Mayhem Laws of Physics
From Egs Mayhem
Believe it or not, there are actually many laws of physics that govern Mayhem, although even these are frequently broken. These generally are, however, vastly different from those of Earth.
Some of the Laws
0: The GM Rule: What GM says, goes. Meaning you if you don't listen.
1: Don't piss off the bartender of the RP. You usually get blasted or hit by
2: Super Bouncer. The bouncer of said bar is uber strong.
3: No ID Checks.
4: If a character is being played by Kum-El, someone will fall in love with him before the day is done.
4a: She will, most likely, be someone played by 10.
4b: Even if the character is deliberately anti-social.
5: There WILL be one character everyone, including the writer, hates.
6: If there are no powers or magic, expect Super Tech.
7: 10 will play a female with a screwed up past.
8: No matter how weird or abnormal, people will ALWAYS be accepted, and able to find 'true love'.
9: 10's girl will likely prove the above rule correct.
10: School RPs always have a love potion of some kind.
11: Lesbians will always outnumber gay boys by a factor of at least 3.
12: There will be at least one anthro or morphing character. Period.
13: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
14: The GM is always good to the people, but only if they think Stalin was a good guy.
15: Nobody likes the Nurse. Nobody.
16: If a character is A: female and B: played by Yun, she will invariably be mentally unbalanced.
17: Creators MUST be evil to at least one character.
18: If a character has an angsty background, they will no doubt Angst about it to as many other PC's as possible.
19: Fear anything that has BTC after it unless you are a dirty Pervert. Also known as the Greg Rule.
20: All of Kylen's characters are ethnically Irish, without exception.
21: All of Sanchay's characters are insufferably cute.
22: Don't think hammerable thoug-*Hammered.*
23 (Alexis Rule): This looks reeeeaal bad, but hear me ou---
24: AkaraAri can play any role and do it well. tries to play any role, and often phails miserably.
25: The Hot Tub is for girls to make love.
26: No, the boys cannot watch. Ever.
26a: Unless it is important to the plot.
27: There is a good chance 10's girl will have something wrong with her left arm, why is unknown.
28: Anyone made by Kylen will control fire and/or have wolf ears and tail.
29: Anyone made by Yun will involve lightning, ravens, and/or Korea.
30: 1337 Will NOT be tolerated.
31: No, you many NOT have a Katana called Masamune. Ever.
31a: Unless the GM okays it, but it turns out to be a POC.
32: There are two forms of Posting: Long, novel style and Short, POST NOW DAMN IT style.
33: Lomgren posts like crazy.
34: The GM will never post fast enough, or be on long enough to move the plot.
35: Every RP will have at least one page populated entirely by only two posters.
35a: These posters' characters are almost always on the verge of at least making out.
35b: These posters' character's are in extreme danger.
35c: Or, you know, they're just really chatty.
36: Someone will always be disconnected from the Internet at a critical plot point.
37: There must be one Technomancer unless there is no tech.
37a: And, if there is no tech, there will be an Inventor who can make tech.
38: No one remains single for the whole RP, no matter how hard they try.
38a: Except if controlled by Piebunny. See Rule 89.
38b: Or if controlled by catldr24.
39: If 10's girl is talking about a rose it always means the same thing: she is a virgin.
40: There will always be a triangle.
41: Law of Tableware Nonexistence: There is no Spoon.
41a: There will be a long list of jokes only certain people will get.
41b: Most of these will occur on Library Books.
42: There will be one martial arts expert.
42a: He will be an old man.
42b: He will be Asian.
42c: he will be replaced within 2 years, by some younger guy.
43: There will always be one ultra-feminist whom no one likes.
44: There will be an evil organization.
44a: They will be stronger than the good guys, but still lose to a bunch of students.
45: If you get Deadlocked in a relationship with an inactive character, bad luck.
46: If Avenara makes a male character, no matter if he was meant to be straight, he always ends up gay.
47: There are always at least two characters who start out unable to speak English (or whatever alternate common language is in use, if not English).
47a: But they will be able to communicate through other means.
48: At least one character will have/has a sibling with a military background.
49: At least one char will have an animal cohort.
50: Anyone who controls Electricity will have found out about their ability by frying their Computer/MP3 player/Phone/Robot Dog.
51: All of Yun's characters are at least bilingual.
51a: Even if he has to make up the second language himself.
52: At least one of Kylen's characters will be curtained for violence or otherwise at least once in the first 200 pages of said character's involvement in RP.
53: What happens BTC doesn't always stay BTC.
54: BTC will always mean Behind the Curtain.
55: If a character has a secret that they want to keep hidden from other characters, it will always always be revealed when they think no-one is watching.
55a: They will do one of two things: Tell nobody, or tell everybody. There is no middle ground.
56: Certain characters always seem to be quiet for strangely long periods of time before suddenly speaking up, while others are always talking.
57: If something is revealed OOC it will be revealed IC within a page or less.
58: Fawe's characters will be stalkers at least once in the RP.
59: Romance Sense SUCKS!
60: Any bad habits held by a character will be broken by another.
61: Anything that is set up for a cliché ending will have said ending.
62: There will be a Wiki in under a month or 2 of no plot movement.
63: There will always be a diagram of the dorms, but not the important places.
64: Six months of character development will be crammed into two days of action because the thread moves too slowly.
64a: No one is ever knocked out for a week.
65: If a character says that he/she is "Invincible", "Indestructible", "Unbeatable" or "Immortal", they will be proven very wrong in the next five pages.
66: The little girl always kicks the big guy's butt.
67: Kylen's characters get shagged within a day of meeting a significant other.
68: There is always at least one catgirl.
69: No, your character may not have 'One-Winged Angel' as their theme music.
70: No PC is ever really unremarkable.
71: The GM is not only god, but usually in love with irony.
72: While a day may take 200 pages to go by, a plane trip will only take two.
73: Nothing important happens during time warps.
74: [Something in square brackets] always means a curse word.
75: Themes are kick ass. All important characters have one.
76: Anyone with a peculiar accent or speaking habit will generally drop it.
76a: Any character who does not speak English will learn to do so improbably fast.
76b: Or learn the Common language through magic and/or a dream.
77: There will always be a reference to a webcomic.
78: If someone makes a point to say something is useless or ordinary, it most likely just looks that way and is REALLY useful and exotic.
79: One hour must take at least 3 days OOC.
80: Wounds heal improbably fast as well.
81: Don't question DEM. Ever.
81a: DEM can be what ever the hell it wants to be.
82: Evil plotting will always occur OOC, also Murphy's Law has particular sway IC.
83: People in love are always at Murphy's mercy, of which there is none.
84: Characters may have Asian names, even if they have no Asian heritage whatsoever.
85: Knock!
86: Kum-El will have a free male. Ten will have a free female.
86a: They will get together. (See also: 10-Kum-El Character Magnetism.)
87: No matter what the RP is about, Piebunny will find some way to put Marco and Marci Marcellis in it.
87a: They will become inactive very quickly.
87b: If the RP does not involve Marco and Marci, KFPB will be in it.
88: No-one can resist the puppy dog eyes.
89: None of Piebunny's characters will ever become romantically involved.
89a: EVER.
89b: Particularly and especially not Marco and Marci.
90: Cameo's RPs will be faster than light.
90a: Piebunny's will crash and burn.
91: If Cameo is involved, someone will have wings.
92: FB's characters will always like obscure music.
93: VOR's characters are evil.
93a: If he creates a good character, either the RP or the character will die.
93b: Unless the character slowly starts getting morally corrupted.
94: Someone will try to work in an anime/manga reference.
95: Joat's characters are always overly and ridiculously epic.
95a: None of them are powerless.
96: Grim's characters will always be hopeless romantics.
96a: If they're not a hopeless romantic, they have no people skills.
97: "The Fur Covers Everything": If a fur-covered person has no clothing, their fur covers and conceals any parts of the anatomy which would be considered "indecent" or "objectionable" in public. They are thus not considered "naked", except possibly by other fur-covered people.
98: If there are Zombies involved, there will inevitably be a dance sequence.
99: Don't get in the middle of a fight between Brylian_Troy and HomerNet, you will get hurt, and that's Just The Way They Are.
100: Don't try to out-plot-twist HomerNet, you will always fail.
101: If there is a hot-bodied female moogle, there must always be a leather-clad hot-bodied female moogle.
102: If something happens that still shouldn't happen, the reason is because "this is Mayhem".
102a: Same statement is used to answer the phrase "This is Madness!"
103: Ajac will play a very moral good guy.
103a: Expect many biblical references when he is around.
104: Jstone's characters are all action-movie cliches.
104a: Unless he's been up way too late. Then they're a well-written, multidimensional character.
105: If an RP involves Teleros, Jstone, or Saric Krass, expect spaceships.
Exceptions
There's always a few who want to go around breaking the rules, eh? Here are some of them.
15: Magical School's Nurse.
17: Kum-El, despite more than one attempt at it.
18: Sarah, Sylva Xynthea, May Cottontail, and Kent 'Don' Donavan.
41: Waffle House #4741. Spoons are abundant. There is no Matrix.
35a&35b: Grassvale Town RP.
50: Travis.
64a: Neko from the Moperville RP 2.0 (though technically, the week was a timeskip, and he was asleep and not unconscious. And I think he woke up to eat once a day...)
67: Kylie and Amber.
70: Kevin.
76: Ed Bunny, and Sharzaxeshexsssh.
83: Draco Blazer and May Cottontail.
85: Will.
88: Leon Minnis, Sevilin, and Warlof.
90: Driftersverse and Wingies.
90a: The Massive Flaming Plane Crash Thread. (Although, since the plane itself crashes and burns....)
93: ICVOR.
96: Phil Cartwright.
101: The Artmoogle (aka Drayco) has final say with all things moogly. Always.
- Note- Author-Man has broken 99.999999% of these rules.
