The Ten C'maaaandments
From The Extended Group
The Ten C'maaaandments are a hypothetical decalogue understood to be the binding moral contract between the Lord Gaaaaawd (Rama) and his chosen followers (everyone who Rama encounters).
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Origin
While assertions have been made over the years by many of Rama's charismatic allure having an almost religious-like quality, the emergence of an authoritative set of "C'maaaandments" is typically traced to Spring 2006, when Brett, Kevin and Rama were enrolled in Col. Mary C Wright and Schefke's History of the Pacific Northwest. Here, deep frustration with the instructor's teaching methods were felt by all three. In addition, Brett's burden of having to feed Rama for the second quarter in a row, and now, because of the convenient scheduling scenario, Kevin, created an atmosphere of passive-aggression. One result of this was increased impersonations of Rama Catchphrases. Through a predictable course of Situations, a monotheistic "Rama religion" was imagined, drawing close parallels to Judaism. Though never completed in the form of a uniform document, Brett and Kevin spent a considerable amount of time distracting themselves in lecture by adding to the list of C'maaaandments.
Division, Interpretation
Unlike its Hebraic predecessor, the C'maaaandments of the Rama religion were never completed. What follows are a few C'maaaandments from those compiled over the roughly three month period:
- "I am the RAAAAMAAAA your Gaaaawd...You shall have no other Gaaaawds before Me..."
- This imperative is meant to bind the follower absolutely to the whims of his Gaaaawd. References to other "Gaaaawds" signify the subordination of other lesser deities, such as the Jeremy Monster, to the sovereign Gaaaawd.
- "Whaaaat...that doesn't look anything like me..."
- Any graven images of the RAAAAMAAAA are prohibited.
- "Do not covet they neighbor's house."
- Most agree that the "neighbor" in question is in fact Jeremy, and that his house shouldn't be the only place we ever go. I mean, C'maaaan...
Analysis
By applying critically informed readings of Near Eastern mythology to the conditions from which the C'maaaandments arose, further parallels are seen between the tradition of the wandering Hebrews and those subservient to the Gaaaawd of Raaaamaaaa. HSTAA 432, representing the inhospitable, intellectually dry "desert", leads the society (or "society") to look towards Brett as the Mosaic "leader", whose "rod" (Husky card) provides the faithful with life-cultivating "mana" (mostly Pagliacci's pizza). Of course, none of these "miracles" would be possible without the revealed C'maaaand of Raaaamaaaa. Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
