Changing Evil's New Groove (Special Episode)

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Current revision as of 01:17, 6 April 2007

[edit] Act 3

{The camera pans up showing Phil’s silhouette in front of Evil’s Fortress.}

PHIL: In that dungeon lies the beast of destruction...and a heart piece, probably. I hope I’ve leveled up enough.

{Adventure music plays as Phil climbs up the side of Evil’s Fortress with a determined look on his face. He leaps down through the opening in the roof and lands on his feet. The music concludes.}

JOEL: So, you’re the one who sent us the letter to find those World Gems, which were really...

EVIL: Sugar glass, as used by Hollywood directors, like this often used caricature…

{A stereotypical movie director comes in from the left.}

DIRECTOR: Evil, boobila, you’re doing great, out there.

EVIL: Who, coincidentally {Evil takes a bite out of the Director’s head}, is also made of sugar glass.

JOEL: {sorrowful} So you came into my laboratory to steal my technology and use it against me.

EVIL: Not really. I was just kinda winging that. I just really wanted more screen time.

JOEL: Of course you do, because you’re an immature punk. And I can’t respect that.

EVIL: But you respect Mr. Wizard?

{Camera begins zooming in on Joel.}

JOEL: Hey, he showed kids the fun of science and TRS80 computers. At six AM, too. Most scientists work from nine to five, but he’s up around the clock, inviting little kids into his house... and filming inside his bedroom... and if there’s something wrong with that then I must be some kind of Sicko McWackenheimer!

{Normal view.}

EVIL: {extremely freaked out} I officially know more about you than I ever wanted to know…

{Jessica, to the right of Joel, has a weird Anime face.}

JOEL: That’s my gift...and my curse... I’m Spider Man.

{Phil drops down into the holding area.}

PHIL: Man you think he’d like, hire henchmen or something.

{Phil walks by Craig’s cell.}

CRAIG: Hey, I’m so glad you--

PHIL: Hey, Craig.

{Phil continues walking. He walks up to the bottom of a ledge.}

PHIL: Elly! {turns to screen} I still like her, right? Right, I do.

{Phil jumps up onto the ledge.}

PHIL: {gasp} Oh no, Elly!

{Phil holds Elly doll in his arms.}

PHIL: {sadly} Oh-ho-ho, Elly, you were a puppet, all along! (No longer sadly, but goes glassy-eyed) Somehow, I always knew...

{Bars come down in front of Phil, blocking the doorway.}

EVIL: God, you’re predictable. You know that, don’t you?

PHIL: Maybe... but can you predict this?!

{Phil pretends to sob.}

EVIL: I don’t think I need to point out that those bars are made of Anti-Philium, the only material resistant to Phil’s... because it’s made of anti-Phil.

PHIL: (dramatically) My brother, NO! You murderer!

{Evil proceeds to the left.}

EVIL: It doesn’t matter. The Hate Bender is almost fully powered, and nothing can stop it.

PHIL: {defeated} Oh... okay... see you guys.

{Phil begins walking away from the bars.}

JOEL: {hopeful} No, Phil, don’t give up! There’s always hope. Great, white hope!

{Variation of Bonus Stage theme plays in the background.}

JOEL: {cont’d} Over the past fifty weird, dangerous, sexy weeks, I’ve learned that, with time, patience, steadfast commitment and love, friendship conquers all. It stands amidst unspeakable actions, behavior, deception, against all obstacles it overcomes.

{Music stops.}

JOEL: {cont’d} No, wait, I learned that from Yu-Gi-Oh. Well, it still applies, right guys?

JESSICA: Huh?

RYA: Get bent.

PHIL: You’re right, it’s true. I can’t do this alone. I hate you guys, and yet, you guys are awesome! I can’t stand the things you do, but you make up for it with-

JOEL: Shut up, loser.

JESSICA: Yeah, is it me who’s the mom, or you?

PHIL: {miffed} You jerks can just... run free!

{Action music (akin to the last bit of the first ending theme) plays as Phil hurls his Philerang and breaks Joel’s shackles.}

JOEL: Alright! Too bad I don’t have...

{Joel’s arms come down from above and attach to his body.}

JOEL: {cont’d} Oh, there’s my arms! I was looking for you guys.

EVIL: Oh, come on! A Philerang?! There is no way that exists!

{Action music plays.}

JOEL: I’ll fight Evil. That seems like it should be my thing.

PHIL: Jessica, you find the switch to open this gate. Rya, rescue the other guys.

{Music stops.}

RYA: Shut up! I have my own plan.

{Rya begins stalking towards Evil with tears welling up in her eyes.}

RYA: Evil, there is a line dividing my respect and irreversible loathing. The world is full of idiots, but none have crossed the line further than you have.

{Phil, Joel, and Jessica look on, stupefied. Evil just looks irritated.}

RYA: {cont’d} And that is why I-I-I-I-I…

{Rya’s eyes turns gray and she falls over. Evil holds in his hand Rya’s remote control.}

JOEL: Hey, I was wondering where that remote was.

PHIL: Go guys!

{Here comes our big action sequence. Jessica takes off to the right and Joel goes to the left. Battle music plays as Evil and Joel run to the far side of the room and jump down a shaft. Cut to cavern within Evil’s fortress. Evil and Joel clash several times on their way to the bottom. They face off at the bottom with the Hate Bender control box between them.}

JOEL: It’s hard to believe that someone named Evil could be so darn bad. I’m too used to role-reversals, like giant guys named Tiny.

EVIL: I have nothing more to say to you.

JOEL: That’s good, because my next line of dialogue was going to be "enjoy this fist!" {holds up fist}...and then I was going to punch you... {lowers fist} it would have made sense with the timing.

{Music stops. Cut to Slim and Brad in the holding area.}

SLIM: This limited edition laser pen cuts through solid steel! If you want to flee, choose Slim Company!

BRAD: I dunno... if it works, why are you still here?

SLIM: It doesn’t come with batteries.

{Cut to Craig and Tim’s cell.}

SERENADE: And so, every time I keep getting it-

CRAIG: Hey, ask that guy what time it is.

SERENADE: {resentful} I have a watch.

RYGAR: His watch says twenty-two hundred!

{Cut to Rygar and Hayei’s cell.}

RYGAR: {pointing} His… this guy.

HAYEI: That is my power level, you slime-puff! And it is the highest in the galaxy!

RYGAR: Well, that won’t do you any good when aliens from out of the galaxy come.

HAYEI: Damn, you’re right.

{Cut to Slim and Brad’s cell.}

SLIM: I have just the thing for that.

{All the prisoners chatter as the camera pans out to show Phil and Jessica watching them.}

JESSICA: You know... I don’t really want to rescue these guys.

PHIL: Yeah... me neither.

{Cut to Joel and Evil on each side of the Hate Bender control box. Joel is battle damaged and Evil is tired.}

EVIL: You are... ugh, a worthy adversary, Joel.

JOEL: Not really. It’s just you fight like a girl and I don’t really fight... at all.

EVIL: But you’re too late. Fire the Hate Bender!

{Cut to the top of the fortress. The Hate Bender begins to fire. Cut to a green background with a message reading "Insert High Resolution CGI Clip". A little message in parenthesis appears at the bottom reading "in Dolby digital surround sound". Cut to the destroyed remains of Phil’s house.}

JOEL: No, our house…

{Cut to Joel looking out the fortress window mournfully with Evil to his left.}

JOEL: {cont’d} All my Spin-Doctors albums were in there!

EVIL: Jeez, they only cost like two bucks.

JOEL: I don’t have two bucks.

EVIL: What? Even I have two bucks.

JOEL: {points dramatically} AHA!! I knew it! I knew it was you.

{Cut to Joel’s finger pointing at a stunned Evil.}

JOEL: I lent two bucks to someone the other day. I can’t believe it’s you. I better be right about this; I wouldn’t want to be embarrassed.

{Cut to Phil and Jessica in the holding area. Joel pushes Evil in from the left.}

PHIL: Wait, so you’re saying there’s a normal guy under that? I mean Bonus Stage’s definition of normal.

JOEL: Yep, normal. A normal woman.

{Joel pulls off Evil’s mask to reveal MCcloud.}

JOEL: What? I thought you wher Elly.

{Elly walks in with short hair.}

ELLY: Why would you think he was me?

PHIL: {Phil's eyes pop out of their sockets} Elly, what hapened to uour hair?

ELLY: Oh I got tired of wating in line, so I went home and cut my hair.

JOEL: Yeah... uh, I kinda lost my train of thought.

MCCLOUD: {happily} You were just getting to the forgiveness part, and let me become a main character!

JOEL: Oh right, yeah. Except there’s one change.

{Cut to MCCLOUD, Shot in the head, on the floor.}

PHIL: Was shoting him in the head nececery?

JOEL: Its not like were ever gona see him agan anyway.

{Cut to camera panning towards Phil’s destroyed house.}

PHIL: This place is a wreck.

{Cut to the living room… which is destroyed.}

JOEL: Your face is a wreck.

PHIL: I don’t think we can do the show from here anymore.

JOEL: Hey, let's do the show from space.

PHIL: {sarcastic} Yeah, Joel, let's do the show from space.

{Cut to the inside of the E-Ship. Joel is grinning like an idiot and Phil looks absolutely mad.}

PHIL: {irritated} I guess I forgot that sarcasm holds no power over this show…

{Credits Roll.}