” for a finale.
“That was IT! I want my money back!” said Calvin. Eddy jumped off the stage and ran away with his jar of quarters he’d collected. “Hey, life is full of disappointments, kid! I can’t wait to count this!”
“My apologies!” called Edd.
“I hate this place,” Calvin sighed. He saw Charlie Brown. “I wonder who that blockhead is.”
“That's Charlie Brown,” said a boy standing next to him. “Of all the Charlie Browns, he's the Charlie Brown-iest.” A dog danced by. “That's his dog. He's kind of crazy. I'm Linus.”
“You seem like the only sane person we've met.”
“I see. That's a nice tiger. I always carry around this blanket. You'd probably like Jason and Marcus. They're around here, somewhere...”
Linus left. Calvin walked away, only to bump into Moe. “I'm here, too, Twinkie.” Moe punched Calvin. What a wonderful camp...he painfully got up and noticed Susie.
“There's the reason why we're here! Susie!”
“Let me guess,” said Hobbes. “You want revenge.”
“Good idea,” said Calvin. “We'll get revenge!”
Jason immediately raced over. “Did someone say ‘revenge?’"
“I did.”
“I'm Jason. Nice tiger.”
“Call me Hobbes.”
“Linus told me about you two,” said Calvin, noticing Jason’s friend. “I take it that you're Marcus.”
“Sure am.”
“Linus is a good kid, though a bit on the wimpy side,” said Jason.
“You should talk...” Calvin said under his breath.
Marcus popped in. “If you want revenge, we'll give you revenge, with a little weapon that we like to call...‘Quincy.’”
Calvin stared at the little lizard that was being held up. “A chameleon?”
“He’s an iguana!” snapped Jason, yanking Quincy away. “Learn some more about lizards, kid!”
“We'll see...” said Hobbes, unsure whether to trust these guys or not.
Jason calmly walked away. “Call me if you change your mind...” he said with a large grin.
Calvin turned back to Hobbes. “How else can we get revenge on Susie?”
“I've got it!” Hobbes whispered something to Calvin. “I like it! Let's go...”
Calvin spied Susie sitting across the room. He dashed over and grabbed Susie’s stuffed rabbit, Mr. Bun. “HEY! Give Mr. Bun back!”
“No way!” Calvin ran to Jason and handed him Mr. Bun. “Can you cement this thing in less than an hour?”
“I don't do Mafia. I will, however play keep-away!”
“Then, do that!” ordered Calvin. “Don't let Susie get it!” The minute Jason left, Susie ran over. “Gimme back Mr. Bun! NOW!”
Calvin calmly leaned against the wall. “If you play your cards right, you'll get Mr. Bun. Now, stay here! Hobbes and I have to plan.”
Calvin walked into the nearby supply closet with Hobbes. He saw Kevin, who was looking at the balls stored inside. “Soccer balls...check. Kickballs...check. Eddy...WHAT!”Kevin pulled Eddy out of the ball pile.“What are YOU doing in here?”
Edd peeked out. “Hiding from the Kanker sisters, naturally.”
“They're always trying to get us,” said Eddy.
“If I was a log, I’d be the happiest log EVER!” This, of course, was Ed.
“Does one of the sisters have orange curly hair?” asked Calvin.
“Yes...” Edd said nervously, thinking about Lee Kanker.
“And does one have blue hair?” asked Calvin.
“Yeah...” said Eddy, thinking about Marie Kanker.
“And does one have huge buck teeth?”
“Log, log, log,” said Ed.
“I think I just saw them in that corner,” said Calvin, pointing a few feet over. But the corner was empty. “That’s weird...where’d they go?”
Suddenly, the Kankers popped up with the Eds. The Eds screamed and ran away. The Kankers chased them. “KANKERS!”
“Who are you?” Kevin asked Calvin.
“I’m Calvin,” Calvin said, holding up his stuffed tiger. “This is Hobbes. I assume that you’re friends with those three.”
“No way! I don’t hang out with DORKS!”
“Well, I’m not friends with those nuts either,” Calvin said stubbornly.
“I’m assistant counselor. Any enemy of dork, dork, and dorky is a friend of mine.”
Kevin walked out, as Susie came in. “Calvin?”
“Oh! Susie! We've made our plans.”
“We have?” whispered Hobbes.
“YES! WE HAVE, FLEABRAIN!” Calvin yelled at Hobbes. To Susie, he was just yelling at a toy.
“Stop yelling at your stuffed tiger, and tell me! I want Mr. Bun!”
“You'll get him!” growled Calvin. He turned around and said in a dramatic voice, “In time!”
“Well, what do I do, ‘in time?’”
“Hold on a sec...” Calvin put on an army hat, boots, and sunglasses. He put the same stuff on Hobbes, who looked very cute in them. “Meet Generals Calvin and Hobbes! Now, let's get down to business! Jog around this building for me.”
“Okay, I ran around the whole building,” said Susie, a few minutes later.
Calvin calmly reclined on a bench. “I never told you to jog only one lap. Do a few more for me.”
“How many is ‘a few?’”
Calvin smiled evilly. “As many as I want.”
It started to rain. “Oh, COME ON!” complained Susie
“Keep going.”
Susie ran a few laps. The Eds followed her, running from the Kankers.
Calvin’s next form of torture was a game inside. “Now, we’ll play Don’t Catch.”
“How do I do that?” asked a wet Susie.
“I throw the ball at you and you don’t catch it.”
A little later, Susie stumbled into the main room. It wasn’t fair. Calvin was being such a jerk, and there was nothing she could do about it! Thunder crashed outside. “I hate this! No matter how many things I do, Calvin won’t give me Mr. Bun!”
Susie looked up to see Jason, Quincy and Marcus (dressed as pirates) propping Plank up, so he is over the trash can. On the end of Plank, tied up, sat Mr. Bun.
“Alright, rabbit...” said the pirate Marcus.
“...we're gonna make you walk the Plank!” finished the pirate Jason.
“Stop!” cried Susie. She made a dramatic jump, grabbing Mr. Bun right before he hit the trashcan’s dirty contents. After smacking Jason and Marcus a few times, she angrily stomped away. At least Mr. Bun was okay.
“Darn,” said Jason. “The life of a pirate is full of disappointments.”
Johnny ran over and grabbed Plank. “There you are, Plank!”
“Uh...Johnny?” Jason said awkwardly. Johnny was happily rubbing Plank against his face. “What?”
“You shouldn't rub him against your face,” advised Marcus. “You'll get splinters that way.”
“Oh, that's Planks's way of telling me he loves me.”
Susie was sitting with Mr. Bun when she realized something. “Hey! Since I have Mr. Bun back, Calvin can't boss me around anymore!”
Calvin and Hobbes were walking down the hall. They saw Kevin and Rolf. “Hey, Calvin! Check this out!”
The Eds were sitting tied up and the Kankers were getting ready to kiss them.
“What’s going on?” asked Calvin.
“This happens every other day!” explained Kevin. “The girl dorks catch the boy dorks and make out with them! And we get to watch!”
“In Rolf’s village, this was know as the mating of the village idiots,” said the foreign boy in an odd accent.
“The Eds don’t look like they’re having a lot of fun,” observed Calvin.
“They’re not! That’s why it’s fun for us!”
Calvin looked a little sad. “So no one helps them?” He could remember lots of times where no one would help him escape from Moe.
“We’re not going up against the Kankers!” said Kevin. “Besides, no one likes the Eds, so it doesn’t matter.”
Calvin turned to Hobbes. “I never thought that I’d feel bad for the Eds...”
“If you feel bad for someone, you should help them,” said Hobbes.
“You mean I should help THEM!”
“Yep.”
“Oh boy...”
Calvin threw on his costume and dashed over to the Kankers in the form of General Calvin. “LADIES! HALT!”
“Who’s that guy?” asked May.
“I don’t know, but he’s got a uniform,” said Lee.
“Drop and give me twenty!” ordered Calvin.
“Twenty what?” asked Marie.
There was a long pause. “Uh...RUN!”Calvin grabbed the Eds and ran away with them and Hobbes.
“Did the spiky-haired one just save the Ed Boys?” stared Rolf.
“What a dork,” said Kevin.
Calvin and the Eds had made it outside, where the rain had stopped.
“You’re saving us?” cried Eddy, unable to believe it. “Thanks!”
Calvin started to untie the Eds. “Hey, I’ve had to deal with bullies before.”
“There’s just one problem with that,” Edd said, scanning the area for the evil sisters. “The Kankers aren’t bullies. They’re much more complex than that.”
“How so?” asked Hobbes.
“Well, they don’t give up easily, I’ll leave it at that.” Just as Edd finished this sentence, the Kankers roared down the road in a red convertible.
“They stole a CAR!” yelled Hobbes.
“Can they drive me to the desert of the salamander people?” smiled Ed.
“What do we do now?” freaked out Calvin.
“KEEP RUNNING!” screamed Hobbes. They dove into a bush. The Kankers passed them.
Edd peeked out. “That bought us some time, but not much.”
“This calls for an emergency meeting of GROSS,” announced Calvin, putting on his newspaper hat.
“Like my basement?” asked Ed.
“No,” corrected Hobbes. “Get Rid Of Slimy girlS.”
“First we must sing our meeting song,” said Calvin.
Attention! all rise! This meeting of GROSS
Is now called to order by the great grandiose
Dictator for life, the ruler supreme
The fearless the brave, the held-high-in-esteem...
“How much longer is this song?” interrupted Hobbes.
“Hey, we haven’t even gotten to my verse yet!” said Hobbes. “Don’t rush these things!”
The Kankers drove over and pulled the Eds out from the bushes.“Need a lift, boys?”
“HOBBES!” yelled Calvin. “Emergency water balloons! NOW!” Calvin grabbed two water balloons and threw them at the Kankers, missing them entirely.
Edd stared. “Was that supposed to have a purpose?”
“Not really. KEEP RUNNING!”
They ran away AGAIN. Jason and Marcus, meanwhile, were setting up a rocket launch. “It’s a wonderful day for a rocket launch:
“I’ll scope out the area,” said Marcus, looking around. “Bad news. The Kankers are in the way of where the rocket’s gonna land.”
“So?”
“They’re chasing Calvin, Hobbes, Ed, Edd, and Eddy.”
Jason put on his own army helmet. “I believe that this has just turned into a rescue mission. Get the explosives.”
“There’s no time! We need to call in a professional!”
Snoopy roared across the sky on his doghouse. “Here’s the WWI Flying Ace out to save some soldiers on the front! They won’t die on my watch! Release the bombs!”
The Kankers were chasing down the kids, as bombs dropped and exploded all around them. “This doesn’t make any sense!” cried Edd.
“So?” yelled Calvin. “Keep running!”
The Kankers were hit by a bomb and fell. “YES!” cheered Eddy. “He hit the Kankers!”
“Oh dear...” moaned Edd, “they won’t be down for long! Keep running!” The Eds ran off, leaving Calvin. “Wow,” he said. “I thought the Eds were freaks, but they're not so bad.”
“Poor guys,” remarked Hobbes. “In constant fear of the Kankers!”
Calvin jumped up. “Let's do something about it! No! Even better!”
“What?”
“Susie will do something about it!”
Susie was playing with Mr. Bun when Generals Calvin and Hobbes approached. She quickly hid her toy.
“SUSIE!” barked Calvin.
“What?”
“It is our orders that you dispose of the Kanker sisters!”
There was a pause. “Why?”
Calvin held up a crude drawing of a rabbit. “Because Mr. Bun's life depends on it! Don't forget that I still have him!”
Susie smiled, knowing he hadn’t figured out that she had gotten her toy back. “Okay, ‘General’ Calvin, I'll do it! You just rest here...” She quickly left and returned a few seconds later. “Done!”
Calvin glared at her suspiciously. “That was fast. I want to see the bodies.”
“Follow me.” They walked into a closet where the Kankers were waiting. “Girls!” called Susie. “Here’s the kid who helped the Eds get away!”
“What do you think we should do them, girls?” smiled Lee.
“Let’s go wild!” cried Marie.
Calvin backed away. “Wha---! Susie, you're rabbit is gonna die!” Susie calmly held up Mr. Bun.“Huh?” gasped Calvin. “How did you---you can't...” Susie shut the door and strolled away.
“I guess I deserve this...I think,” said Calvin in the darkness.
“Cheer up!” smiled Hobbes. “At least we’ll never be bored!”
Screams were heard as the Kankers attacked.
[edit] Dodgeball
Team 1
Calvin
Hobbes
Ed
Edd
Eddy
Susie
Jason
Marcus
Snoopy
Charlie Brown
Woodstock
Linus
Rerun
Pigpen
Franklin
Sally
Team 2
Lee
May
Marie
Jimmy
Sarah
Moe
Kevin
Nazz
Rolf
Lucy
Peppermint Patty
Marcie
Johnny
Plank
Schroder
It was a grim morning at camp. In the gym, everyone stood on the dodgeball field, playing, well, dodgeball. Team 2 had a serious advantage over the other team, which had the weaker kids. Calvin wasn’t too happy about this. “Dodgeball! We have to play DODGEBALL! We have to play the most painful game in history!”
“Oh, come on!” said Hobbes. “It’s not so bad!” They both screamed as a few balls whizzed by them, barely missing. Calvin could smell the rubber and feel the wind on his face.
“Dodgeball! We have to play DODGEBALL!” screamed Hobbes.
“Look at the other team!” complained Calvin. “Kevin, Moe, Peppermint Patty, Sarah, the Kankers...they have all the best players! We have Jason, Marcus, the Eds...”
“I only see Ed and Eddy,” said Hobbes, scanning the field.
“Yeah...where’s Double D?”
Ed and Eddy, standing nearby, were wondering the same thing.
“Where’s Double D, Ed?” asked Eddy.
“He is snug as a bug in a carpet!” As a ball or two flew by, Ed opened his jacket to reveal a terrified Edd. “Only dodgeball would drive me to this...”
Eddy pulled him out. “Get outta there, Double D! We’re gonna figure out a way to make some money using dodgeball!”
The second he was out, Edd took a look around the field and jumped right back in. “Money! I’d rather have my life!”
“Yeah, whatever. So what if we steal all the balls and sell them back to the kids?”
“LISTEN TO ME! This is a dangerous sport! In a few seconds, we could all get clobbered! Clobbered, do you hear me!”
Eddy paused, and then continued, ignoring Edd. “...so, anyway, we charge a quarter for each ball.”
“I don’t have time for this! I’ve got to hide!”
Calvin and Hobbes were still standing in the back of the field. There, they ran into a wall, preventing them from going any farther. They were safer at the back, with a low chance of balls making it back there.
“It all feels so weird,” said Hobbes, watching everyone else scramble around.
“Why?”
“Look at us, hiding out here in terror. We can either die on our feet or live on our knees...it’s a sad fate.”
“ Calvin heard a ball smack someone. “Well, knees can be pretty comfortable.”
“But it’s shameful! I say we get on our feet, run to the front, and fight!”
A ball rolled over to Calvin. He picked it up and felt the texture. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Well, I’m with you,” said Calvin. He ran onto the field with the ball, screaming a battle cry. “YAAAAAAAAAHH!” He ran all the way to the front, only to get hit by someone. Hobbes watched him and got on his knees.
“Well, I suppose that knees are pretty comfortable...’
Eddy finally kicked Edd out of Edd’s jacket, so he had to figure out more ways to avoid dodgeballs...he tried running around, screaming. Jason noticed him. “Hey, fellow nerd!”
“Jason, please! I told you that I hate the term ‘nerd!’ I’m an intellectual!”
“It’s a dork-eat-dork world,” said Marcus. “You’re a nerd or you’re not.”
“Fine. What, may I ask, are you doing?”
Jason held up complicated-looking drawings. “We’re making blueprints for a weapon that will save us all!”
“The Dodgeball Bazooka!” marveled Marcus.
“The WHAT! Guns are a hazard to yourself and others!”
“It’s that, or live in fear,” said Jason, putting the final touches on his drawing with a crayon. A ball whizzed by them.
“Make...that...bazooka!” hissed Ed.
There was lots of danger lurking on the other team’s side. If you were there, you wouldn’t see anyone running around, trying not to get hit (aside from Jimmy). You would see tough offensive kids, ready to pound the heck out of the others with rubber balls. But for the Eds, the true danger was the Kankers, who were watching them.
“I love it when Double D freaks out...” sighed Marie.
“I love big Ed...” said May.
The two were pelted with balls by Lee. “Stay focused! We gotta figure out how we can be with our boyfriends!”
Marie threw a ball back on her. “Yeah, yeah...I got a plan. We get the Eds out and send them to jail over there. Then we get out and go to jail with them!”
“Hey! Less talk and more play!” called Kevin. Lee answered with a ball to his face. “Mind your own business!”
Calvin and Hobbes sat in jail. Jail was actually a pretty good place to be. No one threw balls at the people sitting in jail. The only obstacle to getting there was the painful task of getting hit. But now that it was all over, Calvin was happy to be sitting on the sidelines with his friend. It was boring but it was safe.
“I got hit, not you, Hobbes. Why are you here?”
“I want to keep my best friend company...and I’m scared to death out there.”
“Well, it doesn’t look like anyone else is doing very well...”
It was true. Another perk of jail for Calvin and Hobbes was to watch the action. Team 1's Charlie Brown and Team 2's Lucy were standing in a face-off on opposite sides of the dodgeball field.
“Oh, Charlie Brown...” Lucy called innocently, “look at how close I am to you...you could just hit me...”
“It’s a trap...” Charlie Brown told himself, “she’s just trying to get me to go up to her, only so someone else can hit me with a ball.”
“I’m in the open...completely helpless...”
“But she could be giving up...I could get her out and be a hero!” Charlie Brown ran over with a ball, prepared to hit her, only to be hit by Kevin first.
“Men can never resist the damsels in distress!” smiled Lucy.
“I think I’ll lay right here and die,” sighed Charlie Brown.
“We’ll need to sneak away from the game to get materials for our weapons,” said Jason.
“Someone will notice that you’re gone,” Edd pointed out.
“We’ve got it all worked out,” smiled Marcus. They put up cardboard cutouts of themselves up and ran away. Edd was skeptical. “Oh, come on! Everyone will know that’s not you!”
The fake boys were hit with balls by Kevin. “I hit them, why aren’t they going to jail?”
“You must have hit ‘em really hard,” said Moe.
“I’m surrounded by idiots,” moaned Edd.
“Yes I am,” added Ed, seconds before he and his two friends were hit. They soon sat in jail with the others.
“Well, we only have one player left,” said Calvin, watching Woodstock running around the field, chirping in terror.
“I hope Jason and Marcus come soon...” said Edd, noticing the Kankers getting closer. “Very soon...”
As if he had heard him, Jason ran in. “Never fear, we have bazookas!”
Woodstock was squashed by a ball.
“You’re too late,” said Calvin. “The game’s over.”
“Good,” said Hobbes. “Wait...why is everyone else going back onto the field?”
Eddy looked sick. “We must be playing a new game!”
“NOOOOOO!” screamed Edd, having a breakdown. Calvin watched them with disgust, having a sudden change of character. He didn’t want to die again in this game! They needed help! “That’s it! It’s time that an old friend returns...” Calvin put on his General Calvin suit. “It’s time for GENERAL CALVIN!”
“WHO?”
“I am generally messy,” smiled Ed.
“Don’t you guys see our potential?” asked Calvin. “We have bazookas! If we use them the right way, we can win! You’ve gotta believe! You’ve gotta be strong! You’ve gotta sharpen your claws, fluff up you tail and sing this fighting song!
Small but mighty
Small but mighty
When you’re powerful and wise
You can rise above any size
If you belittle being little
Then you’re quest is doomed to fail
But when you’re small but mighty
The mighty shall prevail!”
Hobbes got into it as well. “You’ve gotta persist! Never say die! You’ve gotta be fierce and fearless now and follow this battle cry!”
Calvin and Hobbes: Small but mighty
Small but mighty
When you’re powerful and wise
You can rise above any size
If you belittle being little
Then you’re quest is doomed to fail
But when you're small but mighty
(Ed: Small but mighty!)
Everyone: When you’re small but mighty
The mighty shall prevail!'''''
“Onward!”
The team ran onto the field. Jason and Marcus loaded their bazookas and fire. The Kankers were quickly taken out.
“That’s the way!” coached Calvin. “Fire at will! Dodge those balls! It’s us against them, and we’re gonna win! Throw it harder!”
“I notice that you’re not doing a thing,” Hobbes pointed out.
“I’m motivating them.”
“HEY!” called Kevin. “They don’t allow ball gun things!”
“It doesn’t say anywhere that we can’t use them!” Marcus called back.
Jason was suspicious. “I think that the other team is planning something against us. Well, I’ve got a plan that involves the other team’s plan and us planning against their plan that’s planning against us!”
“Um...repeat that.”
“We need an undercover agent...we need Quincy.”
A few seconds later, Quincy with his iguana cam was tossed onto the other team’s side. He crawled along as Jason and Marcus watched the camera feed on a TV that they had brought. Eddy was the most taken with the idea. “This is great! We can make a scam out of this somehow! How about we make people pay us to spy on someone!”
“Well, I can’t steer him or anything...naturally, spying will be tough.”
Quincy crawled over to Sarah, who was hit by a ball. “ED! You hit me! I’m telling mom!” She looked down and saw Quincy. “JASON!”
The others were watching Sarah on the TV.
“I know!” said Edd. “We could take the Iguana Cam tapes and market them as nature documentaries!”
“That’s a good idea, but there’s a little problem with that...” said Jason.
On the screen, Sarah threw a ball at the camera, and the screen went black.
“Let me guess...” sighed Calvin, “they all end the same way?”
“QUINCY!”
Unlike Jason, Marcus had thought ahead. He had hired Snoopy to crawl onto the other side. “Armed with a new weapon, the WWI Flying Ace sneaks into enemy territory.”
“I can’t believe we let him use one of our bazookas,” Marcus said, watching Snoopy hide from the other kids, which was hard for him, for there was little to hide behind.
“Not to worry, Marcus,” smiled Jason. “Snoopy knows what he’s doing.”
“Why is he digging a trench?”
But Snoopy was in his own little world right now. “The Flying Ace listens to what the others are saying...‘Why is that kid with the big nose from the other team over here? I say we get him...’ Uh-oh.”
Snoopy found himself punched out by Moe as Kevin grabbed the bazooka. “It’s the dorks’ gun!” This could be used to his advantage, he realized.
“Where’s Snoopy?” Jason asked.
Marcus looked across the field. “There’s the Kankers, Johnny, Plank, Sarah...THEY’VE TIED UP SNOOPY!
“Captured by the Red Baron, the WWI Flying Ace plots his escape...” Snoopy narrated to himself.
“Wait,” said Calvin, “if Snoopy’s been captured, then who has the bazooka?”
“KEVIN!” the kids realized. Kevin laughed across the field. “I love the smell of rubber in the morning...”
“But, Kevin, it’s the afternoon!” corrected Jimmy. Kevin shot Jimmy, despite the fact that they were on the same team.
“Oh, dear!” moaned Edd. “Kevin hates us! Now that he has that deadly weapon, we’re done for!
Jason wasn’t scared at all. “I was worried that this would happen...so I added a little bonus to the bazooka...if you press a button that’s right here, the other bazooka explodes!” Jason’s bazooka suddenly exploded.
“It appears that Kevin found the button first,” sighed Edd.
Meanwhile, Snoopy had crawled over to the Kankers. “The Flying Ace decides to charm his enemies...Did I ever tell you how beautiful you were, you lovely specimen of a lady?”
“Why is that kid lookin’ at me?” asked Marie.
“Ignore him,” ordered Lee.
“Obviously they’ve been trained for this type of situation...but I will not give up!”
The other team was in utter chaos. “We need help!” cried Edd.
“We need General Calvin!” said Hobbes. Calvin peeked out of Ed’s jacket. “I’m not coming out!”
“But we need your guidance! Wow, I never thought I’d say that.”
“No way.”
“What happened to ‘Small But Mighty?’”
“We had a bazooka then! You can do anything with bazookas!”
Hobbes walked away. “Fine! We’ll just lose the game, then!”
“I’m good with that,” said Calvin, still inside the jacket. Ed looked up. “A ball I see!” They ducked as a ball flew overhead.
“This is all because we sent Snoopy on enemy territory!” fumed Calvin.
“Well, we could always go get him back,” suggested Hobbes.
“Hey, that’s a good idea! Let’s go!”
A few seconds later, they threw Woodstock onto the other team’s side.
“I thought we were going into enemy territory,” said Hobbes.
“Are you crazy? We’d die in there!
Calvin and Hobbes were hit by some balls the second Woodstock flew in. Most of Team 1 was now in jail, but Jason, for some reason, had disappeared.
“We can only hope that Woodstock saves Snoopy,” said Calvin.
“Why can’t I have a normal team like everyone else?” asked Charlie Brown.
Snoopy, meanwhile, was still tied up. “The WWI Flying Ace is in trouble...what can he do to escape? He must play mind games with the guard!” Snoopy stared intently at Plank. “Drat! The guard doesn’t even notice our hero!”
Woodstock arrived, to Snoopy’s delight. “Woodstock! Help me out!” Woodstock untied Snoopy and they ran onto their side.
“YEAH! SNOOPY’S BACK!” cheered the kids. Snoopy and Woodstock were hit by a ball, losing the game.
“Why did we want him back, anyway?” asked Calvin.
Suddenly, Jason rushed in with another bazooka. “We’re not doomed yet, guys! KEVIN! Hold your fire!”
“What is it, dork?”
“I ran off and escaped and built myself a new gun! I realize that we can both blow up each other’s guns, but I have a better idea. We’ll see who really has the fastest gun on the field! In five minutes, there’s gonna be a showdown to determine the winner of the game! Be there!”
Calvin rushed up, frantic. “Are you crazy! Kevin’s gonna shoot you!”
“No way! I’m the one who’s always had rubber dart guns! If you ask my brother or sister, they’ll say that I could shoot anything!”
On the other side...
“Kevin, He-Whose-Eyes-Do-Not-Show may shoot you!” said Rolf, on the other side.
“I’ve been dealing with the Eds for years! One more dork can’t do a thing to me!”
Soon, it was time for the final showdown. That typical “High Noon” music played as Jason and Kevin stood ten paces apart.
“Well, this is it...no backing out,” Jason said to himself. “Kevin! Are you ready?”
“I’m ready to blow you away!”
“Can I do it?” asked Moe.
“No, he challenged me!”
Moe and Kevin started arguing over the gun, which accidently fired and hit them both in the face. Jason did a victory dance. “Hey! The were both hit!”
“With their own gun,” added Edd.
“Who cares? They’re both out...I think! What really matters is that I didn’t get hit!” Jason’s gun backfired and hit him in the face.
[edit] Note
- "Small But Mighty" was from the movie Teacher's Pet.
