DSmails, The Glitch
From Bloo Toons
Contents |
[edit] Basic Info
When odd glitches start appearing in the town of Underworld, the mayor and super cool guy Darkshadows tries to ignore the problem completely. And he succeeds.
OR DOES HE?!
Mr. Teatime as: Himself, Lufis McCormick
Carol as: Herself
Steven as: Everyone Else
Script by: Lufis McCormick
[edit] Transcript
(Cut to Darkshadows' compter desk, where, instead of a computer, a large, staticy portal has planted itself. Darkshadows floats in and sits down at the computer.)
DS: It's time to answer - wait, what in the name of Ted Nugent is going on here? Where is my game box? And by that, I mean, "Where is my computer?" And by that, I mean, "Why is there staticy hole where my computer usually is?"
Pointy Hair Man's voice: Oh my Tog, the TV!
(cut to PHM in the living room, kneeling near another staticy portal that seems to be placed exactly where the TV used to be. Darkshadows is floating downstairs.)
PHM: TV is cancelled forever! Nooooooo!
(Darkshadows floats over to Pointy Hair Man.)
DS: Okay, you waste of hair and matter, what did you do to the fabric of time and space?
PHM: Nothing, I swear!
DS: (a shadow sword materializing in his hand) I haven't played Battlefront II in ten minutes! Wanna know why? Because something you probably did ATE. MY. COMPUTER! Now, if you don't tell me what you did, I'm gonna open up a can of Obi-Wan on your sorry behind! Now, fess up!
PHM: Lufis is investigating the matter, he's in the kitchen! Why won't anyone let me mourn in peace? I was watching QVC, for Togssake!
Lufis' voice: No, no, not the Odd Tree! Noooooo!
DS: What now?
(cut to the Kitchen, where Lufis is looking forlornly out the window at a twisted old tree, which is being consumed by another staticy portal. Darkshadows floats into the kitchen.)
Lufis: I can't stand all these unnatural goings on! (turning and noticing Darkshadows) Oh, hey, Nintendo Dual Screen.
DS: Shut up. What's going on around here? First my computer, now the TV? What are those big staticy things?
Lufis: They're glitches in the forum. The site needs a crucial patch, and isn't getting it.
DS: Oh. Well, that's not my problem. (turns to leave)
Lufis: (shocked slightly) But... but aren't you going to save the city?
DS: Nope. I'll leave that to Depressio. He's good at that sort of thing.
(Cut to East Dempsey, which has almost been totally engulfed by a staticy portal, save for a small pillar of ground that is supporting That_Goblin)
That_Goblin: (blinks thrice)
(cut to the Sidewalk, where Darkshadows is floating along. Some portions of the sidewalk fence have been eaten by statcy portals.)
DS: Man, this sucks. Everything's being eaten up with glitches, and everything that hasn't been eaten by glitches is being eaten by Ponty.
(Darkshadows floats past Ponty, who is leaning against the Fence, eating a brick. Floating past that, he turns to go down Donald Trump Street, but is stopped by a large tank.)
DS: Oh, what now?
(A hatch on top of the tank opens, and Jordan's head pokes out.)
Jordan: Martial law, Mr. Mayor. I suggest you get blown up before you say anything. FIRE, LYRICAL!
Carol's voice: Firing!
DS: Aw, hell.
(The tank's turret swivels to line up with Darkshadow's head and fires, but a rather narrow staticy portal appars a split second before the shell would've hit Darkshadows, and the shell is consumed by the portal.)
Carol's voice: Oh, for the love of Tog. (a sharp static buzz is heard) Peaches, commence Plan "SODSapostropheH"!
(Sallie jumps over the Fence and tries to slash at Darkshadows' head with a very evil-looking sword, but she fumbles, falls on her face, and the sword wings into the portal in front of Darkshadows. Darkshadows floats off.)
Sallie: Oh, darnit.
Jordan: He's impossible to kill!
(a statcy buzz can be heard.)
Teatime's staticy voice: HQ to Lyrical, HQ to Lyrical, has the turkey been stuffed?
Carol's voice: Lyrical to HQ, that is a big negatory, the turkey has left the pen, I repeat, the turkey has left the pen.
Teatime's staticy voice: ...10-4. I'll see to it that your salaries are all cut.
Carol's voice: Lyrical to HQ, asking for confirmation on the fact that you do not pay us, over.
Teatime's staticy voice: HQ to Lyrical, shut up, Over and out.
Carol's voice: ...I hate that monster.
Jordan: Who, Darkshadows?
Carol's voice: Shut up and get back in the tank, mercenary man.
(cvut to Darkshadows, who is wandering towards Uptown Underworld. Going through Downtown, there are large, horrible street fights, gang wars, and lootings going on, but Darkshadows pays no attention to any of it. Once in Uptown, Darkshadow makes a beeline for "Jode's German Sandwich Hut". Entering, we see an old man polishing off a sandwich (as in eating it) behind the counter. The man is seemingly trying to avoid noticing the staticy portals that are placed haphazardly in his restauraunt.)
DS: Afternoon, Jode.
Jode: (finishing the last of his sandwich) Afternoon, Mr Mayor.
DS: Hey, can I get a Guterbürger mit Käse and Ein SuperSaft?
Jode, Comin' right up, Mr. Mayor.
(Jode goes into the kitchen of the restauraunt and putters around, making a sandwich.)
DS: So, what do you think of the glitches all around town?
Jode: I'm trying not to, Mr. Mayor. I'll tell you one thing, they're really messing up the feng shui of my house.
DS: Yeah, big staticy portals to nowhere'll do that to ya. Hey, have you seen Teatime anywhere?
Jode: (filling a cup with some sort of red liquid) No, last I heard, he was trying to use the chaos of the whole glitch thing to kill you.
DS: Yeah, I ran into the Forces on Donald Trump Street. Er, can I get Einer Schokoladenstückkekse with that?
Jode: Anything for the Mayor. (reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a chocolate chip cookie, then hands the cookie, the sandwich, and the red stuff to Darkshadows)
DS: Thanks, Jode. I'm gonna go see Alouise, see if he can do anything about this.
Jode: Hey, now there's an idea. I'm gonna check Lox News and see if the President's making a speech. He should be, this is a national crisis.
DS: You do that. I don't owe you anything, do I?
Lode: Mayor eats free.
DS: (smiling) I love being the mayor.
(Darkshadows leaves the sandwich hut and starts eating his sandwich. Walking towards the outskirts of town, Darkshadows finishes up his sandwich and cookie and begins to drink his red stuff, but Teatime jumps out from behind a shrub and blocks Darkshadows' way.)
Taken from Darkshadows Emails from Burning Horizon's H*R Forum
[edit] Real World References
- Ted Nugent is a famous guitarist from Detroit, Michigan, famous for such songs as "Cat Scratch Fever" and "Motor City Madhouse".
- Battlefront II is short for Star Wars: Battlefront II, a video game released in 2005. It is available for PC, PS2, Xbox, and PSP.
- QVC is a home shopping television network.
- The Nintendo Dual Screen is a hand held gaming console, which responds to commands not only by pressing buttons, but by touching one of the dual screens with a stylus.
- Depressio, East Dempsey, and That_Goblin are references to another project similar to Darkshadows E-mails know as Sadmails.
- Donald Trump is the CEO of Trump Organization, a real estate company.
- The items ordered by Darkshadows at the German Sandwich Hut are Americanized German words.
- Feng shui is the ancient Chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with the environment.
- Lox News is a parody of Fox News, a cable news channel.
