Dylan/Alex Confrontation

From Rom Com

Basically, Dylan confronts Alex about his seduction of Aimee. Dylan ends up saying something along the lines of "If all you care about is the photo, I'll get you a photo"...and then, well...I'll get around to talking about that once we're sure that Dylan and Alex are okay with an extremely awkward kiss.

DYLAN
We need to talk.

ALEX
Ah, hello. Whatever's the matter?

DYLAN
Explain this. (He hands Alex a photo.)

ALEX
It's a bet. Excuse me. (He gets up and starts to walk away. Dylan follows after.)

DYLAN
What?

ALEX
It's a bet between myself and Emily. We're competing to get the most of these photographs, if you must know.

DYLAN
What?

ALEX
Here. Sit. I'll be back in a few seconds. (He forces Dylan into a chair. Then a far shot of Alex seducing a girl. He finally returns.)

ALEX
I'm sorry, what were you saying?

DYLAN
We're friends, wouldn't you say? We're friends.

ALEX
Yes. Although you can be boring.

DYLAN
And you can be a fucking jerk, but that's not my point. This bet.

ALEX
Yes?

DYLAN
I want you to stop it.

ALEX
Okay.

DYLAN
Okay?

ALEX
Okay.

DYLAN
Okay what?

ALEX
Okay, I realize you want me to stop it.

DYLAN
But you're not going to stop it.

ALEX
Why would I? For that matter, why do you want me to stop?

DYLAN
Because you're hurting people.

ALEX
(Makes buzzer noise) Incorrect! Since when have you cared about people? (Imitates an announcer) And that's a lie, Alan, going all the way back in left field...Santiago making a dash for home plate...and the ball is in the air, he's reaching for it, it might be over the fence...

DYLAN
(cutting Alex off) Because you're hurting Carmen.

ALEX
Carmen's a big girl. She can handle it.

DYLAN
Do you like her?

ALEX
That's one of those questions that's just begging to be answered untruthfully.

DYLAN
(Puts a hand to his forehead. Exasperated.) Oh my God.

ALEX
See, the problem with you naturalists is that you see everything as completely (he searches for a word) formulaic. Which is to say, governed by law, not nature. You have two people, they pair off, they fuck, raise children, then they die. But we're--I'm--not some kind of animal; I won't conform to your preconceived notions of love just because you happen to think I'm bound to some contractual social obligation. I'm not a fucking tool, I'm not a machine... I'm a rational human being, and that means thinking about yourself, struggling to rise above what you are.

DYLAN
You are fucking formulaic, don't give me that shit... you're more formulaic than the fucking Fibonacci sequence. You try and win, whatever walks into your path you take, and that's all you care about. I hate to sound like a republican, but there's more to humanity than just a constant drive to win, you've got to have compassion; that's what makes you more than an animal.

Alex is not buying it.

DYLAN
You're heartless. (pause) Look, you just need a fucking picture, right? I'll kiss you.
Dylan rushes up to Alex, and with a suddenness their lips meet. Alex brings his cell phone out quickly.
Alex
I didn't say you could use tongue.

.

Alex then proceeds to spit for a moment, as if to wash the taste out of his mouth.

DYLAN
You're sick

Alex laughs with his farsical barritone.

Alex
You're one to talk

ALEX
Well, my dear Toby, Carmen is yours. Enjoy!

Alex slaps Dylan on the back while talking

DYLAN
You honestly didn't hear anything I told you...

ALEX
Oh, I heard you, like the wind whispering through the empty trees.

Dylan turns and walks out.

Once Dylan slams the door, Alex looses his haughty and confidant demeanor, after a few moments of contemplation, Alex turns and slams his fist into the nearest object.

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