Masochist me/My first link with sexuality
From Create Your Own Story
Interviewer: So, you said that you later linked your enjoyment of pain with sexuality.
Me: Of course. I mean, I told you, I found out I actually liked pain when I was three. I discovered it after I started puberty.
Interviewer: What, like getting sexually excited by your dad spanking you or something?
Me: No, my parents stopped spanking me when I was seven or eight. No, this was...something I found out myself...
This makes me feel funny down there
"Today was absolutely horrible," I told the empty air in my room. And maybe a stuffed bear, but I doubt he was bothering to listen.
I fumed and cursed, and dreaded showing my test paper to my parents.
"The bitch gave me an F. An F!" I screamed at no one.
I had to calm myself. I tried TV, with no luck. I couldn't concentrate on the plot. Something happened, to someone, and then something else. My mind blanked it out completely. I couldn't believe, after studying and studying, that the teacher gave me an F.
"She is jealous of me. I am smarter than her. A fucking rock is smarter than her." Nothing murmured condolences back.
I tried a few video games. Killing monsters and watching them explode didn't help much either.
I finally went back into my room, and threw myself down on the bed, screaming at the unfairness into my pillow.
Finally, I sat up. My parents would ground me, take away my phone, until the next test. I grabbed a clothes hanger.
"Bad, bad, I have been bad."
I hit myself across the butt with the clothes hangar, jumping a bit each time.
My brain fogged over, the pain kicking in, forcing my attention to my butt.
Then, my eyes landed on the test, laying on the floor where I threw it in my frustration.
"Not enough," I murmured. My jeans were padding the blows too much.
I wrestled my pants off, lay down on the bed again.
Twisting my arm around, I brought the clothes hanger down, once, twice, three times, four, five.
I stopped, my mind numb, my butt burning, hurting.
I looked over my shoulder, as well as I could, to look at my red butt, angry red welts already rising.
I touched it tenderly, the contact bringing tiny flares of renewed pain. As the haze retreated from my brain, I also noticed, I felt strange. Not in the back, but there, between my legs. It felt hot.
"But, I didn't spank myself...there," I said to the no one in the room with me.
With that, I slipped off my underwear. I spread my legs, looking at myself down there. I had never really looked at it, to see what I looked like.
I touched it, hesitantly. Everyone knew about playing with yourself, but I always thought it was sort of gross.
I used my fingers to spread myself apart slightly, gasping when I saw it was a little wet. I couldn't remember peeing myself. Even with my brain a haze, spanking myself with the clothes hanger, I would have known if that had happened.
I touched myself down there again, and reveled in the tingles. I put my finger inside, and marveled at these feelings. It felt...good. I pushed it in deeper, and gasped at the new emotion. The sensation, there, inside me, was wonderful. My finger came out, wet.
I brought it to my nose, smelled it. It wasn't bad, really. A bit strange. I touched my finger with the tip of my tongue. It tasted strange too. But again, not bad, just...different.
Wondering if this was caused by me spanking myself, I pushed my nightstand over a little. Laying again on the bed, and resting my feet on the nightstand, I let my butt hang in the open air between the two, and brought the hanger up.
Five more, wack wack wack wack wack. My butt hurt! I stifled my cries, covering my mouth with my hand, a tear leaking from one eye.
The fire was so intense now, the pleasure surreal. I lifted my hand, shaking now, away from my mouth, and spread my legs. I felt down between them, and was greeted with more wetness.
I stuck my fingers inside, and then pulled them out. Pushed them in, then pulled them out. It felt wonderful. The burning sensation from my butt, this new sensation from between my legs.
Soon, my fingers were fumbling around my entrance, pushing themselves in and out, when an excited moan escaped from my throat, stopping me completely.
At first, I thought someone was in here with me, before realizing it had come from me.
I sat there, wondering what was going on, but a need pulled at me. This all felt so good. I didn't want to stop.
I kept pushing them in and out. It seemed so...natural. As I did, I felt a pressure inside, and tingles like electric shocks travel up and down my body. But, like a sneeze that you can't quite get to come, the pressure stayed, and something was missing, something that should have happened.
With the hanger in my other hand, I hit my butt again, while still moving my fingers, then again. The pressure grew, and the dull ache, the need for...something more, grew. Soon, I was frantic, my butt now raw, my fingers cramping.
Focused on my butt and my fingers, I lost my strange position, and came crashing down to the floor, doubled between my bed and end table.
As my butt hit the floor, I screamed, but my fingers, between my legs, felt a tightening, and the pressure burst, in a bubble of bliss.
My legs pushed while the bliss traveled through me, while my butt hurt beyond belief, the two washing over me. My head felt completely empty of everything except these two sensations as I heard the end table collapse to my bedroom floor, shoved over my by flailing legs.
I lay there for a while, drinking in these new sensations. I could not believe what I had just discovered.
