Pick Up A Nymphomaniac
From Popwiki
Tonight is the night to go looking. On this particular night, fate will bring you to a local bar where singles congregate. Be more of a passive observer of life rather than an active participant. In a word, be an introvert, not the least bit outgoing. You have to be at the opposite end of the spectrum from "The life of the party." You don't need anything clever. Most guys don't have anything clever to say. You're a good looking guy, just go ahead and start a conversation with a nymphomaniac.
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But How?
"It's just not that easy," you say.
But surely it is, so let us have a little experiment. Lets go to a pickup bar, go in separately, you stay close to me and listen to what guys say when they hit on me. Because I just so happen to be: a Nymphomaniac.
Now youre saying, "Hey, this sounds like fun to me, and I might actually learn some clever lines."
That's what I thought. Lets do it. Ready? Okay...
Step One: Listen and Observe
Listen as I am approached by numerous guys who, much to my disappointment, come up to me and pretty much say "How are you doing?" or "Show me your tits!"
Afterwards, in an analysis of the evening, you might say "So that's it. All they say is "How are you doing? How the hell is this supposed to help me? How do I even spot a Nympho???"
You're missing the point. They don't just say "How are you doing." They slur it and make into one word like "Haayadoin." That's it. That's all you have to say. Just try it out. If a woman is interested, she will answer back and you'll be on your way.
Your face is saying you're a skeptical lad, but your mouth is saying, "OK, I'll give it a try."
That's a good boy...
Step Two: Try and Apply
The next time you see a good looking woman sitting by herself at a bar, sit down beside her. When she turns to see who just sat down, smile and said "Haayadoin?"
To your amazement, she will most likely respond in kind, smiling at you. See how easy the hook was set? The conversation was started and you reeled her in with such ease!
I know what you're thinking, "Wow, all these years of trying to think of some clever approach, and that's all it took!"
But I digress... And you still need to know how to spot one.
Your attention on the dancefloor should always especially be drawn to any particularly attractive, slim, animated female, surrounded by a group of admirers and obviously the life of the party. Certainly not someone who was approachable by the likes of you before today, especially since you had not yet learned the magical Nymphomaniac greeting phrase. As your gaze wanders around the floor, look for a female at the opposite end of the greek alphabet who might actually be approachable, and suddenly there might be an alpha female right in front of you, actually saying something TO YOU!
You may want to look around to see if it was you she was really talking to or just talking through you at some alpha male standing behind you. When you realize she is talking to you, just stupidly say, "What?" Maybe she will ask you to dance. Whatever you do, don't crack any jokes that run through your silly brain. If you can, manage to say "Sure." or "You bet." (U 1337 was not a popular phrase at the time this article was written.)
Step Three: Sealing the Deal
This should really be a no-brainer. At the end of the evening, ask if you can give her a ride home. Call her 'Chickie' if you don't know her real name. (It's Pat!) If she is really a nymphomaniac, her girlfriend drove and she is probably telling you that you are going to take her home. If you get to know her, you might learn that it is really just her modus operandi not to drive, so that if she meets a guy, she can be free to leave with him. She probably lives not very far from the bar, on a fairly busy street. If parked in front of her house, wondering if you should chance an attempt at a goodnight kiss, she may very well just start kissing you and rubbing herself up against you, saying things like, "Please do me a favor and make me cum." Or, the ever popular:
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In any event, you must quickly comply and slip your hand under her skirt and inside her panties, which should alreadybe soaked from anticipation. If you can give her a moaning, thrashing orgasm, she will most likely give you her phone number, leaving you in a state of aroused shock.
Never in your young life had you encountered a female who was this straight-forward and forthcoming!
Nymphomania at the Time
You have to remember, this article was written back in a time before females asked men to dance and before females really talked honestly to men about sex and a date was classified in baseball terms such as getting to first base, second base, etc. Here is a woman inviting you, practically begging you to home plate even before you even knew the game had started!
Nymphomania and You
This should be the beginning of a relationship like no other you've had before. Chickie is TOTALLY sexually oriented. The term "nymphomania" does not do her justice. Nymphomania is defined as "Excessive sexual desire." To a Nympho, no one is oversexed, only undersexed! No matter what you say to her, she will take a sexual meaning or connotation from it.
When you pick her up on your assigned night, if you ask her what she would like to do, she will look at you and in her sexy voice will just say "You know." Knowing that "You know" means sex I would say, well, besides that, what else do you want to do?
The correct response will always be "I don't care."
You can learn so much from nymphos about openness, both sexual and otherwise. You can also learn about all other kinds of "indoor sports from a nymphomaniac" She will just moan and rub up against you, instantly turned on as usual as soon as you touch her. Now, don't get me wrong. Chickie is not just some oversexed bimbo. She is a very intelligent, very quick witted, very sarcastic (which you love), and very funny woman, in addition to being VERY sexy.
A Few More Words to the Wise
Nymphos always say thing like: "When I come home from a date, if I can take my panties off and throw them against the wall and they are still sticking there in the morning, I know I had a good time."
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"I don't care about work, I just want to have sex."
