Go! Go! Necromonica Rangers

From Finsters Place For Made Up People The Tbs Wiki

[edit] Transcript (Act 1)

{Episode starts out like the opening to a talk show of some sort.}

ANNOUNCER: {the words appear on the screen as he says them} It's the Joel and Phil {there's a cat noise and Joel's head appears over the 'O' in his name. We may also note that this program is rated TV14.} Parents Day Spectacular! With, special guest star, What's-Her-Face! And a musical performance by Chia Fred. And now, your hosts, Joel and Phiiiilll! {Joel and Phil's images appear onscreen above their names. Phil's image is a sad artist's rendering of him with a beer-belly}

{cut to Phil and Joel sitting at a table. Neither the table or the chairs have legs.}

JOEL: Hi! I'm Joel, and welcome to the Highscore Parents Day Spectacular. Parents are great, aren't they? Ha of course sometimes you just wanna kill 'em though, am I right? Right Phil?

PHIL: ... My parents were gunned down in an airport terminal.

JOEL: Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha...oooh...ha... Oh.

{Cue Opening to Reel Big Fish's 'A Little Doubt Goes A Long Way'. At the end Joel walks across the screen, punches Phil, who falls, then continues walking. The credits continue in the form of a comic book, with 'super' music. Image of Phil exclaiming "SuperPhil!"}

{Pan of Phil laying on the floor in the foreground, clutching his chest. Joel in the background looking concerned.}

JOEL: I swear to god Phil, I... I didn't see ya there... {shot of a broken jar, leaking something, on the floor.} I mean, I thought- I thought no one was home... {zoom in on the jar. It has a red 'radioactive' label on it.} I thought...! PHIL! I'M SORRY!

{shot of Joel looking sad on a white BG. Phil's head pops up}

PHIL: Heh, I'm just messin' with ya.

JOEL: You mean...?

PHIL: My parents weren't really murdered...

JOEL: Wow, the student has surpassed the master here.

PHIL: It feels pretty good to be diabolic every now and then. So uh, what'd you splash me with?

JOEL: Uh... Apple juice.

{CGI shot of the house. Cut to a close up of a hot dog on a plate and a spoon, both are bobbing up and down slowly. A close up of Phil's face, also bobbing. Then zoom out to Phil, and spoon, floating horizontally above the table. Joel enters and the door slides down.}

PHIL: {from off screen} Joel! {Joel freaks, and Phil comes into view. His arm stretches really long.} Is there any reason why that apple juice gave me, Super Speed, {he zips across the screen twice with sound effects} Super Strength, {holds up his arm which turns muscular and veiny} and that magnified sex appeal the ladies can't get enough of?

JOEL: Ah ha ha, assuming it was me. Classic Phil. No no, it wasn't me it was, destiny! You know what that is.

PHIL: Yeah, you're right. Charismaville's been in need of a true hero, ever since the tragic death of the Punch drunk Puffs. Killed by a flying cow. Ironic, considering their names, don't you think?

JOEL: No it isn't.

PHIL: That's cute and all, but I really have to be going. Generic Video game Joke, AWAY! {he flies off screen}

JOEL: What a weirdo. Hmm? {Black and white shot of Joel looking into a darkened room.} Uh! She escaped! {back to color} Well, I'm sure that won't have any effect on anything. Soo, I'm not going to worry about it.

{scene change to Phil flying over Charismaville.}

PHIL: Ooh, crime stuff.

{cut to two RustyDuck members in the street. A building behind them has a huge hole in it's side. We can see a third member standing beyond in what looks like a bank vault with money bags.}

RUSTYDUCKMEMBER1: Crime again?

RDM2: Well, it was either this or a job at the USA network.

RDM1: Hoo! Dodged a bullet there.

RDM2: Yeah I dunno, I just can't trust- {is punched from the left by Phil's arm}

{Pan up on Phil standing in a cool pose to 'super' music. He's wearing a black mask over his eyes, which are now all white.}

RDM1: Oh crap, it's that guy!

RDM2: {pops up from the ground, his eye visor thing is cracked} Yeah and he's able to stand perfectly still!

PHIL: Well, if it isn't the RustyDuck clan. Why is it, that every time I see you you're knee-deep in crime?

RDM1: Well to be fair, you've only seen us once. I mean, usually we're just knee-deep in misery and self-loathing.

DOUG: {pops in from the side} And Mancala tournaments.

RDM1: Shut up, Doug.

PHIL: {pan of Phil from across the street} Now, you've got two roads to choose between... {zoom in on Phil} The easy way, or {zoom in on Phil's face} the hard way.

RDM1: Uhhh, I'll take the easy way then.

PHIL: {is a black and white scribble, then gains color} Ugh, you're supposed to take the hard way!

RDM1: Dude, I'm not a retard. I can't fight you!

PHIL: Why not?!

RDM1: Because you'd kick my ass!

PHIL: Well, did that ever matter to the Joker? Or the Penguin? Or... Riddler?

RDM1: That's pretty different. I mean they had a friendly rivalry. And they knew his identity.

PHIL: Ugh, gimme a break. In the normal canon, no one knew that.

RDM1: Look, in 'Batman And Robin', Batman flashes his credit card to the camera for five seconds. Five seconds! Are you telling me someone in Gotham wouldn't trace that number?

PHIL: {looks as if he's about to make a point but stops} ..... You know, this constitutes as fighting.

RDM1: {shrugs} Sure, technically, but-- crap. {black and white sketches of Phil pulling back for a punch} Look, man, I surrender already! I give up! dude!

{close up of Phil's face as he yells, 'Donut Power!!'. Which also appears on screen above his head. A quick pan to the sun above him, the light glare off the surface of the giant donut as it falls behind him. The donut lands, cracking the pavement and the wind blows at Phil dramatically.}

RDM1: A donut?! {the words are beside his head}

{close up on Phil's dashing smile. close up on his hand grabbing the donut. B&W sketches of him jumping up. He throws it in color with sound effects, and floats to the ground in a cool pose. The crowd goes wild! -silently. The RustyDuck member twitches from under the half-buried donut.}

PHIL: {arms wide} People of Charismaville! Fear no longer, for you have a new champion, and his name is- Uh... {the crowd awaits} His name is uh... {looks away from the crowd, looking thoughtful as the next line appears by his head} I should run a web poll.

{start generic 'spinning newspaper montage' as Five Iron Frenzy's 'Cannonball' plays.}

HEADLINES: New Hero In Town, Charismaville's Lastest. {picture of Phil's face} Justice League sad that no one cares about them.

HEADLINES: Meteor Heads For Earth, Charismaville's Lastest. {picture of giant meteor} InuYasha makes you gay.

{cut to Phil before a giant red meteor. He looks confident as he attempts to flick at it with his finger. Nothing happens, he flicks it a few more times, looking concerned. Panicking, he tries punching it, then pushing it with his entire shoulder. Looking mad, he stomps on the meteor several times. The meteor continues to fly by him and we zoom out to learn it's destination is New Jersey! Phil shrugs his shoulders as if to say 'Oh well...' and another paper spins.}

HEADLINES: New Jersey destroyed, World A Better Place. {picture of Phil shrugging shoulders} Spike Spiegal, to cosplayers: "Stop dreaming."

HEADLINES: Evil On The Attack, Criminal's Name Really Is Evil. {picture of Evil} By the time you read this I'll be in your house.

{Cut to Evil sipping a drink through a straw outside a cafe. Their bill reads '$32.50'. Evil looks surprised then pulls out their empty pocket. B&W sketches of Phil flying in and beating Evil up, and throwing them against a building in color. The building teeters away but then crashes down on Evil. Phil stands proudly in front of adoring Fan's arms, which include a bird wing and foot. And a human foot. Another newspaper spins.}

HEADLINES: Super Phil Triumphs, Poor Man Brutally Mangled. {picture of Phil in front of fans} New study: Being old is bad for you.

HEADLINES: Trains To Collide, 100% Chance Of Danger. {picture of train. picture of a guy saying 'Political Joke' in a speech bubble} Newspapers becoming remarkably more recent.

{cut to a speeding train and Phil running to meet it headlong, literally. He sends it flying, in B&W, and as it flies over the horizon, in color, he shrugs 'whoopsie!' another newspaper spins.}

HEADLINES: Phil: "Whoopsie!", Lovable Scamp Kills Dozens. {picture of Phil shrugging} Strong Sad still a loser.

{Newspaper fades away to Phil flying, as the music also fades out.}

[edit] Transcript (Act 2)

A walkie-talkie appears, assumed attached to Phil's leg.

JOEL: (staticy voice from the walkie-talkie) Phil, come in.

{Camera cuts to Phil's face.}

PHIL: This is Super Phil, how may I help you, sir or madam?

JOEL: (Same staticy voice) We're like, out of Crunch berries {Phil's face goes from content to annoyed}, and bread,

{Camera cuts to Joel, standing in front of an empty refrigerator}

JOEL: (normal voice) and food, and magic, and Christmas, {Joel starts to bob back and forth} and the Sega's broken, and the Eagles lost, {Joel definitively starts swaying back and forth here} and I want some Gushers, and a Neopet, and a cherry tree, and a pear tree, {Joel's swaying brings him to fall to the floor off camera} {camera cuts back to Phil, still annoyed.} (staticy walkie-talkie voice) and a glass of water, and a dancing chicken, and another season of Space Cases... with the original girl, not that imaginary friend crap. {pause} Phil, {Phil gets a worried look on his face} hey, are you getting this all down?

PHIL: {gets his normal look} It's gonna have to wait, Joel.

{Music starts playing and the camera cuts to Phil swooping down. The then cuts to a blimp with a blinking LED that flashes "DOOM IS NEAR." The camera then cuts again to a shadowy figure standing at a control podium thing.}

FIGURE: They've all gotta suffer. He must pay.

{The camera cuts to a shot where the face of the figure is revealed- it's Candice.}

CANDICE: It's all just a game to him anyway.

{Camera cut to Phil popping up in a yellow version of an anime-style sun mark thing}

PHIL: Well, if it isn't {his eyes bug out} my girlfriend?

CANDICE: Oh, really? You still call me that?

PHIL: Yeah, well, to make things less awkward, I'm dumpin' ya.

CANDICE: (evil expression) Really. 'Cause from my perspective it looks like I'm dumping you.

{Candice pulls a lever and a trap door opens, leaving Phil falling out of the blimp, shocked. The music [Switch foot - 'Ammunition'] REALLY starts rocking here.}

{Camera cut to Candice literally hitting a button. Cut to outside the blimp. A cannon emerges from the base of the blimp and starts blasting the city into ruin. Cut to a pose of Candice looking smug, then Phil leaping back in and pinning her to a wall.}

PHIL: Alright, what's this about?

CANDICE: Why don't you ask your boy-pal?

{Camera cut to Phil with a weirded out look.}

PHIL: What's Joel got to do with this?

CANDICE: We're all his puppets. He's tinkered with us all- {rolls eyes} except for that nerdy bitch.

{Cut to Phil with an anger vein.}

PHIL: Alright, now you've pissed me off.

CANDICE: Good.

{Candice's hand falls off, to reveal a plasma cannon in her arm. She points the cannon at Phil, smirking. We cut to Phil, who looks back, confused.}

PHIL: Uhhhhh...that's new. EEP!

{A shot fires off, as Phil dodges it. Candice continues firing, as Phil takes cover. We cut to Phil, who's hiding.}

PHIL: {thought to himself} I need a new hobby.

{Cut to Candice, who has her hands on her hips.}

CANDICE: Not to sound generic, but are you done yet?

PHIL: Who said I was backing down?

{Phil charges Candice, trying to throw some punches as she blocks him. She then pummels him, till he gets his wind back and goes on the offensive again. He soon starts tugging on her arm, when...}

OSCILLATION MAN: NOT SO FAST!

{Phil is shocked by this, jumps into the air and lands flat on his face. We cut to reveal the Lackluster Team, consisting of Angstman, The Flirtle, Oscillation Man, The Black Nightlight and Obnoxious Observer.}

PHIL: Oh no! It's the Lackluster Team.

{Oscillation Man steps toward Phil and offers him a hand.}

OSCILLATION MAN: I'm Oscillation Man: wavering between Godlike strength and nerd like fragility.

PHIL: And, uh, which one are you on now?

OSCILLATION MAN: Uh...well...

{Phil blows at Oscillation Man, and sends him flying out of the blimp as he screams. Cut to The Flirtle.}

FLIRTLE: And I'm The Flirtle, faster than a turtle! Let me help you up.

PHIL: No, that's okay, I can...uh...

{The Flirtle runs toward Phil. His legs and arms move extremely fast, but he merely inches forward. Cut to Obnoxious Observer.}

OBNOXIOUS OBSERVER: And I am Obnoxious Observer. What is it with you CRAAAAAZY Earthlings? With your MTV, and the underwear with the cartoon characters on them?

{Cut to Phil and The Black Nightlight.}

BLACK NIGHTLIGHT: Hey, I'm John Leno, a.k.a. The Black Nightlight, beloved Black stereotype of calm assertion. Now stand aside, fizzle. This is how we do.

{Cut to Candice.}

CANDICE: Y'know, the city's already...destroyed.

{Zoom out to show Phil standing there with his hands in his pockets and the Flirtle just standing there.}

FLIRTLE: Hurry!

{A pause. The Flirtle starts running toward Candice, once again, advancing very gradually. Cut to a close-up on an annoyed Phil.}

BLACK NIGHTLIGHT: Look, Phil, we can't have competition in this city. {Gets cut off by Phil's thoughts.}

PHIL: {thought to himself} Dear God, is this how I look to the citizens? This is almost as embarrassing as, I don't know, some guy being caught watching Sailor Moon that time I was eight...I mean...

{Cut to Phil looking at the Black Nightlight.}

PHIL: Alright, I'll stop being a superhero, if you answer one question.

BLACK NIGHTLIGHT: Shoot.

{Cut to an annoyed Phil.}

PHIL: Why on Earth would you crash through the roof...OF A BLIMP?!

{Cut back to the Black Nightlight.}

BLACK NIGHTLIGHT: Why? Is that bad?

{The blimp deflates and starts flying around wildly, until it crashes into the ground.}

PHIL: No.

{Roll Credits.}