The Letters
From Secondheaven
Just putting this out there; might not be perfect. C&P'd in order (I think), though one is missing and they still might be jumbled thanks to my high containment of FAIL. :'D - Ori
Contents |
LETTER #1
We'd wonder if Terre Caine was trying to kill us, but of course, he's a teacher and he doesn't have a violent bone in his body right? Except, of course, when he cuts Sascha Holloway-Lagus down to the bone, but it's okay because Sascha Holloway-Lagus started it, right? Maybe in three months when their probation is up they'll use their arms to choke each other to death and rid the school of a couple of plagues.
Speaking of Sascha Lagus, after the last letter he ended his detentions with Fusco but just recently brought them up again. What a dangerous man, that!
Speaking of Terre Caine, Edmund Caine isn't having any luck! After publically calling Candide de Roucher a prostitute and otherwise fucking up with every single girl who's spoken to him, the haph-hazard boy could be seen lamenting the fact that girls aren't nice to him to everyone's least favourite Norwegian. It makes us wonder, Edmund, if all girls who are whores should be nice to their identification-pimps, hmm?
That is if Abigail doesn't kill you first. Abigail, Abigail, we've determined you're really crazy, aren't you? It's not right to keep smiling that way.
So Norwegian and Marlene Appleby had consecutive detentions with Reilanin Myvara, after they were seen leaving the roof one after the other. I wish it was the end for suspiscious dealings of the chinless wonder, but we've got more - after becoming the brut of Guinevere Hyla's recent bout of insanity he had the nerve to complain that the girls here had issues, but more importantly, he took Mihai Benedek, the same boy he had such a nice scene with, home with him.
And how about that Mihai Benedek? He chimed in with complaints that Sima was throwing him into the same, but after blasting his best friend to Sei-oh-wait-Matsururu publically for being a bad Class President fell into bad straits with that Eleanor Sridar. It seems that their friendship really was founded on being intolerable to the rest, but at least Yngve was there to pick up his moping pieces, right?
So how about that Matsururu - as he's called by what's increasingly seeming his choice between the Mentel and Talven battle. Of course, he can't keep his nose out of Penna's attempt to restructure her romantic life; Conrad Himmelreich and the cellphone instituted a public fight between all three, with Sienna Talven even finding a reason to come in and blast her beau, but of course, that's just like them, isn't it? We wonder sometimes why Sei finds the ability to call Conrad paying for Penna's cellphone forward and out of place when he's being kicked by Sienna in Home Ec, but of course, she never came back to that class, did she?
Oh Penna, Penna! What are you doing? Conrad Himmelreich's too young for you! Even if Sei's calling it out the way he is, don't you know that the first step to remaining forever dependent on a man who finds all women worth avoiding is to become dependent on him for your very communication? Perhaps you should take a step back and reanalyze your priorities, we understand Sei broke your heart!
List of Potential Replacements:
Conrad
Katsuro
Atolo
Needs better taste.
Himmelreich's got his own interesting conundrums, and not surprisingly, they deal with Sienna Talven as well. How's that ice cream tasting now? In a debacle at a local restaurant Sienna Talven took her cone to his mouth, leaving Himmelreich and Sima to themselves. Of course, Conrad. You hate every girl, but you can certainly have two at one time!
Speaking of Sima, her latest venture with Guinevere Hyla is earning some venom. Not only did Yngve and Mihai seem to have something to say (enough to inspire an entire post against the estrogen of Second Heaven!) but so did the rest of the school. It seems she's just not the popular sort, and the ability to ignore what she's doing is becoming scanter and scanter. I wonder why her boy Clyde isn't to her aid? Perhaps they've had too much of a fight?
Clyde, Clyde! What are you DOING? All we see is Sienna in and out of your room (look at that, Sienna again - Sei, are you sure you made the right choice, there?) and a set of fights and bickers that we can't quite identify! Are you still screwing Appleby? She seems quite turned off by your existance! How about Christine? We're seeing less and less of you two, is she done with the VD? You can't just disappear off the map like that! It's bad business! (Except that you're good at make-up - what?)
Speaking of bad business, Appleby's got a bit of it her own. Not only is she onto picking on Douweis Sanna - who seems unfortunately to come to the brunt of her unpopularity in public humiliation - has bad lipstick? What? An exchange caught between her and de Roucher at a public cafe leads one to wonder whether she's a dog or a Monet, as Candide forcibly replaced her lipstick in public. That's still no excuse for heading to Yngve's room as much as she does.
Candide de Roucher is causing her own mischief. After disappearing to lunch in town with none other than Ezra Eremite, the other day she was seen body shimmying with the same person. The question here is why she doesn't just flip up her skirt for him like she does with all the other boys - or is it that Edmund Caine's finally put some sense to her? We'd like to know why the taste of our princesses seems to be tanking. Not just Ezra, though, it seems Candide's turned on her floodlights for just about any who's coming by - is she desparate, or just slutty?
Guinevere Hyla and Alma Sima are talking zombie pirates but the rest of the school is talking ghosts. Wei Syao Li, Angela Kwon and Gong Wan Tai, for instance, agreed to play uno with one of those very spectres in a public forum and think they've still got their minds. Well - oh, speaking of, but not quite related -
Shin JaeYoon, we get it, you like Sei. You and Jia Mao Shi can stop having discussions about it as if you're being quiet or under your breath -
The most we know of you, Yun-Hsin, is that you destroy snow men and can't seem to read, according to a conversation with Candide de Roucher. Be less boring, will you?
So there's a few bands kicking up. Dmitri and Lee, after taking a flying potatochip leap into the swimming pool quite after dark (when will the school realize what F-O-O-D really stands for, you think? We've also become convinced Ashlee only cares so much about being a manly men because Dmitri gives it to him in the ass...) are trying to start one with some incomprehensible Norwegian name. Alaire, Alma, and Katsuro are looking to make their own as well. We don't know much, but there are rumours about Clyde and Christine as well... (look! He did something! We're satiated!)
...battle of the bands or battle of the broken notes? It seems that these bands will never get off the ground, just as Ashlee will never get it on with any of the girls here on campus, and Dmitri will always have to get it up for the comfort. Sigh!
Oh yes, and ladies?
"I've found that women often like people who will smile a lot or frown a lot depending on the woman in question's mood."
Said from our local breakdancer Mikaili Shamala. He's Muslim, anyway, he'd lock you up, we're afraid.
Sascha, you are too old to dance; Edmund, you can't dance, don't try; Candide, just fuck him already; Ezra, don't make excuses; Mika, Norwegians obviously come from too cold an environment to teach; Ki, what the hell was that? Put down the strings and start working on your feet; Conrad, don't quit your day job...
Caspar the ghost is starting to smoke with Clyde. Be forewarned, little roommate, he's a people-eater. Just look at Christine for truth.
Oh, and one final note - that post, about the ladies, this all-traumatic one? We hope you boys noticed Alma running around the track until she was red in the face.
It might give you something to think about.
Until next time, Second Heaven!
LETTER #2
In a fast food restaurant in downtown Strauss a few days ago one Clyde Takagawa and Alma Sima found themselves in a loud enough spat they were almost ejected. What's even more interesting than everyone's favourite diet whore eating a bite of heavy fatty fries is the fact that Alma Sima followed him halfway across town after he reportedly tackled her in public. But let's just not stop at Alma. It seems Marlene Appleby, one of the transfers in Year 2, was seen visiting his room alone? Kinky, I wonder if Christine Mizuki knows about this one.
Alma seems to be focusing on a Siegmund Heissenrech, quite a creepy fellow, however!
What's creepier than Heissenrech is new Class President's seeming way of two-timing a set of roommates. Penna Mentel and Sienna Talven seem to be up on the docket, and the long-standing suspicion of a relationship with Penna seems questionable thanks to a set of races this writer spied just outside campus on Sunday. Of course, he threw his shoe at Talven, how professional!
Maybe that's why Penna's talking up Atolo Bourne?
Speaking of Class Presidents and their formers, Sebastian Shimizu-Bertrand and Chaton Neigi-Mizuki seem to be having quite an interesting set of tiffs - if one pays close enough attention, that is! I wonder what he was doing going to town with her friend Candide de Roucher on his birthday, then...?
And what's Maruyama doing dressing up as a man to visit one Maxmillian Deveraux? Seems to me the hook-ups and hook-outs are becoming fast and furious!
A scene between first year Yngve Sverreson and Mihai Benedek leaves this reporter in question as Mihai found himself storming out and Yngve in a lurch - what's more interesting is that very Marlene Appleby seems to be chatting up quite a storm with our overly-interrogatory Norwegian.
Speaking of Mihai, things between he and Takagawa are already starting to heat up, but what about Yun-Hsin's destruction of our local ho-mo-sex-u-als snowman? It seems the two had quite a spat over a camera, but Yun-Hsin's spending an awful lot of time with Bailey Li!
What's more, Luperis Fusco, after finding herself thrown off the team for arrogance is not only let back on, but spending all her time in Sascha Lagus' office? Oh, sounding a might unprofessional then...
I suppose that's enough for this special report! Enjoy your days!
LETTER #3
Good Evening Second Heaven. I know it's been a while since our regular installments, so let's get started quick and dirty. You'll see inside this envelope a tan paper and a pale blue paper; these are special coloured inserts to cover areas of mass interest. The first, on the tan, is the Chi-WhoR-i report. Check for your name in the text, or your friends! It's fun for the whole family!
The next, on the pale blue, is a special coverage of what might be known as the karaoke disaster - sending our resident geekfest to the hospital and putting a Class President under concurrent shoe attack, there was too much material to exclude but too much material to simply include, willy-nilly.
Take your time to read the reports first, they're delectable.
The Chi-WhoR-I Report
Sebastian Shimizu-Bertrand With lots of hearts and great stamina, we're certain that harmless flirtation couldn't have gone no where, or her name isn't Itou Chidori.
Conrad Himmelreich Paid for a date with this fellow, though documentation of the date remains at large.
Sei Matsuura Perhaps the oddest of her theoretical conquests, they are often seen in hush tones, including at the fortune booth at the festival.
Yngve Sverreson Made plans at the infamous karaoke to go visit, and was seen entering her room alone on a Wednesday.
Clyde Takagawa Rumoured to run into her at A*I*R once or twice, if their capricious behavior on grounds is nothing to say for it.
Arden Tide For two packs of cigarettes and a cheap orgasm, Arden not only paid the girl, she wanted it to happen. Don't believe me? You might want to check her conversation with our local Norwegian. Sadly, so far as we can tell, this boy is part of the school's "Christian Club."
God loves you, Mr. Tide.
The Karaoke Report
Let's start with a first year and work our way up.
Yngve, Yngve. You'd think you'd be tired of seeing your name in here by now, but you've made it perfectly clear that's not the case. You and your mate Marlene Appleby have got a lot of nerve - sneaking out back to light a joint at a school function, then throwing around plans to get rid of your boyfriend?
He ended up in the hospital, we hope you know.
On top of it, just prior to this conversation you've made plans with Chidori. We get it, as you have publically put it, you're bisexual - but there's no need to make it so blatantly apparent.
Chidori, your singing is horrendous, and your ability to hone in even on the "gay" ones impeccable, but you've got your own paper for that.
Moving onto one Dmitri Schaefer, it's cute that you spiked the punch, can you let us out now?
His friend Ashlee Buck: Marlene Appleby, quite obviously, is not interested. It strikes us that no one is interested. We would like to point out why - the amount of times we have read you being told you will never get laid equivalates to the amount of inches you were deprived from since birth: a lot. We suggest you surrender rather than let someone like Marlene Appleby shame you again.
It's become apparent that Shane does not like Eleanor, as Eleanor, our beloved third year, is apparently a fat cow, and Shane, our beloved second year, is apparently a skank. The fight was of course entirely over Clyde Takagawa's mysterious jail time - we imagine without the alcohol Shane wouldn't have felt the need to throw a shoe.
Later that night it's said Eleanor destroyed the entirety of her room. Way to damage school property, darling!
We wish it were over but it's almost, we swear. Penna Mentel, after becoming disgustingly ill, was escorted out by Sienna Talven and Conrad Himmelreich - only to catch a scene that we, honestly, are still reeling about. JaeYoon Shin and Sei Matsuura kissing in the corner? Though we wish it was a lie, our regular two-timing Class President has moved big time and brought men into the picture.
We were hoping for some tongue.
Mihai Benedek - we're sorry. Get better. We hope that you understand Valium and alcohol do not mix very well, and we hope that you can start to find yourself a better position in your existance. We were unnerved at your hospital stay as well - after all, it caused us to be inside for quite a bit of time.
The Letter Proper
Have you read the reports? Excellent, time to move on.
We'll start with teachers because they are always the easiest to navigate, we presume. Terre Caine has managed to dole out cookies for one week and Benjamin Silas has kissed Sascha Lagus in the festival streets. Though we're hoping that somewhere in there a place of logic can be found, all we can wonder is how hot the kiss really was, and whether there was tongue. It would seem Reilanin Myvara might have a say in this strange debacle - not only did Lagus and Myvara spend the day together afterwards...
When Lagus was on Percocet, the two were seen walking home together, with Myvara leaving after just long enough. It seems, at least, the Bulgarian has moved onto prey his own age, then again,
Walking home Genevieve Bronson doesn't exactly make you seem in one alley, if you should catch our drift. Really, she's married, Mr. Lagus!
We'll go from Mr. Lagus into one of his "top jocks." Arden Tide, infamous for the two-cigarette whore, has also got himself a nice little fanclub it seems. From Marlene Appleby to Alma Sima, the fight lead to mass vein popping in the necks of Class Presidents everywhere - but reduced Marlene Appleby and Alma Sima to gaming buddies, it seems. If you don't know about it, just take a bit and read back.
It seems, despite it, Alma and Arden still spend time together - maybe justifying Marlene's little sock to the eye, if the two-cigarettes is any indication of his general treatment of the female populace.
Speaking of Marlene:
Accepting earrings from your bestmate and then a movie is a little over the top, wouldn't you say? It seems to me that for all the times we see Sverreson heading out to your parent's home and all the times we see you resorting to him, humouring him, you two would just be out of it and spare poor Mihai the trouble.
We understand that Katya bit you, this might be troubling in the long run but Heissenreich was only trying to feed her spirit for the upcoming battles - moving on is the strongest way to make yourself a better person.
Now Cale, so we hear, is a good friend of yours too? We'd like to make it known that you've got to stick to one pathetic loser or the other.
We appreciate the kick to John Doe's shin. Continue. He requires it.
From Marlene to her buddy Yngve - what is the draw of this fellow, anyway? Running off alone with Douweis regularly, the public battles between he, Marlene, and Mihai, Chidori, inevitably, Yngve, we're begging you to give it a rest. Sit down, stay home, just for maybe two days.
After all, we caught you smoking up, and there were those brownies...
We promise you your blood sugar will appreciate the lack of contact. So will Caspar Schroder, really.
Caspar, Caspar, Caspar. Nice to know you're gay, our hopes were up. We'd say that explained why Clyde exhaulted you so much, but it seems to us that your clubbing self had kept it from him - there's too much public evidence. A pity. It'd be wonderful press.
Where did you go for two days so shortly after Clyde went to prison? Inquiring minds want to know! You can just write us on the bbs, maybe, and we'll appreciate the information.
Clyde! Speaking of Clyde! What are you doing with your life? A week in prison and a grubby conversation with Shane in the lot, several night visits to both Shane and Wolf, and run-ins with Yadate Tsukiko and Itou Chidori, we're hoping, Clyde, that you understand, that the more you push, the more the world is going to push back.
When you and Marlene Appleby stop your furtive behavior we can determine who you're actually fucking and who you're just fucking us around about, and from there we can feel much better about the whole blasted thing. Rumours say your father covered up much more than we've been expecting, and we wonder if one of those might be a baby with your activity.
We miss your lips. They're rather malformed these days, even if you're trying to hide it with a fresh piercing - and also, if you and Dmitri Schaefer want to meet late at night with music that's fine, but please don't call that filth you two played music. Honestly.
Dmitri, your friend Lee is a fascinating man. Should we call him Ashlee? Ashlee the fairy? After finally earning himself a girlfriend or two he's screwed up with all of them, Basil, Maggie, it just gets worse. Perhaps he should truly find himself in touch with his homosexual side - at this rate, you're the only one who's going to fuck him.
Speaking of those brownies. Our school must be full of novices - really, you all went a little too loopy, but that's not really too far off for Alma Sima.
Not only did she go extra loopy, but she's got quite the arsenal building. Men of Korean descent of all sizes saving one Maxmillian, and even he's attached to her at the hip - we wonder what you needed with Arden, Alma, if you've got so much going on. Then again, if anyone's good at gossip, they'd note that Max -
our woman-phobic companion -
had kissed on Ji Soon, who's pretty enough to be a woman anyway. It's not really a smooth transition, but it'll have to manage, Bailey, you've been getting interesting these days.
Disappearing with Joseph all the time, being hauled off by Lagus in the middle of classes. Perhaps it was you who broke Lagus of his student habits? Speaking of breaking habits -
Mihai can't you do better! Sebastian is all over you! Why don't you have some fun with him and leave that skinny first year alone. Really! We know he's given you his number twice and we've seen you around him. It's quite obvious who you really fancy, so it's time to take some action!
A quick list of other habits to break:
And speaking of doing better, Fusako, Caspar's gay. We just want to remind you.
Apparently so is Max. You might find different men to associate with.
Dmitri, though your attempts at Candide are admirable, she will only continue to be a skank and she will always be a skank and there's no way around her being a skank, so you should possibly sit back and let her continue with her skank.
That goes for you too, Ezra, even if you are rather unmentionable these days.
Sienna, Sei is turning out more and more controversial. Maybe you should say yourself the trouble?
Oh, well, I suppose this can be dealt with a little further. Perhaps we should call it a chronicle? Matsuura and his women? During Home Ec Sienna Talven and Sei Matsuura disappeared for quite sometime, only for Sei to return without a jacket and Sienna to disappear. Later, his arrival in her dormroom only furthered the mischief as a large shouting match was overheard, left to Sei retreating. Now we see the two being buddy-buddy, in fact, friendly, first names and all?
Simone, Sienna, Penna, Yuu? Sei, why not JaeYoon too? And with Penna! The two, seated at the edge of track, scratched arms and diverted eyes long enough to cause the great tower of Piza to fall thrice over.
Conrad's awkward insertion into the four continues with Conrad and Sei arguing publically over the well-fare of Penna and a cell-phone, only to be topped by the continued animosity between the first and second year.
So far as we know, both Penna and Sienna "know where he lives," but according to last night, so does Oyuki. Hmm.
Then again, if the informal address of Basil is any indication, he's got more women than he's letting on. Though, Basil, she's her own other story.
In one swipe of a flaming marshmallow Agustin Fujiwara was set aflame, leaving our Class President to abadon his fortune telling booth - (where he inadvertantly called Douweis a slut, oh dear! But if her closeness to Arden of Dos-Cigarillos is any indication, perhaps her uppity nature might indicate why she's spending so much time with our dangerous Norwegian!) - right, so abandon his fortune telling booth and dash to set the man into relief with a bucket of water. Though rather amusing, worrisome.
Speaking of the Festival and Tide, Candide and Arden had a little bit of a spat over bidding for Douweis' company - though Clyde was let to buy her right out. We assume it must be a religious thing - Arden can only lose to fellow Christians, as they all so publically seem to reveal, but Clyde, you're going to Hell.
We really mean it.
Candide and Arden had their tiff and Candide lost - and with the frequency Candide and Douweis "seem to run into each other," it's becoming rather curious.
Of course, the frequency Douweis runs into Conrad afterwards - that's rather curious, in and of itself.
Arden, your Christian girl is following your example, maybe?
We suppose... that really only leads to a few loose ends. We're almost done, letter readers, but we promise, we'll be back again soon.
Sebastian, getting a lesbian like Mike kissed in the mall is a little over the top, right?
The Secret Seven: Bizarre folks, they are. Guin, if you like Mihai it's alright, but tackling him seems to make him angry!
Alma: Leaving muffins for Clyde doesn't work. Don't you know that boy doesn't eat?
Mihai: We've been kind to you out of pity, but we will say this: Valium only stops the pain, not the emotion. Get yourself on some Prozac, that's what you really need.
Are we done?
If we're not, we better be! Enjoy your living, Second Heaven!
LETTER #4
LETTER #5
It's probably not as shocking as the sudden erection to Maxmillian Deveraux's bosom-seeing eyes, but hopefully the immense gratitude of this letter's reception will hit you.
Let's start with out old stand-bys, because we've got a few new stars to step into the ring.
Matsuura Sei, what are you doing having Penna Mentel live with you for a week? Whatever will Sienna Talven think, if she isn't too busy with a Mr. Clyde Arrowny? We wonder, oh second years, if you ever think this stuff through.
Because honestly, Sienna, if we didn't guess it before with the make-up, we know it now - Clyde Takagawa is gay, and his lover, Caspar Schroder, is one helluva demanding person. We've caught you, Takagawa, leaving campus with food on no less than three occasions for this Caspar, and we wonder, just who else has got Caspar under their thumb to facilitate such an emergency? We hope you can get help, Caspar, and more importantly, you notice your boyfriend's waist-size. Last we saw him in the kitchen, he had half a sandwich hanging out of his mouth and confused as to how it got there.
(Oh, and wasn't it, an all-night stay up making some failed Takoyaki?)
What about Chris! You just made up, now you're off boning this guy again? We wonder if she is honestly such a patient person, considering ChiHORi and her recent foirays. She seems to be standing tough, I'm dating Yngve, I'm dating Yngve, but we were wondering, exactly, what ChiHORi was thinking practically making a date with you, Clyde, and what you were thinking, getting involved in that scuffle. If we ever had more evidence for you and Caspar we've found it now - considering the public viscerality in which our friendly Norwegian slut responded to your advances.
When was that club date again? We'd love to come with!
Oh Norwegian. Shall we even begin with you? I know we're talking old stand-bys but honestly, we are just tired of you. You are so boring sometimes, what with your Marlene this and your ChiHORi that, and your Ju En this. Or is she Rowan, we thought? We caught you on your first night back sneaking off campus with her but lost your trail a bit towards the tea shop. We wonder why you were so quick to break free of the masses. Hiding something?
Obviously - from what we know of the fights outside your room between one Marlene Appleby (old standbys!) and ChiHORi iHou, they are not so keen on the other even seeing you. Now that you're free, you've done little to enthuse us, either. We were privy to the sorry states you and Marlene returned from the roof with. Honey.
Do yourself a favor. Walk away from humanity. Walk away hard, swift, fast? And never claim to be bipedal again.
As for you, Marlene, we have got a lot to say. We want to be brief, so we thought we might make a bulleted list, to be graceful to our readers and their eyes:
- You talk to books - No, but you also talk to ghosts - You and Yngve, you and Agustin, you and Douweis, you and JaeYoon? - What is your issue with attacking the unlikely? - Can't you let them be? - Or have better taste? - You and Sienna keep running into each other in the showers. Funny, wasn't she just hanging out with your unlikely fucking buddy Clyde? We wonder. We wonder.
There. Perhaps that's settled? Oh we might go with one more. Your lipstick is terrible.
(PS: Please stay away from Arden. The last time? It was just a mess. We don't care if he has quite lovely birthday presents for you, just, stay, away.)
From one set of terrible lips to another, Eleanor, do keep your boy's shrieks down. "He's not straight," at, God-o-clock? Please, keep it down, we don't care if your ex's now fucking the entirety of the female population, we thought we went through this, you can do better, but if you're going to continue being a fat hairy hystrionic we just don't know what else to do about you. And you, so it's been said you flipped a desk over on one Candide de Roucher? You and your Mihai ought to be proud of yourself.
You truly deserve one another, a whale and her hairy kin.
We'd also like you to know, Eleanor, that whatever subtext you're striving for the jig has been blown. You're a dyke, we understand, you can thank Mihai and the darling Norwegian of his for that one. Please, gain a bit more weight so the breasts are less obvious, and maybe you can just get the lipsticks to give you a go. (Ah, you see, lipstick to lipstick, we are good at this.)
From breasts to breasts, now, another transition - Basil! That was incredible! You have a lovely body, darling, but perhaps you should not destroy Edmund Caine, Maxmillian Deveraux et al with your fantastic knockers on a regular basis. We understand that you were busy showering with Douweis, who we thought was part of the "God Squad," but we just would like to note that though beautiful, please, put on a towel.
And also, do more hair. Dmitri never looked better.
Oh! Oh! And speaking of cooking!
Basil! The death of one flour baby is always a beautiful sight. The idea that you and little Mousy Magoo were up all night cooking a floury mess at the exact time several flour babies found their doom cannot be denied. You are a manic genius.
We commend you.
We also commend you, Sascha Lagus, for backhanding one Kass Auchinleck. Sometimes, that prick deserves it, right?
But maybe you don't deserve your job. But we wonder if you and your boyfriend just got in a little tussle? Why else would Maruyama openly offer to take the presidency, and you go find your sweetie?
Getting Ms. Myvara's virginal self to speak about orgasms did not help your case any.
Speaking of jobs... hey Bailey, where have you been? We thought only one person was rumoured to work in this school. Are you working? Are you sick? We saw you come back just recently. We're worried, but not so much, as you're kind of a prick, too.
Oh, wait, before I forget, the largest prick would have to be Mr. Caine, who forgot his own son's birthday, but could easily go to a bar with the rest of the staff. You, sir, need a value readjustment.
(And the two new teachers already having slumber parties? We thought that the Japanese teacher might not like Koreans, but perhaps that rumour has long since faded away.)
Oh and value adjustments and how, Fusako! Don't you know Agustin is Marlene's territory? Obviously with how jealous she's been towards ChiHORi you can't imagine to have her just let you and Agustin's secret meeting slide? We know that you're still after the gay ones, oh Max, oh Caspar, but really, Clyde's got that bonnie and Agustin's got a bonnie of his own. Perhaps you should learn not to step on toes, otherwise Marlene will turn her jealous wrath upon you, and next we'll be writing about how you were spitting up blood on a temple step.
Ice cream with Max doesn't make it better, and drunkenly stumbling to Kass Auchinleck's door with one Candide doesn't make it better either. We know Kass is having trouble with his boyfriend, but you two harlots need to learn a bit of control. Besides, hairy old Mihai is in that room! What were you thinking?!
We know what Candide was thinking, at least we think we do. Anything to make it seem less obvious she's finally hooked up with Ezra Eremite? Not to say he's a bad choice, but really, let's just say he's Ezra, and she's Candide, and perhaps if the fight with Chaton was any indication it's not going to be an easy battle. Is our group of angry harlots falling apart?
The critics agree, it would be a smashing success!
Speaking of smashing successes, SeungYoon and JiSoon, we were wondering if there has been any sort of smashing between you two? Perhaps a mashing of the hips? A gyration of the pelvis? We were wondering if maybe that's the reason why all of a sudden there is peace in your Korean land. We were hoping for a Dorama spectacle, and suddenly - just Korean talk? It's disappointing.
A quick brush into the Jew land - Siegmund, girls are bad for you. They prevent your Jewishness.
Do you all know that we are comfortable with the female orgasm? We are also comfortable with the male orgasm as well. Though, we are not as comfortable, because Matsuura Sei doesn't have us over and we're not getting to check out Penna Mentel's "o" face, but we can manage.
Yes, Clyde, by the way, what business do you have knowing about vibrators? You and Caspar are rather kinky, we take it.
Oh wait, we totally forgot.
Let's take a break for LESBIAN HOUR, with Kaethe your last name is impossible and Katherine your name is too fucking long! After a stirring recitation of her boredom and theoretically huge mancock, Katherine throws coffee on one Chidori Itou in the middle of the hallway! Secondly, Kaethe stalks Shane relentlessly after a strange shower incident of no incriment measure.
Coincidence?
Eleanor, our super dyke! Please write in to confirm!
Or perhaps stinky Mike may assist?
Hmm, we believe that's all for today, at least all we know. If you'd like to write in to the letter, to offer your own two cents, we are now opening a P.O.Box 1001 in Strauss Proper! Please leave all submissions anonymous!
Oh, yes, and junior detectives? Rest assured, the box is registered under Harold Arrowny, so you've got quite less of a chance discovering any sort of secret there.
Well, until later! Ciao!
LETTER #6
BOYS WILL BE BOYS - Side 1
Pen stabbing, father-fucking, what is going on here?
As one might have noticed (unless they were living under a rock) there's a war going on between two first years, and the war seems to be hitting a peak. We're not one to typically give someone credit, especially when we think they are a deplorable person, but we were surprised at the vitriole that Yngve Sverreson and Caspar Schroder could master on a public forum. Going so far as to attack what seems to be an ex-boyfriend issue on Yngve's part and a father issue on caspar's part -
(We are guestimating that they both have dated men MUCH older than them, and perhaps Yngve's was very attractive, from what we have read, and that from Caspar's rage his father has a very good deal to do with why he's such a special case) -
and then further, still. In the most recent post by Yngve Sverreson we find the following.
"Oh, Mr. Schroder!
How's your throat?"
The following:
"[...] How's your stomach?"
Indicates that the mottling around Caspar's throat came from one Sverreson's fist. Well, let's see.
Let's make a timeline, shall we?
- Yngve and Caspar begin their rivalry with a pen-stab and a long, involved post where everyone and their mother has a theory. (Injury C1 - Pen-stab in hand, Injury Y1 - Punch to face) - The battle turns to the message boards, with Caspar and Clyde calling for Yngve's tossing off a roof. - When Yngve and Caspar get into it again, the battle is disgustingly awful, and public. No amount of Class Presidents or Representatives can stop it. - They both miss Thursday classes and on Friday are both rather ridiculously out of it. Sverreson posts about missing Stardust. On this post we get: Injury C2 - Throat damage, Injury Y2 - Stomach damage. - Upon teacher intervention the two continue to split at each other, until Sverreson disengages.
What we know and what we don't are of equal weight here, but what's more important is that we are scared. The two are out to kill each other, aren't they? We don't want SH's first murder to leave us with one of these pathetic whelps as a third ghost in our halls.
SIDE 2
Seung Yoon and Ji Soon
A fight at midnight that keeps up half the boy's dorm.
A public admonishment about what comes and goes.
"I'm not trustworthy enough."
"I'm going to phone you."
Boys, boys. If you love each other, just go and confess. If you don't, please, Seung Yoon, don't go mooning to our local philosowannabe about how good things might come back. Sexuality aside, you two need to get yourselves put into a row with emoticons and haircuts together. Really, what is it about the Korean men in this school?
Makes us think the new art teacher might be out to pasture, too.
And not only did you two tear each other apart - your entire group fell into shambles the moment you spied a rotting bone in the framework. Shame.
Clyde and Caspar
We're not. We're not really sure about you two.
At first we thought you hated each other. Then we thought you liked each other. Then we thought you two were screwing. Now Clyde's oddly protective nature and Caspar's mitigation that he likes older men makes us wonder if Clyde is old enough? It seems in the face of the Great Sverreson/Schroder war that Clyde has taken a clear, passionate side. He's got your back, alright,
but how deeply and onto what are you backing is the question, Mr. Schroder.
Sascha Lagus, Terre Caine, and Benjamin Silas
Are you all fighting? It's okay, you can kiss and make-up again, if you like.
Main Letter
We must say one thing, dear members of Second Heaven, that at least these letters are influential.
We would like to congratulate Yngve Sverreson for taking initiative after publication and immediately dumping one Mihai Benedek, in a rather gruesome display by the cafe. We do believe we'd yet to see something messier in a tv drama. Of course, now he's dating - within a month, thank you - one Chidori Itou, and what can you say about that?
It seems she's a worse choice than the prior. If the prior was fat and hairy, the second is riddled with disease. Perhaps it's that at the bottom you feed on the remnants others throw at you. We wish we didn't have to talk about him so much. He's turning out to be little worth the press, but for a moment we'll start with the end of the alphabet just to, ah, get it out of the way?
After spending a night at Sverreson's dorm, the fights and trials between Marlene Appleby and Yngve Sverreson have gotten fiercer and more public. Isn't it a shame when you can load up a BBS and see insults thrown left and right? Her jealousy over his others only suggests a two-timing existance. Considering the natural animosity Chidori and Marlene feel for each other, we worry for his safety once the truth comes out.
But what appalls us the most (and we mean appalls) is what we may have caught last night in the showers. Do any of you lot know of a Ju En? A first year. Classroom one. Chinese. She's a little crazy, so we hear. She was also in the boy's dorms shower last night, in a nightgown, just as this lovely, lovely specimen of human being was finishing a shower. Later, the water turned back on.
And she hadn't left yet.
Cheating on Chidori? It feels like it should be impossible, shouldn't it? How does one exactly get more slutty than Chidori Itou? But what's more important, is why, after all the fighting you've done with one Caspar Schroder, are you daring to share her with Clyde Takagawa? It's as if this boy does not want to live very long.
We know you're trying to reconcile with Mihai Benedek, Yngve Sverreson, even if it's just friendship, but we ask you stop now before the entire world falls atop your ugly little head.
Speaking of, Mihai Benedek, we heard you went out to dinner with Sebastian Shimizu-Bertrand. What a wonderful step up! We hope that you continue on this great and burgeoning trend towards the better, and lose twenty pounds!
Speaking of hook-ups, when will the school take heed that showers only become a hotbed for homosexual activity? Shane and Kaethe, we caught you, together in a stall. We wonder if this is a trend.
Speaking of homosexual activity our boy Matsuura Sei has yet to kiss anymore males, but if Penna and Sienna have anything to say, he'll soon be facing the board for distractions in his studies. Sienna Talven has started regularly bringing him lunch, and on the off-chance she doesn't he brings it to her. If it was just that we could possibly let it go, but the amount of times they've been spotted in town together are tantamount to the amount of times he and Penna have been seen flushing themselves to death on the end of the track. When you discover it's your sex drive speaking, Matsuura, and not just the weather, we expect quite a blow-out.
Oh wait! What about that ankle injury of yours, that's right!
In other, fledgling hook-up news, on Dmitri Schaefer just can't seem to get a break. On the most recent occurance we spied him waiting outside the theatre for hours on end, without a single person to stop by. Judging by the make-out session we caught just outside the theatre last night, we'd say Nadia Fyodorov made a descision to give the never-laid a chance.
By the way, having Marlene Appleby break your nose a second time was a good choice. You're ugly enough, let's not and say we did.
It might be nice if you didn't try with all the girls, and just picked one. We're sure that Nadia just thought she'd let you practice.
Speaking of the never laid, Agustin! You might watch out, there's a vulture afoot. Marlene Appleby's obviously in a rocky relationship as it is, and it seems she's out for some stability. Remember the last time she headed after a guy? You might be concerned for your safety, or the safety of room 2-1 that's more like it.
However, we're chagrined to say we can't be too hard on you. After all, it's not just you who's into pseudo-stalking these days.
Fusako Maruyama, leave the gay boys alone. They obviously want nothing to do with your chacha, and really, your ability to nab a boy as of late has been lacking as it is. We believe it's the gay boy charm tearing apart at your insides, or something like that.
One of those gay boys, though, maybe we judged him a little too soon? In the dead of night a few days back one Maxmillian Deveraux stole into Alma Sima's room. We're not sure of any more of the details, but we're wondering if the road to recovery includes such disturbingly random decisions of female equity. Perhaps he's just concerned with all the talk lately?
We wonder if we'll have another accidental outing soon...
...like Siegmund Heissenrech. Now, we're not usually ones to dish out compliments to this Chidori Itou, but we have to admit she is good-looking. Despite her legs flopping from side to side, if she were going after us? We might have to say yes, for nice cheekbones alone. But Siegmund, he just went back to playing his game, so far as we know.
Now that's a gay man if we ever saw one.
Let's just stay on Chidori for a moment. We think this boyfriend idea is cute (not) but let's face it. You're still meandering about half the school, and you're not going to stop. Takagawa is the best friend and possible fuck-buddy of your boyfriend's apparent arch-nemises. Does this register with you? We wonder if your boyfriend has come to understand the amount of times you do go and meet Takagawa, or the amount of times you disappear into that club.
We all know it, no one goes to a club to dance, and by going steady, Chidori, all you're doing is humiliating both you and your boy. Attacking him in public like you did at the play on Friday is only going to make it both seem like you're desparate to look final, committed. It's a poor move. You're not a smart girl.
And neither is one Penna Mentel. Not only is she putting her chips in Sei Matsuura's basket, on a recent post describing the importance of Sex Ed (which this writer found useful, albeit stupid), she manages to admit she's never leaving this town, her future husband will tell her about her clitoris, and that Matsuura just doesn't understand. Lame.
Check the pink insert for our guesses on who's done it, and who's flunked it.
In the category of definately nots, one Candide de Roucher was caught in Beethoven this weekend apparently all over one Ezra Eremite. We're wondering if she realizes she's not stealthy at all. It could be her height, her way of dress - but regardless, if our informants are correct, there was definately more than just hand-holding.
Continuing on that vein, Chaton and Sebastian seem to be working their way to a new start. (Sorry Mihai.) At the play, she received roses when the rest received variating levels, and the amount of time they spend together is slowly increasing...
...And now to the category of virgins and virgin extraordinaires, we're wondering about you, Mr. Auchinleck. Not only are you hanging out an awful lot with Ms. Xiao Mei, but with our local student sleeper Mr. Sascha Lagus. He's gone from Luperis Fusco to Bailey Xiang Li and Kass Auchinleck - and we're just about to throw up a line of defense. When will the school deal with such tavesties? Perhaps this is why you're so cranky.
Xiao Mei cannot protect you. Next time you want Lagus to argue with you in your room, we suggest you be more discrete.
And now let's talk teachers, just for a bit.
Recently, a pig was seen wandering the halls of the boy's dorm and after a bit of investigation, we found one Reilanin Myvara traveling home with Sascha Lagus semi-daily to help him take care of this pig, and treat the pig kindly. Lagus himself seems attached to the little beast, which is appropriately named Kevin Bacon. Now, if all facts check out, the beast was actually given to him by Myvara, and her presence in his home is uncannily large. So we've got students, and the librarian.
And a pig? No, no, sadly, the pig is just too tiny right now.
Speaking of teachers, have you seen Mr. Hwan? Not only is he almost younger than some of our third years, he can't even stand to look a student in the eye outside of the occasional flirtatious gesture. We're wondering if he's picking it up from Mr. Lagus, this ability to select the difficult students and make a go at it. We hear he's a famous artist, but what we're only sure of is he's a famous jerk.
Same with the new Japanese teacher, but since when have we ever had a nice Japanese teacher?
Ms. Bronson's marriage is falling apart (what's new) but what's more interesting is the strange vibrations we're getting from one Joseph Burns and her presence. Now, this one... this one is just a little too... there's something there, we know it, but we can't be sure of it. If Mr. Caine's got anything to say with it, that is.
THE VIRGIN CHRONICLES
Who's not? Abigail Ashlee Conrad Dakota Dmitri (perhaps changed) Douweis Edmund John Rowan Katya Maggie Mari Basil Mika Siegmund Xiao Mei Agustin Alma Angela Cale Ethan Guin Kass Katsuro Max Nadia (perhaps changed) Nathaniel Oyuki Penna Sei Seth Sienna Zakiyaa Ceridwen Eleanor Mihai Yun-Hsin Kaethe
Who's done? Caspar Chidori Shinya Tsukiko Yngve Arden Christine Clyde DJ Fusako Ji Soon Katherine Marlene Shane Seung Yoon Alexander Bailey Candide Chaton Joseph Michaela Sebastian
In the Gray: Jae Yoon Ezra Ian
All names in the upper list, we suggest you get in touch with Clyde, Chidori, Yngve, or Joseph immediately.
LETTER #7
WHO ARE WE
It seems that we are under scrutiny. Douweis Sanna has at once accused us of being many, and accused many of being us.
Let us assure you that though cute, we are neither Terre Caine, Candide de Cunegonde de Roucher, Douweis Sanna, Caspar Schroder, or Yngve Sverreson. We are so much better a person than these three, and find it strange you would think us so demented as to attack ourselves so gleefully. No, you are aiming your suspicions into an area of darkness, and there is no light to be found. Thy splash attack has done no damage, so to speak.
May we offer you some possibilities that we find particularly fetching? Perhaps you will too, if you think along the lines that we do, dear readers.
Fusako Murayama. She is, of course, rarely mentioned outside of harmless diatribes about hanging with gay men - and if one were to think cleverly, this would encourage her crushes to desire to prove to her they were not gay.
Abigail Cartwright. The amount of shame Year One brings could only be lessened by publically deterring blame to the Class President.
Sascha Lagus. One might note that after his job was put in jeopardy, all of a sudden most mention of him ceased. The instructors also find much leniency.
Penna Mentel. It was through the letters that we observed discord begin between Sienna Talven and Matsuura Sei. An easy vehicle for both attention and a boy - and let's face it, no one is genuinely that nice.
Kass Auchinleck. Cruel and bitter, most of what we see is him being a victim.
Mihai Benedek. We know how often you like to villify others.
Shane Vivek. Please, she publically does something like that, then comes around to play hero? She's looking for attention.
Ji Soon Kang. He seems to know everything yet nothing. Very zen, very suspiscious.
Please use these names responsibly.
RAPE ON CAMPUS
We are saddened by this sudden and afflicting condition. Perhaps we may alleviate the tragedy by bringing the victim's voices to the forefront. Nothing so serious should ever be left to the masses to assimilate.
We shall begin with the most public case of this sad and dangerous affair. After our illuminating quote, we found ourselves distraught to see one side claiming that yes, there was sex to be had, and the other claiming that... no? We felt as if the quote was vague, but now upon interpretation, we feel as if 'You would never be the one to do that to me,' might be more a lie than we thought.
"Why are you out to make me look like a fucking liar?!" "Then why don't you tell the truth!"
Then we have a meager attempt... but still, we thought, perhaps, if you read it you would feel the same.
The reaction was visceral. Women, many women came to one Clyde Takagawa's aid. Marlene Appleby and Shane Vivek, and others, hopping into the fray - Caspar was hit, Clyde moved out, and next we knew, Caspar was trailing after him. We caught him not once, but twice, wandering through the halls, in Clyde's shadow. Begging, in a way, for Clyde to "come home." Now, if this domestic couple wasn't torn enough - but our concern stretches too deep, Mr. Takagawa. Please, stay away from Mr. Schroder. He has done bad things to you, and if you cannot realize it, perhaps a therapist might. Your family is rich, and we wonder why sometimes Schroder is still around, but we think your "protection" might as well have worn off.
And yes, apples and cigarettes do taste nasty together.
Part two of this special report on the epidemic of male on male destruction comes just recently from the hallways of the male dorm. After a particularly interesting incident involving pornography, Maxmillian Deveraux, our favourite European and Yun-Hsin Hsu, we find Yun-Hsin living with Alexander Reeves and SeungYoon. (We wonder, Yun-Hsin, if you were so aghast at the whole situation, why are you living with SeungYoon Park?!)
To continue, later in this debacle, after Chidori Itou has essentially moved over (we find your judgment, Sverreson, highly lacking -), there is this little treasure overheard:
"Just shut the fuck up!" "Why don't you tell them I raped you, Yun-Hsin?! Make good on it! I'm sure they'll buy it, right?! Bend over, we'll remember the lube this time!"
Faculty, this has gone on long enough. Perhaps it is time for co-ed dorms - simply, these boys cannot handle themselves. We have Sascha Lagus visiting Kass Auchinleck in his room, we have the fantastically large blowouts between Clyde and Caspar, we have the destructive, apparently abusive relationship developing between Yun-Hsin and Yngve; can't you see? These men are dangerous for each other, and their behinds are in trouble.
Chidori, where is your boy going? Perhaps you shouldn't have cheated on him, he's seemed to lose a screw. Now, we realize rape is a serious charge, so we'd like to allow for the off-chance that we are exagerrating - if this is the case, Mr. Yun-Hsin Hsu,
You do realize Mihai Benedek is not going to like his lover being screwed by his ex?
We just thought we'd put that out there.
LETTER PROPER
A slow three weeks! A strange change, friends, a strange change.
First, a goodbye:
Asamiya Shinya, Christine Neige-Mizuki, goodbye! Goodbye! You have left sorrow in your wake, boys heartbroken, sisters crying! Chaton Neige-Mizuki nigh on showed emotion over you, through her chrystal facade! May you enjoy your irresponsibility, and never once set foot on this campus again!
Now,
Let's be happier for a moment, shall we?
Let's talk about things not quite so... so... destructive, or reckless. Perhaps we shall start with Clyde Takagawa's survey. The answers we have received in a public forum were quite interesting - you'd be surprised how many people are or were in love, and what else we've understood it to be.
I think the most exciting surveys belonged, however, to the instructors. Cornelia, who was this strange man in Morocco? We must admit we smiled at the play you and Clyde seemed to have over him, but more we imagine him to be quite a handsome fellow. Mr. Lagus, children? Honestly? That strikes us as a strange folly considering your relationship with Mr. Auchinleck, but maybe, if Ms. Myvara is willing, she might pop out a few for you... The reminiscing between Genevieve and Cornelia was also quite darling. We thought perhaps it might refer to glory days, but instead just to something warm. Even Luca held within himself something special, and we felt that everyone should read such sterling examples of the love their instructors once had.
Bravo, you have made yourselves seem briefly human.
Who else we felt seemed particularly human in this instance:
Clyde, actually, we felt very sorry for you. With what has been going down, how could we have known you were so pathetic? Never loved? Never been in love? Are you merely a creature to be used and abused by one skinny German boy? We hope that you understand our undying compassion and unending hope that you will eat more apples, and find yourself a love-bunny. We thought that your exchange with Marlene Appleby was particularly reproachful, however.
There was no need to stop the bint from continuing on - she could've gone through another tumultuous shaming excercise. It seems that everytime something happens it does turn out to be about her, doesn't it? Her mother is pregnant so she disgracefully gets drunk and earns two weeks of detention with Caine. Nothing like finding oneself caught between selfishness and patheticism before you can make your way in the world. We noticed, though, that you stooped far below her in your argument... going so far as to refer to her so violently. We were surprised when she came to your defense. Maybe even enamoured, of this lighter side of her, because the more she goes the more we find her merely contrary for contrary's sake... a horrible affliction that only the ugly seem to possess.
No wonder no boys get to her... perhaps you are just going for the wrong sex, Clyde? It seems plenty of boys get after you...?
We thing the same of you, Yun-Hsin. We brought this up in the letter of your abuse, but we think that you and Mihai, and of course that little hug, maybe are having too much time together. If you're really that torn up about Yngve and his cock, perhaps you shouldn't be seeking out his pudgy ex-boyfriends? Whatever happened to Sebastian, Mihai? We thought you were doing so well, and now you are just doing so poorly, there's little for us to feel anymore. We think that in the end, you and your penman's hand can do little else to seem pity worthy to this populous. Hopefully you will get a real friend soon, and can stop leaching onto Yun-Hsin.
Besides, Yngve, technically, has a girlfriend. In a spectacular scene outside of the shoe lockers, Chidori Itou and Marlene Appleby had a nice little romp directly after the letter was delivered - it ended with Yngve stepping off with Chidori, and Marlene left in ruins. In the bathroom, we here, she cried to one Sienna Talven, and we wonder if perhaps the reason she can't get any boys is she keeps going after the rapists. Shame, that. Perhaps she and Clyde might find happiness together in their loneliness.
Then again, it seems Fusako and Clyde have discovered that they perhaps want to spend time together. The two jilted sides of the coin in the recent Clyde/Caspar debacle, Fusako had a screaming match with Caspar, so sources say, in the dormroom for Clyde's sake - next we know, the two are going bowling, and are spending quite a lot of time, it seems, chatting it up. Perhaps there's a solution, but it seems that Fusako is just going after another gay boy, in a way.
Caspar, do you have any friends left?
Douweis, we wonder about you. First you are left accusing, and Candide kicks you in the stomach - then you are out wailing victim, as you wrongly accuse an entire list of individuals in this school. Next you are getting into public shaming battles, throwing words around, and finally, what we wrote before still goes on - boys and boys and boys, and now even Yuu, perhaps turned off by the constant presence of one Yun-Hsin Hsu. Who do you think you are, really?
You are not this school's detective, savior, nor upperhand. We do thank you, though - to see both Bailey and Candide making fools of themselves over such a crucially central issue - (we wonder, Bailey, if this is why you are so sensitive - your time with Sascha aside, you seemed to leap at the idea of anyone getting hit. We still are trying to figure out where you went for mid-terms. We're watching.) - it was quite a sight, but Eleanor, do you really always have to try and take credit for everything?
We understand your closest friend is a fat pathetic attention whore but that doesn't mean you have to become one too!
From class president to class president...
So Matsuura and Penna are dating. We see it everywhere. She's trailing after him and he's got a migraine. We wonder how long the faculty will let this one slide before this class president finds the rules bent the wrong way.
Speaking of dating, is it Nadia Fyodorov and Dmitri Schaefer? Oh, you can do better, particularly with the extent of public flirting you seem to be doing with... why-are-you-everywhere, Yngve-Sverreson. Honestly, Chidori, put a collar on this boy, or perhaps just a castration...
...we're getting a new math teacher, he will be quite the sight...
Oh! Oh! Shane, Shane Vivek, what are you playing at? First we see you publically decry Clyde and then we see you publically come to his aid. We are wondering if you are normally this two-faced of if it is just something recent?
Now e thought, for fun, we might make some predictions for next semester!
- Caspar Schroder's expulsion, possibly in tandem with Yngve Sverreson. We wonder if there will be any sort of sex before then, considering the general manwhorishness of the two, and if so, we hide our eyes. - Clyde Takagawa's realization he really is a woman. - Marlene Appleby confesses to every other boy in school to be told she is not worthy. - The baby comes out fantastic, so glowingly pretty. - Fusako Murayama resigns and joins a convent. - Abigail Cartwright makes some news. - Edmund Caine and his father get into a brutal brawl that results with Terre Caine tossed down the stairs, bodily. - Sascha Lagus and Kass Auchinleck honeymoon over the holidays. - Matsuura dumps Mentel for Talven. - Eleanor gets laid! - The apocalypse will surely come after the last one. - Mihai Benedek and Yun-Hsin Hsu take out mighty vengeance on Yngve Sverreson, leaving our school Scandinavianless, and happy. - SeungYoon Park and JiSoon Kang announce wedding plans. - Cornelia Cook has three separate student lovers. - One of them is Clyde Takagawa. - Terre Caine is pregnant! The world weeps. - The letter writer is found, tied, bound, castrated, only to realize that the suspiscions were incorrect. The mobs turn on Douweis for the wrong murder, and she throws Conrad Himmelreich to her safety. - Basketball goes to nationals! - The pope dies.
We're sorry, Mr. Pope.
Have a wonderful three weeks, Second Heaven! Please, enjoy the rest of your day!
