Car 3
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(Soft Moaning)
Xenmas: God! (Perishes)
(The Soft Moaning Reveils To Be Darth MaulV2, KeabladX Stabs Him)
(New Theme)
{Credits roll, open up to Joel and Phil on a couch.}
JOEL: Look, everyone knows auto mechanics tamper with the battery, so you have to go back to them in a week. {Cut to closeup of Joel.} But you can't do jack 'cause they're, you know, tied... {Cut to closeup of Phil.} to the... mafia. {A pause. Cut back to Joel and Phil} ...I know this fascinates you... you fascinator.
PHIL: Uh... you don't have a car.
{Cut to Joel, standing at an angle and pointing to himself, with a yellowy background.}
JOEL: I have a car! I bought it. A-and you can't drive it, {Cut back to Phil.} it's expensive and it's-and it's... European.
{Cut to outside, where Phil and Joel are looking down at a cardboard box.}
PHIL: Yeah... that's a box.
{Cut to Joel.}
JOEL: It is now thanks to my mechanic, Brad, whom I shall now call Brad the bad... guy.
{Zoom in on the box, which has a black puddle around it.}
PHIL: Uh, what's with the puddle?
JOEL: Uhhh... oh! He gave it a free oil change. {Cut to Phil.} Yeah, that's something they glorify to make you ignore the fine print, but I don't buy that.
PHIL: So... it's always been a cardboard box.
{Suddenly, Rubyrulez rolls up in a Red Convertable.}
RUBYRULEZ: Mr. Dawson, your car has arrived!
PHIL: {shocked} What the?
JOEL: Oh sweet! I knew it would arrive!
PHIL: So, wait a sec...you're telling me that this entire thing...with the bad guy...
JOEL: Oh him, well, I had Ben here steal my car back from that guy. I'm a lot more clever than I look.
RUBYRULEZ: Except you got my name wrong again.
PAST PHIL: Oh...
(Yank!)
AC: You Are Gonna Love My Place!
{They Leave For one Minute. After That, Future Phil falls from the sky, screaming.}
FUTURE PHIL: AHHHHHHH! STOP MAKING THIS CARTOON! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
{Future Phil pulls out an axe, but Ruby runs him over with the car. Phil looks shocked.}
PHIL: What the hell, dude?
RUBYRULEZ: This has always been my least favorite adventure, I just thought I'd spice it up a bit.
{Future Elly and Brad appear from what appears to be some sort of portal}'
FUTURE BRAD: Stop! Don't do this thing...wait a sec, he isn't trying to kill himself!
FUTURE ELLY: False alarm, I guess...
{Soon, Past Brad appears.}
BRAD: Hey stinky, no takebacks!
JOEL: You know nothing of my odors!
RUBYRULEZ: Well, see you guys later! I'm going to start living in the house Joel sold me to buy this car.
{Ruby drives away, while Phil has an angry look on.}
JOEL: You know, the details are... largely unimportant.
PHIL: You sold our house?!
{Camera slowly zooms in on Joel. Hero music starts.}
JOEL: There are starving children out there, Phil. And what kind of man would I be if I didn't give them a little happiness?
{Music stops. Zoom back out. Phil is still very angry...but also a little annoyed...}
PHIL: Where do WE live?!
JOEL: Shut up and get in the box!
FUTURE ELLY: I've always hated this episode, I'm not in it!
FUTURE BRAD: I am!
JOEL: Shut up and die!
(We See The Batcular Pad of AC's)
AC: Well To That, I Say, Thank You Matt...
Twila: Well Goodnight
(AC Claps His Hands and the Lights Dim, End credits roll.)
[edit] Trivia
- Who-Rah! Rubyrulez saved bons stage
