Brian Regan

From Funny Wiki

Brian Regan is an American stand-up comedian. Regan uses observational humor, keeping his performances relatively clean by refraining from blue humor, sexual references, or obscenities. Regan's material typically covers everyday events, such as shipping a package with UPS, ordering phone service, going to the eye doctor and playing racquetball. Regan makes frequent references to childhood, including little league baseball, the grade school spelling bee and science projects. [Brian Regan]

Some Humor..

I remember my teacher asking me, "Brian, what's the 'i before e' rule?"

"Um... i before e... ...always."

"What are you an idiot, Brian?"

"Apparently"

"No Brian," so she explains it. "I before E, Except after C, And when sounding like A as in neighbor and weigh And on weekends and holidays And all thru out May And you'll always be wrong No Matter What You Say!"

Oh, that's a hard rule. That's a rough rule.

Plurals were hard too. "Brian how do you make a word a plural?"

"You put an S. You put an S at the end of it."

"When?"

"On weekends... and holidays..."

"No, no, Brian. Let me show you."

So she asks this kid who knew everything, Irwin.

"Irwin, what is the plural for ox?" "Oxen. The farmer used his oxen."

"Brian?"

"what?!"

"What is the plural for box?"

"Boxen. I bought two boxen of donuts."

"No, Brian, no. Let's try another one. Irwin, what is the plural for goose?"

"Geese. I saw a flock... of geese."

"Brian?"

"...?! what...?!"

"What is the plural for moose?"

"Moosen! I saw a flock of moosen. There are many of them. Many much moosen! Out in the woods. In the woodes! In the woodsen! The meese want the food. Food is to eaten-s-en! The meese want the food in the wooden-s-en!!--"

"Brian, Brian. You're an imbecile."

"...Imbecilen."