Episode 21- Word.
From Finsters Place For Made Up People The Tbs Wiki
[edit] Act 1
When we last left our “heroes”, they had just witnessed the GRC Cardinals make an impressive football victory against Tates Creek, with just a little help from Dimentio the Bowie-obsessed jester. Afterwards, he got drunk and made a complete fool of himself. Jess and Maddie were exiting the football field when Maddie got a bright idea. “We could always call Dribble and Spitz with their taxi cab,” she said.
“Yeah...” Jess said, snickering. “But they'll dribble and spit on us.” She laughed at her joke, but quickly noticed she was the only one laughing. “Okay, not funny...”
“No they won’t,” Maddie replied. “They'll probably argue about who would win in a battle: King Kong or Godzilla. Or comment how the new Pokemon look more like Digimon. Or something around those lines.”
“Oh, okay then.”
Maddie pulled out a cellphone and called Dribble and Spitz. “Now we just have to wait,” she told Jess. “Don't worry about them seeing Dimentio. They've unwillingly picked up an alien and mermaid before.” She winked.
Jess nodded. “Okay,” she replied. “But just to be silly...” Jess quickly jammed a bright orange wig on Dimentio and slapped the back of his head(for no reason). “Mrs Jones needs a ride, tooooo~!”
At that moment, a typical yellow taxi pulled into the school parking lot, stopping in front of the building. Inside the cab was an oversized orange bulldog and a small yellow cat. The yellow cat, Spitz, told them, “Climb in da back. We gots some room.”
“Okay,” Jess said happily. She turned to Dimentio. “C'mon... Mrs Jones. Time to take you back home.”
“...snort...move the stars for no one...”
“Don't mind her,” Jess told the cabbies. “She's my elderly neighbor who has a skin condition where her face is black and white.” She hid her snicker in a cough. “Yeah, she's been out at a party and I had to bring her home.”
“Right,” the dog(Dribble) replied. After they had all piled in, he shifted the cab’s gear and exclaimed, “'Kay, let's hit the road!”
“Whee!” Zoot cried. “Road trip!”
Spitz looked back at Zoot with a strange expression on his face. “What's his problem?” he asked. “And why is he only wearing shorts?”
“Long story,” Maddie told him.
“Yeah, and even longer when we tell it,” Jess agreed. Dimentio mumbled something about not being Flavio’s son, whatever that meant. “Oh, be quiet, Dime-- I mean, Mrs Jones.”
“Whatever.” Spitz turned back around.
“I think they’re buying it!” Jess whispered to Maddie. She turned to the cabbies and told them her address. “We’re on it!” exclaimed Dribble. He hit the gas and they sped out of the parking lot and onto the main road. It’s a good thing this is only a story, otherwise people coulda been hurt from that. Jess, Maddie and Zoot squealed with delight at the high speeds the cab was reaching. Dimentio was acting like an idiot due to his drunken state, so Jess hit him. “Sorry about her,” she told Dribble and Spitz. “She hasn't had her evening meds yet, she's a little... crazy.”
Turns out the cabbies weren’t even paying attention to her. “You know, I can do a pretty good impression of Wobbuffet,” Spitz said proudly. He scrunched his eyes up more than they already were and held his arm near his head in a saluting manner. “WOOOOOOBUUUU—”
“The visuals are funny enough, thank you,” Dribble told him, slightly annoyed. Jess was giggling in the back. Suddenly, the engine began to sputter. The speeding cab was slowing down greatly, soon coming to a complete stop. “Okay, we got a problem,” Dribble muttered.
“What’s wrong?” asked Jess.
“Not sure,” Dribble replied. “Let me see.” He got out of the cab and opened the hood. At first, there was just a lot of black smoke, then he found what had crapped up the cab. “Well, I found the problem. Looks like somebody tried to cram-a-lam some Swiss Cake Rolls into the battery.”
“Wasn’t me,” Dimentio immediately said. “I hate those things. HATE ‘EM!” Jess proceeded to hit him again.
“We can't go anywhere without the battery,” Spitz grumbled. “Hey! We could use some help over here! Don't try to back off, jester!”
Dimentio jolted, causing the wig on his head to fall off. “He knows!!” he gasped.
“Meh, the disguise was just my Beaker wig, anyway,” Jess laughed. She turned to the cabbies. “Okay, I know squat about mechanics, but I'll try to help out.”
“My only question is how the Swiss Cake Rolls got in here,” Dribble mused.
Spitz glared at Zoot. “Maybe the blue dude with just shorts knows,” he said. Jess nodded, since Zoot’s face was covered in chocolate in frosting, which looked suspicious.
“Zoot?” Maddie asked him. “Do you know how these Swiss Cake Rolls got into the battery of the cab?”
“Um... no.”
“Okay then,” Jess said. “What are you eating?”
“Um, nothing.”
Maddie shook her head in slight disbelief. “Okay, then why do you have chocolate and frosting all over your mouth, and holding a Swiss Cake Roll wrapper?”
“Um, I found the wrapper, and I'm eating a cupcake?”
“Uh-huh. Right. I think we found our culprit.”
Jess started laughing. “Zoot, you are soooo busted,” she told him. He didn’t hear her, though, since he was chasing after a butterfly. Spitz also saw the butterfly and, being a cat, he chased after it as well. Jess also chased after it, but with a camera so she could get its picture.
“Spitz!” Dribble called out. “Come back! I need help with the taxi! I almost got it fixed!” Jess dragged Zoot and Spitz back to the taxi and they all got in. “Okay! Let’s hit the road again!” He put the pedal to the metal and off like a rocket they went.
“I like butterflies,” said Zoot.
“I like buttered toast,” Spitz replied.
“Buttered toast? I don’t get that.”
“Well, maybe you should of ordered some!”
“Y’know what they say,” Dimentio hiccupped. “All toasters toast toast!” Jess almost vomited from the presence of a running gag found in YouTube Poop. Zoot started to sing a little song.
Everybody knows it Everybody knows it's true. Oh yeah. And work out twice a day. Don't ask me why I said it, 'Cause I already forgot. I ALREADY FORGOT! I ALREADY FORGOT! I can't remember yesterday, I only remember Steve! I can't remember Steve now!
He mostly just got weird looks, though Jess laughed. “Who’s Steve?” Dribble asked Spitz, though his feline friend had no idea who the heck Steve was. Jess had been staring out the window for the past few minutes, trying to catch a glimpse of her house. Soon, she caught sight of the trashy house beside it. “Okay, my house is coming up... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here!”
Dribble stopped the cab right in front of Jess’s house. “Here we are!” he said.
“Great!” Jess exclaimed. She kicked Dimentio out of the cab before getting out herself. “Thanks, you guys!”
“See ya!”
“Bye-di-bye!” They all waved(except for Dimentio) as Dribble and Spitz drove off. Suddenly, Jess realized something. “Oh, crap,” she moaned. “I forgot to pay the fare.” She shrugged. “Oh well. If they're dumb enough not to realize that, then poop on them.”
“They do it all the time!” Maddie exclaimed. “They've done it with an alien and a mermaid!”
Jess laughed. She pulled a rainbow-colored key from her pocket and unlocked the front door. “Dimentio, get in there,” she said after she opened the door, kicking the jester inside. His eyes spun in their sockets.
“Why for must you be so violet???” he cried.
“Purple,” Jess replied firmly. “There is no violet. And I think the term you're looking for in this situation would be "violent". With a N.” It was Maddie’s turn to laugh. “Okay, so... what do we do now?” Jess asked her friend.
“Well, for one thing, we should get Zoot some decent clothes,” Maddie replied. “I don't think he should be just in basketball shorts.”
“Okay,” Jess said. “I don't think I still have clothes that would fit him, but I'll see what I can do.” She rummaged through her dresser drawers until she found a pair of orange plaid shorts and an old Stinkoman T-shirt. “I think these’ll work!” she exclaimed, giving the old clothes to Zoot.
“Okay, Zoot, just go in the bathroom and change into those,” Maddie said. Zoot went into the bathroom and closed the door.
“Yeah, and watch out for the man-eating toilet!” Jess called to him. She looked over at Maddie, who had somewhat of a frightened expression on her face. “Don’t worry, it only eats you if you don't flush it all down.”
“Oh... I don't think Zoot wanted to go to the bathroom.”
“I know.” Jess laughed, then looked over at Dimentio. “Oh look, Dimentio's doing a musical number on my bed,” she said. Then she realized what she had just said. “DIMENTIO, GET OFA MY BED!!!” Dimentio was doing the YMCA dance, accompanied by the song.
“I got him,” Maddie said. She pulled a heavy bowling ball out of nowhere and threw it at Dimentio, knocking him to the ground. Zoot, now fully dressed, came back in the room to see Dimentio on the floor. “What’d I miss?” he asked.
“You missed the Dimentio drunk dance,” Jess told him. She looked over at the unconscious jester. “Hmm, bowling ball... why didn’t I think of that?”
“Since when does Dimentio get drunk?”
“Um...I think you just need to take it easy.”
“Why do pies fly?”
Jess pondered the question for a bit. “From what I’ve heard,” she started to say, but paused to think it over. When she thought about it, she continued, “Dimentio gets drunk every so often ever since a certain ruler of a certain Labyrinth introduced him to the concept of alcohol. It all went downhill from that point on.” As Zoot was feeling elated to know why his fellow Bowie fan had gotten drunk, Jess looked over at Dimentio, who hadn’t popped back up laughing in the face of defeat like usual. “Hey, did you kill him with that bowling ball or what?”
“No, he’s just asleep,” Maddie explained. “Listen.” Sure enough, Dimentio was sawing the proverbial log. Jess sighed in relief. “So... now what?” Maddie asked. “'Cause we're not in the taxi, and Dribble and Spitz are probably back in Diamond City right now.”
Jess thought for a bit. “Hmm... we can always play with the guinea pig,” she said. As soon as she said that, Fluffernut, Jess’s guinea pig, started squeaking for carrots and hay and other wonderful things.
“Yay!” Maddie cried in excitement. “Zoot! Dimmie! Come and see Fluffernut!”
“No, don’t wake Dimentio yet,” Jess whispered. “I got a surprise for him.” She quietly seized Fluffernut from her cage and moved towards the sleeping jester. “I'm gonna put her on his face~!” They stifled their giggles as Jess lowered Fluffernut’s hindquarters onto Dimentio’s face. At that point, however, Dimentio woke up. “GAAH! There’s a RAT BUTT in my face!!!” he screamed.
“Guinea butt, actually.”
“Aah, gaah! Get it off!” Dimentio flailed about, causing Fluffernut to roll off his face and harmlessly onto the floor. Everyone else laughed themselves silly. “It’s not funny.”
“Well, looks like he's sobering up now,” Jess observed. “Cue hangover... NOW!” Precisely on cue, Dimentio clutched his forehead in severe agony and started moaning about how much his head hurt. Hey, that’s what alcohol does to you! As Maddie was trying to keep her gigglefit under control, Jess thought the situation over a bit. “Hmm... do you think we've been to mean to him?” she asked no one in particular. “Think we should be a little nicer to our resident Bowie fan?”
“I think so.”
“I wasn’t asking you.”
“Well, we have been sorta mean to him,” Maddie concurred. “Too bad Dribble and Spitz couldn't be here. Maybe all Dimmie needs is a day or two in Diamond City.”
Jess looked a bit embarrassed for some reason. “I really haven't played the WarioWare games to know that much about Diamond City,” she uttered. “What’s it like?”
“Here’s a description for you,” Maddie said. She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and read what was on it. “Glorious Diamond City. A clean, calm place, despite the drugs and filth littering the streets. Full of kind people, except for the regulars, who might randomly pull a switchblade on someone. You get the idea. Plus, you gotta see how weird some of the citizens are. Besides Dribble, Spitz, and Wario, there's a witch in training, an alien, and two Nintendo fanboys. And that's just some of them.”
“Oh my,” Jess said, at somewhat of a loss for words. “Sounds like a... great place...”
Dimentio, however, jumped at the chance. “Okay, let's go!” he exclaimed. “After my migraine's over... augh, my head...”
“Well, you shouldn’t drink so much.”
After a little while, Maddie managed to find some Tylenol to take care of Dimentio’s migraine. He gulped down the whole bottle, which is not something I would recommend to anyone. “I feel a little better already,” he said, smiling a little.
“You think you're feeling good enough to go to Diamond City?” asked Maddie.
“Yeah, guess so,” he replied, grinning broadly this time.
“Okay,” Jess shouted. “Let’s go!”
“Wew hew!”
“That’s my line...”
Dimentio began to work his magic and soon all four of them were sent sailing through the fabric of the universe, on their way to the city of WarioWare fame.
[edit] Act 2
The unlikely foursome arrived in Diamond City as soon as you could say “How ‘bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?”. Maddie glanced over at Dimentio and noticed there was something like a fuzzball on his hat. “Hey, Dimmie, what's that fuzzball on your hat?” she asked.
“What fuzzball?”
Jess noticed it too, but she knew immediately what it was. “Oh, that’s no fuzzball,” she said slyly. “That’s shed.”
“Shed???” Dimentio shouted. “From that rodent?!!?!?!?!!!”
“No, from the Killer Rabbit.”
Maddie laughed again. “Well, here we are at Diamond City,” she told the others. “Let me give you the grand tour. I love coming here. We could stay in the hotel, if you want to.”
“Okay.”
They made their way through the city until they came upon two tall buildings, one of which had a big “W” sign on it. “There it is, right next to the building with the big W on it. That's where WarioWare Inc. is,” Maddie told them. She walked towards the hotel, with Zoot following. “Let’s go!”
“Okay,” Jess said. She started to follow them. “Come on, Dimentio!”
“I’m taking a leak!” Dimentio was holding a bottle of tropical citrus vitaminwater that had been improperly sealed, and it was spewing.
“Oh, just come on!” Jess shouted.
“Hold on!” Dimentio was using the vitaminwater spew to write his name in a pile of ash... or something like that. “Done!” He flew off to join the rest at the hotel.
Inside the hotel, Maddie rang the service bell at the front desk. “Anyone here?” she called out and rang the bell again. Soon, a lovely redheaded concierge with sapphire eyes came to the front desk. “Hi, Maddie!” she greeted happily.
“Mona!” Maddie was very happy to see her friend. “Wait... another job?”
“Yeah,” replied Mona. “I guess working for Wario, playing in the band and making pizza just isn’t rolling in the coins. So, how can I help you?” She then noticed Dimentio. “You know what, you sorta look familiar...” she told him.
“Really?” Dimentio pondered for a minute. “You don't look familiar to me... Maybe we knew each other once and I forgot.”
“Ah, well, that happens.”
“Maybe,” Mona murmured. “My boyfriend keeps on telling me about another plumber. Maybe that's how I know you.”
“Oh... really?” Dimentio’s brain was working faster than Sonic the Hedgehog’s feet. Plumber... plumber... he thought. If my memory serves me right, she's either talking about the hero or the green one... either way, I'm in deep, dark doodie now!
At that point, a Wartortle wearing an orange headband walked into the building. “Hey, Jess,” the Wartortle asked. “Where’s Mattie?” It took Jess a while to understand who the Wartortle was talking about.
“How should I know, Mikey?” she finally replied.
“Well, since you're the author of our story,” Mikey rambled on and on.
“Hey, I don't keep track of where my characters roam when I'm not controlling their actions,” Jess told him firmly.
“Oh, okay,” Mikey said. “I'll just stick with you until I find her!” He received a big black hand outlined in white in his face.
“Sorry, Koopa rip-off,” Dimentio said slyly. “The position of annoying video game character that follows Jess everywhere has already been taken.”
“Hey, I've been around longer than you, floaty boy!” Mikey shouted. “Wanna make something out of it?!”
Uh oh... better break these two up before it gets violent... Jess stepped in between Dimentio and Mikey in an attempt to make some peace. “Uh, hey guys, let's not fight. Let's talk this through calm—” She got hit in the face by a Water Gun assault. As they fought, Mona ran out of the hotel to try and get help from the Diamond City citizens. “I hate to summon the big guns,” Jess muttered. Then she yelled at the top of her lungs, “DAVID BOWIE AND MICK JAGGER TOLD ME TO TELL YOU BOTH TO STOP FIGHTING!!!” That got their attention.
“David told you... personally???”
“Well, if Mr Jagger says so...” Mikey held out his hand to shake with Dimentio. “Truce?” he asked.
“Temporary,” Dimentio replied, and shook Mikey’s hand.
“Ah, men and their music,” Jess said blissfully.
Mona reappeared in the hotel with some of the citizens. “Okay,” she said to the jester and the Wartortle. “Don’t harm each other any more!”
“Don't worry, I don't think they will,” Jess said. “The masters of rock 'n roll have commanded it~!”
“Oh. Okay,” Mona sighed in relief. “Well, why don't I get you that room?”
“Okay!”
Mona fished around in a desk drawer and pulled out an old-fashioned key. “Here's your room key,” she said. “It's on the second floor. The elevator's just right there. Enjoy your stay in Diamond Hotels!”
Jess took the key and looked at it for a bit. Then she held it up in the air triumphantly. You got the Hotel Key! Opens a room in Diamond Hotel. Jess soon noticed everyone staring at her. “Sorry,” she said. “Had a Paper Mario moment.”
“I have those all the time,” Dimentio replied.
“I mostly just have strange dreams where I'm this 16-year-old human boy with blue hair whose mom and dad are humans half-bred with Pokemon so I'm part Wartortle instead of fully Wartortle like usual...” It was Mikey’s turn to have everyone stare at him now. “What?”
“Okay, now that we know which hotel room is ours, how about that tour?” Maddie asked. Everyone agreed. So Maddie led the way to WarioWare Inc, with Jess(dragging Mikey and Dimentio) and Zoot following close behind. “Wario!” Maddie called out once they were inside. “Hey, Wario! I want you to meet some people! Well more like a person, jester, puppet, and turtle...”
Even though Jess had never been to Diamond City, she had enough experience with Wario on the Mario Kart circuits to know that he was, for lack of a better word, unhygienic. “Dimentio,” she whispered to the jester. “If I get overwhelmed by stench, spray the stuff on the signal.”
“Okay, but what's the signal?”
“You'll know it when you hear it.”
“Okay.”
At that moment, a lumbering mass of pure fat and avarice with a mustache lumbered toward them. This, my friends, was Wario. “What’s the big idea?!” Wario bellowed. “You could have knocked!” Stench rating so far: 2.
“I like pie,” said Zoot.
Wario’s eyes clenched in anger. “And you HAD to bring him along!”
“Oh my,” Jess moaned. “What now?”
“Zoot, I thought I said you were officially banned from here!” Wario shouted at Zoot.
“When did you say that?” Zoot asked.
“You know, I said that, you were in scuba gear, and then you pulled of your head and you were Orbulon, and—” Wario made a disgusted face.
“When did this happen?” Jess asked. Uh oh, I sense a disturbance in the Force... Stench meter: 5.5.
Maddie shook her head. “I think you were just dreaming,” she told Wario.
“No I wasn’t!” Wario exclaimed. “I was eating raw hotdogs.” Seeing the disgusted look on Jess’s face, he shouted, “Hey! You just can't respect good taste!”
“Um, I think we can,” Maddie said. She pretended to look at her watch. “Oh, look at the time. We gotta get going! Just back away slowly...”
“Okay,” Jess said, smiling slyly. “But first, I've just gotta say that I'm feeling a bit... DEMENTED!” Apparently that was the signal, for Dimentio then sprayed Demented(his own line of perfume) in Wario’s face. Then they all left WarioWare Inc. So began their whirlwind tour of Diamond City. Sometime later, Zoot’s stomach started to rumble.
“Zoot’s getting hungry,” Maddie observed. “We should stop for some food here.”
Jess nodded. “Okay. I’m kinda hungry, too.”
“I know the perfect place!” Maddie exclaimed. “Mona Pizza! Let’s go!” She let the group to Mona Pizza, the local pizzeria. Jess jumped for joy(and not her mom) because it was well known that she was a pizza addict. “They have tons of pizzas,” Maddie explained to the group. “But I still like the gelato best.”
“What’s gelato?” Jess asked. As they were walking, something happened. The earth must have shifted somehow, causing Jess to fall to the hard concrete, scraping her knee. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!” she cried.
“You okay?!” Maddie rushed to her friend’s side. “Here, I’ll get you some gelato,” she said as she helped Jess up. “It's like ice cream, but with no cream. It's just frozen milk, sugar, and flavors. It's a whole lot creamier than ice cream.” She helped Jess walk to Mona Pizza, while Dimentio muttered something along the lines of “wimp”.
“That killed my knee!” Jess wailed. “I hope Mona Pizza also has a first aid kit...”
“I know the perfect first aid kit,” Maddie said. She winked. They entered Mona Pizza, where the redhead concierge from the Hotel skated up to them. “Hey, girls!” Mona greeted them. “Can I help you?”
“Yep, we need a ‘first aid kit’,” Maddie said.
“Sure thing!” Mona replied, smiling. “Just get a table, and I'll be right there.”
Maddie helped Jess to a table, where she sat down to rest her injured knee. “Don’t worry,” Maddie told Jess. “This will help you really good.”
Jess started to get a little suspicious. “What is it?” she asked.
Meanwhile, Dimentio was being his pain-in-the-butt self. “First aid kit? FEH with first-aid kits! Just smash one of Jareth's magic crystals over the abrasion and it'll be completely healed. Or else, you could use phoenix tears...”
“Mattie’s always used Potions on me,” Mikey said. “But I don't think those work on humans, so I'll shut up now.”
Mona came skating towards their table. “Okay you guys, I got you five First Aid Specials!” she declared.
“Thanks, Mona!” Maddie said. “Here is the First Aid special! You get a big slice of cheese pizza, a soda, and vanilla gelato! It will heal anything!” She divvied up the pizza meals to everyone at the table. Jess’s eyes sparkled with the excitement of a little kid in a candy store... or a pizza addict in a pizzeria. She went for the pizza first. It was gone in roughly 30 seconds. Next, she started on the gelato, which was exactly how Maddie had described it earlier. “Feeling any better?” Maddie asked. “It cures hungry stomachs, too!”
“I like gelato,” Zoot said.
“Yeah, I don't even notice the pain in my knee anymore,” Jess said happily, as she continued to display her potential at competitive eating.
Dimentio laughed. “Now you know how I feel when I'm drinkin'.”
“Dude, pizza’s different from alcohol,” Jess told him firmly. “It won’t kill ya in the long run.”
Mikey looked up. “Whuzzat?” he asked with his mouth full.
“Oh, it's nothing. Just complaining about Dimentio's problem.” They all laughed at Dimentio’s expense and continued eating.
