From Speakeasy


Fap is an onomatopoeic verb describing the sounds of male masturbation. It takes the form of an adjective in the words faptastic or faptacular.

Fapping is a big no-no for followers of Semitic cults. Puritans often describe it as unnatural, despite the fact that most mammals and even human fetuses engage in it regularly. Countless devices have been patented throughout human history to keep young men from enjoying their cocks. These were particularly common in the 19th century days of the so-called social hygiene movement. Despite all the claims about self-pleasure causing blindness, insanity and physical deformity being long ago discredited as pseudoscientific garbage on par with phrenology, the masturbation taboo remains in some circles.


Plate 1A: Pеnis-Rings. Put on boys at night in bed to prevent erections while sleeping.


Plate 2A: Metal Anti-Masturbation Devices. French (G. Jalade-Lafond, 1818) and German (W Scheinlein, 1831.)


  • "So do like your ancestors, do like your Old Father Abraham, grab your balls and testify! Grab 'em right now, Brother! Don't grab 'em too hard. But don't be too soft on yourself either. And Sister, you just grab your holy vulvа right where it feels good. Feel the power, the glory and the truth of solo sеxual revelation! Finger yourself with joy! Stroke yourself into rapture! Surrender to self-pleasure. Testify to the truth of autoеrotic ecstasy. Testify and be healed of stress and frustration, sleeplessness and Desperate Housewife Syndrome...What's the matter, Brother Jack? Are you embarrassed, Sister Jill? Feel silly? Guilty? Naughty? Baad? Don't you know that if God had intended you not to mаsturbate, he would have made your arms shorter?" - George Carlin
  • "Mаsturbаtion has never given anyone a disease. And you know you're having sеx with someone you love." - Dr. Jocelyn Elders


See also

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