Mission 232: Found in Translation

From Accct Wiki

“I told you this whole idea was moronic,” Marth muttered, sneering as he strolled beside Link in the hallway. “There couldn’t be more things wrong with Roy at any given moment in time, and yet he found a way to make himself even more of an egotistical idiot.”

Link frowned as he held his left hand up into the air slightly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Marth,” he began, “but Roy seems to calm down once he’s got a desk.”

“Don’t tell me that you actually got him another one,” Marth pleaded as he swiftly glanced once at his colleague.

Link nodded. “Alright, then,” he agreed. “I’m not going to tell you… it looks like you got the idea, anyway.”

Marth heaved a sigh that was overlapped with a whine. He halted in front of the door to his room, waited for Link to do the same, and then carelessly opened the door. Marth frowned at the sight of Roy sitting behind a large, thicker plywood desk with the telephone held up to his ear as his face expressed the appearance of cautious anger. Roy neglected to look up as he spoke into the telephone, “That jerk Captain Falcon has still not yet paid his due. I want him dead. I want his family dead. I want his dog and his cat dead. And, pick up some pasta on your way back.”

Marth carefully took a few steps towards Roy as the red-haired executive set the telephone into its receiver. Roy finally glanced up at Marth and then forced a grin. “Ah, welcome back,” he began holding his hands into the air. “I trust that broad, Peach, will not be forgetting our money now. You did show her the cement shoes we have in stock, didn’t you?”

“Cut the fake Godfather accent – you’re not at all good at it,” Marth spat, “and secondly, what in the world are you talking about?”

Link stepped into the room and nervously added, “We don’t have any cement shoes, Roy. Not anymore.”

“That’s a shame,” Roy began, still absorbed in his Godfather-speech.

Marth cringed once and then swiftly gave a forceful smack across Roy’s face. Roy was dazed at first, but soon recovered and then stared indignantly up at his aggressor. “What was that for?” he shouted as he immediately rose to his feet and furiously clenched his hands into fists.

Marth took a moment to blink and then sputtered, “Something’s wrong with you.”

“The only thing that’s wrong with me is you!” Roy cried, sneering feverishly at his colleague.

Link turned his focus to the floor and then shook his head in disappointment. “My God,” he slowly began, “he’s finally gone off the deep end.”

“ ‘Finally?’ ” Marth repeated, glaring at Link as the elf looked up at him. “He was pretty crazy to begin with, don’t you think?”

Roy scowled. “You want to know what I think?” he interjected. “I think both of your guys are going to have your heads on stakes if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on!”

Marth shifted his attention to Roy. “What happened to you?” he asked, now seemingly concerned.

Roy hesitated. “I don’t kno-”

The telephone suddenly rang and interrupted Roy’s speech. He instantaneously glowered at the object and then lifted up the telephone to answer, “Hello, you’ve reached Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated. You’ve got a job, and we need one. How may we help you today?”

Link raised an eyebrow as he watched Roy. Marth only shook his head and looked away to focus on other things. “Hello?” Roy asked once more, frustrated from hearing no response at the previous attempt.

“Hello,” the caller eventually responded, its voice overlapped with an ominous, echoing tone.

“What’s wrong with your voice?” Roy asked, smirking to himself slightly.

There was an awkward silence that followed. “There’s nothing wrong with my voice, you fool,” the caller finally responded. “This is Mewtwo; I am calling your foolhardy organization on behalf of my client, Pichu.”

Roy grimaced and spat, “ ‘Client?’ Are you trying to take my business away from me?”

“Quite the contrary,” Mewtwo replied. “I need you fools to get here as quickly as possible, for Pichu wishes to replace me as her translator.”

“Quit saying ‘fool!’ ” Roy yelled into the telephone with slight rage. “But, wow, you must suck, then, if Pichu is firing you.”

Mewtwo paused for a moment. “I do not suck; that is the job of a vacuum cleaner,” he replied. “Now, this job, should you choose to accept it, is to find a suitable replacement for me as a translator.”

“Don’t you even care that Pichu’s trying to replace you?” Roy questioned in confusion.

“No, not especially,” Mewtwo responded. “In any case, I require your presence in Pichu’s room immediately.”

Roy grinned and replied, “Can do! But first… If you’re all psychic and stuff, then how come you had to use the telephone to talk to me? Couldn’t you just have used your telepathy-ness to get inside my head?”

Mewtwo hesitated once again. “…Fool.”

Roy scowled as there was a clicking noise from the opposite end of the line. He muttered under his breath as he set the telephone into its receiver. “Remind me when we get to Pichu’s room to kick Mewtwo’s… wait, does he have one?”

“What’s the deal, then?” Marth asked, raising his eyebrows as he folded his arms.

Roy shrugged his shoulders and answered, “Not entirely sure, since I wasn’t really paying attention, but I guess Pichu’s trying to replace Mewtwo as her translator.”

“I didn’t even know that Mewtwo was a translator,” Link said thoughtfully, glancing away for a moment before he returned his focus to his colleagues. “Do we know where Pichu’s room is, anyway?”

“No, but that’s why we have the trusty dictionary!” Roy cried triumphantly. He hesitated for a moment, and then rephrased himself, “I mean, the directory. Not the dictionary; those things are useless…”

“Maybe to a moron,” Marth muttered under his breath. Link shot a swift glance at his colleague.

Roy hesitated and peered around the room before he wondered aloud, “What did I do with that directory?” He frowned and then cautiously examined the area surrounding his desk before he lifted the telephone and suspended it in midair while he inspected the space underneath it. “Crap,” he finally mumbled, setting the telephone into its designated place on the desk. “Marth, this is all your fault.”

“Who would’ve guessed?” Marth replied, grinning to himself as he held his hands into the air at chest level.

Link blinked as he took a moment to ponder, “Pichu’s room wouldn’t happen to be the one next to the noisy ice machine, would it?”

Roy grinned. “What if it is?” he said heartily. “No wonder she’s always so angry at everyone.”

Marth raised an eyebrow as a thought rang through his mind. “Hey, how did anyone ever determine that Pichu was a gir-”

“Shut up, Marth,” Roy interjected. He simply smirked, shrugged, and took a few steps past Marth towards the open doorway before he continued, “Who needs a directory when you’ve got a huge ice machine to tell you where things are?”

Link grimaced. “You get some really stupid lines,” he said.

“Yes, it’s a curse, really,” Roy replied as he stopped in the doorframe and turned around to eye his colleagues. “Nonetheless… now we’ve got a job to do.” As Roy proceeded out into the hallway, Link pursued immediately with an exuberant smirk upon his face, but Marth only sighed once and reluctantly followed his coworkers as he jammed his hands into the pockets on his suit ensemble’s slacks.

Roy smirked as he strolled down the hallway proudly. “This is just like that time when I-”

“What did I say about flashbacks?” Marth angrily interrupted. “First of all, no one wants to hear them besides yourself, and second of all-”

“How does it feel to be interrupted?” Roy cut in.

Marth scowled as he ambled behind Roy. “Don’t do that, or-”

“You’re going to use your fairy, pansy-boy baton on me?” Roy interjected once more. “Face it, Marth; you’re as masculine as a girl scout.”

Link raised his eyebrows and added, “Some of them are pretty manly, though.”

“What kind of girl scouts do you buy cookies from?” Roy questioned confusedly, frowning as several notions pierced his concentration.

Link refrained himself from answering as a sulk of embarrassment replaced his previous smile. Roy shook his head in disappointment and then halted in front of the ice machine at the end of the hallway, which was clanking and dispensing a few ice cubes onto the floor. “Don’t step on the ice cubes,” Roy warned, “since then we’ll have to clean up the blood from your head injury.”

Roy turned his head to witness the door at his right. “You think this is the room, Link?” he asked, neglecting to look away from the door.

“Who really cares if it is?” Marth interfered. “Just open the door.”

“Fine, I will,” Roy snootily responded. He slowly opened the door and cautiously peeked his head inside to glance around the room. Roy gasped lightly at the sight of Mewtwo standing with his back facing the doorway and then raised his eyebrows at the sight of Pichu standing in front of Mewtwo and scowling up at her fellow Pokemon. “Seems to be some sort of freak reunion,” Roy stated as he swung the door fully open and took several preliminary steps inside the room before he motioned for his colleagues to follow him.

“Pi! Pichu!” Pichu cried angrily as she leapt towards the newcomer.

Roy held his left leg in the air slightly and balanced on one foot as Pichu tumbled across the open floor space and hit the leg of a desk. He smirked and glanced at Mewtwo as he explained, “Ah, Pichu’s been my source of entertainment for years.”

Link halted beside Roy and frowned sympathetically. “But Roy,” he began, hurt, “you said that Marth and I were your entertainment.”

“Only on weekdays,” Roy answered. “Otherwise, it’s the miniature rat.”

Marth strolled carelessly into the room and stopped on the available side of Roy. “Must you degrade everyone to the stature of being that miniscule or diminutive?”

Roy blinked as he stared in confusion at his accuser. “…What?” he abruptly sputtered. “I speak English, here, not your freaky-deeky Russian stuff.”

Marth heaved a sigh. Mewtwo irritably eyed the trio of suit-clad swordsmen. His mouth did not move as he communicated with each of them telepathically: “You three certainly did take your time in arriving here.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes it’s hard to get these morons moving so early in the morning,” Roy explained. He swiftly glanced at an alarm clock that was sitting atop an end table and then raised his eyebrows as he continued, “Even though it’s almost three in the afternoon. You know how it is, though, right? I mean, we’re talking about Link and Marth.” He hesitated for a moment, then added, “Especially Marth.”

Pichu stumbled around the members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated and frowned as she stared up at them. “Pi!” she shouted. “Pichu! Pi!”

Mewtwo floated towards them and stated, “Pichu said, ‘You jerks!’ ”

“ ‘Jerk?’ ” Roy shouted indignantly as he glowered down at Pichu. “I’ll teach you to call me names, you little rat!”

Link instantaneously grasped Roy by the sleeves of his suit and stepped backwards to restrain his colleague from strangling Pichu. “Pi! Pichu!” she taunted.

“Pichu said, ‘Bring it on!’ ” Mewtwo explained.

“Oh, I’ll bring it!” Roy cried as he struggled to free himself from Link’s grip. “I’ll bring it, and then you can open it!”

Marth grimaced as he watched Roy fidget and furiously attempt to free himself from Link’s clutch. “Roy, you’re making yourself look like an idiot!” he yelled. After a moment of thought, he added, “Which isn’t exactly out of the ordinary, but I thought you wanted to look professional.”

“I am professional,” Roy proudly stated, easing in his struggle with Link. “It’s just… Well, look at her! She needs her butt kicked!”

Marth shook his head and pointed a finger at Roy. “No, you idiot! She’s our client – don’t you want to help her so we can get paid?”

“We never get paid!” Link chimed in sorrowfully. He turned his head to stare at Marth while continuing to restrain Roy. “Don’t you think we should just let him try to hurt Pichu?”

Marth was aghast. “Am I the only sane person here?” he cried.

“Perhaps you are the least sane,” Mewtwo replied.

“You’re not helping,” Marth responded, sneering at the Pokemon.

Roy clenched his hands into fists and abruptly shouted, “Alright! Let me go! I’m calm now.” Link paused at first, but eventually released Roy. Roy stood up straight, inhaled deeply, and glanced down at his client. “I’m sorry, Pichu,” he started. “We got off to a bad start. I’ll be sure to take it out of Marth’s paycheck.”

Pichu’s angry expression faded into one of curiosity. “Pi?” she asked.

Mewtwo translated, “Pichu said, ‘Does this mean that you are finally going to help me with my problem, after all of that fussing?’ ”

Roy blinked. “Sure,” he replied. “Just… I never really got around to thinking about how we’re supposed to find you a new translator, so do you have any ideas?”

Marth brought his hand up to his face to shield his embarrassment. “Roy,” he muttered. “You’re such an-”

“Interruption!” Roy shouted at his colleague. He then returned his focus to Pichu and added, “So, I hope you had something in mind.”

Mewtwo gave a half-laugh amidst Roy’s pleading. “I hope you have an idea in mind, as well, for I’m afraid that I must leave you now,” he declared telepathically. “All I can say is… thank God I’m no longer working for less than minimum wage.”

Marth let his hand drop down to his side as he glanced up at Mewtwo. “So, what you’re saying is that Pichu doesn’t even have that much mon-”

“Shut up, Marth!” Roy interrupted. “Well, good riddance! We’re going to help Pichu get a translator that’s much better than you ever were! …Or weren’t. I wouldn’t really know.”

Mewtwo folded his arms and floated past Roy into the hallway through the open doorway. “Fool,” came his clairvoyant, fading voice as he continued down the hallway.

Roy grumbled under his breath and then turned to Pichu. “Well, let’s begin, shall we?” he asked, forcing a grin as he knelt down before his client.

“He called you a fool,” Link recurred as he sauntered towards the others and halted. “That wasn’t very nice. People sure are mean.”

Roy rolled his eyes and explained, “Life sucks, and then you die.”

“Sweet salvation!” Marth cried, exultantly suspending his arms in the air.

Roy ignored his colleague and grinned at Pichu. “Kneeling like this for someone as short as you really hurts, so let’s hurry it up, please,” he said. “Who can we get you for a translator?”

“Pichu! Pi!” she declared, nodding once afterwards.

Roy hesitated. “Luigi, you say?” he asked. “Well, I don’t think he’s still angry at me.”

“Pi!” Pichu spat. “Pi! Pichu! Pichu! Pi!”

“John Edward?” Link questioned, raising his eyebrows to accompany his smirk. “Are you sure he does translations?”

“Pichu!” she shouted with ferocity. “Pi!”

Marth shook his head. “This is hopeless,” he muttered. After Roy had shot a vacant stare in his direction, Marth sighed and pronounced, “We need to find someone who is within reason, – not John Edward – and who can understand what Pichu’s saying.”

Roy hesitated and continued to stare at Marth. “I’m not following you,” he eventually said. “Although, you seem to not speak English… Why don’t you translate for Pichu?”

“Yeah, give it a shot,” Link agreed, nodding as he gestured towards their client.

“No, you guys don’t understand,” Marth sighed. “All we need to do is find someone who was on the same mental level as Mewtwo.”

Link nodded and grinned. “So, we need to find someone who’s either a genius or a complete idiot; I could never tell which one Mewtwo was.”

“Of course you couldn’t,” Marth replied, shaking his head.

Roy glanced once at Pichu, rose to his feet shakily, and then dusted himself off. He turned to face his colleagues and remained silent as he shifted his focus between them. “How about Luigi?” he said heartily, a faint smile appearing across his lips. “Pichu had the right idea.”

“Pi!” Pichu cried in frustration. “Pichu! Pi!”

“Shut up, Pichu,” Roy stated, neglecting to look down at his client.

Marth scowled. “That’s a stupid idea!” he retorted. “Besides, I’m sure that Luigi is still angry with us. Mostly you, probably.”

Roy paused to think. “Wait a minute,” he began, narrowing his eyes, “why am I listening to you?” He smirked as he turned to Link and said, “Come on, let’s go find Luigi!”

Link grinned in silent agreement and pursued Roy once the red-haired executive had proceeded out of the room into the hallway. Marth glared down at Pichu and frowned. “Sorry, Pichu,” he said, “but, we’re probably better off just letting them see how dumb their plan really is before they’ll listen to me.”

Pichu uttered a strange whimper and then silently agreed with a simple nod. Marth shrugged his shoulders, then looked up and began ambling out of the room and into the hallway, followed clumsily by Pichu. Once Marth had drawn alongside his colleagues, he turned his head as he continued to walk, peering over his shoulder at Pichu as she struggled to follow the members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated. Roy abruptly broke away from his path and stepped in Marth’s direction, causing Marth to walk directly into his colleague. “Watch where you’re going,” Roy warned, sneering at Marth as he placed his hand upon the doorknob of the nearby door.

Marth only sighed and waited patiently for Roy to open the door. Link immediately followed Roy into the room, and Marth glanced down once at Pichu before entering the room behind his coworkers.

“Luigi!” Roy cried, extending his arms outwards at his sides. “Boy, am I glad you’re in here!”

Luigi solemnly looked up from his Gameboy and sighed, “This is my room.” He paused to switch off his Gameboy and then rose from the desk chair he had been sitting on. “Roy, I thought you already did a job for me,” he stated, an expression of disgust appearing upon his face.

“Quid pro… something…” Roy fumbled. “Sorry, I’ve never been good at German. Anyway, Luigi, since we’ve done a job for you, now we need you to help us.”

Luigi raised an eyebrow. “How so?” he questioned.

Pichu sauntered carelessly into the room. “There’s the little rat,” Roy said, smirking. He nudged Pichu with his foot towards Luigi and continued, “Pichu here needs a translator to replace Mewtwo.’”

Luigi hesitated. “You’re joking, right?” he asked, deadpan. “I don’t speak Pokemon.”

Roy seemed perplexed. “Really?” he asked. “Darn, this is going to be a hard one.”

Marth rolled his eyes. “You’re not willing to do very much work, are you?” he questioned, shooting an accusing look at Roy.

“No,” Roy answered, “and just look how great I turned out!”

“Watch out, kiddies,” Marth muttered as he leant towards Link.

Link turned to face Marth. “Do you think Ness would be an option?” he asked, placing a finger on his chin as he thought. “I mean, he has the whole ‘telepathy’ thing going, doesn’t he?”

An excited smile appeared on Marth’s face. “Link, you’re a genius!” he cried, causing the other individuals in the room to stare at the source of the clamor.

Link smirked. “I am, aren’t I?” he agreed. “I are very smart.”

Roy scowled and forcefully shoved Link aside as he took a few furious steps towards Marth. “Hey!” he exclaimed. “I’m the genius behind everything good that happens!”

“I’ll bet you had no idea what just happened,” Marth replied.

“That’s not important!” Roy indignantly responded.

Luigi took the opportunity to pull his chair out from underneath its designated desk and hop onto it. He picked up his Gameboy and flicked the switch into the On position, then rotated the chair in a fashion that his back would be facing the intruders.

Pichu frowned at the sight of the petty argument. “Pi!” she abruptly cried as she leapt upwards and chomped onto Roy’s arm.

Roy gasped as he glared down at Pichu, and then grimaced as Pichu released his arm from her horrific bite. “You litte…” Roy began, but soon trailed off as he brought his forearm towards his face. “You got blood all over my sleeve!” he shouted. “And it’s my blood! I need that blood!”

“Maybe she’s trying to tell you something,” Marth interrupted. “Probably something like, ‘Roy, you retard, do your job!’ ”

“How dare you say something like that to me!” Roy said crossly. “I should’ve kicked your butt when I had the chance.”

Link looked away. “You have the chance now,” he explained.

“You’re right,” Roy said, then displayed a curiously confused expression across his face. “I can’t believe Link was right on something.”

“Don’t count on it in the future,” Link gravely replied.

“No, Roy, Link was right,” Marth clarified, holding his right arm in the air slightly as a gesture of good will. “Why don’t we go get Ness to help?”

Roy grinned and seemed awkwardly eager. “That’s not a bad idea,” he stated. “Remind me to give Link a promotion, or something.”

Link paused before starting, “Roy, I’m right he-”

“To Ness’ room!” Roy declared, holding his fist in the air. After a moment of silence, he simply lowered his hand and muttered, “You guys are no fun.” With that, he ambled towards the open doorway of Luigi’s room and continued into the hallway, followed immediately by Link.

Marth stood in silence for a moment as a cry of, “Holy crap! Link, where were you?” flowed into the room via the open door. Marth smirked to himself and gestured for Pichu to head proceed into the hallway. Marth shut the door to Luigi’s room behind himself once he had stepped into the hallway, then hurried after his colleagues. Pichu scurried after the trio of swordsmen as quickly as her tiny feet would carry her.

“It’s this one, I think,” Link suddenly said, pointing his finger at the door to his left.

“Well, good,” Roy replied, halting in his walk. “Keep up with those skills, Link; we wouldn’t want you to get rusty.” He cautiously opened the door and peered inside, and then gasped lightly at the sight of Ness with two Barbies in his hands, bobbing each of them up and down as he said aloud lines of dialogue to be applied for them.

Roy swiftly swung the door fully open and stared down in confusion as Ness immediately looked up, whimpered slightly, and hurriedly placed each of the Barbie dolls behind his back. “Ness?” Roy began, perplexed.

“What do you want?” Ness asked nervously, rising from his sitting position while continuing to restrain the Barbies behind his back.

“We, uhh… need your help with something,” Roy replied, cocking an eyebrow.

Marth and Link stood at respective sides of their colleague, followed by Pichu who ambled around the three members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated to stand at Roy’s feet. “The little rat here needs to hire a new translator to replace Mewtwo,” Roy explained. “I’m sure she’ll pay handsomely for you to become her translator.”

Ness blinked. “Umm… alright, I can try.”

“Pi, pichu. Pi,” Pichu stated clearly.

Ness took a moment of mental preparation, and then said, “Pichu said, ‘Roy is an idiot,’ right?”

Pichu hopped up and down with joy and cried, “Pi!”

“What?” Roy snickered slightly. “Stop making jokes, Ness.”

“Pi! Pichu! Pichu! Pi!” Pichu sang happily.

Ness smiled. “Pichu said, ‘Ness, I want you to be my translator!’ ”

Pichu held out her stubby arm and handed Ness a five dollar bill. Roy gawked as Ness accepted the money. “Get a good look, Roy,” Marth began, “since you’ll probably never see that much money in your entire career.”

“What about me?” Roy shouted, placing his hands over his chest as if to gesture towards himself. “I am not being cheated out of five bucks again!”

“Pi! Pichu!” she retorted.

Ness glanced up at Roy. “Pichu said, ‘Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pay you when I can determine that I really want Ness as a translator.’ ” Ness hesitated for a moment. “Wait, that’s not a good thing, is it?”

“It’s not good for either of us,” Roy replied solemnly, “but it’s especially bad because it’s not good for me!”

Link placed a consoling hand upon Roy’s shoulder. “Aww, cheer up,” he began, “just think of it this way: nothing has changed since we started. Sometimes change can be a bad thing.”

“Not when it involves money,” Roy sniveled. Then, his expression quickly changed to one of frustration as he stared down at Pichu and cried, “Fine! I don’t need you, either! You had better pay me, though, or else… something bad will happen! Yeah! That won’t be cool, will it?” He scowled and snapped his fingers to gain the attention of his colleagues. “Let’s leave this awful place and never return… except to get my money.”

Roy immediately reversed his direction, proceeded through the open doorway, and began ambling down the hallway. “I am so sick of being cheated out of my money,” Roy stated furiously as he clenched his hand into a fist.

“Maybe this wasn’t the right way to get money,” Link pondered.

“Thank you,” Marth said, relieved, “someone finally agrees with me!”

Once the trio ambled to the end of the hallway, Roy halted in the lobby, causing his colleagues to stop at his sides. “Why do I hear a noise?” Roy wondered aloud, then carefully listened to the faint noise that was approaching from the direction from which they had come.

Link stood as still as he could possibly bear and listened intently. Marth looked around the lobby carelessly as the noise drew closer. Finally, the footstep-noises came upon them, and Kirby abruptly slid on the floor space between Roy and Link, halted in front of Roy, and grinned devilishly as he yelled, “This is for not helping me when Donkey Kong was trying to use me as a volleyball!” Kirby opened his mouth widely to use his Swallow attack, and Roy was instantaneously engulfed by the pink puffball. Link and Marth leapt backwards to avoid it, and Marth gasped as he witnessed Kirby release Roy from the attack as a star. Kirby grinned, now having in his possession Roy’s hairstyle and Fire Blade attack, and instantly bolted in the opposite direction towards another room.

Roy took a moment to recover from his dizziness, then rose to his feet and shouted after Kirby, “Hey! Give me my soul back!” He dashed in Kirby’s direction while yelling unpleasant words and forming death threats.

Link sighed with relief as he turned to face Marth. “Well,” he began, “I certainly do hope that Roy gets his own soul back. I lost mine…”