Windows PX

From Popwiki

Windows XP\, aka Codename Lemon, aka Teabagging Software aka NT 5.1.2600 is a stable (yet to come stable release) operating system, it was Microsoft's best system to date. But it sucks anyway. It had no graphical user interface, compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS. It manages to take up a whole 40 GB on one's hard disk and its file system can interact fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux. It has mouse support, although penguins are as yet not supported or even liked. The "XP" in Windows XP stands for "eXtra Penis" (or Vagina-Penis System), though it has been suspected to be an ideogram for a face with a tongue sticking out.

Production of XP began in 1945, and was completed in 1995. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and, overall, a huge load of steaming shit in a blue (or green) box. They even fill up the system with this funny error messages.

This radical change in software design came about when it was felt Microsoft needed a change of leadership, so they sacked Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates, then hired Hull University's Phil Costin as chairman and Jonty the Electric Hamster as CEO. MS also abandoned their Web browser integration policy in favor of placing the less-than-cost-effective Mozilla Firefox and Opera combination in its place. This was criticized at first, but now users have become used to being less well-off financially.

With the lack of GUI in Microsoft's main product, this meant a lot of their existing software went under a radical redesign. For instance, Microsoft Office 2003, with the exception in the rise in office workers cursing cunty bollock chops in regards to its performance, contains absolutely no features that some people would see as pointless and it only require up a few gigabytes of RAM to operate.

Windows XP also contains a partial implementation of the UNIX OS, making it more stable and easier to handle for the average home user. Although Microsoft states that this is the "WSFU" feature, further investigation shows that that feature is actually called "Windows Shut the F*** Up" and serves to decrease stability of instant messaging programs, including Microsoft's own Windows Messenger. It has known affiliations with Darth VaderTemplate:Cn. (WARNING: comment may be very true)

It is the only version of Windows known not to include the feature that has been a hallmark of Windows since 3.0, the blue screen appearing every 5 minutes, better known as Microsoft 5-minute BlueScreen Technology.

Tutorial to Windows XP

Hi! Today I will teach you how to make your mamma's home-baked Apple pie, but also how to install your Windows XP software. First, insert a floppy disk in the floppy disk drive (you should never attempt to insert a floppy disk in a 56X CD-ROM drive, as floppy disk shrapnel hurts). Then, press on the I/O button on your computer. At this step, you should start to smell burning flesh; yours. The screen will turn black, and nonsense character strings will appear from nowhere. You will be asked if you want to use the CD-ROM drive. As your installation program is on a CD instead of 1453 floppy disks, press Y on your keyboard. You will immediately notice your keyboard is inverted (or else it would be too easy) as N will appear instead of Y. As they will ask you to insert the 1st of the 1453 floppy disks, press again on the I/O button on your computer. Start again, but press on N instead of Y. Insert the Windows XP CD in the CD-ROM drive. Next, type in A:\\>d: (another useless nonsense character string that really works: try it on your computer) and then, press Enter on your keyboard. Then, type in D:\\>setup.exe on your keyboard. The installation program will start. After several days (even with a fast CPU), the installation will finish. Your desktop should appear. Press on the Start icon of your desktop, then press on Run. A window will open. Type in cmd and press on Enter. A black MS-DOS windows will open. Type in format c: and press on Enter on your keyboard. Answer Y to the question they ask you (as your keyboard should not longer be inverted). Your Windows XP software is being uninstalled from your computer. Thank God, we're almost finished. As you see what you just done, you should start to scream, to cry or to freak out. Finally, become completely and utterly irritated with your OS, slam out some beta code and install that instead. Next week, learn how to install Microsoft Office correctly and how to make your grandma's Tracking Cookie.

Sucking Pack 3

Sucking Packs(SP) are distributed by the Microsoft. SP provide security holes-opening fixes and thus your computer will be safe.

Microsoft promised that, the following things will be added in SP3 for the Windows XP:

• Information Security Center 2.0, with the new Windows Defender 2.0 and comments, also Typo 1.0...
• "Aaero" will be installed, which is a color scheme similar to Windows Vista.
• Internet Explorer will be updated to a Mozilla Firefox-like Internet Explorer 7, which supports InActiveY applets.
• Icons, images are more detailed. At least anti-alias in the Bliss wallpaper.
• Updated the dates in the About screen.<ref>Template:Cite web</ref>
• Security holes opened.

SP3 is in Beta test period and still being developed secretly. Too bad that the full-of-typo SP3 has been leaked out and many people have installed them. Microsoft still name their Sucking Pack as Service Pack which is also a typo.

Different from SP2, SP3 provides a more easy way to get annoyed by the system, using the User Account Control.

Future versions

• Windows HP

This will be a variant named in memory of the leaked HP sauce incident. The price of this version will be higher than any other piece of software ever sold, but this version will be available under a hire-purchase agreement. Template:Cn

• Windows MANA
• Windows DEX
• Windows AIDS
• Windows HIV
• Windows XD
• Windows X(
• Windows XPista
• Windows 8)
• Windows ROFL
• Windows STFU
• Windows LOL
• Windows FU
• Windows Bonghorn
• Windows All UR BASE R BELONG 2 US
• Windows (A LINUX EXTENSION - OPTIONAL ADD ON)
• Windows SHUT
• SMASHED Windows
• Windows CRASH
• WIN WTF
• Windows virus

See Also

• Fisher Price
• Microsoft
• Windows
• Apple Computer
• GUIdows
• RAM
• Porno
• Cheese Manufacturing
• X out your privacy
• Windows XP Pirate Edition
• Blue Screen of Death

Template:Windows

• Windows crash

How to Secure Windows XP

Switch to Linux.

References

<references /> Template:Reflist

External Links

Windows HIV
Windows AIDS
Windows Who... Who was joking? This doesn't exist.