Bonus Stage Season 8/Kingdom Hearts 3: Act 1-Eight Seasons and a Movie
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[edit] Script
[edit] The Siege
(Insert an Attack on Disneyland Paris)
Rich of ReviewTechUSA: GI Joe is the codename for the daring, highly-trained special mission force hired by June Crane as part of her plan to get Joel out of that funk he's been stuck in after finding. Their Mission: To defend human freedom and cut Evil off from anymore devious technology from Capcom and Alsocom through it's majority stockholder employed by Cobra: a ruthless terrorist organisation determined to rule the world! I know I'm overexplaining this, but we gotta rub in the fact that Square Enix owns Capcom, now. Since Disney's basically best buds with 'em, Hasbro decided to send in the good-toys-vs-evil-toys franchise where the bad guys are snakes and the good guys are army people.
[edit] The Confort
(Joel is just sitting there.)
[edit] The Return
[edit] The Wish
...
Future Joel:
Joel: I wish Phil was voiced by Will Ferrel.
Future Joel: What! No!
(Phil is talking with fine celebrities in Elly's Bar)
Phil: ...
...
Phil: ... *Cough* Huh, Whadi *Cough!*Hack!*
Elly: Phil, are you are right.
Phil: (Now Voiced by Will Ferrel) I'm fine, Elly, Where was I? Oh, Yeah. It Makes NO SENSE!! Then again, This Entire Damn Cartoon makes... no... sense... (Notices the Voice Change, looks to Jobs who looks to the Nostalgia Critic, They all find themselves staring at Mermaid Man who promptly has a Stroke)
Mermaid Man: *Stumbling* E...Ev...Eeeeeviiiii-*Explosion*
(The Three are now looking amongst each other)
Jobs: You-! (Clutches his Heart)
...
Jobs: *Laughing* You really thought I'd die that easily.
Phil: Oh, that's Right, You're portrayed by an Asshole.
[edit] The Corruption
[edit] ???
[edit] The Call
(Phil walks onto the soundstage)
Phil: I, Uh... (Reads his notes) Hey, Howdy, He-ey there... MacGuffinhenge, who takes... the Pan- (slaps himself) The Sitcom Reactor takes the universe! But bad news, e-everyone, because... who ya gonna call?
(Evil is projected on Spaceship Earth)
Evil: Oh sweet godbear! This is what you send to defeat me, a DC Comics Knockoff with his scrap metal brigade?
Phil: Wait a sec, you know about the robeast attack.
Evil: Duh, did you honestly think I'd lead an epic charge like this without knowing how to lead it first! That's what Archive Binges are for, damn it! So, where's your pathetic little army?
Phil: Oh, they'll be coming...round the mountain when... she-look, there's a joke somewhere, it isn't funny without a comic foil.
(Enter Foily)
Foily: Hi! I'm Foily!
Phil: We've heard it in the first and you'll hear it in the last. Nobody Likes Foily. Yeah... This confrontation wasn't really gonna amount to anything, what are you gonna do next?
Evil: What I should've done in the balcony with the beam katana: annihilate you!
Voice: Ha! Please, Evil, You couldn't annihilate your way out of a tin can of whoopass and that's even if you inhale some Chemical X!
Phil: Wait a sec... Joel?
Joel: For far too long have you acted as a parasite to the show, but the powers you have that stem from the parasite within yourself... (appears onscreen) But that didn't help, pal! That didn't help at all...In fact, it only made you more of a Hipster Weeaboo Weiner that you already were. You may talk a big deal of the big ol' threat you've brought in to dangle over our throats, but that's that... Deep Down, You're still all talk after all these episodes, you're still the same immature punk who's basically winging it every step of the way to get as much screen time as you possibly can, and you're still a complete waste of our time and our newly-expanded Animation Budget. I specifically said in the flashback episode that the World Gems would only work for the strong hearted spirits who actually matter in the storyline at hand.
Phil: Joel, You never actually mentioned plot relevance to be one of the-
Joel: AAAAAND! IIIIII!!! MEANT IIIT!!111 (As Joel speaks this extremely punctuated sentence, we zoom out to Evil's Fleet, made up of Lego Models of Sci-Fi Spaceships) Take for instance Minecraft, one of the most addictive games ever to burn time from your once buzy schedule. Take for instance, this Twinkie represents a day wasted on this game and the irritation that comes with, for every episode that has your awful smell... We dive deeper! Two Twinkies for every episode that your choices effect, i.e. sending Tophles the Empty to burn our house down in episode 81. Factoring in the knowledge that you're around and kicking adds a second row of Twinkies and we shall stack a new Twinkie on each one before baking them into an even bigger Twinkie just because you're a waste of space, time and oxygen consuming DNA. What does that leave us with? One Mega-Sized Twinkie for every chapter in this story in which you and your incredible Jew-Crew were out wreaking havoc in this world and cancelling quality action shows in favor of aging comedies and product placement.
Phil: Joel, That last one was Stu Snyder's doin-
Joel: (To Phil) Shut up, I'm on a roll here. (to Evil) Needless to say, for every hour of gameplay wasted, every character retconned away, every episode you stick your boot in, That's a Mega Twinkie in the Line, all the lives you ruined, all the souls you silenced, all the ideas you crushed with that fruity little virus of yours is another Twinkie in the line. All of these is fused together into a singular spongecake when we compare you to Wizeguy here. He did all the work, while you're nothing more than an annoying parasite leaching off his Menace in a sad attempt to live up to your name!
Ringo: Wow, That's a big Twinkie.
Joel: Also I know a guy, he wrapped up this big-ass time war, wiped out quite a few species, he saw the universe from start to finish, moment by moment til nothing remained. I even set foot in a frightening future where the logic was built upon the logic of a retard by the mind of George Lucas! The guy's lost more than you ever will, seen more smeg than you'd ever see in your dayjob working at: (looks to the camera with a panphlet) Disney California Adventure, Nyahahahaha! Cha-Ching! (back to Evil) and he even told me plenty of his secrets, well known to make Wannabe Gods blaze in their brownéd pants. If you're actually hoping to keep your army of sci-fi references together. Just remember every black day he ever stopped em and to an extent... you, and then... And Then... try out the smart plan. They can go bicker which one goes first, you can think about the pathetic filler you've got for when you make that Twinkie of Pointless Suffering into your last meal ever... I hope that when I see you alive again... You're wallowing in your Twinkie-Weiner Sandwich.
(A lazer targeted at a Star Destroyer hits its target, decimating it on the spot with the engine on Evil's ship intentionally caught in the crossfire. The ship crashes down in flames as the Cast flock to the crash sight with the night sky decorated with the numerous Sci-Fi Spaceships blasting one another out of the sky.)
[edit] The Raid
(Scene: Evil's Ship. Joel and company arrive to whop the villain's ass.)
Joel: Okay, that aughta keep 'em buzy for a week and a half. Anyone willing to bow out of this potentially fatal final battle, speak now or forever hold your piece!
Phil: Joel, I can't believe I'm legitimately saying this but... After that brilliant speech you actually managed to pull off, dispite the involvement of Twinkies, I'm more willing to light that bastard than ever before!
[edit] ???
[edit] The Assumption
(Christian runs back to his room to hide only to find that Mayor Chandler is laying with a live Kimmi)
Christian: K-Kimmi, you're-?
Kimmi: Yes, 'Mayor Chandler', I'm right in front of you, alive, well, eager to see you get your just reward for supplying the virus.
Christian: B-But, It Wasn't Me! It was probably Ian that did it-
Mayor Chandler: Oh, Really? Both Ians are well known name in our separate Virginia, so from which region does the Ian Brendon Anderson in Question hail? The all-american plains of New England, or the land of Kanto?
Chandler: I'm Telling You, It wasn't me who mailed the Virus!
Mayor Chandler: Then who did, Source Material!
Christian: I Don't Know! I didn't write this shlock, I'm lucky to even be considered as one of the on-screen characters!
Mayor Chandler:
[edit] The Defeat
(Christian's Severed head rolls along to Joel's Feet.)
