Bullies Don't Have Armpits (Intro)
From Fictionremix
=== === The sky was a deep, crystal blue. The sun was bright and warmed my face and hair. At the same time, a cool breeze blew by and kept me from getting too hot. By every climactic measure this was a beautiful day. A gorgeous day, a wonderful day; a day to be enjoyed by any eight year old kid in their right mind before a sadistic bell forced him to go back inside, sit at his desk under dim florescent lights, and listen to a teacher drone on and on about the importance of mastering cursive.
=== === But to me, it wasn’t a gorgeous day, or a wonderful day. Despite the beautiful weather, it was a no-good, rotten, should have stayed in bed kind of day. It wasn’t that I did not appreciate the weather, nor was it because I didn’t like recess. The reason I judged the day to be rotten was high above my head.
=== === Hanging from the flag pole, right beneath Ol’ glory was a pair of underpants. Boy’s underpants. My underpants. They waved and flapped with a gusto, as if to shout, “Look at me! I’m Matthew Buckley’s underpants. His Yosemete Sam underpants!”
=== === Simon, my older brother stood next to me. He was older, but about the same height. His hair was dark like mine, but he had thick glasses that turned a little dark when he was out in the sun.
=== === I hung my head in shame. I knew that as soon as Simon realized that those underpants were mine, he would be embarrassed to be seen with me. I stared at the grass, trying to hold back my tears.
=== === Simon shifted his weight. “You know what this means, don't you?” he asked. I shook my head, surprised he hadn’t abandoned me. “It means” he continued, “that the Hagbarts aren’t working alone. Bullies as thickheaded as them couldn’t come up with a masterful scheme like this.”
=== === It was a masterful scheme. That word made me feel better. I wouldn't have fallen for a run-of-the-mill scheme. It took a masterful scheme to trick me.
=== === Simon's voice seemed to have a hint of excitement. I couldn’t figure out why he should be excited. I looked up at the flag pole again, hoping by some chance my underpants had been blown away by a particularly strong gust of wind.
=== === No such luck.
=== === Simon spoke again, “You know what else this means, don’t you?” I shook my head again.
=== === “It means, we’re at war,” he said, “Nobody does this to a Buckley without some serious payback.”
