Act 14: Code AC
From Accct Wiki
Cruising through the blackness of outer space, a valiant slender white ship was being pursued by many small, dagger like black ships. The front of the ship resembled the head of a dragon fly; the guns on its flanks had been disabled by the continuous fire of the drone ships that were determined to destroy it.
“Ranshin, we mustn’t let them get their hands on Bistre 3! They will be twice as strong if they are reunited with their leader!”
Ranshin ran down to the cockpit of the ship. He was a humanoid entity, he did not need clothes, and his skin was orange with purple tattoos. Instead of arms, he had two thick muscular tentacles; they had powerful suckers on the end that also acted as fingers. He had six slender tentacles sprouting from his pack, the membrane between them made them appear as wings. His head was small and triangular with two large yellow eyes, the small mouth he used only for speaking opened vertically. He had a secondary mouth on his chest, a larger one made for eating; it resembled the beak of a parrot, only it opened vertically. Two short feeding tentacles were located under the mouth; they were wrapped around Ranshin’s waist, as he didn’t need them. His two legs weren’t very good for walking on land, they could stick together to form a tail for swimming in the waters of his oceanic home world.
His brother, Zinunas, was of the same species, but he had dark blue skin and larger, more extravagant green tattoos. He sat in the pilot’s seat; the seat shook violently when the ship was hit by one of the evil projectiles.
“It’s too strong, if they hit the ship a few more times, Bistre 3 will be free!” said Ranshin.
“Wait a second; scanners indicate a large ship appearing behind us!” Zinunas exclaimed.
A massive battleship appeared behind their delicate craft, the black titan resembled a crescent moon. It began charging up a mighty laser beam from the large cannon it had in the centre. Finally, a wide green beam struck Ranshin and Zinunas’ ship hard. Their craft began to vibrate as it was being pulled apart by the evil beam.
“It’s a tractor beam, their tearing us apart!” exclaimed Ranshin.
“We need to escape,” whispered Zinunas.
Ranshin looked at his brother as if he was crazy.
“Why? They’ll get their hands on Bistre 3!” he shouted.
“Don’t worry, the Saturn Force has a close friend who lives on the planet ahead of us,” explained Zinunas.
They looked ahead through the large windows at the front of the ship, a blue planet hung silently in front of them, its single moon circling gracefully around it. This planet was Earth.
“For an extra measure, we’ll send Jiyuichi to guard it, she and our human friend will make sure that nobody gets their hands on it,” continued Zinunas.
A female android walked up behind them, she was totally white and had no facial features whatsoever. A pink heart shaped gem in the centre of her chest flashed rhythmically.
“Yes sir. I shall board the pod immediately,” she said.
The three crew members sealed themselves in one escape pod each, the pods detached from the ship. Two of the pods, Zinunas and Ranshin, headed off in the opposite direction of Jiyuichi’s pod. As the two pods went into warp speed, the pod containing the female robot was caught in Earth’s strong gravitational pull; the white ship was destroyed by the evil ship’s beam. A tiny speck of light, the capsule containing Bistre 3, entered Earth’s atmosphere too.
A few minutes later, Jiyuichi’s pod landed softly in a park. It was early morning, so no humans saw the alien object land. The pod opened up with a hiss, it cracked open and allowed the android within to sit up. Using her extensive knowledge of the human race, she designed a human form to assume. Her arms and legs began to shorten; a lump grew in the centre of her face and became a nose. Her skin became a human’s skin; she grew dark hair on her head. Her body sprouted clothes, dressing her naked form.
She got up on her two feet; she was now in the body of a young girl. She gazed up into the sky; she saw the shooting star that must have been Bistre 3 entering the atmosphere. It would only be a matter of time until his wrath was released…
“Tommy! Tommy!” shouted Gus, running towards his friend who had just walked out of his house.
“What is it Gus? Is there a new Human Fist game or something that you need to buy using my money?” questioned Tommy, thinking that his friend had come running to him for something petty.
Gus shook his head.
“There’s been a big crash; a train has come off the rails! Robotboy needs to save all of those people!” shouted Gus.
“Really? What caused it?” asked Tommy.
Gus shrugged his shoulders.
“Some kind of meteor or perhaps some kind of missile. The news people believe it may be some sort of terrorist attack, but do you know what I think? Aliens!” Gus replied.
Tommy summoned Robotboy with his special watch, the small android seemed eager for action.
“Okay Robotboy, let’s go to the train station before it’s too late!” said Tommy.
Gus and Tommy landed with their robotic friend; they had flown on Robotboy’s back to get to the train tracks. The train lay ahead of them, it was lying on its side, and the three protagonists heard the many passengers shouting. Ahead, they could see the large crater that had been left by whatever caused the train to crash.
Robotboy jumped down to the wreckage, he managed to get underneath the train. With his jet feet on full power, he managed to carefully lift the train back onto the tracks. The baffled passengers within the carriages did not see what lifted them, but they were happy that they were now safe. Tommy heard the sirens of ambulances and the police coming, so he recalled his robot and deactivated him before anyone could see. Gus and Tommy ran and managed to find a hiding place nearby; they didn’t want to be involved with the incident.
“We should examine the crater later,” whispered Tommy.
“No! The alien might suck off your face!” exclaimed Gus.
Dr. Kamikaze sat in his usual chair, he had been in the city at the time the strange object hit the train tracks, and he was originally scheming a plan to capture Robotboy. When he found the object, he took it back to his base, hoping to extract any valuable alien ores or technology from it. The capsule sat on his lap, it had no visible opening. It was as if the silver cylinder was not meant to be opened, and the contents inside were meant to be kept inside.
“Constantine! Do you have the cutting tools?” Kamikaze asked his bumbling henchman.
“Yes boss, coming right away!” replied Constantine, handing his master a tray of sharp items.
Constantine pointed a cutting tool at the capsule, but the object became hot all of a sudden. Kamikaze screamed and dropped the boiling hot object; it was glowing from the intense heat within.
“Constantine, I dropped the capsule! I blame you!” roared the mad doctor.
A deep voice was heard, chuckling loudly. It was coming from the capsule that lay in front of the two villains.
“Finally, I am free! My servants will reward you!” said the object.
There was a banging sound from the doors to Kamikaze’s lair, Constantine began to panic as the alarms went off.
“They’re breaking in, whatever they are!” he shouted.
The doors exploded, shadowy figures appeared in the doorway.
“Doctor, do you care to join us?” the one at the front asked.
School that day started normally, Tommy and Gus soon forgot the trauma of the train crash and the meteor so they could focus on their school work. Lola soon met up with them; she seemed as cheerful as she usually was.
“Hey guys, there’s a new student joining us,” she said.
“Cool, is it a boy or girl?” asked Tommy.
“Girl. I hope to be her friend, she might be afraid,” answered Lola.
“Maybe she’s hot,” whispered Gus, nudging Tommy with his elbow.
They sat down at their usual desks; they were surprised to see the new girl appear in front of them. She was Japanese; she wore a white dress with black polka dots on it. One of her long socks was pink, while the other one was zebra striped. Her sweater was bright pink, adorned with many badges of Japanese mascots. The her expression was blank, but her face was very pretty.
“Told you she would be hot,” whispered Gus, Tommy smiled a little.
Lola looked at Tommy and gave him a little glare, but the two boys paid no attention to her. The teacher, Margaret, introduced her to the class.
“Class, this is Sachiko Inoue. She has come all the way from Asia, please be nice to her as she is far away from her country,” said the teacher, Sachiko sat down at a desk, still retaining her blank expression.
“Hi,” whispered Lola.
Sachiko turned her head towards Lola and smiled a Mona Lisa smile; she then looked towards the front of the class. Lola thought that there was something wrong with the girl, maybe the Asian was just shy.
After class, Lola, Gus and Tommy met outside the school. They were planning to go to the park to play games with Robotboy; the park was normally empty at this time because their school finished slightly earlier than the other schools in the area. It didn’t take long until Tommy realized that they were being followed.
“Hey, it’s Sachiko,” he said.
The girl was about ten metres behind them; Gus nudged Tommy with his elbow.
“Maybe she likes you!” he chuckled.
Tommy blushed and looked back at the mysterious new girl, there was definitely something fishy about her.
Meanwhile, hanging above Earth, the evil mother ship, Night Sabre, was completely invisible to the planet bellow. Kamikaze stood in the large control room of the ship, he and Constantine were surrounded by many androids, and they dressed in silver armour and carried large guns with a skull design to match their faces.
The leader was sitting on his evil chair, also supporting a skull design. He had a silver cape, not unlike the wings of a bat. His cold, silver mask was like the face of a demon with glowing yellow eyes. On top of his head was a dark blue crown, it had a fiendish eyeball design. His body was encased in dark blue armour; his chest plate was silver and designed to look like the face of a monster. He possessed retractable blades on the sides of his arms and legs, making him look like a man full of dirty tricks.
“So, who are you?” asked Kamikaze, wondering why these strange aliens had captured him.
The evil leader chuckled.
“I am Lord Badhello, second in command of the Mimas Tyrants. The capsule you found is our first in command, Bistre 3. What is left of his remains is in that capsule, we have the technology to revive him over the next few days. We Tyrants used to be members of the Saturn Force, a vast empire of aliens willing to help others and join them to fight greater evils. We rebelled against the Saturn Force and now seek to take over valuable planets; we have targeted Earth because it has more liquid water than any other planet in the Milky Way. The varied environments of your planet would provide a suitable place to train our soldiers!” explained the evil lord.
Kamikaze thought for a while.
“Okay, how about we unite. I help you take over the planet, as I am a human and know a lot about it. As we’re doing it, you can help me capture Robotboy!” he exclaimed.
“Robotboy? You think a mechanical child will help us take over the planet?” asked Badhello.
Kamikaze gulped, he did not want to enrage the evil lord. Constantine was frightened of the aliens too.
“He is no ordinary robot, his powers are limitless! He has the power of Super Activation, a power that would make anyone unstoppable!” Kamikaze continued.
“Hmmm…” said Badhello.
He tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair, this power seemed intriguing. Finally, he snapped his fingers, summoning one of his servants. The being was large and muscular; he was covered head to hooves in dark grey armour. A third of his height was comprised of his long, thick neck. On top of the neck was a horse like head, encased in a helmet complete with an opaque black visor. His long ears were twitching, sensing sounds about his environment. The red Mohawk on his small head was impressively large; he beat his large fists together.
“Yes boss?” he said in a loud, raspy voice.
“Rapcore, use the teleportation machine and travel to Earth, our friend Kamikaze will tell you where to appear,” explained Badhello.
Kamikaze rubbed his hands together; this looked like the start of a beautiful relationship with the evil aliens.
Back on the blue planet, Sachiko approached the tree friends; she was smiling gently at them.
“Hello Turnbull, Mbola and Bachman. Do you mind if I join you?” asked the girl.
“Yeah, you can play with us, do you like it around here?” asked Tommy, slightly nervous.
“Affirmative, I particularly like the bay area. The waters of this planet are what make our world special,” explained Sachiko.
Gus raised an eyebrow; he liked girls concerned about nature.
“How about we play Hide and Seek?” asked Gus.
Suddenly, a beam of light shot down in front of them. Tommy and his friends were startled by the light, they were momentarily blinded. In front of them stood Rapcore, he had his fingerless hand pointed at Tommy.
“So, you must be Tommy Turnbull. Hand over Robotboy please,” chuckled the evil alien.
Tommy pressed a button on his watch, Robotboy jumped out of Tommy’s backpack. Sachiko looked at the little robot, her eyes widened.
“Uh oh…keep it a secret okay?” asked Tommy, realizing that the new student was watching him.
“C’mon Sachiko, let’s get out of here before things get ugly!” whispered Gus, he and Lola pulled the girl over to some bushes.
Rapcore beat his hands together one more time.
“I’ll pound you, tin boy!” he laughed.
“Okay Ro, this guy’s probably just one of Kamikaze’s henchmen. You can probably take him without Super Activation!” Tommy said to his companion.
“Will do Tommy,” said Robotboy.
Rapcore looked closely at the small robot.
“So, Super Activation does exist. That old man was right about him…” the alien thought to himself.
Robotboy leapt at Rapcore, but the tyrant’s fist blocked Robotboy’s kick. The alien countered with a punch that sent Robotboy flying into a nearby tree. Rapcore leapt at Robotboy, but the agile robot avoided the bone shattering fist.
“Ro, look out!” exclaimed Tommy.
Rapcore had two laser guns mounted on his hips; they fired dangerous beams at the heroic robot. Robotboy dodged the first shot, but was hit on his left leg by the second shot.
“Ah!” gasped Robotboy, rubbing his leg.
The Mimas Tyrant tore the tree that Robotboy had flown into; he carried the tree over his shoulder. Obviously, this alien possessed formidable strength.
“Super Activate, now!” Tommy shouted.
Just before Robotboy was pummelled, the little robot transformed into his adult sized alter ego. As Rapcore swung the tree at him, it was cut into logs by Robotboy’s circular saw weapon.
“This is Super Activation?” Rapcore thought to himself.
He raised his fists to block Robotboy’s punches; the robot had more strength than before. The alien knocked Robotboy back, his strength wasn’t as good as Rapcore.
“The lasers!” Tommy exclaimed.
Robotboy was caught off guard; he was hit in both knees with the lasers. The fighting machine knelt down as the tyrant loomed over him, Robotboy couldn’t summon the strength to stand up.
“Watatatatatatatatatatatatatatata!” screeched Rapcore.
The brave robot was bombarded with many punches, Tommy wailed as he saw his friend lose some of his armour, revealing the complex circuitry inside. Robotboy’s right arm was smashed to pieces, mutilated beyond repair. A battered and heavily injured Robotboy fell flat on his face; the red light in his eyes was no more.
“ROBOTBOY!” screamed Tommy, getting on his hands and knees to cry.
Rapcore stared at his fallen opponent; he kicked Robotboy onto his back.
“Let’s just see what makes you tick…” sniggered Rapcore.
Sachiko ran towards the Mimas Tyrant, Gus and Lola were too late to stop her.
“Wait, it’s dangerous!” shouted Lola.
“I like a girl who’s into danger…” thought Gus, watching Sachiko stand in front of the evil alien.
She pointed at Rapcore, she seemed angry, though her face displayed little emotion.
“You Mimas Tyrant! These Humans were only trying to protect their planet!” she shouted at the fiend.
Rapcore chuckled evilly.
“Saturn Force scum, you think you can stand up to me?” he questioned.
“I am different to many Saturn Droids; I have the ability to become an advanced fighting machine, similar to the robot that you defeated,” explained Sachiko.
She got out a small diamond that she held in her right hand, the small object began to glow. The crystal encrusted around her arms, it became two diamond shoulder pads. Her body became encased in black and white armour; a heart shape gem was on her chest. The helmet that appeared over her head had one large black visor; glowing green eyes could be seen shining from behind the visor. She grew taller; she was now the size of an adult.
“Splendid Jiyuichi!” she shouted.
“Whoa, Sachiko!” Gus gasped, Lola gasped too.
Rapcore ran towards Sachiko’s new form, he fired a flurry of lasers at her. The crystal shoulder pads she wore slipped down into her hands, she joined the two together and they became one large crystal sword. She deflected the lasers with the newly formed weapon, the blade began to glow.
“Crystal Blade!” Sachiko shouted.
She rushed forwards, Rapcore growled as she sliced his guns strait off with two carefully aimed swipes. She pointed the sword at him.
“So, I underestimated you…” he chuckled.
She held the sword upright; it morphed into a different weapon. Sachiko now held a bow made from crystal.
“Crystal Bow!” she shouted.
She pulled back the imaginary string; a glowing energy arrow appeared from nowhere. She pointed the arrow tip at the evil alien.
“Finnish him!” cheered Gus.
Rapcore laughed once more, he thought that the pathetic weapon would do no harm to him.
“My armour is inpentitrable!” he roared.
“Yes, but what happens if the attack phases through your armour, like a spectre?” asked Sachiko.
The alien gasped, he realized the danger of the situation. The arrow flew forwards, entering his chest.
“Finnish,” whispered Sachiko.
Rapcore exploded into burning fragments, leaving a large black mark on the pavement. With a release of energy, Sachiko returned to her original form. The crystal she used became its original golf ball sized state; she placed it back inside her purse. Lola and Gus ran over to her, but Tommy remained on his hands and knees. He looked at his robotic comrade’s body; he believed it was too late. Gus and Lola were extremely depressed too, but perhaps not as much as Tommy was.
“It’s not over. I know a person who can repair him,” explained Sachiko.
Tommy looked into her eyes; tears were still running down his face.
“You do?” he asked.
The giant crystal they were travelling in appeared in a vast laboratory, there were many different machines and inventions lined up. The crystal that they used to teleport to this strange place dropped Tommy, Gus, Lola, the remains of Robotboy and Sachiko off before it converted back into its original form and was put inside Sachiko’s purse.
“Cool, where are we?” questioned Lola.
“We are in the lab of one of the most intelligent people on Earth. He is a good friend of the Saturn Force,” Sachiko replied.
“Saturn Force? Those are the good guys, aren’t they?” asked Gus.
Sachiko nodded as they walked deeper into the mysterious lab; they had their eyes open for any danger. Tommy carried his broken friend on his back; he was surprisingly light with his right arm missing. Ahead of them were three figures, it became apparent that two of them were Professor Moshimo and Miumiu.
“Professor!” exclaimed Lola and Gus, Tommy saw the familiar face, but was too sad to speak.
The other character was a mysterious boy, dressed in a white lab coat. He wore large purple gloves, his boots were black. He was red headed like Gus, but this boy wore glasses. He was a little shorter than Tommy and his friends.
“Kamikaze has gone too far this time! It was a cool battle though, it’s a shame that nobody saw it,” sighed Gus.
“The villain you fought was not a servant of Kamikaze,” said Moshimo “, the tyrant was an alien. The Mimas Tyrants are an evil alien empire; Dexter here knows a lot about them and has known the Saturn Force for a fairly long time. The aliens wish to invade the planet because it is valuable, it also seems that Kamikaze has sided with them, but their plans are not his. He plans to aid them by stealing the secret of Super Activation so they can become more powerful. Give me Robotboy; I shall upgrade him so he can tackle the forces of the Mimas Tyrants.”
Tommy lay his robot down on a table that came out of the floor suddenly, the boy, Dexter, began to operate with Miumiu and Moshimo overseeing him.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” asked Tommy in a sad voice.
“I am Dexter, boy genius. I have worked with automatons as complicated as this since I was a mere infant,” Dexter replied.
Tommy and his two friends stood back, Gus moved closer to Sachiko.
“So, Sachiko, how long have you been transforming into a robot?” he questioned.
“I am a Saturn Droid, a cutting edge robot developed by the Saturn Force. The soldiers that make up evil Lord Badhello’s army are less developed versions of the Saturn Droid model. When I came to Earth, I assumed the form of the girl you see before you, based on images of Humans I had in my data bank. My true name is Jiyuichi 529, Special Task Crystal Fighter,” replied Sachiko.
“Oh, so you’re not an alien babe…” whispered Gus.
Meanwhile, aboard the Night Sabre, Kamikaze and Badhello were enraged, though the mad doctor was a little angrier than the evil lord.
“That alien buffoon wasn’t supposed to obliterate Robotboy! I blame you!” growled Kamikaze, pointing at the cowering Constantine.
“Who cares about his body, it his insides we want!” snapped Badhello, pounding his fist on the arm of his chair to catch the attention of the two Earthling villains.
“As they say boss, it’s not the outside that counts, what matters is what a person is like on the inside,” Constantine said calmly.
“I suppose you are correct,” said Kamikaze, looking at Lord Badhello with a grin on his face, the doctor didn’t want the tyrant to destroy him if he didn’t agree.
Meanwhile, back on earth, Moshimo produced a small doll from behind his back. Tommy realized what the doll was strait away, it was the deactivated Robotgirl. This female version of Robotboy hadn’t been seen for a long time, Robotboy had grown very fond of her.
“Robotgirl, why do you have her with you now?” asked Lola.
“I have heavily modified her; the repairs being done to Robotboy will give him similar upgrades. The battle he had with that tyrant has caused his weapon system to shut down completely, so a new weapon system has been designed. There will be some major changes to his Super Activated form,” explained Moshimo.
Dexter removed the mask he had been wearing to operate on the Super Activated Robotboy, the damage had been reversed and a new right arm had been built. The new arm looked very similar, but there was an odd display screen on his wrist. Attached to his waist was some kind of pouch, Tommy did not know what was inside. Slowly, Robotboy sat up. Tommy cried with happiness as he jumped into his friend’s arms.
“Ro, I thought you were gone forever,” whispered Tommy.
“Me too…WHOA!”
Tommy had a shocked look on his face; Robotboy placed his hands where his mouth should have been. Moshimo chuckled quietly.
“The improved Super Activation not only blesses Robotboy with an advanced body, it improves his brain when transformed too,” he explained, Dexter and Miumiu smiled too.
Robotboy looked at his new improved arm.
“Hey Moshimo, what the heck does this thing do?” asked Robotboy in his manly voice and improved language, pointing to the device on his wrist.
Dexter stepped forwards “I came up with the idea. Robotboy’s myriad of weapons have been transformed into cards, the deck is stored inside the pouch on his waist. When he scans a card with the scanner on his wrist, he gains that ability.”
Robotboy picked a card from the deck attached around his waist; the card had a picture of him with his four machine gun arms. The card was called “Tetra Barrage”.
“Wow, can I give it a whirl?” Robotboy questioned.
Moshimo nodded, they all stood back as he inserted his card into his wrist. He was suddenly equipped with his signature weapon.
“Yeah, Kamikaze and his alien posse are no match for Robotboy and the G Man!” exclaimed Gus.
“I agree, I’ve never seen Robotboy so powerful,” added Tommy.
Robotboy returned to his ordinary form, he lost his power of complex speech along with it. He hopped off the table and walked over to Tommy, at the same time, Miumiu activated Robotgirl.
“Long time no see!” giggled the pink robot, Robotboy blushed.
Miumiu crouched down so she was the same height as Lola.
“Lola, since the danger has increased, more heroes are needed. We want you to become the master of Robotgirl,” she said, handing Lola the watch for Robotgirl.
Lola looked at the device carefully; Robotgirl looked at her new master happily.
“I…I don’t know what to say…” stuttered Lola.
“Hey! When does the G Man get a robot?” questioned Gus, he wanted some of the action.
Dexter smiled.
“Just wait, the danger hasn’t gotten too extreme yet…” he said.
CN EXTRA
Sonic the Hedgehog and his magically multi-tailed, flying buddy, Tails, were seated in their penthouse atop the Great Sega Tower with Eddie, some random guy who somehow managed to wander in, when Sonic suddenly had an epiphany.
“You know what, Tails? I just realized that no one really likes us."
“True dat,” Eddie replied.
“Who are you, and how the heck did you get in here?” Sonic asked him, but instead of answering, Eddie threw a pie into Sonic’s face and jumped out the window, yelling “Gotcha!”
Awkward silence followed.
Then, as Sonic wiped off his face, Tails asked, “Whadda ya mean?”
“Well, remember when everyone was saying we were going to be playable in Super Smash Bros. Melee?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we weren’t, were we?”
“Nope,” Tails replied, cringing as he recalled the empty feeling of rejection that had hit him when he was told that they would not be appearing in the game after all.
“Let’s face it, Tails, we’re rejects.”
“Yeah,” Tails said as he used one of his tails to wipe a tear from his eye.
“You guys are idiots,” a voice echoed through the room. “You weren’t in SSBM because the game was for Nintendo characters. You are Sega characters.”
Sonic recognized the voice as that of his nemesis, Dr. Eggman.
“You can’t fool us with your lies, Eggman!” exclaimed Sonic.
“Yeah!” Tails echoed.
“We’re rejects, and you know it!” Sonic shouted.
“But you live in a freaking penthouse.”
“Lies!” Sonic screamed.
“They make a comic book series about you,” the voice replied.
“You and I both know that the comic book series never really circulates. They just show me drafts of it to improve my morale.”
“Wow,” the voice mumbled. “Never thought you’d figure that out…”
“Go away, Eggman’s disembodied voice!” Sonic exclaimed, raising a crucifix into the air.
“Blast! You’ve defeated me! Well, back to the Egglair!” the voice said, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Unfortunately, since it was not visible in the first place, when it attempted to disappear, it became visible for a split second as a large bluish toad, then was locked away forever in another dimension.
“Why does this keep happening to me?” the toad lamented, for reasons that would be made apparent if one were to read a novel entitled Severing Your Own Thumb, and Other Funny Things to Do in an Elevator. Coincidentally, this has nothing at all to do with Sonic and Tails’ situation, so I will return to them now.
So, Sonic and Tails being thoroughly depressed, and I not being the kind of author who would write about suicide or something equally stupid, they decided to leave their former world behind and start new lives in the city.
“I will make it my eternal goal to get into the next Super Smash Bros game,” Sonic said as he stood dramatically atop the Great Sega Tower.
Then, being infinitely cool, he and Tails jumped off the building to the street 40 stories below rather than taking the long way and using the elevator. Since, as I stated, they were infinitely cool, they managed to survive the fall without the slightest scratch.
Almost as soon as they hit the ground, Eddie jumped out at them from behind a stop sign and whacked Sonic with a wooden stick.
“Gotcha!” he exclaimed as he scampered off.
“And my secondary goal is to kill that random guy who keeps attempting to humiliate me,” Sonic stated as they walked down the sidewalk.
When they passed a dark alley, Sonic heard a raspy voice calling his name. He entered the alley, waited for his eyes to refocus to the darkness, and saw…
“Aiai? Is that you?”
Sure enough, it was indeed the small, permanently-trapped-in-a-ball monkey, who was also the star of the appropriately (yet somewhat suggestively) named title “Super Monkey Ball.”
“Yeah, it’s me,” the ball-contained monkey replied. “But what about you? Still worked up about that whole Smash Bros. thing?”
“How did you know about-”
“Never mind that. All’s I gotta tell you is to forget about it. You’ve still got plenty to live for. No need to stoop to the level of senseless violence against random video game characters just to make a quick buck.”
“This isn’t about the money,” Sonic replied. “This is about upholding my honor.”
“Whatever, Mr. Drama Queen. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
All of the sudden, Sonic came to a realization. “Say… what are you doing in an alley, anyway?”
“Oh, it’s a long story. Suffice to say Sega has abandoned me. They just sorta dropped me when they realized that my name was the same as that of a monkey that is said to bring bad luck.”
“That’s terrible!” Sonic exclaimed. “Here, take some money, I don’t need it.”
Just as Sonic was reaching into his pocket, Eddie leapt out of the darkness, put a chloroform-soaked towel over Sonic’s mouth, and took the money as Sonic fell to the floor. He left a small, handwritten note with the word “Gotcha” on it, followed by several exclamation points and a few racial slurs that will not be printed here.
Sonic later awoke to Tails shaking him and saying, “Hey, Sonic, look what I found!” Tails helped him to his feet, led him to a darker part of the alley, and opened a trash can. Inside was…
“Ecco the Dolphin!” Sonic exclaimed.
“Yeah, it’s me, just another abandoned former Sega character.”
“You can talk?” asked Sonic.
“No, I’m communicating telepathically… of course I can!”
“And you can breathe?” Sonic asked, dumfounded.
“Well, yes. Believe it or not, breathing is an acquired skill. I just spent a few weeks in a basement with a crate of Red Bulls and a training video, and Bam!”
“But where are your wings? Doesn’t Red Bull-”
“That’s actually a very long and pointless story. You can read it for yourself, later, in this great book called Severing Your Own Thumb, and Other Funny Things to Do in an Elevator.”
“I see…” Sonic replied introspectively. “So, you say that Sega abandoned you?”
“Yeah, but after twenty years, I’m over that. I’ve been dreaming of becoming a baker, though… You wouldn’t happen to have a piece of bread on you that I could analyze, would you?”
“Why, of course I do!” Sonic exclaimed, reaching into his pocket. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone approaching from the shadows.
“You stay away from me!” he exclaimed.
“Okay-a, but-a I had-a some-a-thing important-a to-a tell-a you,” the stranger replied, walking away.
“Wait!” Sonic cried. The stranger stopped in his tracks. “Mario… is that you?”
“Why, of-a course!” the overall-garbed plumber said as he walked towards them from the shadows and became visible.
“Thank goodness,” Sonic sighed in relief. “I thought you were someone else!”
“Okay… well, anyway-a, I have-a come-a to-a say that-a you have-a been ac-a-cepted into-a the a-next Super-a-Smash Bros.-a game.”
“Yes!” Sonic exclaimed. “My primary goal is complete!”
Suddenly, Eddie ran toward Sonic with a bomb strapped to his chest and detonated, blowing the whole place (excluding Mario) to smithereens.
“Gotcha!” all the random passerby yelled.
