User talk:D10082607
From Create Your Own Story
(A couple tips for a fellow newbie) |
(Hit 'save page' instead of 'preview') |
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Here are a couple examples from your page, [[Teach the naughty rat a lesson]]: | Here are a couple examples from your page, [[Teach the naughty rat a lesson]]: | ||
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| + | '''<small>Wrong</small>:''' | ||
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'''<font color=red>Enjoying</font> her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | '''<font color=red>Enjoying</font> her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | ||
^Who is enjoying it? Is it the rat girl, you, or some bystander? And 'enjoying,' as a present participle, cannot function alone as the main verb of your sentence. You could change the ending from 'ing' to some other present form like 'enjoys,' or put a present 'be' verb before 'enjoying' (is enjoying, are enjoying). But I recommend avoiding be verbs when you can. | ^Who is enjoying it? Is it the rat girl, you, or some bystander? And 'enjoying,' as a present participle, cannot function alone as the main verb of your sentence. You could change the ending from 'ing' to some other present form like 'enjoys,' or put a present 'be' verb before 'enjoying' (is enjoying, are enjoying). But I recommend avoiding be verbs when you can. | ||
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| + | '''<small>Right</small>:''' | ||
'''<font color=red>You spank her, enjoying</font> her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | '''<font color=red>You spank her, enjoying</font> her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | ||
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But, as an even simpler fix, just make 'enjoying' the main verb by conjugating it to 'enjoy': | But, as an even simpler fix, just make 'enjoying' the main verb by conjugating it to 'enjoy': | ||
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| + | '''<small>Also right</small>:''' | ||
'''<font color=red>You enjoy </font>her angry and pained speaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | '''<font color=red>You enjoy </font>her angry and pained speaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.''' | ||
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| + | '''<small>Wrong</small>:''' | ||
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'''<font color=red>Watching her</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>becoming</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | '''<font color=red>Watching her</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>becoming</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | ||
^Again, who is watching her? And who is "becoming slightly redder with every spank"? The word 'becoming,' in that form, can't be used as a main verb. | ^Again, who is watching her? And who is "becoming slightly redder with every spank"? The word 'becoming,' in that form, can't be used as a main verb. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''<small>Right</small>:''' | ||
'''<font color=red>Her soft</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>become</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | '''<font color=red>Her soft</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>become</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | ||
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Though, you could have kept both: | Though, you could have kept both: | ||
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| + | '''<small>Also right</small>:''' | ||
'''<font color=red>You watch her</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>become</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | '''<font color=red>You watch her</font> cheeks jiggle and <font color=red>become</font> slightly redder with every spank.''' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
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| + | I make the same errors all of the time. I was just hoping that you'd contribute more in the future. I know it's fun to write smut regardless, but a reader can enjoy it much more if you write correctly. It takes time to improve your writing, so I won't expect you to be perfect tomorrow, but hopefully you can start taking steps in the right direction. | ||
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| + | Best of luck. --[[User:Pickles|Pickles]] 05:32, 9 June 2020 (UTC) | ||
Revision as of 05:32, 9 June 2020
A couple tips for a fellow newbie
You know, just a few weeks ago I was looking at the portion of Smutty Sex Romp you decided to add to today. It's good to see someone building onto it. You've got the formatting down, but your English could use some work. It's nothing to be ashamed of; we all have to learn at some point.
Here are a couple examples from your page, Teach the naughty rat a lesson:
Wrong:
Enjoying her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
^Who is enjoying it? Is it the rat girl, you, or some bystander? And 'enjoying,' as a present participle, cannot function alone as the main verb of your sentence. You could change the ending from 'ing' to some other present form like 'enjoys,' or put a present 'be' verb before 'enjoying' (is enjoying, are enjoying). But I recommend avoiding be verbs when you can.
Right:
You spank her, enjoying her angry and pained squeaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
^I think this is what you were trying to say. The part I added to the beginning, 'You spank her,' could function as a sentence on its own, so 'enjoying' no longer incorrectly takes the place of a main verb ('spank' is the main verb).
But, as an even simpler fix, just make 'enjoying' the main verb by conjugating it to 'enjoy':
Also right:
You enjoy her angry and pained speaks every time you slap her butt with your hand.
Wrong:
Watching her cheeks jiggle and becoming slightly redder with every spank.
^Again, who is watching her? And who is "becoming slightly redder with every spank"? The word 'becoming,' in that form, can't be used as a main verb.
Right:
Her soft cheeks jiggle and become slightly redder with every spank.
^I made 'becoming' the active verb by changing it to 'become,' and got rid of 'watching' all together.
Though, you could have kept both:
Also right:
You watch her cheeks jiggle and become slightly redder with every spank.
I make the same errors all of the time. I was just hoping that you'd contribute more in the future. I know it's fun to write smut regardless, but a reader can enjoy it much more if you write correctly. It takes time to improve your writing, so I won't expect you to be perfect tomorrow, but hopefully you can start taking steps in the right direction.
Best of luck. --Pickles 05:32, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
