Yearbook Trip to Dallas
From The Extended Group
The Fall 2002 Yearbook Trip to Dallas was experienced by extended group members and douchebags Kevin and Chris, with Scaia as one of the chaperones and Matt Kristek and Matt Friend playing significant roles as well. Around half of the Annual publication class went on the trip, which proved to be among the more memorable high school experiences for those who participated.
Contents |
Overview of the Trip
The purpose of the trip was to summon yearbook staff and student representatives from all fifty states to the National Journalism Convention, held in Dallas, Texas lasting approximately five days. Although Chris and Kevin did indeed participate in said competitions, their journalistic contributions were dwarfed by what can only be described as a series of ridiculous capers. Since the timeline and exact dates are fairly nebulous, it would be useful to separate the events that unfolded into the most memorable instances.
Kevin's Gaseous Tendencies/The Hotel Room
Chris and Kevin would end up rooming together over the course of the trip (much to the regret of Chris retrospectively). Joining them was Keith Schneider, who did little to make his presence known except for sleeping on the floor at very early hours of the night. Expectedly, Chris and Kevin weren't able to manage their room well and within hours it was unrecognizably mussed. In addition to this, Kevin, after eating most of the beef jerky he had taken with him, broke into deadly fits of flatulence that permeated the room and remained over the course of the trip (this gas problem was continually exacerbated as Kevin dined on copius amounts of Pizza, Beans, Ribs and Alligator). Also of likely contribution to the stinky room were Kevin's extensive bathroom trips, where Kevin would spend 30-60 minute intervals in the bathroom in what Chris suspected was Kevin just reading "the Onion". The stench is best memorized by one instance when, after the three left the room particularly messy and stinky, they would come back later in the evening to see that Kevin's food had been broken into, meaning that someone with either an identical keycard or a key had made their way into the room and extracted cookies from Kevin's bag and emptied the remaining quantity of beef jerky. It was widely agreed that the maid devoured Kevin's food in an act of redemption for being left with such a disgusting room.
Additional Incidents associated with the Hotel Room
Other incidents associated with the room include what would become known as "the Sausage Calendar" and "Ilovealpacas.com". The first of which occurred late at night, when a channel-surfing Chris came across a television station that seemed to be dedicated to strange poses and situations involving male bodybuilders. One of which featured half-naked Firemen posing in various forms covered in layers of sausages. Incredulous, Chris tried to wake up both Kevin and Keith to view the strange phenomenon taking place before them, but they were unresponsive and tired. Unable to hold it in any longer, Chris attempted several times to get through to Matts Friend and Kristek, at first to no avail. When finally coming through, the two Matts were suspicous of Chris's requests, but he assured them that it would be worth it. After they had indeed heeded his call, roaring laughter could be heard over the telephone for several minutes. Eventually, they had attempted to change the channel but were unable to do so with the remote. As this took place, the laughter that had once echoed through the phone was soon replaced with horrible screams and shouting. A similar incident took place involving a television channel revolved around the promotion of a website called "Ilovealpacas.com". The commercial was several minutes long, and simply showed images of alpacas in various endearing sitautions, usually involving children. First struck with consternation, Kevin and Chris eventually were overcome with laughter, especially as the commercial aired several more times over the course of their viewing the program they were watching.
Scaia's Lack of Supervision
Eric Scaia, gimmickized over the course of his Shorewood teaching career up to that point by the adoration of Sam Flanigan, was pressured into various unsensible situations. Sam, along with the help of Zach Conroy, had managed to frustrate an entire floor of student guests by dressing up in foam cowboy hats and towels and running through the hallways committing various acts of tomfoolery. Coupled with this antagonism was the passive teasing of Chris and Kevin, who, knowing Scaia lacked the vigor of authority to enforce order, spurred him into committing the most ridiculous tasks possible. This event culiminated in an incident where Scaia, when forced with the responsibility of feeding his group, finally decided upon dining at a Sports Bar in a questionable area of town (this particular group had been walking around for some time looking for a suitable establishment). Despite the fact that it was clear that there was no room to accomodate any more patrons, much less a group of six under-aged high school students, one kind waitress offered the group to sit in an obscure stooled area near the front doors, that was likely the extension of a coat-hanging area as patrons would place their belongings here over the course of the evening. Relegated to two small television screens and unable to receive service for over two hours, Chris and Kevin became restless and headed toward the big screen tv located in the main bar room. Still embittered by the fact that they were unable to score tickets to the Sonics/Mavericks game that was coincidentally scheduled that night, Chris and Kevin stood attentively watching the basketball game envelop on the television. Not knowing that the two were actually from Seattle, the Dallas crowd assembled before the screen didn't know how to react to the fact that two high school students were enthusiastically cheering for the sub-par opposing team, especially considering that the Mavericks were in the middle of a 13-game winning streak that had energized the entire city. After finally eating and watching the Sonics lose, the group headed back, with Scaia unable to remember the correct way back to the hotel. Chris and Kevin were able to locate the general whereabouts of the destined area by following a path they had taken to find a Domino's Pizza some nights before.
Fried crap.
Anonymous Mishaps
Due to the prominence of the weeklong journalism convention, access to the convention center where it was held (beneath the Reunion Tower in downtown Dallas) was generally quite loose and would be open into the later hours of the night. Taking full advantage of this, Chris, Kevin, Matt and Matt would often run through the winding streets and parking lots of Dallas, complete with the entertainment of a nerf football, to reach the center, approximately two miles away. In one such late night incident, this group met up with another larger group of individuals, and the idea of playing "tag" in specific sections of the multi-tiered center was proposed. When this plan was carried out, it became difficult to enforce and was generally reduced to elevator trips and an effort to see how far up the building went. Kevin, Chris and Matt had decided to meet the remaining members at the bottom of the center, but planned to run away from them through an unfamiliar backdoor exit. In doing so, they were able to accomplish their mission, but faced some difficulty in maneuvering around the building, almost getting lost and venturing beneath a highway overpass. Upon reemerging outside the front of the building, both groups met up again, with the second group showing some frustration with being abandoned. This culminated in a series of hallway engagements, starting with Erika dumping a bucket of ice water on Kevin after he answered the door to her knocking. Kevin and Chris sought a sufficient way to seek revenge, by first attempting to infiltrate their adversaries' room. Upon doing so, Kevin was first locked out of the room. While standing outside, he made repeated requests to be let in, all the while applying vaseline to his hands and gripping the bottle in his crotch. A moment of particular embarassment was achieved when Kevin moaned "Come on, it's all over my hands!" in a crouched position with gel covering his bundled hands, all the while unaware that an attractive group of girls and another school's chaperone had been watching the events unfold in utter shock.
"I'm Gonna Git 'Dem Boys!"
Perhaps the defining moment of the trip itself came on the last day of scheduled events. Participants from Shorewood's annual were instructed to attend the convention center early that morning to prepare for the contests and award ceremonies that would be taking place in a few hours. Lagging behind the rest of the group, Matt, Kevin and Chris made their trek without a chaperone after finishing breakfast late. In somewhat of a rush to meet up with the rest of the group, the three found the entrance of the building to be crowded with people and anticipated a long journey through the subterranean hallways up to the lobby which was to serve as the rendezvous point. After making their way through this initial clog fairly easy, they found the path ahead to be a straight shot to making it to their destination on time so long as they kept a brisk walking pace. As they continued further, a distinct sound of shouting and the stomping of feet could be heard in the near distance behind them, first thinking nothing of it. As the sound gradually moved closer, Chris looked back and was able to identify just what it was that had caught pace with them. As Chris sped up, the remaining two followed suit until it was very obvious that they needed to move out of the way, otherwise become trampled by this presence. The prospect of an escalator directly ahead was too risky to take at this point since it seemed obvious that the thing behind them was intentionally following them. Instead, the three retreated quickly to their left and into a pillared area where they could seek hiding. Before doing so, they were able to catch one last glimpse of a beligerent individual, steadily jogging and very clearly shouting "I'm gonna git 'dem boys!" repeatedly. He fit the following description:
- An African American male
- Taller than any of the individuals in the group, but more notably, quite obese
- Dressed in a tattered t-shirt and jeans
- Twitching
- Missing an eyeball
This brief run-in with shear terror etched itself into the minds of those involved and is remembered as the most memorable event to have taken place over the course of the trip, perhaps even the school year itself. The rest of the day went off comparably less stressful, despite the prominence of the journalism contest and awards. It should be noted that, despite the lackluster attempts and indifference at succeeding at such arbitrary tests of journalistic prowess, several members of the Shorewood annual were able to win awards in different literary and visual categories. Apparently the finished yearbook itself was able to win some form of recognition at the next year's convention in San Diego, California. To commemorate their trip, each student was presented with a backwards-printed mousepad featuring a group picture of all the Shorewood yearbook students.
Other Memorable Events
- Kevin encountering a stranger in a line in the convention center and comparing a retractable tail on the nerf football to an erecting penis. This stranger turned out to be the teacher of a required lecture that Kevin would sit in the front row of.
- A homosexual body builder eating ribs by himself in the corner of a restaurant being scouted by several individuals to give Elizabeth Lowell a hug
See Also
External Links
[[1]]
