Linis Astald
From Ahspedia
Full Name: Linis Buttfuckmuffins Astald
Age: 20, appears 6.
Birthday: 07.28.1986
Race: Argonian
School: Both Longwang's school of Beastiality Pornography and AHS (Believed to be an abbreviation for amazing herpes sanctuary)
Grade: Graduated AHS, Headmaster of Longwang's school of Beastiality Pornography.
Contents |
Appearance/Clothing
Hair Color: bob
Eye Color: pink like my ponies mane
Stands: 2'11"
Weight: 999.1 lbs
Unique Markings: Three scars on his back in the shape of a penis
These scars came from the beatings he received as a child when molested by his grandmother.
General Appearance
He looks pretty much stoopidz.
Personality
To say Linis has a personality is to say that his player has a functioning brain: it's just not true.
Hobbies
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
Strengths
He's really good at eating Cheeto's without getting the powder on his fingers. Long hours of practice gorging on snacks paid off rather well in this regard. He also knows his way around vending machines, and can repair one on the spot in mere moments.
Weaknesses
Anything that might suggest that he's not TEH ROXORZ TO TEH XTREMEZORZ!!
Special Powers/Weapons
Main Power: Rape Horn
This appears to be the horn off of a small child's bicycle. Whenever he squeezes it, an opaque cloud of condensed rape spews forth to engulf the nearest little boy.
Penthouse Playmate
Linis is under the very false and disturbing delusion that he is attractive, and will therefore pose at random times as if for a two page spread. This causes anyone nearby to melt in sheer agony of witnessing his HAIRY NIPPLES!
Doodoo butter
Linis possesses pails upon pails of doodoo butter, which he likes to splash people with. Some say it turns him on. Others say he delights in the pain of others. I personally think he really likes doodoo butter.
Allergy to shirts
Both character and player seem to repel shirts. I believe this is caused by the pungent B.O that eminates from the core of his cold, wretched heart.
Elvish wang
Being an Elf, Linis has a tiny, Elvish wang. This wang gives him immunity to certain things. Some of these include:
- Women
- Friends
- Friends of friends
- Any social situation whatsoever
This also gives him crippling issues with his ego. To compensate, he habitually injects paint thinner into above-said wang.
SUPER AWESOME FUCKATORY POWAAAAH
((SUPER HIGH POWER)) Break wind. Linis curls into the fetal position and lets loose a raging maelstrom of intestinal fury. The morbid odor flays skin from bone and melts even the sturdiest metals in a matter of seconds. This is only possible through his horrid diet of snack foods, refried beans, and broccoli paste mixed together into a goulash of hate.
The Club
Ever heard of Goatse? Ever wondered how it would look with an infomercial tie in? Yeah, think about that.
The Sword of Thollan
Status: Location Unknown.
The Ring of Light and Dark
Status: Linis currently holds it.
A ring made with a metal that takes light and holds it within it, the same with darkness... If it contains light, in dark places it will shine, If contains darkness in light places it will shade...
History Before AHS/ASA
He fell on trangular shaped head...
IT BROKE KTHX
History After Arriving At AHS/ASA
TEXT
Relationships
Mortal Enemy
Jaceon Flynn Summers- He tried to take advantage of Aaiiry and as a ghost, Linis witnessed this.
Hates
TEXT
Dislikes
Friends
TEXT
Good Friends
Loves
Aaiiry Bluderaine(Current location: Unknown)
Ashlyn Astald Daughter of Linis and Aaiiry
Dating
Linis' Mommy(Current location: Unknown) 11/13/02 Started dating
