Online Erotica
From Popwiki
It was not a dark and stormy night, nor was I looking for anything more than idle chit chat. Logging onto an adult only internet chat site just to pass the time had never done more for me than exactly that. And although it often piqued my curiosity, anyone I had ever "met" on the net soon tired of my actual desire to make an intellectual, as well as erotic connection, and both of us would tire of the endeavor and return back to the public banter available within the crowd of other bored online chatters.
Honestly, I had found through my time in chat that most of the participants were only there for idle, shallow conversation, and I soon found myself somewhat indignant. In my mind, in order for me to justify spending my valuable time there, I had decided that EVERYONE, even "hot_girl_wanting_to_screw_27" was a fat, 65-year-old, retired parapalegic man in a wheel chair that knew just enough about girlish notions to fool most others. As I explored their minds, however, it soon became apparent that most of the chatters were merely masking their true identities to just fall short on reality.
None of this surprised me, as I am nothing without the internet, if only a student of human behavior and I reveled in the thought of disrupting their tried, true and practiced "lines". I was participating out of loneliness and desperation, our seemingly shared common thread. After many frustrating, shallow conversations with various 'posers' I found myself getting the urge to screw with their feeble minds. It's no wonder these people were sitting at home alone staring at their keyboards! Sheer social ineptitude! The devil in me launched a brief experiment, just to test a theory...
Chapter One: Playing Elusive
Inevitably, there would be at least a dozen men in chat trying to both fascinate and mesmerize women with such romantic and alluring comments as, "Hi so_and_so_in_ohio_51, are you m or f?"
Talk about chick magnets; these dudes could be spotted as losers in a crowd of a thousand. When someone logs in that sounds even remotely like that of the feminine persuasion, it was all they could do to bratchet their sophistication and savoir-faire into whatever favorite old-timey rendition of:
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Even a n00b such as I knew that this only had the females clamoring to develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with the me, a Lothario of such depth and romanticism, and as soon I realized that there was no way I could compete with the plethora of Cyranos that populated these 'adult' web sites. First, I tried a few different web sites just to keep from shooting my computer and condemning the internet overall, but the same lame chat seemed to permeate into the 6 or so sites I tried. I just had to have *some* fun with these dimwits and opted to pull a scam on them as a final farewell.
In a fit of despair (and boredom) I posted a very official looking memo that could have been from the Webmaster. It's amazing how a little blue text and some carefull formatting really seemed to appear as a message from God. I warned that a new computer virus had been discovered that reformatted the disc drives of anyone making the statement, "Show me your tits!" over 25,000 times. Much to my amazement, and in a sad verification of my own shallow theory, the 75 or so chatters on this particular site suddenly fell silent. You could see that all of the seventy-plus were still logged on; but the scrollbar suddenly stopped dead in its tracks instead of humming along at the normal speed of a three-lane freeway.
Eventually, one brave soul grabbed deep into their verbal library and typed, "Uhn uh" in an attempt to debunk the mysteries. Slowly, chatters typed until 1 dozen or so souls assured one another that this simply was not possible. I have no idea what occurred after that. From that point on, I continued to search for a more stimulating chat room that I could tolerate; keeping my cynicism and low expectations in mind. I engaged in harmless banter until the other party exposed their deception or became fearful of my honesty and creativity; eventually bowing out.
