Mojo philter

From Speakeasy

Mojo Philter - billy_boatrocker is an enigma wrapped in a mystery on a sesame seed bun. Reportedly a forty-something Californian from the 'Silicon Valley' he now lives in Valparaiso, Chile where his most recent contribution to Chilean culture is the catchy phrase, 'mierda de perro no es cultura.' Like Bo Jackson he talks about himself in the Third Person and unlike Bo frequently sings out loud in public the lyrics to 'dick in a box!' from the hilarious SNL routine. Several years ago a fresh-faced young mojo was unceremoniously kicked off the very first Internet forum he joined within 24 hours for the always heinous crime of A.A.I.Q.A.J, i.e. Asking An Innocent Question About J00s. A puzzled mojo scratched his wonderfully luxurious head of hair, farted, and reflected on why certain people are an hysterically protected species much like the Saltmarsh topminnow, (Fundulus jenkinsi) or the Key Largo woodrat, (Neotoma floridana smalli). Later armed with this new knowledge and a 2 liter of Diet Coke mojo gave teh forum thing another try. Initially intimidated by the (at that time) high-toned discussion, he shyly lurked at Liberty Forum for several months before he finally cinched his Jethro Bodeen rope belt tight and signed on. Hilarity ensued and good times were had by all.... but, in mid 2004 unable to login during one of the legendary LF server meltdowns, mojo impetuously changed his handle to billy_boatrocker. Commentators have suggested this handle is a much more accurate description of his whimsical passive-agressive personality, but when asked, mojo/billy said, "Uh, I dunno." After 2000+ posts and imbibing deeply of the intoxicatingly Pirean LF wisdom a tired billy sensed Liberty Forum had devolved into either, a. an endless marathon of stale pizza and cosmic lizard theories, and/or b. lewd and pulsating banality in it's highest and lowest forms at the same time. So, being a simple lad and justifiably confused, he bowed out like a true pro. When asked by an adoring media at his retirement press conference why he was hanging up his spikes while still at the top of his game, a tearful billy said." I don't worry about the things I can control, because I can control them, and I don't worry about the things I can't control because I can't control them."

Special thanks to: Dave Marsh and Micky 'Mick the Quick' Rivers for quotes and also to Vincent 'Bo' Jackson.

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