Sex on The Seven Seas (I Like Your Cutlass Long and Hard)

From Pirate Bitch

This sordid shanty from The Count And His Men's Pirate Bitch! album was alleged to be an attempt by the band to purport rumours that they really did have long hard cutlasses. "That is a lie!" cried Leonardo Mace and Rob Paterson, "Our policy is size doesn't matter! It's 99% passion, bitch!"

Asked why they then wrote this song about long pirate cutlasses, they added, "It's about Garald." Garald S Kirk added "Yes it is. What is this sex of which you speak?"

Lyrics

Uh uh uh uh uhuhuhuh HUH!

Don't look forlorn

Don't be driven to despair

Have you a horn

See my cutlass have a stare

Phwoar!

Gigantium beast of the sea

No need for sucking your toe

Come on, pay your fee

I'm a salty gigolo!

Roar!

You know you want me

They name it the Collosal Squid

Yours on offer, a special deal

But it'll cost you more 'an a quid!

Hwroalalalala!!!!

It's what you want

No consequences

It's want you need

To jump those fences

It's what you desire

I hear the mermaid rhyme

Come on be quick

You're in for a good time!