Episode 1: Channel Chasers

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PERI [OC]: The tide's out.

DOCTOR [OC]: Hmm?

PERI [OC]: When you said sand, I thought maybe I could take a dip.

DOCTOR [OC]: You're a little late, Peri. It's about a billion years since there was any sea on Androzani Minor.

PERI [OC]: You're such a pain, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Come on. Well, well, well. The old place hasn't changed at all. Still nothing but sand.

PERI: Oh, wow! This place, Doctor, it's just unbelievable! Doctor, look!

DOCTOR: What?

PERI: Glass.

DOCTOR: Almost, anyway. It's fused silica. And I'm not a pain. Here's some more. Now, why would anyone come here?

PERI: Who said they have?

DOCTOR: These patches were fused by the rocket pads of a spacecraft. Too small for interstellar travel, so it obviously came from the twin planet of Androzani Major. The interesting question is, why?

PERI: Maybe someone wanted some sand to make some glass so they could blow a new vacuum tube for their reticular vector gauge.

DOCTOR: Hmm. Sarcasm is not your strong point, Peri. If I were you I'd stick. Ah-ha! What have we here?

PERI: Ah-ha? I'm looking. Why am I looking?

DOCTOR: A monoskid. You can see the deep furrow where it left the ship then the shallower one when it returned.

PERI: Or vice versa.

DOCTOR: No, no, no. You can see where the light track sometimes crosses the heavy one. So, someone came here with a heavily laden monoskid, unloaded it somewhere and then returned to the ship.

PERI: So you got a merit badge in tracking when you were a boy scout. I'm suitably impressed. Can we go now?

DOCTOR: Er, one moment. Looks as if the tracks lead to those caves over there.

PERI: Is this wise, I ask myself? Oh well.

(They follow the tracks some way.)

DOCTOR: Ah, blow holes.

PERI: What?

DOCTOR: Now we're near you can see they're not caves, they're blow holes.

PERI: Well, same difference.

DOCTOR: Not to a speleologist. And not if you're stuck in one of those things at high tide.

PERI: High tide? I thought you said that

DOCTOR: It's a figure of speech. You see, the core of this planet is superheated primeval mud. When its orbit takes it close to Androzani Major, the gravitational pull

PERI: Oh, I get the picture. Mud baths for everyone. Well, it's a change from lava.

DOCTOR: Hmm. Presumably why the planet was never colonised. Androzani Major was becoming quite developed the last time I passed this way.

PERI: When was that?

DOCTOR: I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the future.

PERI: You're a very confusing person to be with, Doctor, you know that?

DOCTOR: I tried keeping a diary once. Not chronological, of course, but the trouble with time travel is one never seems to find the time.

[edit] Two who should never meet

(River Song is Drinking wine as Blue sits next to her.)

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