Y4H: Speedy Trial: Stolen Porn
From Create Your Own Story
You never thought you'd be doing so well in a town this small. Your job is mostly telecommuting, your salary's no sneeze, and you soon learned you couldn't complain about the neighbors. Within a week of arriving, you had a new girlfriend, Whitley Chambers, a real animal - and she introduced you to her friends the Scratchers, the local orgiasts. You'd been wondering what they did for fun out here in middle-of-nowhere. You learned. You could definitely get used to it.
That was last week. Now you're on trial for larceny, for stealing Ovia Beane's prize possession. Wha-?
Two thoughts comfort you. You know you didn't do it. And Whitley's out in the witness waiting area, as shameless as ever, quite ready to tell where you were and what you were doing with her the whole time. Blow by blow, so to speak. There's no way you could've stolen it.
Your lawyer, "Doc" Brief, doesn't comfort you very much - he's middle-aged and rumpled, starting on his second career, and you think he's hung over. The one thing he did over this last week is to pepper the judge and the DA with speedy trial demands, saying he was setting you up for success. No one was more surprised when they took you up on it. On the other hand, the chief DA's out sick and the leggy young blonde in the skirt-suit is trying her first case. She's got a lot of enthusiasm, but will that take her home?
The jury must be a decent chunk of the town's adult population, male and female, and they're answering voir dire questions from the lawyers.
DA: Is there anyone here who's got a problem with finding this man guilty?
The prospective jury members shake their heads.
DA: If this man stole these things, is there anyone going to let him go just because you feel sorry for him?
They shake their heads.
DA: If he stole these things, is there anyone going to show him the slightest mercy, based on common humanity, decency, morality, the Golden Rule, the Quality of Mercy, or the milk of human kidness?
They shake their heads. The State is satisfied. Doc asks his questions.
DB: Well, now, this case is kinda sordid. Anyone got a problem with that?
They shake their heads.
DB: I mean, there might be some dirty details here. Anyone got a problem hearing this case?
They shake their heads.
DB: What I mean is, if you're gonna decide this case, you may be hearin' about porno, penetration, two-ways, three-ways, orgies, masturbation, pony play, ben-wa balls, beastiality, sodomy, and gomorrhey! Has anybody got a problem hearing about all that?
They shake their heads. The DA moves for an out-of-court hearing. The judge sends them out.
DA: Your Honor, I think this jury's too sick to decide cases.
She's overruled. They're back in. There are more questions. Some members get struck off. (Now there's a painful picture.) The rest are seated. The judge invites the DA to open.
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