User talk:D10082607
From Create Your Own Story
A couple tips for a fellow newbie
You know, just a few weeks ago I was looking at the portion of Smutty Sex Romp you decided to add to today. It's good to see someone building onto it. You've got the formatting down, but your English could use some work. It's nothing to be ashamed of; we all have to learn at some point.
Here are a couple examples from your page, Teach the naughty rat a lesson:
Enjoying her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
^Who is enjoying it? Is it the rat girl, you, or some bystander? And 'enjoying,' as a present participle, cannot function alone as the main verb of your sentence. You could change the ending from 'ing' to some other present form like 'enjoys,' or put a present 'be' verb before 'enjoying' (is enjoying, are enjoying). But I recommend avoiding be verbs when you can.
You spank her, enjoying her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
^I think this is what you were trying to say. The part I added to the beginning, 'You spank her,' could function as a sentence on its own, so 'enjoying' no longer incorrectly takes the place of a main verb ('spank' is the main verb).
But, as an even simpler fix, just make 'enjoying' the main verb by conjugating it to 'enjoy':
You enjoy her angry and pained speaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
Watching her cheeks jiggle and becoming slightly redder with every spank.
^Again, who is watching her? And who is "becoming slightly redder with every spank"? The word 'becoming,' in that form, can't be used as a main verb.
Her soft cheeks jiggle and become slightly redder with every spank.
^I made 'becoming' the active verb by changing it to 'become,' and got rid of 'watching' all together.
Though, you could have kept both:
You watch her cheeks jiggle and become slightly redder with every spank.
