Push your very fat neighbour against the door
From Create Your Own Story
You leap into action and desperately try to roll him towards the door, but he's far too fat and won't budge. You hear the goons shake the door and know it won't withstand more than a couple of their blows. Tears sting your eyes as you ineffectually strain against his round belly with all your might. This is it: you're going to end up beaten to a pulp, your life over before it begins. You picture the inscription on your tombstone: Laura Alessandra Grazia de Angelis, 1380-1400, sorely missed by bedbugs and fleas.
While you pity yourself, your fat neighbour's wife appears at your side, her sleeves rolled up, and motions for you to stand back. She mutters disdainfully and gives her prone husband a kick in his expansive backside. You watch slack-jawed in wonder as she puffs her cheeks out and, with one great heave, shoves her husband against the front door with an almighty crash.
She nods at you and walks straight back to the kitchen, throwing a little girl who was about to thrust a hand up your skirt over her shoulder as she goes and snatching her rolling pin from the hands of a little boy.
For the first time, you also notice that, in her own way, she's quite an attractive woman. She's not pretty in the sense that you are, but her strong, defined features make her quite handsome, and despite having carried and given birth to six children, she still has a youthful figure. You momentarily wonder whether the war against her husband isn't just her idea of a fitness regimen.
You hear sounds of confusion and frustration on the other side of the door - you've earned a brief reprieve. You also realize that you could never afford a tombstone. You:
