User talk:117
From Create Your Own Story
Make sure you are adding a Category to EVERY page you create. Seriously, don't incur the wrath of the Platypus. -BakaG 00:01, 13 July 2015 (UTC)
-- BakaG Will do b0ss, still getting familiar with this place. --117
Loving "Serenity". I'm particularly interested to see what happens in the story arc with Everlins. -- Teejay
-- Teejay Naaww, you. Thank you for the kind words. Just trying to kill time. --117
Umm, your Serenity: I noticed it does not quite flow properly. I followed one of the paths from your recent edit. It went from her with pants and panties off, to her having to take pants and panties off. It went from her walking nude through the streets after she threw away her clothes, to her having to take off her bra and panties when she got in the back of a van.
Just wanted to mention, you might want to go through some again and see what is not correct. --Dirty Me 09:08, 26 May 2016 (UTC)
-- Dirty Me Oh wow, thanks for that. It's been a while since I've gone down that story. --117 26 May 2016
lol, you know you should leave comments on the other person's talk page, or they do not get the "You have a new message" thing, right=P
I see them most of the time because I look at the recent changes page alot, but others might now.
Yeah, I know the feeling. One reason I try to read through if I am writing something that I have not done anything with for a while. I really should do that with Dirty Me. I did want to mention though, I like your story. Not so much on how she magically becomes some sort of sex crazed girl, but how you actually allow her to be something else. Too many stories on here have the girl becoming a sex crazed whore no matter what. Sadly, I have even wrote things similar in my stories to try to make people happier reading it. Maybe why some of my paths suck, when I write them for someone else, not because I write them for me? You allow many kinds of options. Just ignore the idiots and have a normal life, be a little crazy, or, well, go all the way.
From a girl's perspective, I am not saying it is realistic, but I didn't expect that, especially after reading so many stories on here and what guys seem to do to girls in their story fantasy. So, overall, I would say I actually enjoy yours much more than many others.
Anyways, I will shut up now...yes, I talk as much in real life... --Dirty Me 10:22, 26 May 2016 (UTC)
Path: I started from looking at Continue: 20 minutes later, then choosing the Serenity: Approach the old man -> Serenity: Hastily accepts from desperation from bladder -> Serenity: urinate now. At this point her pants and panties are down. Serenity: obey; blow them -> Serenity: obey; take shirt off now bra is off -> Serenity: action!. This is the first one where it doesn't flow right, since the guy "smooth breast and another slip down her pants". Her pants should be around her ankles at this time, so he should not be able to do that. Same with "bypassing her panties and slid his index across the lips of Serenity's vagina", remember, panties are also around ankles. Maybe you missed writing about her managing to pull her pants and panties back up after urinating? The other one I thought, I was wrong. I notice she "threw on" her panties and bra. I for some reason read it as she "threw away" her panties and bra. So I guess this one above is the only mistake I see. But, I have honestly not read alot of it, mostly only from the first path I pointed out, since normally I catch stories from the recent changes, and do not really read stories outside of that very often. --Dirty Me 01:58, 27 May 2016 (UTC)
No, think it is still missing. Now, you have her pants down in one, but he has to "bypass her panties", which should be around her ankles. Then, further, there is discussion about taking off her pants. Unless you mean stepping out of them, since they should be around her ankles at that time.
You might want to go back over the path I posted above and note where her pants and panties are. They should be around her ankles after she urinates, but they are in different spots after this. --Dirty Me 09:12, 27 May 2016 (UTC)
I see now. It was strip them from around get ankles. Stl have the bypass panties though. --Dirty Me 09:23, 27 May 2016 (UTC)
Tales of Illnora
Hey, I have started up my own story (name in the title), and I was hoping you'd be willing to read over it so far and give some suggestions for improvement. Also note that I am trying to get volunteers for collab work on it. --Durzan 16:53, 28 February 2019 (UTC)
