Masochist me/Contact
From Create Your Own Story
"Hello," the instructor said, looking each one of us in the eye. "Today you will learn about eye contact and bodily contact. What they mean, what they say, and what they do."
We nodded, and she continued.
"First, eye contact. Someone tell me what is expected."
I answered quickly. "We must always maintain eye contact."
The instructor shook her head. "Incorrect. Here, let me demonstrate."
With that, she grabbed a chair and set it down in front of me.
"So, you are out on a date, and things seem to be going okay so far," she said, looking me in the eye. I mimicked her, keeping my eyes on hers.
"So, what will you do?" She asked, still looking into my eyes.
"I will try to get him talking. To tell me about himself."
"And, if he is shy, reserved?" She asked me.
I tried to figure out how to reply, noticing this woman hardly ever blinked.
"I guess that depends on what kind of things I knew about him, and go with my gut feeling."
I started to wonder if I had given the right answer.
"But you don't know anything about this client. He did not put much information on his bio."
I started wondering what I was doing wrong. "Then I guess I would pick something to tell him about myself."
Under her non-wavering gaze, I started to feel a bit self conscious.
"Like what? I mean, is the client there to listen to you talk about yourself?"
I cleared my throat. "I guess not." I was starting to feel very self conscious by now.
"Okay, so, now I want you to think about something. How do you feel, with me, right now?"
The sudden change in topics confused me, but I answered honestly. "Really? A bit...strange, and like I am doing everything wrong."
"Why is that?" She asked.
"Sorry, I don't know." I replied, feeling worse and worse, like I had no clue.
"Eye contact." I blinked in surprise. "What you are feeling is exactly what you expressed. I am maintaining constant eye contact with you."
With that, she got up and walked back in front of all of us. I felt relieved.
"Too many people know the default answer, maintain eye contact. But, constant eye contact sends the wrong message. Instead of saying 'I am interested in you', it tells the other party that you are in control of them. You are the dominant person, and makes the clients feel like it is less of a date, and more of a confrontation."
It dawned on me. "That is exactly how I felt."
"While you do want to maintain eye contact in many circumstances, you want to still look at other things. If you are in a restaurant, you can look at the menu, or look at the food. Look away time to time. I would say, it is more important to maintain steady eye contact."
We nodded, seeing her point.
Eye contact: Depends on client
Some prefer direct eye contact for a more intimate experience.
From: lifehacker.com/a-scientific-guide-to-the-perfect-first-date-1443210946
The study shows that when we lock eye contact for too long the other person might see that as forced dominance, which is (usually) not something you want to exude on a first date because it's confrontational. Likewise, it's not as persuasive as it once was and the study showed that too much eye contact was actually counterproductive.
In the context of a first date, balancing the right kind of eye contact is crucial. You don't really want to appear too dominant and controlling, but still need to maintain the confidence that comes from solid eye contact. So, what's the right amount of eye contact? The Wall Street Journal suggests that it's about 7-10 seconds of eye contact at a time. Hold your gaze, look away briefly at a window, waiter, or other table, then return the look. Eye contact is still important, but don't overdo it. The last thing you want to do is creep out your date with cult leader eyes.
1. Prolonged Eye Contact: This may seem simple enough, but sometimes people tend to forget just how much a locked stare or held gaze can actually say. A Dartmouth University study found that male participants who were asked to rate models based on a series of photos preferred those who were staring directly at the camera; those who weren’t were seen as less agreeable. Think of it this way: if your date’s eyes wander during the conversation, he might be bored.
2 Dilated Pupils: Eye contact is one thing, but dilated pupils are hard to fake. Science has proven that a person’s eyes dilate when she sees something she finds attractive. This could be a great way to determine if your date is into you, but be careful, because it might also be that plate of food in front of her that she’s interested in, or perhaps the sign of a drug problem. Either way, the pupils provide important information.
3. The Eyebrow Lift: It sounds like a cliché out of an old classic film, but according to Yahoo Personals, when a man sees someone he’s into, he might quickly lift and lower his eyebrows, wrinkling his forehead in the process. He may not even be aware of his own actions, as anthropologists have labeled the move “the eyebrow flash,” so you have to be on your own toes to pick up on this one.
Others prefer the woman to be more passive, shy, flirtatious, or submissive
Physical contact: Similar to eye contact, but training mentions little methods, such as touching clients hand, or getting close while walking.
www.more.com/love-sex/dating/first-date-9-signs-hes-you
8. Physical Contact: A hand on the knee, a peck on the cheek, a pat on the arm—it’s all about making contact to indicate the interest in more contact. People generally don’t touch other people they’re not interested in, so if your date has made any physical contact that doesn’t include wiping that drink off you she may have accidentally spilled, it’s a positive.
9. Highlighting the Best Attributes: If your date isn’t touching you, she may be touching, er, herself. Whether a woman is running her hands through her hair or a man is flexing his muscles, we all tend to inadvertently highlight our best attributes in front of someone we’re into. If she’s drawing attention to her lips, it’s a solid sign of attraction; if he’s got his thumbs tucked into his pants pockets … well, you get the drift.
