Ask Monica to be your girlfriend

From Create Your Own Story

"I'd like to do you more ... um, I mean be with you more often," you say.

Monica laughs. "I like you too, Ty. You can stay here and whenever I'm not at work, you can bang me any way you like."

CONGRATULATIONS! You scored yourself a girlfriend. Sure, she's just as pathetic as you, a fat woman in her mid-40's working the night shift at 7-11, but so what?

You and Monica eventually marry. You live a drab, miserable life of poverty but at least the sex is hot. Until the day 20 years later when she dies and with nothing to live for after your older wife's death, you kill yourself.